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Home Stickman's Weekly Column 2011 April Phuket For Naughty Boys
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Your Bangkok commentator since 1998
Stickman's Weekly Column
›
April 24th, 2011
It's 5 long years since I stepped foot in Phuket, the island I used to love and where I originally planned to settle in Thailand. After settling in Bangkok, I initially visited Phuket each year, but over time found myself becoming less and less impressed.
It is 5 years since my last visit, a drought I broke this week.
Phuket is one of the jewels in Thailand's tourism industry, the most developed island with some of the best beaches and the most sophisticated resort developments. Think of Phuket and pristine beaches lined with deckchairs and sun umbrellas come
to mind.
But Phuket is not just sun and sand. Visitors flock to soak up the sun's rays, eat great seafood and be pampered in world class spas. But there's another aspect to Phuket which draws visitors. Nightlife.
Phuket may not have the same reputation as Bangkok or Pattaya, but the island's foreigner-oriented naughty nightlife industry is large.
The centre of Phuket's nightlife is Bangla Road. Running perpendicular to Patong Beach, there's beer bars, gogo bars, discos and freelancer venues lining Bangla Road and firmly putting Phuket on the naughty boy's map.
While Patong's nightlife is similar to what you find in Bangkok and Pattaya, it has its own distinctive flavour. Perhaps the biggest difference is that, for the most part, the customers in the naughty bars in Patong are young, often
fit and handsome guys. The depressing scenes of Bangkok and especially Pattaya, of tired guys who have let themselves go isn't the norm in Patong at all. Phuket probably has the youngest and most handsome sex tourists in all of Thailand.
There are clusters of beer bars all over Patong, Phuket's most popular beach, as well as the other beaches of Phuket, but the largest concentration and the most attractive bars and girls are found on Bangla Road.
Bangla Road features sois of beer bars including Soi Eric, Soi Easy, Soi Seadragon and Club Croc, once known as Soi Crocodile, the soi famous for the ladyboys who have been dancing and milling around the mouth of the soi for as long as I have been visiting
Phuket.
Phuket has the best beer bars in all of Thailand. They're better decorated, better maintained and have much prettier girls than what you find elsewhere. But then things should be better because you pay a premium. The price of drinks in some bars
exceeds what you pay in the most expensive gogos in Bangkok. A Pattaya retiree who had failed to check the price list before ordering a drink in a Bangla beer bar might have a heart attack.
The beer bar girls of Bangla are a step up from what you find in the beer bars in Pattaya. They're invariably younger, prettier and often dressed more sexy. The bars are dominated by the maidens of Isaan, but there are southern girls amongst them,
something you don't tend to find in Bangkok or Pattaya. But behind the sexy dress, it's much the same – the same mannerisms, same lack of manners and same games played.
A number of the beer bar complexes, such as that below Tiger Disco, feature coyote dancers. In Bangkok, coyote dancers are often very attractive ladies who really can dance. But what sets them apart from gogo girls is that they often aren't available
– which frustrates many customers because they tend to be more attractive!
Things get going later on Bangla Road than they do up north. While many bars are open throughout the day, by early evening pretty much everywhere has its doors open, but beer bar birds don't show up until well into the evening and the discos, the
domain of freelancers – of which there are many – don't get going until midnight or later.
Wandering down Bangla at 7:15 one morning, Soi Easy was emptying itself of the last patrons of the night. Hordes of Thai birds and Western guys, many in a sorry state, were staggering up Bangla with bottles in their hand, glazed eyes and unable to walk
in a straight line.
While Bangla jumps with sexual energy after dark, the sleaze factor of Bangkok and Pattaya is largely absent. Whether it's because the naughty boys are a younger, fitter bunch, I'm not sure.
Patong might have the youngest and arguably most wholesome of all of Thailand's naughty boys , but the profile of the average visitor to Phuket is changing. Hoteliers and bar owners tell me that as a total percentage of all visitors,
single males make up a smaller proportion of visitors than they used to.
Different bar areas around Thailand have their nuances that distinguish them from other areas. Bangla is no exception. A curiosity I have never understood is the cross section of a large log found outside some bars. For a small fee you can buy a nail,
are given a hammer with a small head and you have to pound the nail into the log. To me it seems totally pointless, so I guess I must be missing something. You often see the girls hammering nails into the log when no customers are around,
often in an aggressive manner, like they're venting about their last customer!
