Leah Has A Visitor

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Leah Has A Visitor

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Copyright © 2012-2021 Leah Walker. All Rights Reserved.

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The old adage goes that everything is bigger in Texas. I know a whole bunch of Texans that would argue that everything is also better in the Lone Star state. Yes, we Texans are a very proud bunch, and rightfully so.
In order to fully appreciate visiting Texas, you must understand a few things first. So, here are ten tidbits that will help you make the most out of your trip:
Speaking, making eye contact, smiling, and waving doesn’t mean we’re trying to seduce you or sell you anything.
As a whole, Texans are a friendly bunch. We’re quick to say hello and ask how you’re doing. That’s more of a rhetorical question, and just our way of being polite. We hold store doors open for strangers and wave to passing cars on two-lane highways. Need directions or recommendations to the best Tex-Mex in town? Ask a Texan, but don’t be surprised if you suddenly have company for dinner. It’s just our way.
Don’t turn your nose up at gas station food.
Convenience store cuisine in Texas is more than a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos, ranch-flavored sunflower seeds, and a 64-ounce fountain Coke. When you’re seeking fried food paradise, look no further than the nearest gas station. When in the Panhandle, get an Allsup’s burrito; it’s golden fried cylinder of goodness. Don’t forget a handful of taco sauce with that order. The corny dog was invented in Texas, and you can’t go wrong with one of those from Stripes {formerly Town & Country} when in West Texas. And if you’re lucky enough to encounter a Buc-ee’s, you’d better stop. There are six flagship stores around Austin, San Antonio, and Houston. I tend to think they’re called ‘flagship stores’ because of their size. Each one is at least as big as Rhode Island and deserves its own Buc-ee Beaver flag and governing body. I dare you not to spend at least an hour in one and not ingest 1,752 calories.
Don’t utter the words pop or soda unless you want a strange look.
Nothing will give you away as a foreigner more than saying pop or soda when ordering carbonated beverages. Those things are called Cokes . It’s a generic term we use. I don’t care if you really want a Pepsi, 7-Up, Mountain Dew, or Sprite. They are all known as Cokes. The only time they’re not called Cokes is when you want a Dr Pepper. The Dr Pepper {don’t ever put a period after Dr} was invented in Waco and thus deserves a certain amount of respect.
Learning our pronunciation is essential for communication.
Texans are not fast talkers. We have a drawl that seems to turn two syllable words into three. To accommodate for our slow speech pattern, we tend to combine words or just drop the endings. We apparently don’t care for the letter g on the end of words. Take for instance these bastardized Texan words: fixin’ {fixing}, gonna’ {going}, nuttin’ {nothing} and sumpin’ {something}. Often times we simply make up our own words— libel’ta {likely to}, piddlee’o {an adjective meaning something small}, and ja’eatyet {did you eat yet}.
We don’t measure distance in miles, but rather time.
Texas includes 7.4% of the nation’s total area. El Paso in West Texas is closer to California than it is to Beaumont in East Texas. King Ranch in South Texas is bigger than Rhode Island. Brewster County in West Texas is larger than the entire state of Connecticut. Texas is larger than France. Driving in Texas is not only necessary, but a big part of our culture. So, you want to know how far it is from Houston to Austin? It’s about three hours, unless you stop at the flagship Buc-ee’s in Bastrop.
Whataburger is the alpha and omega of hamburgers. Amen.
The orange and white striped A-frame building is like a beacon in the night to millions of hungry Texans. I laugh in the face of folks who swoon over White Castle or In-N-Out Burger. Obviously they haven’t yet tried a Whataburger or heard that there are 36,864 ways to customize one. The food is so good that HEB {my favorite Texas-founded grocery store—sorry Whole Foods} sells Whataburger fries, mustard, ketchup, and the best condiment invention since Tabasco—spicy ketchup. I might also add that Whataburgers are open 24-hours a day, and thus ideal for an after-bar burger rendezvous. Don’t leave Texas without trying one.
It takes a Texan ten minutes to tell a five-minute story. It’s not just because we talk slowly, but also because we’re very much into our expressions. Here are a few common phrases:
Busier than a $2 whore on nickel night
Like a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest
Doesn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of
Bless your heart {Can’t believe I forgot this one! Thanks, Donna.}
I suggest dusting off those eighth grade English skills and use context clues to figure out what we’re talking about. If that doesn’t work then just ask. We’ll certainly take amusement in explaining.
Chicken fried steak is not poultry.
