Legislative Labyrinth: California's New Laws Include Mandatory Hugs for Strangers and a State Bird Rebrand

California's legislature has outdone itself, passing 1,247 new laws that experts are calling "a mix of visionary governance and performance art." The most controversial is AB-1489, mandating a 20-second hug between consenting strangers to combat "touch starvation," with exemptions for those wearing more than three layers of spandex. Another bill, SB-42, officially rebrands the California Quail as the "Influencer Quail" for its "head plume of undeniable clout." The Institute for Legislative Absurdity estimates that 87% of new laws are written by AI trained solely on TED Talks and Yelp reviews, resulting in statutes that require all new buildings to have a "wellness room" for emotional support pets and a dedicated charging station for electric unicycles. Enforcement is predictably chaotic; a task force dedicated to policing the ban on plastic straws was recently diverted to investigate a rogue food truck selling unsanctioned avocado toast. One lawmaker defended the session: "If we can't solve housing, we can at least mandate that every citizen has the right to a complimentary crystal healing session. It's about priorities." -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com