Latina Bondage
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Latina Bondage
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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Chanté Adams in "A League of Their Own", Denzel, and more
W. Kamau Bell on stand up comedy, future projects, and more
Chanté Adams in "A League of Their Own", Denzel, and more
W. Kamau Bell on stand up comedy, future projects, and more
I’ve always wanted to tie girls up, but I can never convince a woman to let me. Lately, I’ve been exploring “bondage singles” sites online, but I’m totally new to this. How do I know which ones I can trust? There are hundreds of profiles, but it’s hard for me to believe I can really just answer an ad, meet a girl in a hotel room, and tie her up. It can’t be that simple, can it? The Internet’s Enticing Dates
It can’t be and it isn’t, TIED, because no woman in her right mind is going to let some man she’s never met before tie her up in a hotel room. That’s not to say it couldn’t happen or hasn’t ever happened, but women stupid enough to take that risk are rare—and it should go without saying that any singles website promising to provide lonely guys with an endless stream of stupid women is a scam. But you don’t have to take my word for it. Justin Gorbey is a bondage practitioner and educator, as well as a professional artist and tattooer. Gorbey ties up a lot of women, as you can see on his Instagram account (@daskinbaku), and he doesn’t think you’re going to find someone on a “bondage singles” site, either.
“I would recommend this person step away from the dating sites and step into some educational group meet-ups or ‘munches,’” said Gorbey. “TIED or any new person should focus on groups that match their own desires/interests, and connections will develop organically with time and effort—with a lot of fucking time and effort!”
Kink social and education groups organize online but meet up offline—face-to-face, IRL, in meatspace—at munches (educational talks, no actual play) and play parties (actual play, hence the name). To find the kink organization(s) in your area, TIED, Gorbey suggests that you create a profile on FetLife, the biggest social network for kinky people, and start connecting with other like-minded kinksters at munches.
“Going to munches will not only give TIED a chance to meet people,” said Gorbey, “they’ll give him a ‘guide’ for how to act—most groups generally go over house safe words/etiquette/rules and consent/risk awareness at the beginning of a munch—and they’ll also give what I call a ‘visual vocabulary’ of what a real-life scene looks like. Porn and fetish fantasy often distort our perceptions of what is plausible or even possible for real people in a real-life scenario. Just watching others play helped me identify the things I found attractive as both a top and a bottom.”
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There are lots of men and women out there who are interested in bondage, TIED, and the organized kink scene is the best place to find safe and sane play partners. You’ll be able to interact with kinky women at munches and parties, women who will be a lot likelier to let you tie them up after you’ve demonstrated you’re safe and sane yourself.
“There are hours of intimacy before and after the moment captured for an Instagram photo,” said Gorbey. “These relationships require trust, vulnerability, and communication. These acts require a lot of hard work and commitment, and they expose a person to risk. That’s why the only responsible answer to TIED’s question is to seek education first and play partners second.”
Justin Gorbey teaches workshops and intensives on a number of subjects centering on bondage and power exchange dynamics. To see his work and learn about his workshops, follow him on Instagram @daskinbaku.
I’m a monogamous woman in a committed relationship with a nonmonogamous man. I try to be cool about his other relationships, but I’m trying to figure out how to bring some fire back into ours. I miss oral sex, but that’s not on the table because he “doesn’t like” how I taste. I’ve suggested bondage and anal, but he says he’s “too tired.” He can make plans with others to have exciting new experiences, but he doesn’t have any energy for me. I’m at a loss. Counseling is not an option for us because he doesn’t believe in that stuff. Any suggestions Seeking Adventurous Monogamishamy
Yes, stop doing his laundry or paying his rent or preparing his meals—stop doing whatever it is you’re doing that your shit boyfriend values and is reluctant to give up, SAM, because it’s clear he doesn’t value you . DTMFA.
I’m a 44-year-old straight woman. I’ve been married for 14 years to a husband I love very much. We have two small children. Early in our courtship, I discovered his interest in bottoming during fem-Dom pegging sessions. I GGG’d his desires, and we explored them. He bought a variety of dildos, strap-on harnesses, and kink ephemera, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the few times we’ve done this. But I’ve grown less interested over the years. We both work, there are kids to look after—and when we have sex, I just want to get it over with and move on with our day, not deal with the pageantry of dress up, stiletto heels, collars and cuffs, lubricating buttholes, graduating to bigger dildos in a session, etc. The vanilla-leaning sex we have is great, and we are both into it, but I know being bound and pegged is his fantasy and he is less fulfilled by not having it on the menu. How do I get more motivated to indulge him? Do I have to give him a pass to seek out a pro-Dom to indulge this? (Not sure how I feel about that.) Ultimately, I don’t hate indulging his fantasy, and it really does it for him. Not sure what to do. Frequently Evading My Dude’s Obsessions Mostly
You discovered your husband’s kinks during your courtship—an unspecified period of time prior to the wedding, the kids, etc. And while you say you’ve GGG’d his kinks over the 14+ years you’ve been together, FEMDOM, it’s hard to square that claim with this: “I’ve thoroughly enjoyed [pegging him] the few times we’ve done this .” Indulging someone a few times over 14+ years hardly counts as GGG’ing their desires.
