Laughing During Sex

Laughing During Sex

Kayla Broek is a Relationship Expert and Coach for BeyondAges.com. Helping men and women find and sustain successful relationships is her passion which she has dedicated nearly two decades of her life to. She is especially successful in helping her clients find success early in the dating process.
Join Our Newsletter For Exclusive Dating Tips & Advice
Is laughing during sex ever okay? Imagine it for a moment. You’re alone with the woman you’re sleeping with, you’re both naked, and you’re getting it on. It’s getting really hot, then suddenly... she bursts out laughing.
Sound familiar? Why did it happen? Why does it ever happen?
And most importantly: Is it ever okay to laugh during sex, when it seems like it would ruin the mood?
You might be surprised, especially when you hear what the experts say. Laughing during intimacy is not only normal, but it may even be healthy for your relationship, as well. Here’s why.
There are many reasons you or she (or both of you) would laugh during sex. And believe it or not, the reasons are quite mundane. Take the top four reasons, for instance:
Let’s face it: Sex is fun. We’d do it all the time if we could. And what do human beings normally do when they’re enjoying themselves a lot?
Many men today think it’s somehow inappropriate to laugh during sex since it “ruins the mood.” The thing is: Who decided what the mood should be like during sex?
Most of us get our ideas about the “ideal sex scene” from Hollywood or porn. And as you’ll learn later in this article, that’s a recipe for unhappiness and emptiness in life.
Ever noticed how mundane real life is compared to what the film industry portrays? The same simplicity also affects our sex lives—it’s just two people having fun . And we can—and should—shape our own “ideal sex scenes” depending on what works for us.
The second possible reason we laugh during sex is awkwardness. Sometimes two people are nervous—maybe it’s their first time to have sex with each other, or it feels weird because they were friends before they decided to hook up.
Nervous laughter is a natural human way to break the tension. It lightens the mood and helps you relax, which in turn leads to a better experience.
(NOTE: If you’ve always been awkward with women and you want to do something about it, here’s the last article you’ll need to read.)
The third possible reason? Sex is such an uncontrollable emotional high for some people. The instant cocktail of pleasure hormones leads to spontaneous laughter.
So if a woman has ever laughed during sex , she’s probably not laughing at you. Instead, she’s beside herself with the emotional high you’re putting her on.
I’d say if that’s not the ultimate compliment, it comes pretty close.
Lastly, another possible reason for laughing during sex is feeling extremely vulnerable .
It makes sense, right? Think about it—you’re stark naked with another person and completely at each other’s mercy. That’s scary, and it goes double for women because you’re bigger and stronger than they are.
When you’re having sex with a woman, she’s utterly defenseless. And to ease her fear, she instinctively laughs, hoping you’d chuckle too.
Why? It’s because when you laugh with her, it reassures her she’s in no danger. If you don’t laugh with her, she feels even more vulnerable—perhaps enough to change her mind about sleeping with you.
It’s all Mother Nature’s beautiful design. Laughing is the woman’s way of diffusing tension and ensuring her own safety. It’s not personal, so don’t take it so.
Now, you might think: “But there was one time when she laughed at me during sex because I finished too fast, or I did something that ruined the mood, or she wasn’t satisfied. How do I not take that personally?”
Well, let’s look at why laughing during sex is okay—even if she laughs at you for not performing well enough.
When you think of a good, satisfying sex scene, what comes to mind? Probably something along the following lines:
Now, here’s the question: Where did you get that “standard” for a good sex scene? What shaped—or more accurately, what’s shaping—your expectations around sex?
Most likely it’s one or both of the following: Hollywood and the porn industry.
And here’s why that’s more problematic than you think...
Movies were never meant to shape your worldview. And that includes your standards and expectations for sex.
Understand this: Movies are there to make money. And to do that, they must entertain enough paying moviegoers to be profitable.
What do you think would be more entertaining? A sensual sex scene between two attractive actors? Or a funny, clumsy one with two ugly unknowns?
Easy choice for the producers, right?
So if you ever liked movies, you probably got the idea that sex should look, feel, and sound certain ways. Nope—what you’ve been exposed to is the brand of sex that gets people to pay money and watch.
Not exactly the kind of sex you’re going for in your personal life, right?
This should go without saying, but let’s say it anyway. Porn doesn’t represent real life, and it doesn’t paint the reality of sex. Like Hollywood, the porn industry is there to make money. (And a bit of trivia—it makes even more money than Hollywood.)
In porn, addiction is the name of the game. It gets you hooked, you watch even more of it, and the studios get more money. So how do they hook you? With attractive actresses and scripted scenes.
And you know how rarely real life matches what they show on screen, right? Very few of us have super-celebrity bodies. Most of us are a little out of shape. Our bed scenes are not exactly Hollywood material.
And, yes, we laugh during sex much more often than they do in porn.
Lastly, unless you did something to offend or disappoint her, it’s never personal when she laughs during sex. As you’ve just learned, it’s a natural human reaction. Not only is it normal—it’s also healthy when you think about it. Laughter strengthens your emotional connection with each other, making intimacy even more enjoyable and rewarding.
CAVEAT: In case you’re thinking: “Okay, but my situation is really different. I’m sure she’s laughing at me, not with me. She also criticizes me in bed and out of it. What should I do?”
If that’s your situation, then you might be dating a high-maintenance woman —and you may want to plan your exit soon. In even the worst case, you’ll have her to thank for making you realize it’s time to leave her.
To wrap up, remember that one of the biggest reasons why so many men are dissatisfied with life is this: Wild expectations. We expect way too much, and when reality hits us and we’re forced to lower our standards, we get jaded and disappointed.
It’s true with life in general, and it’s also true with our sex lives in particular. Thanks (or no thanks) to the conditioning we get from media, porn, and Hollywood, our expectations for intimacy get quite lofty.
Are you setting yourself up for dissatisfaction?
When you take a step back to analyze the situation (such as by reading articles like this one), you’ll soon realize it’s really not a big deal. In fact, what society would label as “weird” turns out to be quite beneficial for you and your relationship.
Hopefully, you’ll realize you’re taking yourself more seriously than you need to, or that you’re holding yourself to unrealistic standards. Simmer down and focus on what makes you (and your woman) happy—it’s that simple.
All that said, here’s a parting note of warning: Don’t get too comfortable expressing your emotions, especially if you want an exclusive long-term relationship with the woman you’re dating. It may backfire on you.
It’s one thing to laugh during sex—that’s good and healthy. It’s another thing to be completely vulnerable with her, to the point of constantly telling her your weaknesses, flaws, fears, and screw-ups. That’s not healthy at all.
Why not? Simply because it erodes her confidence in you. Women need men who are attentive, affectionate, capable, and determined—the classic traits of a “real man,” in other words.
Being vulnerable moves you away from that. It makes you look weak and fragile. And it makes her less interested in a long-term relationship with you.
So if you need to be vulnerable, do so with your male friends or psychiatrist. Meanwhile, if you want a serious relationship with this woman, give her your best —not your worst.

