Lesbian Sex Tutorial

Lesbian Sex Tutorial

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Nervous about your first time? Read this guide...
Having lesbian sex , aka girl-on-girl / vulva-on-vulva sex, can be *pretty* nerve-racking. It doesn't matter how confident you are or how much lesbian porn you've watched on that private browser (FYI, it's not realistic) everyone and every situation is different. But if you want some general pointers and tips to steer you in the right direction, we've got you! This is our crash course on how to have sex with a girl, woman or vulva-having person, exploring everything from overcoming performance anxiety to the best lesbian sex positions to experiment with.
Look, we know you're probably thinking,"How on earth will I know what to do?!" And, yep, that's totally normal. If you've had male or penis-having sexual partners before, that can form the basis of a fair bit of what you do, but it still might feel unusual to be giving what you have previously received.
The good news is that although tips and tricks are handy, sex is still largely intuitive whatever genders or bodies it's between. You might find you surprise yourself...
Unfortunately, sexual encounters don't come with an in-built map: it's up to you and your sexual partner to have the conversations and set the groundwork. So, once you've brushed up on some basic lesbian sex tips , simply talking dirty beforehand is a great way to establish what you both do, and don't, want to try with each other. This is a great way to establish boundaries but also to get creative and explore together.
During sex? Never be afraid to say that you've changed your mind about something – and always listen carefully to what your partner says, too. Following your intuition, and each other, is a crucial part of enjoyable sex.
If you want to swot up before the big event, there's no better way to get some practice in than masturbation. If you're a regular wanker, great. If not, perhaps now is the time to learn how to masturbate like a pro, to give yourself some pointers. Don't freak out if it doesn't work for you – solo sex isn't for everyone.
Another good way to learn more about vulvas, vaginas and clitorises, is by putting a mirror between your legs and having a look for yourself. People's vulvas vary in appearance (so don't be shocked if your partner's doesn't look much like yours at all) but delve a little deeper and you'll find the important bits are generally in a similar area.
I will never forget the first time I had a pair of boobs that weren't my own to play with. My mind went totally blank and I sort of flapped my hands excitedly at them. It wasn't my best sexual performance, to say the least.
Some people don't like having their breasts touched at all (another reason why it is important to ask first!). If that's you or your partner, that's cool. But if breast and nipple play is on the agenda then, as a general guide, start gentle – some people's boobs are more sensitive than others. Cup them delicately, trace them lightly with your fingers, kiss them softly... Try not to grab. If all is going well, then try licking their nipples, using circular movements interspersed with sucking (not too hard).
Clitoral stimulation is how most women and people with vaginas achieve orgasm, but everybody's body and clitoris is different: some people enjoy very fast friction directly to the clitoris, for instance, while others enjoy slow rubbing on the outer lips. Don't be put off if you have to go through a bit of trial and error with a new partner. For a bit more background, here's our guide on how to finger a girl or person with a vagina.
Ready to go in? Ask if they want you to go inside and, if the answer is positive, start with one finger and slowly build up – shoving four in at once, unless specifically asked to, is never a good idea. You also need to make sure you keep an eye on what your other digits are doing – thumbs digging into thighs spoil the mood. Build speed up slowly.
G-spot stimulation works some people up in the best way , while others are indifferent or may even actively dislike the sensation of having it touched. "OK," I hear you cry, "but where the hell is it?" If you put your own finger inside you and hook it up as if you were beckoning someone, you will feel a spongy bit. It's easier for some than it is for others to find it, so persevere. Wiggle your finger(s) on it and see what happens...
If you'd rather use a G-spot vibrator to stimulate them (and clitoris at the same time if you're feeling really generous) then check out the below.
This seems to be the bit that scares first time vulva-lovers the most. It's also the hardest aspect of girl-on-girl and vulva-on-vulva sex to give clear, one-size-fits-all advice on – sorry! Again, starting slowly and building up from there is a good course of action.
If they've given you the go-ahead (remember, ask!), gently part their outer labia and lick up from the vaginal entrance to the clitoris (this has the added benefit of giving you chance to find the clit if you are having trouble – some people wear 'em buried deep!).
Lick up and down the labia. Focus on the clit and licking around it with a circular motion. Vary the pressure. Inserting a finger (if they're OK with that!) at the same time adds an extra frisson for some. Trial and error is often the best plan before you work out what everyone is into.
Here's a step by step guide on how to lick someone out , if you want to know more.