Being “good, giving, and game” for anything—within reason—doesn’t obligate us to do whatever our partners want. But if something is truly central to your partner’s erotic self, then being GGG—being a loving partner—means making an accommodation, FEMDOM, finding a work-around that allows your partner to express this aspect of their sexuality without requiring you to do something you find tedious, a turnoff, or traumatizing. That accommodation can be something as simple as cheerfully allowing your partner to indulge their kinks with porn or during solo play (emphasis on the word cheerfully ) to something as challenging as allowing your partner to explore their kinks with others, e.g., play partners or professionals.
If your husband isn’t feeling neglected—if he enjoys hurry-up-and-get-it-over-with sex as much as you do and wants to be tied up and pegged only once every five years—then you don’t have a problem. But if he’s feeling resentful, you do have a problem. Resentment has a way of metastasizing into bitterness, and bitterness has a way of curdling into the kind of anger that can doom a relationship.
So check in with your husband, FEMDOM, and be clear about your feelings: You don’t hate indulging his fantasy, but you’re both busy, you have small children, and his fantasies require a lot of prep and setup. Tell him you want him to be happy—and, hey, if he is happy, then great. But if he’s not, then it’s time to talk accommodation. You don’t want him to go without, you don’t want him to see a pro, and you don’t want him to feel bad about the sex you do have and both enjoy. So how about this: You get grandparents or good friends to look after your kids once a year while you spend a restful weekend in a nice hotel pegging the husband’s ass between spa treatments.
On the Lovecast , drinking in moderation—is this even possible? mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter ITMFA.org
Written by Jakob N. Layman Monday March 14 2016
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If you've suddenly found yourself in the market for a dominatrix, these pro-dommes are the best LA has to offer
A professional dominatrix is skilled at applying the right kind of pain that can make her masochistic, submissive client cry out in pleasure. There’s a common misconception that BDSM is always about pain, but it’s really about the sensations. You might be surprised to learn that a profession technically classified as “sex work” does not involve any actual sex. Sure, you can go online and find someone who will gladly take your money, slap you around a bit and then have sex with you—but that’s not a service provided by a dominatrix. A truly professional and experienced dominatrix is more like a guide through the less accessible sexual pleasure that some men—and women—find in the acts of submission or masochism, both in and out of a dungeon . This is why most sessions with a pro-domme (professional dominatrix) are carefully thought out and planned beforehand by the mistress to make sure they are uniquely tailored to, and enjoyed by, each particular sub.
Your own level of experience is important when choosing the right pro-domme, which is why we’ve put together a list of LA’s best dominatrixes featuring mistresses with a full spectrum of experience and expertise. If you’re a total BDSM newbie, you’ll want to make sure your dominatrix is willing to take you on as a client; many pro-dommes are picky about who they will let serve them. You also may want to brush up on your BDSM lingo . Just like you would research a new doctor before letting her test your tonsils, you should check your dominatrix’s website for a list of services to make sure she’s the right one to tease your testes.
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What is your specialty as a dominatrix? I love inflicting pain, both physical and mental, and am a sadist through and through. My favorite sorts of play are corporal punishment, medical play, CBT and ballbusting, nipple torture and heavy degradation scenes. I enjoy this sort of play because it draws these insane reactions out of the subs that make the session so memorable.
Who are your most unusual clients? The strangest ones are the ones who ask for the most unexpected things. What's weird to me is not necessarily weird to the vanilla bystander, but my strangest session by far ended up with me writing two comparative essays for the sub.
What is your personal fetish? Medical play. I love it when things are cold, shiny, sharp and sterile.
Do you find sexual pleasure in the role of dominatrix? I get a mental turn-on from it. The mental high of dominating someone and making them submit to me is unlike anything else, and I get so much gratification out of feeling them melt like putty in my hands when I push them past what they thought they were capable of.
Any etiquette tips for new clients? Among others: Arrive clean. CLEAN. Immaculately clean. Clean like you are going to the doctor’s office and the doctor is going to make you bend in every revealing possible angle. Book a session with An Li on her website: www.dominatrixanli.com
Who are your typical clients? They range from the “newbie” who has an interest that's been sparked in him and is curious and seeking a safe person and place to explore all the way to those who've been playing in the arts of BDSM for 20 or 30 years and only want to play with someone who has the experience and knowhow to take them to that special place only an experienced dominatrix can.
Do you have a favorite device/toy/machine/etc.? My favorite implements are my floggers and my singletail whips. I have the ability to play very light and sensual or heavy and sadistic if the person I am playing with wishes. Most people do not understand impact play, they think it’s about the pain, but that’s not always the case. Lambskin floggers are soft and sensual, and a person getting flogged experiences a sensation similar to a massage.
