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The Best Techniques On How to Finger Someone with a Vagina
by Foria .
Jul 18, 2021
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“Fingering” is a slightly adolescent term for what can be a wonderful thing – stimulating a vagina from the inside. When we’re fingering someone with a vulva the right way, it’s almost like playing an instrument; we’re in control, using our own sensitive appendages to access their most sensitive places, propelling them to new dimensions of bliss. (Not at all like fumbling in a closet after prom, we hope.)
And who knows, when done right, you might even experience a surprise squirt !
When we’re learning how to finger a vagina, it’s important to remember that fingering techniques aren’t one-size-fits-all. That vagina belongs to a person, and people’s likes, dislikes and individual anatomy are as unique as fingerprints. There’s no manual , if you’ll pardon the pun. The best way to finger is the way they like to be fingered.
All that being said, there are definitely some guidelines to keep in mind! So here’s a little tutorial, aimed at the person doing the fingering. If you’re usually on the receiving end, read on for a roadmap you can provide to the devoted fingerer in your life.
The biggest complaint of frustrated fingerees is that when it’s done poorly, it can be annoying or even painful. And the first step you can take to avoid hurting or annoying your partner is USING LUBE .
Good lube! Lots of lube! Replenished often! Vaginas don’t always lubricate themselves on cue, sometimes they only self-lubricate a little, and sometimes they don’t lubricate themselves at all, even when the vagina-haver feels very turned on.
There are several reasons why this might be the case for your partner, and a good, clean lube (like our Sex Oil with CBD ) can help make those reasons a nonissue.
Harsh, repetitive friction is to be avoided. Make sure those hands are properly slick.
As with all things sex, we need to hear what our partner is telling and showing us – through words, movements, and sounds. Listen, pay attention, and make sure they’re comfortable communicating what feels good and what doesn’t – before you even get in bed.
A human being is not a video game, and unless that’s their kink (who are we to judge?) most people don’t much like being feverishly worked on without their partner listening to them. So be ready to pay attention to their whole self, with your whole self. That’s the key to unforgettable intimacy.
The first thing to keep in mind is that not everyone with a vagina can orgasm from internal stimulation alone. There’s nothing wrong with them if they can’t, even though they may have heard many messages to the contrary throughout their life.
Orgasms or no orgasms, being fingered can still feel amazing. And it helps to know what’s going on in there, anatomically-wise.
Our articles on different types of orgasms and the mighty G-spot go into depth on this topic (again, no pun), but here are a few basic places to start.
Located about 2-3 inches up the front wall of the vagina, the G-spot is a popular target for the best fingering. It’s not a mysterious, magical button that produces orgasms on demand, but it does represent the exquisitely sensitive conjunction of the urethral sponge and the internal structure of the clitoris (which is a lot bigger and more extensive than it looks from the outside).
Stimulating the G-spot can produce some big, wet Os. And G-spots tend to like firm, repetitive pressure (with lots of lube , of course). That famous “come here” gesture is a great way to get there.
Sometimes known as the “deep spot”, its official name is the anterior fornix erogenous zone. Like the G-spot, it’s also located on the inside front wall of the vagina, but it’s higher up – right in front of the cervix.
You’ll need long fingers to access it, and it may help to have your partner pull their knees to their chest to shorten their vagina for an easier reach. Some people who don’t have G-spot orgasms do have A-spot orgasms, so lube up and give it a try.
The cervix is the deepest part of the vagina, very sensitive, and needs to be approached with gentle curiosity. Many people with cervixes can’t stand having them jostled in any way. Others, however, can orgasm from cervical stimulation. It’ll probably need gentler pressure than the G-spot does, and be very careful unless you know how your partner likes their cervix touched.
If they are open to exploring, you’re aiming for the firm, slippery bit that feels like the end of a nose. Try gentle circles around the tip of the cervix with the end of your fingers, or slow movements around the base of the cervix where it attaches to the vaginal walls. Both of these areas are highly concentrated with nerve endings, so slow, steady, and light pressure is the right place to start.
When choosing a pose, consider the angle of the vagina, the location of the G-spot, and the way your fingers bend. Putting them on their back with you crouching in front of them (or sitting in a chair, or kneeling on the floor, while they’re lying on a flat surface) is the classic position for fingering, but also consider having them straddle you so they can control the pressure and angle. Putting them on all fours can also work great for G-spot access (point your palm down).
At last, here are some bits and pieces to help it all come together. (We're cracking ourselves up.)
Make sure your hands are clean and your nails are short and filed.
Oh, how vagina-havers detest being fingered with dirty hands and nails that snag. It’s not only painful, it’s a great way to give them a UTI. Hand care – including moisturizing cuticles – is not a step to skip. (Couples manicure?)
Don’t just lunge for their vagina! Start by considering their whole body. The more relaxed and aroused they are when you begin a fingering sesh, the better. A long massage, nipple stimulation, an oral O or two to start – take your time and enjoy all of them.
Here’s where you’ll want to be extra-patient. Unless they’re begging for more, begin with an exploratory index finger before cramming others in there – and when you add more fingers, pay attention to what you’re feeling. Are they opening up? Clenching? Getting dry? What sounds are they making? What facial expressions are you seeing? Tuning in to your partner and using your own senses will tell you a lot.
Some people prefer to have you focus only on their clit or G-spot. For many others, however, a dual approach is key to earth-shattering orgasms – even when they can’t climax from internal fingering alone.
Try rubbing their clitoris with your thumb and fingering at the same time, combining oral stimulation and an inside massage, or using a vibrator on their clitoris – or having them use the vibe, or touch themselves. Collaborate! They might be able to help you get them there, again and again – even if you can’t pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time, metaphorically speaking.