Remember it is still possible to catch STIs from vulva-on-vulva sex. This type of sex can transfer bacterial vaginosis , oral herpes , HPV and, more rarely, trichomoniasis and hepatitis. In short, it pays to be safe.
For safer oral sex, little squares of latex called dental dams can be placed over your genitals. Handy hint: a slit open condom works just as well. For responsible fingering, grab yourself some latex gloves.
You can get some awesome flavoured dental dams which taste great while keeping you protected.
Other kit? Well that's for discussion between the two of you. Personally I'd advise keeping this for later – things will be nerve wracking enough as it is if you've never slept with a woman or vulva-having partner before.
As ever, remember that some people don't like being penetrated – never assume anything. Remember to use toys with condoms and/or wash them between uses for sexual health reasons.
Oh! And remember, lube is *always* your friend. Just remember to use something water-based (AKA safe to use with toys and condoms) - personally we love this long-lasting, vegan, pH-balanced Sliquid lube.
Once you're comfortable and feel like you want to try different positions, there are many vulva-to-vulva positions to go through. Including (the rather infamous) scissoring , if that's your bag. Watch the below video for a run down of some awesome girl-on-girl sex positions.
As you are no doubt aware, women and vagina-havers generally take longer than those with penises to orgasm, and some might not orgasm at all. So don't despair if you've already come and they're still nowhere near the finish line, or vice versa. Sometimes it can be good to open a dialogue about their orgasm expectations and anything you might to do to help them finish, rather than doggedly trying to get them over the finish line (not hot).
I can never emphasise enough that an orgasm is not the be all and end all of a satisfying sexual experience – and of course the more relaxed you are the more likely it is you'll manage it in the future.
Got the hang of all that and want to try something more adventurous? Try these next-level oral sex positions.

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How do you have lesbian sex? We get asked this question all the time from lesbians of all ages who haven’t had lesbian sex and are worried they don’t know “how.” Well, listen: enjoying sex isn’t about memorizing 16 positions or knowing the best angle to fuck from, enjoying lesbian sex is half-animal half-heart and only rarely has it got anything to do with your rational brain, or cognitive reasoning, or anything a person could tell you or anything you could read on the internet.
And while it’s true that one day you’ll be more confident and experienced than you are now, it’s also true that your body was born knowing how to have sex like it was born knowing how to eat. Your first time doesn’t have to be a big deal, some of us don’t even remember our first times. Alternately, if you want it to be a big deal, it can be. But ultimately every partner is different — totally, completely, entirely different — from the next. So what could we tell you, really ?
However — at the same time, many of us recall a period of time when lesbian sex felt like fumbling, or improv, trying to play a sport we didn’t understand, like badminton. Or a sport everyone thought we should be good at but we weren’t. Meanwhile, others recall hopping into bed and instinctually knowing what to do from the moment of entry. Many of us had sex with boys in our teens and didn’t bang a lady ’til our mid-to-late-twenties, and felt like rookies all over again. So we can understand how you might feel a little better knowing a little something before you take the plunge.
Women’s sexuality, let alone queer sexuality, is usually ignored by sex ed programs. And while many heteros learn about sex together in their early teens, many lesbians don’t start that early and/or aren’t peer socialized into the sexual universe like straights are, not to mention that our entire media culture is structured around and obsessed with heterosexual sex.
So we’re gonna go back to basics. However, as we write this post, we are slightly concerned that we have no fucking idea what we’re talking about. We hope to open a dialogue for commenters to share their own stories and experiences and for everyone to ask questions!
Disclaimer: This post (originally written in 2010 and largely unaltered from that time) focuses on lesbian sex between cisgender women, although is also largely applicable to sex between any two people with vulvas, and full of great advice for anybody having sex with someone who has a vulva. The language in this post, unlike the majority of our sex content, reflects that largely for SEO purposes. However, trans women are women and most certainly have lesbian sex, and you can read some of our many tips on that in these posts: How To Have Lesbian Sex With A Trans Woman , F*cking Trans Women and Harnesses for Trans Women .
If you have a vulva and you wanna know how to make a person with a vulva feel good, you have the advantage of using yourself for a test subject — not that what pleases you will please your partner, but it’s a start. Probably you and your showerhead have been aware of this since childhood, but if you’re new to masturbation or new to orgasming, here’s how to masturbate like a champ. While you’re at it, here’s how to buy a vibrator .
Being an experienced masturbator will help you be a successful lover more than anything else you could ever do, ever. Not only will you know how your partner can please you, but you’ll have some idea of how to please them.
