Lesbian Sexting Sites
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Lesbian Sexting Sites
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Anni Irish
Anni Irish has published cultural criticism, articles, and essays in Bomb Magazine, Brooklyn Magazine, Good, Hyperallergic, Men’s Health, Marie Claire, The Outline, Racked, Salon, Teen Vogue, Vice, and the Village Voice, among many others.
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(Including some solid examples we highly encourage you steal.)
When it comes to sexting in LGBTQ+ relationships, there's a lot to think about. And with the popularization of online dating , and the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic , sexting is something that more and more people are turning to in an effort to turn up the heat their relationships.
While it's true that everyone has a different sexting style—regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation —there are still some aspects of sexting a female-identifying individual that may look differently than sexting someone else.
So allow me to present an everything-to-know guide on sexting female-identifying individuals. These expert-approved tips will 1) Help you sext more confidently and 2) Be the reason you'll actually want to masturbate while sexting instead of just pretending like you are.
Just like when you engage in a sexual relationship with someone IRL, sexting inhabits a similar space. It's good to talk about what the plan is if you both decide to share pictures, videos, or maybe even a naughty voice memo or voicemail.
Some questions to ask beforehand: What would you like me to do with our message history? Who has access to your phone? Are you comfortable with me saving pictures? Or videos? Or audio messages?
Once you've figured out how you want to handle the logistics that come with sexting in the digital age, the next thing you'll want to do is make sure your partner is up for it. Because just because you're game to sext doesn't mean the person on the other side of the screen is.
You can 1) Literally ask them if they're comfortable sexting or 2) Lean into it. Start slow by texting things like “How was your day?” and “How are you feeling?” before launching into full-on-sending-nudes mode. You can even them if right now is a good time to chat a little.
Then, once you're both comfortable, you can drop lil hints and says things like “I can't stop thinking about you,” or “When I think about you I get really excited,” or even something a little racier like “Can I show you what I am wearing under my dress?”
While you may be turned on and ready to initiate some dirty talk, sometimes your partner may not be on the same page as you. “For some, sexting is still considered a super taboo practice. It requires us to 'tap in' to a certain level of communicative intimacy that some of us aren't comfortable with sharing," says Gina Senarighi , PhD, a queer relationship expert and coach.
But "if it's too early to have a sense of humor or humility about it, or if it's too soon to feel comfortable asking the other person if they're into sexting, it's probably too early to dive right in with a hot set of pics," says Dr. Senarighi.
Also, be mindful about what you're looking for: Is it a relationship? Something casual? A person to masturbate with from afar during a global pandemic?
“Sexting is the perfect way to learn exactly what someone likes in advance so you'll know what to do later. However, if you're actively dating and looking for a relationship, I'd say sexting within the first 3 weeks would be a little too soon,” says LGBTQ+ relationship coach Sean B . (Just make sure you're upfront and honest about what you're looking for with your partner too.)
Tip #4: Don't take yourself too seriously
Trying too hard to say the right thing can be a lot of pressure and total buzzkill. But remember, sexting is supposed to be fun; It's not a homework assignment someone is grading you on.
“Don't take it too seriously or personally," says Dr. Senarighi. "Being playful about your sexting, especially if you're new at it, will help you open up to exploring sexting.”
This kind of attitude—you know, flirty, playfulness—can help take some of the stress off of feeling like you need to say exactly the right thing. Plus, keep in mind that what the “right” thing to say depends on the person.
“One issue that comes up for my clients in relation to sexting is the fear that the energy won't be reciprocated, meaning maybe the other person isn't into it and what exactly to say aka the sexting language,” says Sean B.
Our suggestion: Tell your partner what you're thinking, feeling, and what you want to do to them without fear of judgement. If you're into it, there's a 90 percent chance your partner will be too.
You don't have to formally "prepare" of course, but it's nice to have a few sexy things to pull out when you need to.“You can say 'that's hot, tell me more,' 'tell me what's next," or even simply, 'say more,' which can help keep the energy flowing if you don't want to drop the ball,” says Dr. Senarighi.