What is the most memorable or outrageous request you've received from a client? Someone came to me and wanted to do an interrogation scene in which they would be tortured to get the information out of them. His fantasy was to refuse and be blindfolded and shot! He was surprised when I agreed. We did the interrogation scene and I finally told him he would be executed if he did not tell me what I wanted to know. He wouldn’t, so I put him up on a St. Andrews Cross and shot him with a paintball gun. The red ink splattered on his chest and he loved it. He later shared that he had asked many others, and all refused. Sometimes you have to be inventive and have an open mind to fulfill someone’s fantasy. Book a session with Mistress Cyan on her website: www.mistresscyan.com
Do you have a favorite device/toy/machine/etc.? I’m a bit of an equipment-junkie; my closets are overflowing with devices and implements of all kinds, but if I had to pick one, it would be my ErosTek 232 [a devious electrostimulation device]; it is by far the most versatile piece of equipment I own.
Do you find sexual pleasure in the role of dominatrix? Yes, but not in the typical sense. It's more of a brain-orgasm.
What is your personal fetish? I’ve always identified as a dominant woman, long before I was sexually aware, it was just who I was. I believe this was partially due to being raised in a very matriarchal family. When I played house with my classmates I would always make the boy play as the dog instead of the father.
What is a turn-off for you? Hubris, bad fashion, onions.
Any etiquette tips for new clients? Always approach a mistress respectfully yet honestly and you’ll be fine. Trust she knows what’s best. Book a session with Cybill Troy on her website: www.cybilltroy.com
How did you get into the industry? I first became interested in BDSM during my master's program in psychology when I chose to write a paper on sadomasochism. I wrote more papers on SM during my master's and PhD programs, then ultimately wrote my doctoral dissertation on erotically submissive men. During this time, I took workshops and classes on different BDSM topics, preparing myself to work as a professional dominatrix.
What is your specialty as a dominatrix? I love all of the fetishes and activities, so I wouldn’t say that I enjoy whipping more than CBT (cock and ball torture) or anything like that. I love it all. But I would say that what I do best is playing into the psychological aspect of BDSM. BDSM is 80-90% psychology. Anyone who is into sexual power dynamics, fetishes or fantasies is into the mental aspect more than anything else. They need someone to really get what their particular angle is. I take time to really get to know and understand their particular fantasies and fetishes, and I manifest that for them.
What is a turn-off for you? I would have to say that I don’t have much patience for newbies who do not understand the protocol of how to communicate respectfully and professionally with a dominatrix. Book a session with Mistress Damiana Chi on her website: www.damianachi.com
Age: Early 40s, pro-domme for: 20 years
What is your specialty as a dominatrix? I’m very well known for my love of corporal discipline. The cane is my absolute favorite implement and I won’t even pick it up if my slave cannot take my minimum requirement of 50 strokes. My slaves know that when we play, they are getting the real deal. I understand the true essence of power exchange.
Do you find sexual pleasure in the role of dominatrix? Play in the [BDSM] scene provides a mental arousal rather the traditional sense of sexual pleasure. For instance, recently I had a session where I broke my slave. My slave was pushed to his mental and physical edge—he went as far as he could go with me. Cathartically, my slave let himself go, expressed his true vulnerability and wept. I am a sadist above all in the scene; I get a high from breaking someone mentally and physically. The combination of the two is the ultimate turn on for me. These experiences are rare achievements in the years that I have played. I cherish those sessions, and they are amongst the most stimulating for me.
Do you have any advice for newbies to BDSM? Over the years, my slaves would complain that they couldn’t figure out how to introduce their girlfriends or wives to female dominance. I co-wrote a book titled How to be a Dominant Diva which focuses on giving couples the inspiration and tools to explore eroticism, role-play and power exchange in a way that is exciting but never intimidating! Book a session with Mistress Georgia Payne on her website: www.mistressgeorgiapayne.com
What is your specialty as a dominatrix? My specialty is in tease and desperation play. There are many ways to put someone in “sub space”—a state of mind in which your inhibitions and ego go completely out the window and you are overcome by an utterly submissive feeling. One way to reach this state is via sexual desperation. By building up arousal over time without sexual gratification, eventually you reach a point where your sexual desires become too overwhelming to handle—it is a place where you are willing to do anything for gratification, and at that moment, my power over you is absolute.
What is your favorite safe word? While the type of play I typically engage in doesn't involve physical danger, if I were to accidentally transgress, I do absolutely honor limits. I take some time at the start to go over a client’s limits, then monitor them closely throughout the scene.
Are you friends with any of your clients? Absolutely. Ideally, I would be friends with all my clients. I am there to open them up to the most sensitive and vulnerable part of themselves—there's a lot of trust and emotional closeness that is built. Some people want more than I can give—whether it's time
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