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We’ve all been there: You wake up fresh-faced and eager to face the day, and, mid-shower, you start thinking about how you could really go for a cocktail made with semen right about now. Just kidding—you never wake up fresh-faced or eager to face the day. Oh, and also, the part about drinking fucking semen .
And yet, someone named Paul “Fotie” Photenhauer would beg to differ. He’s the author of a new book called Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook , which is the premier source for sperm-infused cocktail recipes, at least insofar as it is the only source for sperm-infused cocktail recipes. Let’s dive a little deeper, shall we?
According to Photenhauer, “Semen is often freshly available behind most bar counters and adds a personal touch to any cocktail.”
Define “often”—because I feel like I know what that word means, and I wouldn’t have used it to describe the frequency with which a jar o’ jizz can be found lurking between the martini olives and lemon wedges at most bars I’ve been to. Then again, maybe it’s more like when a person orders a cocktail made with semen, the bartender mysteriously retreats to the back for a few minutes, before, um, producing the cocktail.
Either way, it doesn’t really make us want to sample a Slightly Saltier Caviar or Mexican Cumslide (both real cocktails described in Photenhauer’s book). Maybe if we keep reading, it’ll make more sense.
Photenhauer continues, “The connoisseur will appreciate learning how to mix selected spirits to enhance the delicate flavors of semen.”
Sincerest apologies if we’ve already covered this, but just to clarify, is leaving the semen out altogether definitely not an option? Because while we don’t dispute that alcohol will improve the taste of anything, even semen, you probably wouldn’t need to enhance its flavor if you weren’t drinking it in the first place. To put it another way, you can use makeup to hide a herpes breakout, but if you could just not have contracted herpes to begin with, that would probably be preferable, right?
In short, we must be missing something. Because it sounds like this guy is trying to get us to drink semen on purpose. More on Maxim.com: Nutella Theft on the Rise! Dogs Wearing Pantyhose
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Updated: February 17th, 2017
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While her name may not be as well known as the aforementioned, Qi featured in a very big movie with a certain Jason Statham - yes, in The Transporter. The Taiwanese actress has made a number of mainstream movies since ending her career in pornography - The Transporter and The Eye 2 being the most notable of her work.
While the majority has been Asian films, she's nevertheless successfully made the transition from porn star to mainstream actress in Hollywood. Qi has even won multiple awards for the movies she's been in post-porn. She's been nominated best actress on eight occasions - winning once. Now more synonymous with mainstream work for to the majority now, such flicks like Viva Erotica, Sex & Zen II, while appearing in the Chinese version of Playboy are all now in the past.
Her former co-star from The Transporter, Jason Statham, may be intrigued to check out her previous work had he known about Qi's past. If he's reading this, and it's safe to say he is, the two aforementioned films should be available somewhere. I can't imagine money being an issue with the Hollywood star, so ordering a copy won't break the bank. Preferably, could you buy two as well please?
Crippy Cooke, 23, is a freelance Football Writer contributing to What Culture. He's had work featured on Zoo, MSN, London 24, The Telegraph, The Huffington Post, and was recently named Writer of the Year on FTBpro - while also a nominee for Best Male Blog in the Football Blogging Awards.
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While her name may not be as well known as the aforementioned, Qi featured in a very big movie with a certain Jason Statham - yes, in The Transporter. The Taiwanese actress has made a number of mainstream movies since ending her career in pornography - The Transporter and The Eye 2 being the most notable of her work.
While the majority has been Asian films, she's nevertheless successfully made the transition from porn star to mainstream actress in Hollywood. Qi has even won multiple awards for the movies she's been in post-porn. She's been nominated best actress on eight occasions - winning once. Now more synonymous with mainstream work for to the majority now, such flicks like Viva Erotica, Sex & Zen II, while appearing in the Chinese version of Playboy are all now in the past.
