Lesbian Online Dating Reddit
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Lesbian Dating Strategy r/ LesbianDatingStrategy
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BEWARE: This is plain bs right here. Beware ladies, that sub isn't for WLW. They have actively deleted posts that tried to translate FDS for WLW relationships. They don't care for WLW. They also blamed that this sub is trying to "steal FDS label" and that "they sent us messages".
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Green flags and red flags while dating in queer community
This radical feminist dating subreddit is exclusively for women interested in f/f relationships!
We focus on effective dating strategies for women who know what they want, and want to take control of their dating lives.
We also focus on strategies to maintain a healthy relationship that benefits you.
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Have been trying to use FDS principles in my day to day life and have had it in mind when proceeding with my current relationship. The woman I am in a relationship with seems to be a HVW - she asked for my permission to court me on our third date, asked me formally to be her girlfriend 5 weeks later, does nothing but respect me, encourage me and care for me, and we are talking engagement at the moment. She has bought a ring and is deciding when and how to ask... yes, all very exciting! We have had all of the “big” talks to ensure we are on the same page, and I have been clear that I would not live with her until we were engaged. As such, we live separately at present.
As we are talking engagement (and wedding plans more vaguely), we are looking ahead at living together. I earn well enough but she earns far more both in her career and in returns from well-made investments. She has said that she would like to provide for me because she cares for me and is in the fortunate position of being able to do so. I have always been entirely self-sufficient since leaving home aged 17, and I prize myself on that. She has stated that she doesn’t see the need to “keep tabs” on who contributes what as we both contribute all that we are to the relationship, and that therefore there is no need for me to feel as if I must contribute to “make up for it” because I am enough just in me.
She has encouraged me to think big in terms of my career and so I will be starting a big promotion job in a few months, earning more than I have ever done before and with most responsibility to accompany it - I’m so excited! Even with that, she has asked me to consider whether I would be comfortable with her paying all the household expenses. My money would still be my own, I would still be pursuing my career as she follows her own, but the rent would be paid upfront at the start and could be solely in my name if I felt more comfortable with that.
What do you ladies think? Would you allow your fiancée to be a financial provider?
Identity issues resolved. Sexuality and gender are only part of their identity. Most of their identity is based on their values, personality and accomplishments.
Well-working, wise boundaries between public an private, sharing their identity in an appropriate way (only) when it adds value. Not sharing too much information.
Friends or at least meaningful acquaintances outside the queer community.
Good self-awareness and self-regulation skills. It's not easy to grow up as "different". It's a minimum that person is worked (or working) through their issues, don't see the outside world through their (difficult) past.
Understands everybody has their own difficulties in life, and in that sense being a minority person is not special.
Understands LGBT+ people come from different backgrounds and have different political and world views. Don't see every disagreement as hate of phobia.
Everything in their life revolves around queer issues.
Misleading (self-)identity. Like "I'm a lesbian, but I have a male lover" is a huge red flag. It's not the same as "I used to be date men but now I'm a lesbian" but I see it as a possible red flag, too, even though I believe preferences can change and identity with them.
Have externalized their identity work, needs constant validation/validation from everybody, believes in word magic (these are usually combined).
Deep in the closet. Afraid of getting revealed.
Just out of the closet/moved to the bigger city, needs to show off their queerness and/or try everything to see what they like.
Feels victimized all the time. Thinks everyone else should prioritize their problems instead of their own.
Sees sexual/romantic rejection as a rejection of their identity. "I'm not interesting in dating asexuals." -> "You hate asexuals!"
Just many of the issues I have found;
I'm asexual and aromantic. If I put those, no one talks to me. If I don't, I get tons of messages but then I'm not interested and they ghost.
I want to be in a relationship but then I also don't want to be at the same time.
I was raised Mormon. For the longest time it was hard for me to even date girls and be okay with it. Which in turn made talking to girls/being with girls harder.
I’m in the military , lesbian , 21 , usually attracted to older women and I wanna settle down / get married . I plan on going back to school. I want kids. I’m an extrovert with slightly introverted tendencies , only when I’m overwhelmed.
So far in my experiences with women, I haven’t had a relationship that lasts , I’ve mainly just slept with bi women either in relationships (with the consent of their partners) or recovering from bad breakups .
Women and men have often said I look straight despite my many efforts to look as gay as possible😭. People describe me as fem even though I feel I dress like a masculine bum half the time.
I can’t keep a girl to save my life and I don’t know if it’s because I’m ugly (inside or out or both), not in a stable location due to my job , lack a degree , am too traditional or too lax , or something like that .
Most girls I end up making some type of connection with are athletic and/or skinny, have some type of sexual trauma , bisexual, work in STEM fields (my field of study) , strongly introverted with a strong extrovert side when it’s out .
I tend to really like Asian or Latino women and feel really guilty about it , because race doesn’t matter but I tend to have this “preference” and I don’t wanna fetishize them because I know how that feels as a black woman and wouldn’t want someone to do it to me. I feel a connection to them for some reason and I just wanna make sure I’m being respectful and not wrong.
How do I attract the woman I want ? I consider myself a high quality woman , or at least I’m aspiring to be and I want a woman who’s the same , is open to communication and wants to become better versions of ourselves .