Sitting in Soi Eric, the nicest beer bar soi, at one of the bars towards the back, early one evening, it had stopped raining but the ground was still wet. It was late and the punters should have been out, but the rain had scared them away and they were
conspicuous by their absence. It was going to be a long, quiet night for the beer bar girls who were sitting around and looking bored.
I was caught by the unusual sight of two Westerners walking along the wet soi….in bare feet. Oh no, I thought, it's a couple of uncouth Kiwis doing in Phuket as they would at home! Going barefoot out and about seems to be very much a Kiwi thing
and visitors to the shaky isles should not be surprised at locals who may go barefoot to the cinema, to the shopping mall, to the takeaway…to just about anywhere. Fortunately not all Kiwis are quite that unsophisticated.
Anyway, enough on kiwi kulcha and back to the story. The first of the two guys made his way along the soi with a bit of a swagger. He wasn't drunk, more looked like he felt he was a bit of a man about town. I would have
put his age at mid 30s to early 40s. The second guy was clearly much younger, appeared nervous, was skinny and when they got closer I could see that he probably wasn't even old enough to hold a driving licence.
The older guy approached a girl in the bar we were relaxing in. He obviously knew her and they started conversing in Thai. He had an air of confidence about him and being the nosey type, I tuned in and quickly realised he was trying to arrange for one
particularly pretty girl in the bar to take this young friend's virginity!
Looking at the two guys, I couldn't work out their relationship. I don't think they were father / son as they didn't have any physical resemblance, and neither do I think they were brothers. They age difference seemed too great for them
to be mates on holiday so I could not work out what their relationship was. Turning from the girl and reverting into English, the older guy starts talking to the younger guy and the accent gives them away. They're Aussies! My Kiwi pal
and I breathed a sigh of relief!
By this stage all the girls were aware what was going on, that the young guy wanted to lose his virginity that night! The girls from the bar surrounded the two guys and the bar's token katoey gave the young buck a big kiss on
the lips, tongue and all! He clearly doesn't realise that she was a he. The older guy who was doing the negotiating got one of the girls, a pretty, but hard-looking number, lined up for the young guy. All the girls were getting excited.
Perhaps it was the prospect of going with such a young guy – he said to one of the girls that he was 16 – or whether they liked the idea of being his first. The negotiations were made and the two guys disappear for a few drinks, with arrangements
to come back for the lass a bit later.
Another of the features of Bangla Road is the elaborately dressed ladyboys who parade out front of what was once called Soi Crocodile, but now known as Club Croc. The soi of 20 odd beer bars features a small dance floor at the Bangla Road end where ladyboys
dance around. All of the nearby bars are packed as tourists flock to watch the spectacle of Thai ladyboys bouncing around.
Ladyboys elaborately dressed in cabaret style gear pose with customers and have their photo taken for a fee. From what I could see they were making a small fortune, 100 baht a pop. Good on them and no doubt they are thrilled at the proliferation of digital
cameras.
It should be noted that they aren't fond of those who try to snap a shot without handing over some cash so if you must get the shot and the idea of paying to take someone's photo doesn't do it for you, or you simply don't want to stand
next to a 190cm ladyboy as she tries to grab your nuts, attaching a telephoto lens and getting the shot from 30 or 40 metres away is the way to go.
Phuket isn't known for its gogos and the gogos of Patong are a disappointment.
Locals tell me that the 4 bars that make up the Suzy Wong group – no relationship to Suzy Wong's in Soi Cowboy – are good and favourites amongst many locals, but I wasn't impressed at all. The venues and the girls had much in common – they were
small, dark, expensive and boring! Think Cactus or Moonshine or After School in Cowboy and that's pretty much the standard of gogo bars in Patong.
Phuket's gogo bars had few girls on stage, crap music and prices at Bangkok levels or higher. Even the gogo guru himself, Dave The Rave, would be pulling his hair out in frustration trying to make some of these venues work. And that's saying
something because the Rave has a shiny dome!
I was surprised at the number of touts – there are dozens of them –
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