Lesbian Sex Advice

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Nervous about your first time having lesbian sex? Read this guide for expert tips...
Having lesbian sex , aka girl-on-girl sex, can be nerve-racking. You may feel loads of pressure to know what you're doings straight away, but it's okay to feel like you're not prepared: just communicate honestly about it. And if you want to ready yourself with some grounding advice and general pointers, you've come to the right place! This is our crash course on how to have sex with a girl, woman or vulva-having person, exploring everything from overcoming performance anxiety to the best lesbian sex positions to experiment with.
Look, we know you're probably thinking,"How on earth will I know what to do?!" And, yep, that's totally normal. If you've had straight sex before, that can form the basis of a fair bit of what you do, but it still might feel unusual to be giving what you have previously received.
The good news is that although tips and tricks are handy, sex is still largely intuitive whatever genders or bodies it's between. You might find you surprise yourself...
Unfortunately, sexual encounters don't come with an in-built map: it's up to you and your sexual partner to have the conversations and set the groundwork. So, once you've brushed up on some basic lesbian sex tips, simply talking dirty beforehand is a great way to establish what you both do, and don't, want to try with each other. This is a great way to establish boundaries but also to get creative and explore together.
During sex? Never be afraid to say that you've changed your mind about something – and always listen carefully to what your partner says, too. Following your intuition, and each other, is a crucial part of enjoyable sex.
If you want to swot up before the big event, there's no better way to get some practice in than masturbation. If you're a regular wanker, great. If not, perhaps now is the time to learn how to masturbate like a pro, to give yourself some pointers. Don't freak out if it doesn't work for you – solo sex isn't for everyone.
Another good way to learn more about vulvas, vaginas and clitorises, is by putting a mirror between your legs and having a look for yourself. People's vulvas vary in appearance (so don't be shocked if your partner's doesn't look much like yours at all) but delve a little deeper and you'll find the important bits are generally in a similar area.
Remember it is still possible to catch STIs from vulva-on-vulva sex. This type of sex can transfer bacterial vaginosis , oral herpes , HPV and, more rarely, trichomoniasis and hepatitis. In short, it pays to be safe.
For safer oral sex, little squares of latex called dental dams can be placed over your genitals. Handy hint: a slit open condom works just as well. For responsible fingering, grab yourself some latex gloves or "finger cots" which cover your individual fingers but not the entire hand. You can get some awesome flavoured dental dams which taste great while keeping you protected.
Other kit? Well that's for discussion between the two of you. You might want to keep this for later – things will be nerve wracking enough as it is if you've never slept with a woman or vulva-having partner before. However, if you're both a dab hand with the toys, it might be worth introducing a bullet for some subtle fun, a rabbit for dual stimulation, a wand for heavy duty external vibrations, a clit sucker for an oral sex-like feeling, or a G-spot toy for targeted penetration. Just be sure to ask what your lover is into and never introduce toys without enthusiastic consent.
You might associate lesbian sex with strap-ons . While not everyone enjoys or has a use for strap-on sex, it can be a fun addition into the mix if that's what you're into. They are a form of dildo used for penetrative sex and attached to a harness, which you often slide your legs into and with straps that you can tighten or loosen depending on your individual frame. For some individuals, this is integral to their sex lives, while others aren't so keen: it's always good to compare notes and align on expectations.
As ever, remember that some people don't like being penetrated – never assume anything. Remember to use toys with condoms and/or clean them between uses for sexual health reasons.
Oh! And remember, lube is *always* your friend. Just remember to use something water-based (AKA safe to use with toys and condoms) - personally we love this long lasting, hypoallergenic water-based lube by LELO.
I will never forget the first time I had a pair of boobs that weren't my own to play with. My mind went totally blank and I sort of flapped my hands excitedly at them. It wasn't my best sexual performance, to say the least.
Some people don't like having their breasts touched at all (another reason why it is important to ask first!). If that's you or your partner, that's cool. But if breast and nipple play is on the agenda then, as a general guide, start gentle – some people's boobs are more sensitive than others. Cup them delicately, trace them lightly with your fingers, kiss them softly... Try not to grab. If all is going well, then try licking their nipples, using circular movements interspersed with sucking (not too hard).