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Therapists
:
Login
|
Sign Up

United States

Austin, TX
Brooklyn, NY
Chicago, IL
Denver, CO
Houston, TX
Los Angeles, CA
New York, NY
Portland, OR
San Diego, CA
San Francisco, CA
Seattle, WA
Washington, DC

Mental Health

Addiction

Anxiety

ADHD

Asperger's

Autism

Bipolar Disorder

Chronic Pain

Depression

Eating Disorders

Personality

Passive Aggression

Personality

Shyness

Personal Growth

Goal Setting

Happiness

Positive Psychology

Stopping Smoking

Relationships

Low Sexual Desire

Relationships

Sex

Family Life

Child Development

Parenting

Talk to Someone

Find a Therapist

Find a Treatment Center

Find a Psychiatrist

Find a Support Group

Find Teletherapy

Trending Topics

Coronavirus Disease 2019

Narcissism

Dementia

Bias

Affective Forecasting

Neuroscience

Are you a Therapist?
Get Listed Today

Get Help

Find a Therapist

Find a Treatment Center

Find a Psychiatrist

Find a Support Group

Find Teletherapy

Members
Login
Sign Up

United States

Austin, TX
Brooklyn, NY
Chicago, IL
Denver, CO
Houston, TX
Los Angeles, CA
New York, NY
Portland, OR
San Diego, CA
San Francisco, CA
Seattle, WA
Washington, DC

Mental Health

Addiction

Anxiety

ADHD

Asperger's

Autism

Bipolar Disorder

Chronic Pain

Depression

Eating Disorders

Personality

Passive Aggression

Personality

Shyness

Personal Growth

Goal Setting

Happiness

Positive Psychology

Stopping Smoking

Relationships

Low Sexual Desire

Relationships

Sex

Family Life

Child Development

Parenting

Talk to Someone

Find a Therapist

Find a Treatment Center

Find a Psychiatrist

Find a Support Group

Find Teletherapy

Trending Topics

Coronavirus Disease 2019

Narcissism

Dementia

Bias

Affective Forecasting

Neuroscience

We all harbor secrets. Some are big and bad; some are small and trivial. Researchers have parsed which truths to tell and which not to.

