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ABCs Wife Swap has always had an edge. The reality show, on which the wives in two families are switched for a couple of weeks, has exposed the differences and prejudices between races, where people live, and socio-economic backgrounds. On what may be its most controversial episode ever, Kristine Luffey, 33, and Nicki Boone, 30, are a lesbian couple raising 8-year-old Elizabeth, Nickis daughter from a previous relationship, in Arizona. Kristine is to swap places with Kris Gillespie, a 42-year-old, anti-gay, African-American conservative Republican wife in an interracial marriage with three children in Texas. During the first week, the women must live by the rules of the house, but in the second week, they get to make all the calls. There is constant tension between the families, arguments arise, and accusations are made at the post-swap confrontation. We spoke to Kristine (who switched places with Kris) and Nicki to see how deeply the show (airing Wednesday, February 9) has affected them.
So Kristine, what were your expectations going into the show?
Kristine: My expectation was that it would be a great learning opportunity for our families, because we both love our children and want the best for them. I wanted to learn something positive from it by walking in another familys shoes, and I hoped that they would do the same thing and walk in gay parents shoes and learn from the experience and get something positive from it.
What was your first impression of the Gillespie family?
Kristine: My first impression was that they were very nice and kind and a very loving family to each other. They just seemed like normal suburban people.
Who do you think in the Gillespie family was most bothered by your sexual orientation?
Kristine: I would say Kris Gillespie was most bothered by it, followed by Brian Gillespie, her husband. Kris was very insulted that she was placed into our family and it was obvious from day one. She said, I signed up for wife swap, not two women, shacking up, raising-a-child swap.
And what was one of your greatest concerns during your first week with the Gillespie family?
Kristine: My biggest concern was that they werent going to see me for who I was and they were going to be stuck on the fact that Im gay and werent going to open their minds to see anything else. It seemed like it was really hard for the kids to see outside the box without approval from their parents, and so I was worried that I wouldnt be able to get through to them to make them see that theres more to me than just being a lesbian.
Nicki, emotions were running high constantly between you and Kris Gillespie throughout the show. What would you say was the one thing that was most difficult about her?
Nicki: Mostly it was her unwillingness to learn from the experience. I guess I was just hoping for somebody who was willing to hear a different perspective, but she wasnt willing to do even just that.
What was toughest for you when Kris Gillespie began laying down her rules during the second week?
Nicki: I always thought the lawn was nice. I just didnt like being told to do it. And there was a rule where she made you say three positive things about the president every night. But that didnt make it on air.
Wow. Are you serious?
Nicki: [Laughs] Yeah. Were very both political, and the episode was supposed to come out around the time of the election, but it got pushed back. She also put up the American flag. I didnt mind that, but I was just thinking, Couldnt we have hung it with a flagpole instead of duct-taping it to my wall?
Were you at any point worried that Kris Gillespie would win your daughter Lizzie over, for example with Princess Day?
Nicki: [Laughs] No, not at all. I know how our life is here, although we dont have Princess Day or whatever and we dont have a tiara for her. We go to the movies, I take her shopping, and we do stuff together. I know the connection I have with Lizzie.
Did Kris Gillespie apologize at all after the post-swap confrontation for her hurtful accusations toward Kristine about her being a sexual predator who never should have been allowed near her children?
Kristine: No. She never apologized and she continued to say thats what I was. The thing that appalled me was that the husband didnt come to my defense from his wife who didnt know me for more than 10 minutes. And he knew I wasnt like that after living with me for 10 days. She insults me in such a cruel manner. And the kicker is that these are religious people and they live by the Bible.
Nicki: She was always pleasant to my face, but not to my back and when we shook hands she was really cold. She didnt even apologize off-camera or say anything sincere.
How would you say your family as a whole has benefited from the show?
Nicki: I mow the grass! [Laughs] The show made it seem like I didnt do anything, but I take care of everything inside the house. And Kris Gillespie just made me do everything. Im also a lot less controlling now and Ive relaxed a lot more.