Clitoral stimulation is how most women and people with vaginas achieve orgasm, but everybody's body and clitoris is different: some people enjoy very fast friction directly to the clitoris, for instance, while others enjoy slow rubbing on the outer lips. Don't be put off if you have to go through a bit of trial and error with a new partner. For a bit more background, here's our guide on how to finger a girl or person with a vagina.
Ready to go in? Ask if they want you to go inside and, if the answer is positive, start with one finger and slowly build up – shoving four in at once, unless specifically asked to, is never a good idea. You also need to make sure you keep an eye on what your other digits are doing – thumbs digging into thighs spoil the mood. Build speed up slowly.
G-spot stimulation works some people up in the best way , while others are indifferent or may even actively dislike the sensation of having it touched. "OK," I hear you cry, "but where the hell is it?" If you put your own finger inside you and hook it up as if you were beckoning someone, you will feel a spongy bit. It's easier for some than it is for others to find it, so persevere. Wiggle your finger(s) on it and see what happens...
This seems to be the bit that scares first time vulva-lovers the most. It's also the hardest aspect of girl-on-girl and vulva-on-vulva sex to give clear, one-size-fits-all advice on – sorry! Again, starting slowly and building up from there is a good course of action.
If they've given you the go-ahead (remember, ask!), gently part their outer labia and lick up from the vaginal entrance to the clitoris (this has the added benefit of giving you chance to find the clit if you are having trouble – some people wear 'em buried deep!).
Lick up and down the labia. Focus on the clit and licking around it with a circular motion. Vary the pressure. Inserting a finger (if they're OK with that!) at the same time adds an extra frisson for some. Trial and error is often the best plan before you work out what everyone is into.
Here's a step by step guide on how to lick someone out , if you want to know more.
Once you're comfortable and feel like you want to try different positions, there are many vulva-to-vulva positions to go through. Including (the rather infamous) scissoring , if that's your bag. Watch the below video for a run down of some awesome girl-on-girl sex positions.
As you are no doubt aware, women and vagina-havers generally take longer than those with penises to orgasm, and some might not orgasm at all. So don't despair if you've already come and they're still nowhere near the finish line, or vice versa. Sometimes it can be good to open a dialogue about their orgasm expectations and anything you might to do to help them finish, rather than doggedly trying to get them over the finish line (not hot).
I can never emphasise enough that an orgasm is not the be all and end all of a satisfying sexual experience – and of course the more relaxed you are the more likely it is you'll manage it in the future.

When it comes to porn, "lesbian sex" is everywhere, but it’s never actually for lesbians. For some reason, it’s nearly impossible to find "content" where women are having sex with women only for women.
Where do you go if you’re looking for a move or six?
We’ve gathered up tips from cis and trans queer women of different ages, races, and sexual styles. Of course, you don’t have to be a lesbian to have “lesbian sex." You just need two women. Whether you’re a baby dyke or seasoned sapphic, you can learn something here you won’t on Pornhub. Some of the following images are NSFW.
1. Forget what you see in porn. You’re not having performative sex intended for a man to watch on his screen. React to what you and your specific partner enjoy and don’t try to make it look like Blue Is The Warmest Color (no one screws in perfect symmetry)!
2. Don't worry about shaving too much. It's nice to keep things trimmed and cleaned, but your real life lover isn’t looking for a pornstar’s pussy. The most important parts are naturally hairless anyway!
3. Realize that lesbian bodies come in many forms (including pre-surgery trans women.) Ask your partner how their genitals like to be touched and how you can validate their gender identity in the bedroom.
4. Lesbians do more than go down on each other. Your tongue is not the only tool you can put in the box. You’ve got fingers, dildos, vibrators, and in case of emergency, fruit.
6. Use your whole mouth when giving oral, not just your tongue.
7. Pay attention to her inner thighs. Lick, bite, and blow. The erogenous zone is an often ignored yet extremely sensitive area.