Having some of these key phrases in mind can help move the sexting in the right direction. Just remember what your previous partner may have liked is not what your current one may be into, so opting for an "Ah, do you like that?" is always a good way to gauge what your partner is into.
If your person is sending back equally fun and sexy responses, odds are that they are just as into it as you are. But if they tend to be more on the sexually shy side and are responding with just emojis or are Liking or Loving a message and nothing else, then think about maybe scaling back on what you're sending them.
Remember: Match each other's energy. It is so important.
Once you've gotten comfortable with where you're at in your relationship with your special lady, then all you have left to do is sit back and let your creative and naughty writing skills get to work.
“I definitely encourage all my clients to do their research: Read erotica short stories, books, novels, etc. to get comfortable with mind and word stimulation. Find fun and sexy adjectives, and even positions described through text,” said Sean B.
Be open with your fantasies too. Tell that person all the things either you want them to do to you or all the fun and dirty things you want to do to them. Lastly, make sure to match their language re: dirty words and phrases.
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Sexting is fun ! Here’s how to get better at it.
Like having a conversation about safer sex, it’s important to have a conversation about safer sexting. Are your phones password protected? Who has access to them? Do you want to save nudes, or delete them immediately? What about screenshots? What about message history?
Then, in any given convo, check that it’s okay to sext before you dive in, especially when it comes to sending nudes. If you don’t have an established repertoire, straight up type something like, “Can I sext you a little?,” “Can I tell you what I want to do when we see each other later?” or “Want to see what I’m wearing under my dress?” With a more established sexting partner, you can be a little less explicit but still need consent. Start out with something PG13 like, “I can’t stop thinking about this morning” or “I’m squirmy thinking of you” — if she responds with a similar or greater level of sext (“you tasted so good,” “I’m thinking about you with a vibrator on my clit”), you can go from there, where if she doesn’t (“I had a nice time too smily face emoji”) you know to back off. It’s always a good idea to ask explicitly before sending nudes, video, or audio.
While you’re at it, consider making sure your phone has a passcode, turning off your text previews, and sexting via something like Signal , a text messaging app that uses end-to-end encryption and doesn’t collect much information on users.
Words carry weight. When you’re talking about someone else’s body, the right words can feel sexy and affirming; the wrong ones can feel uncomfortable and gender dysphoric. Sometimes a strap-on is a strap-on and sometimes it’s a dick or a cock or a dildo or a unicorn wand and it just depends on the person wearing it, you know? Sometimes it’s a clit and sometimes it’s a bio-cock or a strapless. Sometimes breasts are boobs or tits or a chest. Everyone prefers certain language for their body parts. If you know your sexting partner uses certain words and not others, make sure to respect that. And if you aren’t sure, ask. (It’s always better to just ask.)
Autocorrect changes a lot of sex-related words, especially queer-sex-related words, to something else. If you don’t want to tell your girlfriend that you’re so ducking wet, go into your phone’s text replacement or autocorrect settings and add whatever sex words you normally use.
Does she smell a certain way when she wakes up in the morning? Do their eyes get hard when they’re turned on? Does she like when you start with two fingers instead of one? What look does she wear right before she fists you? Are they extra sensitive on the left side of their clit? Notice specific details about your sexting partner, remember them, and use them when you sext. Everyone wants to feel seen, and feeling seen and noticed by a sexual partner can feel really affirming, not to mention hot. Plus, you’ll have more material to sext with.
Everyone feels awkward sexting sometimes! It can be uncomfortable and vulnerable to talk about what you want, especially when it relates to sex, and especially when there’s a written record right there and your vibrator’s down your pants and you just wish you’d read more erotic fanfic or watched more porn or knew what to do with your arms even though no one can see what you’re doing with your arms and shhhhh it’s okay I promise, we’re all here together. One of the fun parts of sexting is one of the hard parts: you can’t see the other person, so you can imagine anything. Maybe she really is tied up like that and improbably sexting you with her two available fingers, or maybe she’s bored as hell and all your deepest sexting fears have come to pass (they haven’t). Sexting is a little bit intuition, a little bit creativity, and a little bit throwing fantasies out there and seeing what sticks. Trust yourself to find the rhythm.
