Lesbian Fantasy Sex

Lesbian Fantasy Sex

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There's no shame in watching porn, right? Seriously, lots of women do it. Sometimes it's the only way to satisfy those sexual fantasies that for whatever reason you aren't trying to live out IRL. You know, like BDSM, taking part in an orgy, or experimenting with the gender you don't usually go for.

Turns out that last fantasy may be a major reason women visit porn sites. A recent PornHub report shows that "lesbian" is the most popular category for female viewers of this digital porn portal. The category was actually 151% more popular with women than with men. Surprising, right?

Of course, lesbian women probably account for some of that popularity. But the data suggests that a lot of straight women are clicking into it, too. A recent Gallup poll found just 5% of women identify as LGBT , which leads us to believe plenty of straight-identifying women are getting off on girl-on-girl porn. To find out why so many women love to watch other women get it on, we asked a sex therapist to weigh in.

But first, let's clear one thing up: Just because you watch lesbian porn doesn't mean you're sexually into ladies. Sure, some women might be, and that's perfectly fine. But you can also just be in it for the fantasy, says Holly Richmond , PhD, a sex therapist in Southern California. The same goes for any type of porn, she adds. What you enjoy online could be entirely different from what you enjoy in the bedroom. But if you're a straight woman and you find yourself digging lesbian porn, these four reason might explain why.

We've all seen such hardcore porn that it's made us think, Would that even be enjoyable? Richmond says the answer is usually no. "Most porn, especially hetero-normative porn, is all about the performance," she explains. "It's all about what it looks like and what it sounds like, not about what it feels like." Lesbian porn is different, though, because it's often written by women, for women, she adds. Plus, hetero porn tends to put the spotlight on the penis. In girl-on-girl scenes, the entire female body is the star of the show.

Hetero porn is typically centered around male pleasure, Richmond says, and it often involves super aggressive intercourse with the guy in control. But penis-in-vagina jackhammering isn't what makes most women hit that high note. Instead, it's more about clitoral stimulation, and there's lots of that in lesbian porn. Oh, and hetero porn always seems to end when the guy ejaculates. Lesbian porn is all about women reaching that big O.

"I always say porn stars are like our Olympic athletes of sex," Richmond says. "There's just nothing real about it." She explains that lesbian porn tends to feature a wider range of body types than hetero porn, which makes it way easier to relate to the performers and the action they're enjoying. You also won't be looking at a female porn star's body and thinking, Why don't I look like that? Instead, you can just focus on what feels good. No distractions.

Culturally, it's more acceptable for women to experiment sexually with women than for men to play around with men. That's not to say lesbian women don't still face discrimination. But when a woman hooks up with another woman, it's often seen as sexy; when a man does it, it's seen as strange.

That's one reason women are more sexually fluid, but Richmond says it's also in our DNA. Studies have shown that women are turned on by a much wider range of things than men, she says. Why we're hard-wired that way is unclear, but it's something to embrace and enjoy.

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Every woman is different. But if you're mystified about what she wants in bed, this is a good place to start.
There are some things she won't tell you. Maybe she's too shy, too polite, or too afraid to hurt your feelings. So we asked hundreds of women to open up, anonymously. Brace yourself — and get ready to learn a lot, from the women and the experts alike. Then use the intel to make your love life hotter than ever. She'll thank you.
Submission and domination fantasies are common among both genders, the Journal of Sexual Medicine reports. In fact, 65 percent of women want to be sexually dominated. "I want him to pull my hair," one woman told Men's Health, while another chimed in, "I love it rough, and I mean really rough."
Suggest Fifty Shades for movie night, says sex therapist Holly Richmond, Ph.D. Yeah, we know, it's cliché, but it's a solid segue. Say "Feel free to laugh, but it's time I learn what the fuss is about," or be flattering and flirty: "I'd like to try that on you."
One fantasy you may share: her with another woman. Over half of women fessed up to this one — "girl-on-girl porn is a turn-on," one woman confided — while 58 percent of men in a separate Men's Health Twitter poll want a threesome with their mate and another woman.
"Make it personal: Say the thought of her with another woman turns you on," says sex educator Tina Horn. Watch lesbian and threesome porn with her, but if you're serious about having a threesome IRL, "talk boundaries first."
In our poll, 63 percent of women wished to be kissed more. "He doesn't like making out and it sucks," one woman wrote. "He'll do it if I ask, but barely uses his tongue. I want him to grab me and kiss me, I want to feel that he means it."
When deep kissing only happens in foreplay, you lose the benefits of those great makeout sessions of your early days, says Aleece Fosnight, a sexuality counselor.
Try this: Kiss her for two minutes. That's long enough for nerve receptors in the lips to signal the release of feel-good neurotransmitters. It also increases testosterone, boosting energy and libido.
Fantasizing about someone else is normal, says Richmond. Think of it this way: She's helping herself climax, which means she values having good orgasmic sex with you. Thoughts are not realities; you're the one she wants inside her. (Same goes for your thoughts, so drop the guilt and enjoy them.)
Many women told us they secretly enjoy frequent battery-powered pleasure — and in our survey, 23 percent said they hide sex toys from their mate. (Too bad — men like to watch.) "I have a much higher sex drive than he does, and I have to take care of myself more than he knows," one woman confessed.
Make sex toy shopping a kinky date night, either in person (try the welcoming Adam & Eve store) or online, says Richmond. Ask the staff plenty of questions; they're used to it. If something turns her (or you) on, go for it.
Try the We-Vibe Sync, created for couples. Its C-shape stimulates her clitoris and G-spot during sex. You'll feel the sensation as well.
More than four in 10 women admit this. "I faked almost every orgasm with him the past year," one woman said.
Don't confront her; instead, ask what she likes, or better yet, have her show you, says sex therapist David Ortmann, L.C.S.W. Say, "I'd love to watch you touch yourself — it would be so hot and help me learn how to touch you."
While she's masturbating, kiss her neck, touch her nipples, caress the back of her knees. Note what she looks like when she comes, and copy some of her touch techniques. Ask easy questions so she can stay in the moment, says psychologist Erica Marchand, Ph.D. "Faster or slower?" "Softer or harder?" Not "What should I do?" Remember, the clitoris is tiny, so small changes make a big difference.
Seven out of 10 women are eager to try something new. Many women said they were interested in trying rimming, as well as "crazy, crazy wild positions. Would be funny just to try them!," one woman wrote.
Make sexual "menus," suggests sex therapist Michael Aaron. You each write down types of sex you're excited to try (green light), curious but nervous to try (yellow), or that are off-limits (red). Then you each pick one green and one yellow from the other's menu. It's fun and helps you practice negotiation, says Aaron.
Apps such as Let's Try It are like this (you each fill out a sex questionnaire, and mutual desires are revealed), but paper is intimate and bonding. "The unknown can really be a turn-on," says sex therapist Michael Salas. "Discovering new things about our partner not only energizes us erotically but it energizes the connection as well."
Don't assume she's not in the mood. Seven out of 10 women told us they want sex more often, and more romance. I'd want sex more often if it wasn't so chore-like. Seduce me, turn me on!," one woman wrote.
Richmond suggests romantic (and dirty) talk throughout the day. "Foreplay can last all day," she says. Or set up a regular date night. "Dress up. Make an effort, like when you were first dating. Relax and have fun, keeping the tone flirty and romantic. Turn on the charm and curiosity as if you just met. Candles and music are cliches for a reason. Use them."
A version of this story was published in the April 2018 issue of Men's Health Magazine.

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