The state dish of Texas may be chili, but the chicken fried steak, simply known as CFS, is probably the most beloved meal. It can be found from cafés to high-end restaurants in big cities and small towns. What is a CFS? It’s wiener schnitzel’s first cousin.
Take a piece of steak and pound it senseless or until it’s about ¼ inch thin. Dredge it in flour seasoned with salt and pepper. Then dip it in an egg and milk wash. Repeat this process twice and then throw it in a skillet with hot oil. Fry it on both sides and then cover the CFS with cream gravy. Serve it with a side of mashed potatoes and fried okra and you’ve got yourself the Texas version of comfort food.
Kolaches and tacos—it’s what’s for breakfast
Forget IHOP, Denny’s, Dunkin’ Doughnuts, and the Waffle House. When you’re in Texas, that dog won’t hunt {See what I did there?}. Thanks to our Czech and Mexican influences, we have kolaches and tacos for breakfast.
You can find a breakfast taco anywhere in the state, from mom and pop taquerias to fast food joints like Taco Cabana {a Texas chain that obliterates Taco Bell}, Sonic, and Whataburger. The concept is simple: flour tortilla, scrambled eggs, and anything else you’d like thrown in. In West Texas and the Panhandle, they often are breakfast burritos, which are the same thing, only larger.
We have Czechs who immigrated to Central Texas in the late 19 th century to thank for our love of the kolache. What is a kolache? Well, they are yeast bread filled with sweetened cheese or fruit. Kolaches have since evolved into yeast bread filled with sausage, ham and cheese, bacon, and eggs, though traditionalists eschew the savory version.
The devotion to kolaches has spawned chains like the Kolache Factory, which is great when you’re in an urban area. However, along the highways and in small towns is where you’ll find the most delicious kolaches. Central Texas gas stations double as bakeries {another reason why our gas stations are the best}, with my favorite being Hruska’s in tiny Ellinger. Though, the most well known place for kolaches in the state is probably the Czech Stop in the town of West. It’s so beloved that after a recent massive explosion occurred in West, the second question everyone asked was “ Is the Czech Stop still there? ” Seriously.
For more information on the great Texas kolache, Czech out this article .
When it comes to bar-b-que, beef is boss.
In Texas, we love our beef, but that’s not to say that we discriminate against other delicious proteins. Bar-b-que is actually a cooking method that involves meat being smoked over wood at low temperatures. Any and all meat can be deemed bar-b-que in Texas, as long as its been smoked over mesquite, oak, or the like. Turkey, chicken, sausage, pork, and cabrito {that’s goat in Spanish}, are also available on menus.
With that being said, if you’ve eaten bar-b-que in Kansas City, Memphis, or the Carolinas, then you haven’t really had bar-b-que. In Texas, beef is boss and pork is a minion. We don’t have pulled pork and our ribs are rarely baby back. Pork is used in sausage, but that’s just about it. Beef brisket is far-and-away the most popular and beloved item on any menu. Sliced brisket is standard, as is a chopped brisket sandwich. Here’s a tip: Just get a three-meat plate and try a little bit of everything. It’s hard to go wrong with bar-b-que in Texas, especially in Central Texas.
This easily could be a ten-part series, as we Texans are a unique bunch with a culture all our own. We’re not Southerners and we’re not Western. We’re simply Texan. I believe the great writer, John Steinbeck, described us best:
“I have said that Texas is a state of mind , but I think it is more than that. It is a mystique closely approximating a religion. And this is true to the extent that people either passionately love Texas or passionately hate it and, as in other religions, few people dare to inspect it for fear of losing their bearings in mystery or paradox. But I think there will be little quarrel with my feeling that Texas is one thing. For all its enormous range of space, climate, and physical appearance, and for all the internal squabbles, contentions, and strivings, Texas has a tight cohesiveness perhaps stronger than any other section of America. Rich, poor, Panhandle, Gulf, city, country, Texas is the obsession , the proper study, and the passionate possession of all Texans.”
Yes, Mr. Steinbeck, Texas is a state of mind, a blissful, happy state of mind.
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Once again you are so right on!!! Amazing love reading all your stuff.
I may not be a natural Texan, but I got here as fast as I could. 29 yrs and counting.
You forgot one of the best ones here dairy queen !!!!
Fantastic blog post. I’m a Brit but love Texas and try to go there to stay with friends every year! I’m off there in 41 days and yes I’m counting!!
Love all about Texas; The people; the food and so much more.