Kristine: It really helped me and Nickis relationship in that she takes part in helping out more now. And what Ive learned is to be a better communicator. I also appreciate Lizzies individuality even more, and we really want to let her explore her own individuality and become a person of her own.
Nicki: No. I dont believe in regrets as a whole, so no.
Kristine: The whole thing I feel foolish for doing it. I knew people were ignorant and cruel, but did I really have to spend 10 days with them? It saddens me that people are that cruel. Every time I think about Kris Gillespie, I think Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is deep to the bone. Thats her.
If you could say one thing to the Gillespie family that didnt air on the episode, what would it be?
Nicki: I really dont have an answer to that question. But I wish for Kris Gillespie to see that show in private and let it sink in to realize who she is. I hope shell watch and have an opportunity to learn something from it about herself. I was initially in it to show Americans what its like for a lesbian couple to live with a child and how normal and boring it isjust like everyone else. But the ignorance we had to tolerate and to be up close with discrimination was kind of freaky. Ive never felt so much like my family was attacked.
Kristine: Just that the Bible was meant to bring people together to teach love, compassion, and understanding, and it wasnt meant to divide people and be used as a weapon. I just really wish that they could see it as that. Its supposed to unite, not divide. Kris Gillespie did not show me any love, compassion, or understanding. Also, one of my main concerns was to represent who I am. It was time to take a stand. I tried to represent the community as best as I could and I dont know if I did.
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Mother Daughter Exchange Club 13
(2010 Video)
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DEAR DEIDRE I found my husband naked with my sister - I feel utterly betrayed
WHAT ARE THE ODDS? I've approached 700 girls on the street and haven’t got a single date
MIXED MESSAGES My husband shifts between saying he loves me and that he wants a divorce
I DUA LOVE HER My obsession with singer Dua Lipa is preventing me from finding love
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M having a lesbian affair with my mother-in-law, and I am terrified my husband will find out.
Last year, he and I moved in with his parents so we’d be in a bubble for lockdown and they could help with the kids.
Most people moan or joke about their mother-in-law but I’ve always got on really well with mine.
She has a great sense of humour, is kind and looks great for 53.
She had my husband very young — he’s 35 and I’m 40.
She and my father-in-law have had a rocky marriage for years, and just before Christmas they split up, and he moved out.
One night, my husband was at work and the kids were in bed when she suggested we have a drink together and watch a film.
I noticed she was really dolled up and looked beautiful.
In the middle of the film she started crying and confessed she’s a lesbian — that was why her marriage had ended. I comforted and cuddled her, and then she kissed me.
For the support pack Want To Have A Baby?, email deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk.
And read my advice on Facebook, Twitter and at thesun.co.uk/deidre
It felt strange, but really nice, so I kissed her back. She led me up to her bedroom and I didn’t protest. I’ve never had sex with a woman before but it was amazing and so intense.
Since then, we’ve kept on doing it whenever we can. As soon as my husband leaves the room, we have a kiss, and sometimes I’ll sneak into her bed when he’s sleeping.
One night, I fell asleep in her arms. The only reason we didn’t get caught was because my husband had a lie-in.
My feelings for her are growing stronger and I’m sure my husband will notice the looks between us, or catch us in bed. I want to be with her but don’t want to hurt him.
My team and I are working safely from home but we are here to help you as always.
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
DEIDRE SAYS: You know that if your husband finds out this will destroy not only your relationship with him, but his relationship with his mother – and your whole family.
He will be devastated that the two people he loves and trusts most in the world have let him down.
His mum may have turned to you for comfort, but encourage her to find support elsewhere and a relationship with somebody else.
Do you really think this relationship has a future? If not, maybe best stop now.
My support pack Can’t Be Faithful? may help to clarify things for you.
As for your marriage, are you still happy with your husband?
I’d advise you both to move back to your own home as soon as you can, and work on rebuilding your relationship.
GOT a story? RING The Sun on 0207 782 4104 or WHATSAPP on 07423720250 or EMAIL exclusive@the-sun.co.uk
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