Lesbian Big Clit

Lesbian Big Clit
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by Dan Savage on February 22nd, 2011 at 1:56 PM
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I am 50 and a lesbian. I have had a pretty active sex life for the last 30 years, including a couple of long-term relationships. For the last three years, I’ve been with a woman I love very much. We have amazing sexual chemistry—by far the best I have experienced.
For the last two years, I have noticed that my clitoris is getting bigger. Not trans-man-takes-testosterone big, but substantially bigger than it has ever been. I thought it was due to a big increase in sexual excitement, but it soon became clear that the enlargement was a permanent thing. It gets much more erect than it used to and often throbs or twitches after I come.
No one’s complaining. I am enjoying the heightened sexual arousal, and my girlfriend (who is very GGG) is thrilled. But why/how is this happening? Could it get even bigger? And why now? I hit menopause seven years ago, so it’s not some weird hormone surge. Could our sexual connection have caused this all by itself? I don’t really want to ask my gynecologist, though I did notice her checking out my equipment with wide eyes at my last checkup.
“I always like to hear from people who are satisfied with their sex lives and relationships,” says author, sex researcher, vulva puppeteer, and archrival sex-advice columnist Debby Herbenick, and I have to agree. Most of our mail comes from people who are unhappy with their sex lives and/or dissatisfied with their relationships. It’s always nice to hear from folks who are having fun.
What’s not so nice is that we sometimes have to tell happy and satisfied folks that something may be seriously wrong. “I would strongly encourage her to ask her gynecologist about her enlarged clitoris,” says Herbenick. “She should be very clear about the fact that it has increased in size. She should let her know when she first noticed this and roughly how much she thinks it’s increased in size.”
If your gynecologist isn’t comfortable talking with you about your clit—if she just stands there gaping at it— get a new gynecologist . Because your megaclit could be a symptom of something very, very serious.
“You need your doctor to examine your clit and rule out various medical conditions that could cause hormonal problems,” says Herbenick. “Sometimes these are benign health conditions; unfortunately, sometimes they include vulvar cancers, ovarian cancers, and adrenal cancers that, for example, may present with symptoms including an enlarged clitoris.”
Some women believe their clitorises “grew” after menopause, but that’s not usually the case. When estrogen levels drop during menopause, other parts of the vulva—such as the labia—can become flatter or less prominent, which can, in turn, make the clitoris appear bigger. “However, she’s been in menopause for a long time,” says Herbenick, “and it sounds like the clitoral change happened well into menopause.” And amazing sex does not super-size clits: “High levels of arousal usually result in only a temporary swelling of the clitoris,” says Herbenick.
So make another appointment to see your doctor, SNAZ, “and keep asking questions until she’s sure that medical conditions, such as cancers, have been ruled out,” urges Herbenick.
And again, if your gynecologist doesn’t want to discuss it or was too stupid to spot what could be a symptom of common lady-parts cancers (!), time to get a new gynecologist .
My husband is beautiful, awesome, et cetera. Unfortunately, his dick is small. It wasn’t so bad our first few years together; he knows how to work what he’s got. But then I had a baby, and I tore. A few days later, my stitches tore. My six-week checkup turned out to be a poke in the stomach to confirm that my uterus was back in place, and when I asked why I couldn’t get restitched, the doctor told me, “Vaginas are very forgiving.” But a year later, Kegels aren’t helping and both of us are having trouble getting off.
He enjoys anal sex, but it’s not really fulfilling for me. I want to get a vaginoplasty to fit him, but I’ll have to wait till we’ve saved up enough money to pay for it. Please, Dan, tell me how to have hotter sex with a small dick and a shredded kitty.
“Many women who have had multiple or traumatic births—and it sounds like she had a good deal of tearing—have some degree of prolapse,” says sex-advice columnist Debby Herbenick. (A uterine prolapse, says Wikipedia, “occurs when the female pelvic organs fall from their normal position, into or through the vagina.”)
“If she did have prolapse,” says Herbenick, “she may be a candidate for anterior or posterior vaginal-wall repair, which is quite similar to vaginal ”˜rejuvenation’ surgeries, and then insurance may cover the surgery.
“Some people will wildly disagree with me and say that women shouldn’t have surgery ”˜to please their man’, but I don’t see that here,” Herbenick adds. “I see two people who are married and want better sex, and she may have experienced some physical changes that have affected that. And there are ways to fix it.”
Herbenick is the associate director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and the author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction , a book that I strongly recommend even though Debby once attacked me with a vulva puppet in a room full of people.
I live in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Grange, a local restaurant, has a cocktail called “GGGinger”. Is it possible for a cocktail to be GGG? And how does it feel to have inspired one?