My fiance is a Brit as well and planning on moving here next year, I’m hopeful and excited he will enjoy living here! Enjoy your time in Texas, we are always glad to have you.
Whole Foods is owned by HEB. YOU have to try kaloches in Hillje, Tx at Prasek’s and all Czech bakeries in Schulenberg, Tx. Not all of us call a carbonated drink a “coke”. I’ve been here all 55 years life, and I don’t say “fixin’to” or as some Texans day, I gotta”fix” something for Super! What’s broken? Of course, many of us say, “soda water” instead of pop or soda pop. Want some authentic most delicious food? I’d you’re in San Antonio, Tx, you must travel along Hildebrand. That’s where you’ll find the best Mexican food! I hope many of you don’t stereotype many of us Texans as overweight grease-filled junkies. I’m a proud Mexican-American Tejana, who doesn’t say “fixin’ to”, and I now tend to shy away from sodas. But, yes, we Texans are commonly friendly bunch. THANK YOU, AND HOW CAN I HELYOU?
Whole Foods is not owned by HEB. HEB owns Central Market which is a competitor of Whole Foods.
I am probably replying to the wrong post, but I want to agree with whomever stated that Shipley’s doughnuts are the best! So TRUE! !!
Ahhh!!! I loved this post Miss Leah! It makes me remember how long it has been since I had those thoughts and images in my head, like traipsing down memory lane. Texas, it has been a long time, but I can never get you out of my mind! And thumbs up to the Allsup’s burrito and, of course, Dr Pepper! Childhood memories!
Me I live in San Antonio Texas and i love the food and everything . Mostly dairy queen and big red
i lived in texas a couple of times throughout my life and i think you definitely hit the nail on the head….with them all!
for the longest time i struggled with the word ‘fixin’. i just couldnt grasp it. and sometimes, 8 years after living in texas, i catch myself saying it!
This is very timely since I’ll be in San Antonio in two weeks. I’m looking forward to the culture shock! Except for the Coke thing. Calling all carbonated beverages Cokes makes no sense and my brain cannot handle that. If I don’t return from this trip alive, it will probably be due to an unfortunate Coke-related argument with someone
Don’t worry Scott! In San Antonio just order the margarita!
That “coke” thing is just a myth. Not ever been true. I drink sprite, so of course I don’t ask for a Coke. Born and raised Texan, been here for 39 years, TYVM. So don’t you worry about that. And that picture is not a proper Kolache. It should be a sausage with or without cheese or jalapeno inside.
Shipley’s is a Texas staple that always gets overlooked. The best donuts in the world!
Thank you! I completely agree. Calling everything a coke is illogical. I use soda for a generic term, but most of the time I use whatever I specifically want, like “let’s go get a Pepsi.”
Of course it’s illogical! Haha! But, really, let’s talk about your wanting a Pepsi. Talk about illogical.
Ha ha! Sorry I like good stuff. Or I should say, sorry you don’t. Dr Peppper is like carbonated vomit. And Coke works only when there’s no Pepsi. (Are we rehashing the “Cola wars”?)
Pepsi? I don’t know one Texas unless they are too young to know better that likes Pepsi!! lol Give me a Dr. Pepper any day!
I would never drink a bourbon and “pepsi”…seriously? When I was a kid we would go visit relatives in New York or Rhode Island, they laughed every time I asked if I could have a Coke with dinner. They would respond yes and then I would say “good do you have Dr Pepper?” Logical or not, if you are a native Texan every carbonated drink starts with Coke.
Texas Friendly totally freaks out our visitors when they come for the first time. Smiling and asking how are you doing(?) does not mean we are flirting or trying to pick you up. We just want you to know that everything is “Great in Texas” and we are just happy to be here. Look us in the eye and say hello, you will get a warm friendly smile in return.
God Bless TEXAS!
I’m a native born Texan—goin’ on 69 years. I can say with all certainty, it’s always been “coke.” And if the waitress says, “Will Pepsi be alright?” I simply tell her to bring me iced tea. (If you want to see culture shock, try ordering “iced tea” in London!) Thanks, Leah.
The Coke thing would only be a myth if it weren’t true. I use it. My friends use it. My family uses it. I hear strangers using it. So, since these are generalizations, it’s obviously not true for everyone in the entire state of Texas, just like not everyone is polite.
In regard to the kolache, that is a picture of a traditional Czech kolache. The history of the kolache by Czech settlers in Texas is written about in the article I linked to. The traditional kolache began with fruit filling. This was also confirmed to me by Czechs. I went to Prague twice this year and had a kolache or two from the mother land. They were plum and apricot.