Her former co-star from The Transporter, Jason Statham, may be intrigued to check out her previous work had he known about Qi's past. If he's reading this, and it's safe to say he is, the two aforementioned films should be available somewhere. I can't imagine money being an issue with the Hollywood star, so ordering a copy won't break the bank. Preferably, could you buy two as well please?
Crippy Cooke, 23, is a freelance Football Writer contributing to What Culture. He's had work featured on Zoo, MSN, London 24, The Telegraph, The Huffington Post, and was recently named Writer of the Year on FTBpro - while also a nominee for Best Male Blog in the Football Blogging Awards.
10 Actors Who Improved At Something They Were Terrible At
D23: 10 MCU Announcements That Will Break The Internet
10 Movie Endings That KILLED Franchises For Good
20 Things You Somehow Missed In Inglourious Basterds
15 Most Disappointing Movies Of The 2020s (So Far)
9 Movie Franchise Staples That Actually Came From Sequels
20 Things You Didn't Know About Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones
10 Biggest Lies Actors Told To Get Movie Roles
10 Dumbest Decisions Made By Final Girls In Horror Movies
10 Actors Who Absolutely Hate Your Favourite Movies
Delivering passionate and comprehensive entertainment coverage to millions of users world-wide each month. Seen on Sky News; featured in The Guardian, NY Times, The Independent and more. 40,000+ articles posted by thousands of contributors spanning the entire cultural spectrum.
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Published: 19:23 BST, 7 July 2020 | Updated: 08:43 BST, 8 July 2020
Porn star Ryan Madison has been accused of sexual abuse by at least 10 co-stars who allege he used his wife Kelly to lure women in.
Madison, a porn veteran, runs Kelly Madison Productions, with his wife. On Tuesday it was claimed he is a 'serial abuser' who 'groomed' a number of women.
The adult movie star, 43, is said to have used an all female team 'to make him seem more trustworthy' before subjecting them to non consensual scenes.
Describing her scene with Madison as a 'horror movie' Kinsley Karter says she was just 21 when she says she was abused by Madison. She told The Daily Beast : 'There’s usually some type of communication before, but there was absolutely none at all.'
Porn star Ryan Madison has been accused of sexual abuse by at least 10 co-stars who allege he used his wife Kelly to lure women in. The couple are pictured in 2009
Arabelle Raphael, left, was 27-years-old when she says she 'was put in a nonconsensual race scene'. Describing her scene with Madison as a 'horror movie' Kinsley Karter, right, says she was just 21 when she says she was abused by Madison
She describes the California home where they shoot scenes to be 'in the middle of nowhere', adding: 'The main reason I’m speaking out now is because I didn’t have any warning, and I want to warn other girls about him.'
One agent said: 'The girls can feel very isolated out there, way the hell out in the middle of nowhere, and he got increasingly rougher and increasingly intoxicated.'
Annabel Redd was one of the first woman to publicly accuse Madison, tweeting on June 5: 'do not watch my porn fidelity scene. that man violated my boundaries.'
Iranian-American Arabelle Raphael was 27-years-old when she says she 'was put in a nonconsensual race scene' and forced to 'put on a belly-dancing outfit'.
Jane Wilde, pictured at the Adult Video News Awards, was 19 when she says she was assaulted
Accusers Alex Harper, left, Lexi Lore, center, and Annabel Redd, right
Madison's videos have more than 46 million views and he has won numerous industry awards.
One accuser, Lexi Lore, said she was just 19-years-old when she was abused by Madison. She said: 'Ryan Madison is so well-known as a rapist in the industry.'
Another, Jane Wilde, who was also 19 when she says she was assaulted, added: 'They had all women on set, so I felt empowered. It really made me put my guard down. Then I left the house of women. And that’s when it started to get very predatory.'
'It’s a strange dynamic when a guy is trying to hurt women and is using his wife to make him seem more trustworthy', she added.
Amber Addis said: 'It’s almost like you’re being groomed to get your guard down, because as soon as her husband arrives, she just disappears.'
Ryan and Kelly have not commented on the allegations. DailyMail.com has contacted the couple for comment.
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