8. Delay. Don’t be afraid to give her a peck down there and breathe on it until she’s practically begging for your tongue.
9. When she begs, you can also penetrate her with your tongue.
10. Insert your fingers into her while giving head to stimulate both her clit and vagina. There’s a reason The Rabbit gets both areas at once!
11. Some people are good with just a fingertip and others want your whole fist. Ask what feels pleasurable and always work your way up.
12. Once you're inside of a girl, curl your fingers so they're shaped like a hook. Pull towards you and straighten them again and repeat. This will stimulate her g-spot.
13. Scissoring is a thing. Some ladies like it, but it’s more fun to run your pussy over each other during foreplay rather than play sexual twister.
14. Make use of pillows by using them to prop your partner up for an easier angle.
15. If you like to be in control, sit on their face. You can change the pressure and movement via your body while receiving oral.
16. Pick a strap-on that’s your style. What is a strap-on? It’s a phallus you literally strap onto yourself with an easy belt. They come in different shapes, colors, and sizes.
17. The first time you wear a strap-on, it can seem weird because you can’t feel your own phallus, but your partner definitely will. The more you use it, the more comfortable it will become.
18. Clean your sex toys after every time you have sex. Please.
19. Use condoms. STIs can be spread through sex toys.
20. Get different dildos for different partners. It’s the right thing to do.
21. Don’t buy your sex toys off of Amazon or other unverified online retailers. They’re not FDA approved and have been linked to causing cancer and infertility. Sex toys can be made with jelly-like plastic sheaths are made with phthalates — those nasty chemicals that are in some water bottles – and you don't want them to eventually seep into your system. Instead, buy from companies that sell non-toxic sex toys. Fun Factory, Lelo, Jimmy Jane, nJoy, JeJoue Vibratex, Goldfrau, Elemental Pleasures, OhMiBod, and Nob Elements are a few.
22. If you're wearing a strap-on and penetrating doggy-style, try using a belt (preferably leather.) Loop it under her stomach/hips and hold the end with one hand and the buckle-end with the other. This will give you more thrust and control.
23. If you’re too lazy to wear the strap-on, or if it's simply uncomfortable, use the dildo on each other as if it were an extension of your hands.
24. Express what you want and how you want it. There’s no need to qualify your desires.
25. If she says don’t stop, don’t stop!
26. Be as honest as possible about where you are in terms of your sexual and gender identity. If you're unsure, say that. Questioning is an identity in itself!
27. Treat others the way you’d like to be treated – in and out of the bedroom.

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A lot of people assume gay women don’t have much to say about straight men. Lesbians know about chick stuff and women parts, right? Not the full picture. Their sex lives can teach you a lot about your relationship with your man.
I interviewed several women who identify as lesbian or bisexual and asked for their advice. What do they want straight women to remember in the bedroom?
Jana told me, “Woman with woman sex tends to take about two to three times longer. It’s simply a longer and more sensual experience.” This makes sense since women tend to be more patient in bed and take longer to “warm up.” However, why can’t this be true in heterosexual relationships, too? Sometimes it can feel like a race to orgasm with your man. Slowing down will improve the experience for both of you and make you really consider the other person’s body, mind and heart.
Diane says, “Spooning goes a LONG way in keeping the togetherness ratio HIGH.” Nicole Sanders backs her up: “After sex cuddle feels almost as good as the sex session … almost.” Again, especially in long-term relationships, we can have a race to the finish mentality. Get me that orgasm and get me to sleep! Well, don’t forget the cuddles. Cuddling is comfort and love. Cuddling gets your oxytocin levels up, which makes you feel closer to your partner and happier in general. Don’t slack on the spoon!
Nicole had a lot more to say than just cuddle-power. She added, “For starters, straight women don’t know that they DO NOT have to fake it.” How many times have you been in bed with a guy and he’s doing things right but you’re not anywhere near the Big O? Do you fake it just so he’ll give up? Stop it. If your partner is mature, he’ll understand that sometimes, it
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