Shipley’s is the BEST! It’s the only doughnut shop I’ll visit. I totally forgot about it, but you can be it will be in part two!
I was about to say the exact thing, I’ve lived all over Texas and asking for a “coke” is very common when referring to any carbonated beverage, also Leah is 100% right, Klobasniks are the “kolaches” you are referring to with meat/sausage and/or cheese. A traditional Czech Kolache has fruit filling and is like a pastry!
Maybe I can clear this up. When making a grocery list or sending someone out for groceries, “Cokes” is on that list. It is clear that “cokes” means: Coke, Dr. Pepper, Sprirte, etc… may even include bottled water. Someone else, may ask: Cokes? Dr. Pepper?Sprite,? Root Beer… to remember or to make their own list. Hardly anyone ever says; “get some sodas or carbonated beverages.” (btw, check out Dr. Pepper Museum, Dublin, TX)
Many of the things here I can attest to as also common to Oklahoma. There’s a Kolache festival in Prague Oklahoma and the kolaches there are just as you describe them.
Everything was Coke for me for years until I found that others just don’t get it out of the area. I remember as an 8 or 9 year old telling a Memphis TN waitress that I wanted an “orange Coke”—meaning a Sunkist orange soft drink–and we had a definite failure to communicate as she’d never heard of it.
Pork ribs are largely unknown in my part of Oklahoma. And sauce on brisket is still a sacrilege to some. All this food talk is making me hungry. I’m fixin’ to go get a Whataburger right now; see y’all later.
I don’t know anyone who only calls sodas ‘cokes.’ You’re still right in saying that ‘pop’ is weird though.
I’m of Czech descent on both sides and you’re correct Leah.
The picture is correct and kolache did start with fruit and/or cheese. My grandmother made them both. Hubs and I are Winter Texans almost every year either to the Hill Country or Coast…first time we came noticed the friendliness of Texans first off… wouldn’t go anywhere else Great article!
You’re wrong about saying the picture isn’t a proper Kolache. My mother in law is Czech-German and that is exactly how she makes them.
I was a server in Texas at all levels of restaurants from low end Mexican to high end Del Frisco’s and Bob’s Steak and Chop House and every.single.night. someone ordered a “coke” and I had to confirm which type they wanted.
Uh yeah no those ARE proper kolaches. They are made with fruit. Kolaches with meat that we mistakenly call “Kolaches” are TECHNICALLY KLOBASNEKS. Source: Czech Grandma from Weimar.
And Shipleys is by far not the best donuts. They are pretty much agreed upon to be garbage.
Wrong about the kolache, sorry. But a pig in a blanket, which is what you have described, started being called a kolache because they begun to be sold at the kolache shops as an alternative to the true kolache.
Nita’s in Crosby, Texas can fill you in on the history and feed you some of the best ever made in Texas.
I am a native Texan as well, but I’ve got 20 years on you. History gets revised daily…..
I have always lived in Texas, and I always tell my friends “let’s go get a Coke” meaning lets go to Allsup’s and get a soft drink, being a Dr Pepper, Sprite, or Big Red…..so yeah Coke means soft drinks.
Radar, the kolaches are very authentic. The sausage ones that are so tasty are really pigs-in-a-blanket made with kolache dough. Growing up, my grandmother would talk on the phone in Czech to all of her Czech friends and relatives. Boy, oh, boy, did I wish I could have understood what they were saying! But yes, the pictures shows real kolaches. The sausage kind are the afterthought. And as a native of Austin, I grew up saying “soda” or “soda water”. We moved to Missouri when I was 10 and it took me forever to figure out what “pop” was. But my favorite part of this article is the pronunciations. I remember looking up the work “libel” to use it in an middle school paper I was writing, and I was SHOCKED that I couldn’t find the proper definition!
Coke thing is most certainly not a myth. You don’t ask for a coke and expect a Sprite. Somebody says, ” Do you want a coke” (notice lower case “c”?) “Yeah! That sounds good!” ” What kind would you like?”. Lived it, loved it asked it and answered it many, many times in my childhood. Born and raised, been here 56 years-(maybe that’s why). My thirty-something children don’t say it. Being of German descent and having kin in La Grange, again, the originalkolache is sweet. The savory is something I suspect city dwellers came up with. Finally, yes, Shipley’s are the best donuts on th
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