Posted November 20, 2020

|

Reviewed by Devon Frye

You queefed. They must be disgusted. You lack an immediate erection or orgasm too quickly. They must think I’m less of a man. The attempt at a new position ends in epic failure or you hit the wrong opening. They must think I don’t know what I’m doing. You are either too dry or too wet. They must think there’s something physically wrong with me. Maybe your partner wants to have sex, you want to have sex, but you worry what they will think of your body. Will they still want to have sex with me when they see me naked?
These are the thoughts that derail sexual intimacy , reinforce negative body perceptions, close communication, and create a gap in interpersonal relationships. The easiest solution to preventing prolonged embarrassment and getting on track with open sexual communication? Humor .
Making a quick joke, even if it’s self-effacing, is the perfect way to right the ship. Laughter is already attributed to several mental and physical benefits, including relaxation of the body, boosting of the immune system, relief of stress , release of endorphins, an increase of oxygen to the brain, and improvement in mood. In addition to mental and physical benefits, laughter provides social benefits, such as those found within sexual encounters, especially in cases when things become awkward.
Erving Goffman noted the potential for embarrassment during any interactional process wherein “the individual is expected to possess certain attributes, capacities, and information which, taken together, fit together into a self that is at once coherently unified and appropriate for the occasion” (1967:105). One face-saving technique is the use of humor. Goffman views it as one of several exercises to break the ice , thereby “explicitly referring to his failing in a way that shows he is detached, able to take his condition in stride” (1963:116).
Spencer Cahill (1985) took this idea to the bathroom, literally, when he studied interactional processes in public restrooms. In the category of odor, Cahill pointed out how the use of humor diffused potentially embarrassing situations in which an individual caused a noxious odor to permeate a crowded bathroom. In making a joke of the situation, the individual not only shed himself of embarrassment or public scorn, but also reminded others that they were also capable of such human frailty and shaming was not necessary. When a comedian is self-effacing on stage, the reaction of laughter they receive is not aimed as much at the comedian, but the recognition of the commonality shared for all who have felt or acted in the given situation.
While there are several techniques to curb embarrassment, and Goffman suggests several, one must be cognizant of potential consequences. Ignoring an occurrence, such as when your partner does something awkward during sex, can act to conceal the issue. No conversation begins and your partner may be in a holding pattern wondering whether or not you noticed and, if you did, what your silence meant, thereby not resolving the issue and setting your partner up to internalize it. Even mere passing recognition of the event can seal the embarrassment. In mentioning it and moving on, your partner may perceive your reaction as a judgment.
Humor, by contrast, acts to alleviate the tension, dispel embarrassment, and add to the playfulness of the sexual encounter. Humor, however, does not include teasing or laughing at your partner in a bullying manner. Humor of this sort will certainly embed embarrassment and shame. Being able to laugh together enhances intimacy and opens up an opportunity to talk about your insecurities within an already established welcoming environment, all of which acts to intensify pleasure.
Sex should be fun and playful, but such intimacy does risk exposure to embarrassment and awkward moments. What humor succeeds in doing is to maintain the playful environment while opening up the conversation. Yes, women queef, here’s what it means. Yes, sometimes men orgasm too quickly, let’s talk about it without shame. Nothing is more important for a healthy sex life than communication. If you have to share in a laugh to get there—laugh. And it’s perfectly acceptable to laugh together about it all.
Cahill, Spencer E. 1985. “Meanwhile Backstage: Public Bathrooms and the Interaction Order” in Urban Life, 14(1): 33-58.
Goffman, Erving. 1963. Stigma. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster.
Goffman, Erving. 1967. Interaction Ritual. New York, NY: Pantheon Books.
David W. Wahl, Ph.D. , is a social psychologist and sex researcher. His work focuses on issues related to sexual desire and behavior, shaming and stigmatization, sex and gender, sexual violence, sex work, and human trafficking.

Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.

Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC

We all harbor secrets. Some are big and bad; some are small and trivial. Researchers have parsed which truths to tell and which not to.

Light

Dark

Auto

Slow Burn: Roe v. Wade
Highland Park
Brittney Griner
Inflation
Jan. 6
Guns
Monkeypox
Thor: Love and Thunder

Light

Dark

Auto

We encountered an issue signing you up. Please try again.

Send me updates about Slate special offers.

Content Locked

for Slate Plus members

About

About Us
Work With Us
Contact
Pitch Guidelines
Send Us Tips
Corrections
Commenting
Reprints

Subscriptions

Boobs Lick
Softcore69
Mcstories Asian

Laughing During Sex

Report Page