A cocktail can’t be GGG, CCC, but a couple of cocktails—enough to take the edge off inhibitions, not so much to make consent unpossible—can induce GGG. And, I’m saddened to report, the GGGinger’s Gs refer to three of the gin-based cocktail’s ingredients—ginger beer, candied ginger, and ginger syrup—and not to the Savage Love meme “good, giving, and game”. Still, Grange co-owner Brandon Johns is confident that his GGGingers have inspired GGG behaviour all over Ann Arbor.
“It’s been our most popular drink since we opened,” says Johns, “so it must be doing something right. We also do pitchers of them, and when a couple shares one of those—let’s just say that something good is bound to come of that.”
And in other, more successful Savage Love memes”¦
Former U.S. senator and current presidential candidolt Rick Santorum “opened up” to Roll Call last week about his “long-time Google problem”, aka “the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex” and always the number one search result when you Google the former senator’s last name.
“It’s one guy,” Santorum told Roll Call . “You know who it is”¦It’s unfortunate that we have someone who obviously has some issues.”
I do have issues—I have lots of issues—but I take particular issue with politicians who compare loving, stable same-sex relationships to “man on dog” sex, as Santorum has done, or who would ban same-sex marriage and adoptions by same-sex couples, as Santorum has promised to do if he gets elected president. But the lowercase santorum campaign wasn’t “one guy”. A lot of people were involved—from the Savage Love reader who first suggested that we redefine your name to all the folks who’ve written about it over the years (thanks, Roll Call !)—just like a lot of people were involved in turning Rick Santorum out of office in 2006, an election he lost by an 18-point santorumslide.
The website that’s still giving Rick Santorum fits hasn’t been updated since 2004. But we’re going to be relaunching the site in the next few weeks. Stay tuned!
Download the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) at www.straight.com . E-mail: mail@savagelove.net .
Is it possible this woman is actually a gorilla?
Why is the assumption that the gynaecologist is a woman, i.e. the use of the female pronoun. I know, I know, politics and all that, got to get back at the man, and nothing does that like a bit of reverse discrimination. But I believe in equality, and for that it seems to me that we need to start using a neutral pronoun, such as "they" (he/she, s/he etc, are just too cumbersome for speech).
I know I'm super late to this party but re: Unforgiving. You gave birth, things do tend to stretch out a bit under the hood. The same thing happened to me, my son was almost 9lbs and although I only had a second degree tear it is definitely noticeable that my SO's penis doesn't feel as large as it did before. My one friend said that she was actually a little *too* tight and after giving birth, it was the first time she was actually able to have a g-spot orgasm.
-- I know that people say that your vagina will go back to normal, but it really doesn't. There's going to be at least a LITTLE bit of stretch going on. Unfortunately :( have you tried an Adonis sleeve?
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Sexual Empowerment with August McLaughlin
The clitoris is only “mysterious” because it’s been ignored for so long. This week’s Girl Boner Radio stories illustrate how mighty the clit truly is and how impactful it can be to discover and embrace it.
You’ll also learn about ways to bring more pleasure to sex, two sex toys you may want to consider trying and some spicy game recommendations from Dr. Megan Fleming. I hope you enjoy it as much as I appreciate the folks who shared their stories (e.g. a lot!).
a lightly edited Girl Boner Radio transcript
According to The Associated Press, the top headlines included President Clinton’s “sex scandal” with an intern, Sammy Sosa breaking a long-standing homerun record and two hurricanes: Georges and Mitch. There was also an Iraq shutdown, a Big Tobacco settlement and a shift to universal currency, to the euro, in Europe.
So big stuff. Definitely noteworthy.
But something incredibly important was missing…
That same year, Dr. Helen O’Connell, a urologist in Melbourne, authored a study called Anatomy of the clitoris . She had found that modern medical science had been making a huge mistake: the clitoris wasn’t only a small “button” on the vulva. Not nearly. She discovered that the clitoris is wishbone-shaped, with most of it living inside vulva havers, under the pubic bone. And, that it’s the anatomical equivalent of the penis: same erectile tissue, same capacity to grow larger and “erect.”
When journalist Melissa Fyfe heard about this study in the newsroom back then, that a doctor in her area was literally rewriting what the world had learned from anatomy books, she was sure it would be front page news.
But, when she picked up the paper the next day, she had to search six pages in for any mention.
Later, for the Sydney Morning Herald , Fyfe wrote, “Even in this, its moment of glory, the clitoris was treated as it had ever been: downgraded and difficult to find.”
I mean, imagine if someone realized the penis was so much more than anyone had ever realized. It seems like that might make waves?
Much thanks to Dr. O’Connell, there is a lot more buzz about the clitoris now. And still, we still have a ways to go.
So today we’re going to celebrate the mighty clitoris by looking back on a few unforgettable stories from past Girl Boner interviews and episodes, starting with Joan Price, a sex educator, author and filmmaker who recalls when even the tip of the clitoris wasn’t mentioned. Here’s a portion of our conversation from June, 2018.