Questions, whether in general or about an element of the scene, can be a great way to keep the conversation going, to hear more, and to get a sense of what your sexting partner likes or doesn’t like. What’s her safe word? What names do they like being called during sex? Would she like three fingers, or four? (If it feels weird to ask a question that’s more investigative than sexvestigative, try putting it in parentheses to protect the flow of the conversation.) If you’re totally stuck, asking “tell me more” can get your sexting partner to elaborate while you think about what to say next.
Sexting is a two-or-more person conversation. It’s not enough to ask questions like “tell me more” or “what would you do next” or “?” — you have to give your sexting partner something to work with, too. If you find yourself getting stuck and only asking questions, try bringing up a new detail, describing your imagined or real reaction to whatever you’re sexting about, or taking the lead on the next part of the scene.
If you’re really stuck, try thinking about the different scenarios you can sext about: You can sext about things you’ve done with your sexting partner in the past. You can sext about things you plan to do in the future. You can sext through things you’re not sure whether or not you’d ever want to try in real life but that seem really hot to you in that moment. You can sext to tease. You can sext about what you, alone, are doing right now.
Words are fun, but you’re not sexting by carrier pigeon, so play with lots of different mediums. You can get shockingly far with strategically, minimally deployed emoji. (? and ? and and ?, sure, but also try something like ?? ???? .) Videos and snaps and gifs are obvious. Audio such as voice memos can add depth without the pressure of phone sex. If you’re not sure what to say, try recording what it sounds like when you masturbate or come instead.
There’s a lot to be said for slowly and deliberately unfolding some well-crafted sexts over the course of hours or even days . There’s also a lot to be said for replying to messages in a timely manner, especially if those messages contain nudes . Whether sexting is a furtive text here and there throughout the day or an hours-long conversation that’ll leave you numb from the waist down, respond to the conversation you’re having. If it’s over time, scroll up if you need to remember what part you were at. You don’t have to stay present the way you would during physical sex, but pay attention. And if someone sends you a nude, the appropriate reaction is at least a few very positive words and a curated collection of ecstatic emoji, asap.
Sometimes sexting is because you want to have sex with someone and can’t because you have to be at work or at different dinner parties or in different cities instead. Sometimes it’s a prelude to sex, or way to talk about sex you actually want to have, or a way to explore fantasies, or a way to get off to things you’d never ever want to do together. Sometimes it’s somewhere to put intense sexual tension that you just acknowledged and don’t know what to do with. Sometimes it has to do with relationship anxiety . Sometimes it’s a way of maintaining connection and sometimes it’s a way of finding it and sometimes it’s an interesting half-hour with a stranger while you’re waiting for a plane. Sometimes it’s a way to learn to speak about your desires and sometimes it’s practice once you already know how. Mostly, though, sexting is fun. ?
Lesbian Sex 101 is Autostraddle’s series on how to have lesbian sex for queer women and anyone who finds this information applicable to their bodies or sexual activities.
Sex ed almost never includes queer women or our experiences, so we’re exploring pleasure, safety, relationships and more to make that information more accessible. A lot of the language in these posts is intended to make them easy to find on search engines.
Some of the body parts we talk about will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the pronouns will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the sexualities will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the language will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Take what you want and what applies to you or what you can make apply to you and your partners and your experiences, and leave the rest!
Carolyn Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com , with bylines in Nylon , Refinery29 , The Toast , Bitch , Xtra! , Jezebel , and elsewhere . They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram .
Carolyn has written 1074 articles for us.
Carolyn I am shook. Adjust your autocorrect might be the most helpful piece of advice I’ve ever seen in my life. You’re changing my life
Any advice for if your sexting habits mean that your phone auto-suggests sexual words when you don’t want it to like sending regular messages to family/friends and it suggests ass after “my”?
This is some great info, especially like the line “I’m squirmy thinking of you.” It’s a great started without being too inappropriate.
Lesbian Sex 101 is truly an amazing series. Kudos
oh my GOD I just realized the AIM roleplaying (original AND fanfic!) my ex and I would do was ACTUALLY SEXTING
shit, maybe I can do this after all
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