Bonus: Touching yourself with your jeans and underwear on (you can unzip your jeans, but don’t pull them down) might be very good practice for your date to Twilight Total Eclipse Of the Sun .
Note: When you’re aroused, you might feel warm or flushed. Your nipples will get erect, your clit and vulva will swell due to increased blood supply. Inside your body, the top of the vagina will expand.
Also: Check out your insides. The outside of everybody’s vulva is a brand new continent, but the insides are reasonably similar to one another, so it’s a solid sneak preview if you have one.
If you’ve got one, look at your vadge in the mirror. I know you’re going to read this and think “OH MY GOD I WOULD NEVER” and not do it. Get over yourself. Stick a fucking mirror between your legs and check out your shit!
First things first: people often use the term “vagina” when talking about the female genital region, which actually isn’t correct. The right term for your external genital region is “vulva.” The vagina is inside of you, connecting the vulva to the cervix. Here’s a great article from Teen Vogue that gets into all the details about anatomy .
Now that you’re sitting here with your mirror, let’s go over the anatomy of a cisgender woman’s vulva.
Clitoris : Your clit is made up of the glans/head (the most sensitive part with 6,000-8,000 nerve endings), the hood (which drapes over the glans) and the shaft (which is on average 1.9 cm in length). Some clits are larger than others, and almost all women can orgasm from clitoral stimulation.
Labia Majora: Them be your “pussy lips.” Then, the labia minora are the asymmetrical delicate folds of softy spongy erecticle tissue within the labia majora. Some labia minoras extend past the majoras and some are tucked away inside. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras is the first place where you’ll notice that every woman’s vagina looks different than another’s .
Vagina : Your vaginal entrance is below your clit and urethral opening (aka where the pee comes out). Vaginal tissue is elastic, you may have heard that babies come out of it and fists can go into it. Most of the nerve endings are in the outer third of the vagina (in other words: don’t worry about having small hands, it’s nbd).
so many different vulvas featured in this vagina art by jamie mccatney
G-Spot: Put a finger in your vagina. Now make a “come hither” motion towards the front wall of your vagina. Do you feel that spot with a texture unlike everything else’s texture? It’s a sponge about the size of a bean that fills with blood during arousal, directly in front of your uterus. Some women find g-spot stimulation too intense, some hate it, some like it, some can orgasm from it, and some can female ejaculate from it.
Perineum : The flat area between the pudendal cleft and the anus. Some women find this area sexually sensitive. Slangily referred to as “the taint” ’cause it ain’t the genitals and it ain’t the asshole.
Hair: You can do literally anything you want with your hair, although removing it entirely makes you vulnerable to infections and it can be very itchy! Here’s some statistics on your hair removal habits .
Pointers if you are gonna remove some hair:
Hands: Make sure your nails are as short as possible and smoothly filed. If you do have long nails or acrylics, here’s how to have sex safely without sacrificing them . Keeping your hands mega-extra-super-duper-clean is key. Play it extra-safe by employing some handy latex or nitrile gloves .
Vadge: You guys, your vagina smells perfect just the way it is! Do not douche or otherwise attempt to infuse your vagina with fields of marigolds. It will have a stronger smell if you haven’t showered or have gotten really sweaty, and that’s fine. (Sidenote: the lingering smell of her on your fingertips = magic). However, if your vagina smells so pungently fishy that your partner can smell it in your pants from across the room, you might have BV and should go see a gynecologist .
To be honest, we kinda don’t want you to read this. We want you to have to figure it out for yourself, like we did! You guys, it’s so fun and you get to be naked or half-naked with another lady! Right?! Sex will be the best when you stop thinking and let your body think for you!
There are also at least 1,000 sex tips we could give you for the rest of your sex life, but today we’re gonna stay very simple and vanilla .
Just ’cause you’re both ladies doesn’t mean what feels good to you will feel good to her. Both of you can indicate what’s working and what isn’t through words, noises, or physical response. Don’t be embarrassed to ask questions or volunteer what you like. It’s like the Hot/Cold game, but naked and more slippery! Saying “what do you like” is totally a thing we do. So is laughing. We recommend lots of laughing .
There are a lot of things happening in the torso region for both of you to explore, like BREASTS and ears, and playing with those body parts is fun AND a good way to get lubed up before any kind of direct vaginal contact occurs (if that’s what you want). Some people can orgasm from stimulation of other body parts besides the vadge, too. (If it’s your or your partner’s first time being penetrated, don’t go for the Frankie-style jackhammer fuck within five minutes of your first tongu
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