When I was growing up—and this was in the 1950s, I’m 74 now—my sex education consisted of, ‘This is how girls get pregnant and here’s why you shouldn’t do it.’ My father was a gynecologist and this is what he thought was all of sex education for me.
I know. There was nothing about pleasure. There was nothing about arousal. There was nothing to let me know why on earth anyone would want to do such a silly thing.
School was about menstruation. We were divided, the boys and the girls. I’m not sure what the boys learned. I should ask. [Laughs] What the girls learned was about menstruation and how the egg travels from the ovaries to the uterus and if it gets there and so on. It wasn’t sex education. It was sex fear. It was sex lack of information. To make it even worse, if it could get worse than that, I knew there had to be something more to sex so I went looking in my father’s medical books. You know something that was not in any of my father’s medical books? The clitoris.
When you had your first sexual experience and you’d only learned negative things, did you expect it to be pleasurable? I know by that time, the hormones are at least giving you some clue.
Well there is a context to this because my boyfriend and I had been what we called ‘necking and petting’ for two years already. We thought we were going to wait until marriage because of course we were going to get married, otherwise we wouldn’t be doing any of this. But from tenth grade into twelfth grade, we were having these make out sessions in his car and I was getting very excited, but there was never an orgasm. We didn’t really know how to do that for me. It was a little more obvious for him.
I thought, When we finally have intercourse, all will be revealed . But instead I had been very excited to that point and then it was, I’m still excited, although most of it has died down.
Anti-climactic, in a couple of different ways.
Yes, a-climatic, actually. And I felt, ‘Well if this is all there is, why is it such a big fuss? I loved the intimacy of it. I liked the excitement of our ‘foreplay’… But I didn’t know what it would take for me to have more than that. Women who did not have a climax through intercourse then were considered ‘frigid.’ It’s an awful word.
I thought it meant you weren’t interested in sex, which also is not a positive term. But wow.
‘Orgasm’ was one of those dirty words we didn’t say. We did not climax during intercourse, so we were ‘frigid.’ We were defective, in other words.
Which surely only made matters worse, adding stress which interferes with arousal.
Right. And we know now, in this day and age and being sex educators, that about 75 percent of women do not reach orgasm that way—but we didn’t know any better. [pauses] Should we be revealing all this? We should.
I remember at one point having a hot and heavy time with my boyfriend. I was in my freshman year of college and I still didn’t understand where it would take us and neither did he. I was his first, although he was a little older. I was getting so excited, I started rubbing my own clitoris and he brushed my hand away, like, ‘No. I’m the one pleasuring you.’ He wasn’t touching me. He was just screwing me.
Because he thought that that’s what sex was. He was supposed to penetrate you. And there was probably no conversation.
We never seemed to know how to talk about it. We didn’t have the words and if we went looking, who would we ask? You don’t ask your guidance counselor…and certainly not parents. Parents weren’t supposed to know we were doing it.
It’s interesting to me how a lot has changed and a lot has stayed the same.
Yes… It took a boy, a classmate, when I was in my second year in college and had broken up with the other boyfriend for other reasons… He said, ‘So let me give you an orgasm.’ I said, ‘I don’t have them.’ It was still about the men and what they could do to you or for you, but at least he had it right in how to do it. [After pleasurable sex] I thought, ‘Okay, I want to keep doing it. I want to do this a lot . I want to do this with a lot of people. I want to see who else knows this.’
Yes. He already knew somehow; he had learned. I’m 74 now, feeling quite happy sexually and enjoying it very much. But I’ve talked to other people in my age group who are not, who grew up as I did but never unlearned that or whose partners never unlearned that. It was a very repressive era. Fortunately, we can unlearn our upbringing. We can teach those messages to people of your generation so that you don’t have to go through what we did.
And so we have something to look forward to, because there’s still this idea that if we have a vulva, our eggs shrivel up and then it’s all over.
Well you know, the eggs don’t have much to do with orgasm anyway.
So our eggs may shrivel up, but our responses don’t have to. Different kinds of blossoms when we were 20 or 30, so we have to enjoy having the whole floral bouquet.
So is the clitoris easier for us all to find these days? Yes and no.
In a study from 2013 involving a few hundred people suggested that 44% of cisgender men can’t seem to find the clit. Another study showed that nearly ⅓ of college-age women have trouble pinpointing the clitoris on a diagram. Finding it on a diagram and experiencing pleasure there are different things, of course. Case in point, even “vaginal” and “G-spot” orgasms involve the clitoris. Still, more knowledge is important.
Back in 2018, I interviewed comedian Emma Arnold at the Storyfort festival in Boise, Idaho. She was so excited when a guy found her clit that she – well, I’ll let her tell you, starting with some context.
My parents are mountain hippies—teepee living hippies—so sex was actually pretty groovy and talked about. I saw my parents naked a lot. We were nude hot
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