Sometimes fingering takes a while. Sometimes our fingers, wrists and forearms get sore. Sometimes we get worried we’re going to give ourselves carpal tunnel. If this happens to you, don’t just soldier on – offer to take a break with oral, a toy, or intercourse. Be delicate with how you phrase the request, though; many people with vulvas are selfconscious about how long they take to climax. Make it sexy – “I’m dying to go down on you right now”, for example.
We’re going to say this very firmly and with great seriousness:
If you hear “omg don’t stop”, keep doing exactly what you are doing.
Don’t move your hand somewhere else, don’t go harder or faster, don’t change it up in any way . You’re in the zone, in the pocket, in the flow, and so are they. And you’re almost there! So really, really, do what you’re told and don’t stop.
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How to Finger a Woman (An In-Depth Guide)
How to Finger a Woman (An In-Depth Guide)
How to Finger a Woman (An In-Depth Guide)
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Last week, during a shared lie-in with my partner, I experienced one of the loveliest orgasms I’ve ever had.
To bring me to the brink of ecstasy that morning, my boyfriend didn’t even need to take off his boxer shorts. He prompted my delicious climax using only his hands.
My orgasm that day (and the gorgeous build-up to it) got me thinking about fingering, and how much I rate it.
Sexologists define fingering as “the use of fingers or hands to sexually stimulate the vulva or vagina.”
Personally, I find it one of the most satisfying sexual acts. It’s the most reliable way to get me to orgasm.
Of course, every woman is different — but I’m by no means alone in my love of fingering.
“I think many women would agree that getting fingered feels phenomenal,” says sex therapist Vanessa Marin. “Fingers can give much more focused, deliberate, and intense stimulation than any other body part.”
If you want to learn how to finger a woman, you’re in good hands (pun intended)!
Here are some of my best suggestions to help you maximize your partner’s enjoyment.
I’ll start with the most important takeaway. The best way to finger a woman depends on the woman in question.
For example, fingering feels best for me when my boyfriend focuses on the external parts of my genitals.
Consistent strokes between my labia and circles round my clit will put me in seventh heaven for an hour.
A finger inside my vagina can feel hot, but I’m triply turned on when my partner focuses on my vulva!
But another woman might feel there’s something missing unless her vagina gets attention, too.
Once she’s aroused, she might be the kind of lady who craves that G-spot stimulation.
No two women are the same, explains Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., psychologist and sexuality expert. “Because each woman’s nerves are positioned differently, they each like to be touched differently.”
Communicating with your partner helps you tailor her experience. You’re more likely to satisfy her if you understand exactly what she enjoys.
Plus, taking time to communicate shows you care. Your lady will appreciate knowing her lover is serious about delighting her!
The following strategies will help you learn more about your partner’s needs.
Later, you can use your new knowledge to complement the more general tips in the rest of this guide.
Outside the bedroom, ask your partner how she feels about fingering. Are there any techniques she’s already keen on?
Hey, I came across an article which described how pleasurable fingering can be for some women. I’d love to know how you feel about fingering. Are there any techniques you know you like?
Mintz calls this kind of discussion “a kitchen-table sex talk.”
A neutral environment — like the kitchen — encourages more relaxed conversation. It’s often easier to broach sensitive topics when you’re not already in the middle of having sex.
Additionally, experts have been telling us for years that “sex starts in the mind. ”
Hence, “kitchen-table sex talks” are a great form of foreplay. A juicy chat about your partner’s favorite techniques will likely titillate you both!
You’ll learn a lot if you observe her pleasuring herself.
Here’s another arousing way to educate yourself. Let your partner know how much it would turn you on to watch her masturbating.
Every woman has her own unique way of inducing an orgasm when she touches herself. Your partner likely uses her fingers in the way that works best for her body.
Hence, you’ll learn a lot if you observe her pleasuring herself.
“Create an environment of intimacy and trust,” advises sex counselor Ian Kerner. “Let her know you want to watch because you want to learn more about how to please her.”
If she feels self-conscious or awkward, don’t pressure her. There are other, less intimidating, alternatives.
For example, Mintz suggests “watching realistic videos of women masturbating, and talking about them together.”
You could ask your partner questions like:
“Compared to the lady in the video, what do you differently when you touch yourself?”
“Do you focus on the same areas, or different ones?”
This allows her to describe her proclivities — even if she’d rather not demonstrate them.
Before you get down to business, wash your hands and ensure your fingernails are trimmed.
Like any other sexual act, fingering requires a warm-up. Indulge in foreplay, and go slowly. Spend plenty of time building sexual tension.
Start off with light, teasing kisses. Undress your partner one garment at a time, leaving only her panties on.
Graze her neck and breasts with your fingertips. Fondle her inner thighs. Tell her with your words and your eyes how beautiful she is.
Before you take off her panties, try cupping her whole vulva very gently in one hand. Now keep your hand still! Kerner says stillness can be more arousing than movement, because it builds anticipation.
Next, move your hand gradually up her vulva, pausing at intervals and pressing softly.
“This wakes up all the tissues and allows your partner to get used to being touched,” says Stella Harris, sex coach and intimacy educator.
(I find it incredibly erotic when my boyfriend does this. It’s my favorite form of teasing!)
With your free hand, you could massage your partner’s breast or cradle her face as you kiss her.
Finally, remove her panties and cup her now-naked vulva. Does her slit feel wet to the touch? If yes, that’s a good sign.
Before you move on to the next step, apply lube to your hands to give them extra slip.
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