We strive to discuss, form and implement effective strategies to ensure long, lasting, healthy and prosperous relationships.
We welcome users (regardless of their sexuality) to share their experiences, give advice and support us.
Is online dating this hard for all lesbians?
Is online dating this hard for all lesbians?
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I came out about a year ago. I started online dating on plenty of fish and tinder. I met one girl who I went out with for 2 months but that's it. It feels like nobody talks, and if they do they will drop the conversation eventually. I'm not unattractive, my profile is alright, I don't understand it. My straight friends who have done these apps say loads of men message them all day trying to get their attention, they can pick and choose all they want, but all I'm trying to get at the moment is any girl who lives near ish and I like the look of, it seems impossible. I'm starting to feel quite depressed about it, like I'll be lucky to end up with anyone at all let alone someone I deeply love. Does anyone experience this? What apps would be better?
Yes I believe it is fucking hard ugh
My experience is that queer women are harder to get ahold of on online dating, yes (this is from the perspective of a bisexual woman who has also done online dating with cis dudes and the likes). As a result, if I'm into someone, I send the first message. If the conversation doesn't suck, I ask them out right away. If I don't do these things, I don't really go on dates much. It's very different from dating men, but no matter the gender of the person I'm trying to date, it means I'm getting dates with people I'm more interested in so I figure it's a win all around.
At the moment I send the first message 90% of the time. I'm hesitant to ask girls out quickly because there was one girl I was chatting to for 2 days nonstop and we were really getting on so I asked for her number and she blocked me, that really knocked my confidence. Now I never now what's too quickly.
Online dating is hard AF. Girls message me and say shit like “you’re so intimidating/pretty/etc.” So like there’s interest but then when I engage it’s like talking to brick walls.
That’s sounds like a potential employer telling you you’re great but overqualified.
I find that if a girl messaged me first complimenting my looks she's probably gonna ask for nudes next.
PlentyOfFish was utter garbage for me. I never tried Tinder. Okcupid worked pretty well for me though. I got several dates there and one long term relationship.
I like pof cause you can find there interests to try and make conversation easier. I think I tried OkCupid and it was pretty dead, I guess it's different area to area.
I think so. I've heard the same from others. My theory on why nobody talks 1) women are generally shy (could be bs idk, i just made that up) and 2) women like being pursued, so when you have two women both wanting to be pursued and no one pursuing, the convo can die out fast.
I reach those conclusions, in part, because I made an OKC where I listed myself as straight and received loads of messages, way more than I ever receive on the lesbian apps. Same thing if I swipe on guys in Tinder. Lots of matches there, a lot more than the women.
I think it is the 'women like being Pursued' thing. Before I started this I had this idea that there would be women hitting on me and I could pick and choose but now I'm the one always talking first, trying to keep the conversation going. I don't like it but I'm more worried il make loads of effort to get a girl on a date then she will expect me to put all the effort in there aswell, I just want it 50/50.
I’ve always thought that, but lately I’m not so sure.
Yes, online dating is horrible. Many women don't seem to want to talk at all or give up very quickly. It's exhausting.
POF is creepy as hell. Try Tinder, Bumble, Her and OKC. It takes a lotttt of effort to meet up with people, and even more to find someone you like that much.
Haven't tried bumble or her but OkCupid was pretty dead when I went on it.
I've never used POF. Why is it creepy?
Yes from my initial experience with online dating I thought it was dreadful and felt like a self-esteem killer to get ghosted, no replies, minimal conversation, and flakiness regarding actually meeting in person.
So my advice is to take it as an opportunity to practice social skills, meeting people, and especially don’t have high expectations. Atleast for me changing my expectations made online dating bearable.. that goes along with meet and greets.
The creepiest meet up one is the first time I met a girl in person, she super eyeballed me the whole time, was terrible with reciprocal conversation vs the smooth messaging I guess without time to think of a reply, and then held my hand with both her hands at the end of the ‘date’ and said, “I think this went great, will you be my girlfriend? Where I literally did not even feel compatible throughout the date. Or dates when women tell me all they do is smoke and drink/go out for hobbies, are rude and have obvious anger problems, or one girl who had the vocabulary of a fourth grader and looked like she had not brushed her hair/showered vs her photos..
Anyway, I’ve had more positive experiences with online dating.. give it a chance, it’s like applying for jobs after college, the more applications you throw out there the more likely you are to get a reply.
Another tip, there are a lot of women in online dating who may not have a lot of experience dating other women... or unfortunately have the pre-learned gender norm role of not being forward about asking for a date... anyway if neither of you initiate a date, or constantly wait for the other person to initiate that will lead to nowhere.
I’ve had two very successful relationships from Tinder, one that lasted for two years an another for a year. IMO, it’s all in how you use it.
If a girl is being dodgy or wanting to play games, I just move on. Made it very well known early on I was looking for more than a hookup, and if all they wanted was sex, I’m not the one for them. In a nice way though, of course.
Maybe try being a little more forthcoming with what you want out of it?
Try coffee meets bagel if you’re in a large city.
It’s slow going but won’t burn you out. Some nice dates from there
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