Lesbian Change Room
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Dear Abby: Lesbians in the dressing room made me uncomfortable
Plus: My ex thinks it’s a bad idea to show our son that we get along.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old dancer, and I recently had a recital. The mothers came backstage to help their children change in the dressing rooms.
A girl my age who has two lesbian mothers was near me while I changed. It made me feel self-conscious. I’m normally not like this, but it felt awkward, to say the least. I’m not against same-sex couples, but it felt weird. Am I overreacting?
DEAR MIDWEST DANCER: I think so. Those two mothers were more interested in what was going on with their daughter than with you.
DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old granddaughter has lived for the past several years in an environment with adults who have done drugs, can’t or won’t keep a job and are in and out of jail. I want her to have a better life, and I try to explain what a responsible adult life looks like. But when I do, she accuses me of being judgmental and nonaccepting, because these people are “nice.”
How can I get her to understand that the lifestyle she’s exposed to isn’t good without coming off as judgmental?
DEAR AT A LOSS: The lessons we teach others don’t always have to be verbal. One way would be to expose your granddaughter — as often as possible — to people who have chosen a different way of life and are reaping the rewards for it. Perhaps then she will begin to draw her own conclusions and realize that she can have a different life if she’s willing to work toward it.
DEAR ABBY: My ex-fiance decided to leave our relationship and our 10-month-old son, “Nicky,” about a month ago. He sees Nicky regularly and is a good father.
I know our relationship is over and that it’s not going to be fixed. To be honest, when he left, I was relieved.
The other day, I suggested to my ex that maybe once a month we take our son out together to do something, like go to the park or the zoo. My reasoning is that Nicky needs to know that even though his mom and dad are no longer together, we can still get along.
His response was he didn’t think it was a good idea. He doesn’t want our son to get the wrong impression. I just said “OK” and left it alone.
Is he right? Would it confuse our son, or is he being selfish? It seems unrealistic to me that we will never do anything together. My son is my No. 1 priority, and I just want to handle it the best that I can for him. Please help me.
DEAR CONFUSED: Your ex may have said what he did because he doesn’t understand that you have accepted that the romance is really over.
Don’t accuse him of being selfish. Be patient. In the future, Nicky will understand that, although Mom and Dad are not together, they get along, if you truly do get along. As Nicky grows older, there will be events such as birthdays, sporting events, graduations, etc., you will probably wind up enjoying together — or eventually with significant others or spouses included.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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A MAGYAR LESZBIKUS* MAGAZIN ÉS PROGRAMSZERVEZŐ IRODA
by Kiss Franciska2017-12-122019-10-31
Stepping into the sweet scented changing room, it takes a man to be able to walk past all the naked bodies covered in towels, flashing breasts and the ladies dressing slowly. Even those who are not typically lesbian-looking would be blushing, so what do you do if you’re the out of the ordinary, non-femme looking person who is constantly receiving strange looks and judgement from society?
If you go to a gym, you definitely can’t avoid locker rooms where “me” and “you” and our personal spaces are constantly colliding. There’s always tension in the air, a sense of being an outsider, people are wary and distrusting.
But just like heterosexual women are not prying on the men at a beach, lesbians are not there to pry either. We just have to change somewhere too, you know.
With quite some personal experience behind me, I can certainly say that you will get looks in a changing room if you are a lesbian*, well, to be more accurate, if you “look like a lesbian*”... We all know there is no typical lesbian* look, but having shorter, “boyish” hair, extreme clothing or a casual sporty outfit does not help you to fit in at all. It’s enough to be seen as gay. And despite all the effort you put in, no matter how strongly you know yourself or how comfortable you are in your own skin, in a locker room you still feel like a child that everyone is whispering about.
Banal misunderstandings, hurtful words and assumptions are all coming from the stereotypes beneath our subconsciousness. We are not going into a ladies changing room to look at boobs secretly, this is just as false as the theory that lesbians are girls who couldn’t get themselves a man. It would be worth a try to get to know each other first, and not judge people only by taking a look at them. This way, having to get undressed in the same room would be a bit less uncomfortable for everyone involved.
Szegő Krisztina2021-06-082021-07-12
Szegő Krisztina2021-05-052021-05-27
Hungarian *lesbian magazine
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