Lady Double Penetration

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Lady Double Penetration
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I admitted that I didn't want the intimate, tender lovemaking that typified my bedroom. Instead, I found books and movies where women are sexually ravished and even aggressively taken exciting. And I judged myself for it.
Author of "She Dated the Asshats, But Married the Good Guy: How to Go From Toxic Love to Real Love in 12 Exercises."
May 18, 2015, 06:28 PM EDT | Updated May 18, 2016
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Author of "She Dated the Asshats, But Married the Good Guy: How to Go From Toxic Love to Real Love in 12 Exercises."
A month or so back, I found myself in a gay club dancing with lovely men who made me feel fun, sexy and beautiful, but had absolutely no interest in tempting me away from my domestic haven.
However, I came home from that experience feeling restless and mid-life crisis-y.
I realized my 17-year relationship (now-marriage) had some predictable sexual patterns, which happens in any long-term relationship. But suddenly, I felt a strong compulsion to break free of those patterns. (Could it be turning 50?)
Though I wanted to shake things up, I knew swinging, polyamory or, in turn-of-the-century Lady Mary/"Downton Abbey" vernacular, "taking a lover" would be the death knell of my treasured marriage, therefore not the kind of "shaking things up" I wanted to do.
What makes my husband so incredibly badass is that when I said, "I think I'm having a midlife crisis. I'm sexually bored." He instantly replied, "Let's do something about it!"
Realizing it was my issue, not his, I went to see my former font-of-wisdom (a.k.a. therapist) and admitted that I didn't want the intimate, tender lovemaking that typified my bedroom. Instead, I found books and movies where women are sexually ravished and even aggressively taken exciting. And that I judged myself for it.
I've been a sex columnist, which suggests Sexual Libertine , but in many ways I'm repressed. I was raised Mormon, so my psychological, sexual landscape has definitely been impacted by the sexual repression in that culture leaving me to to frequent battle with the Morality Police, priggish Jacques and Ferrar, that live inside my head.
My therapist, who is often a place of temperate permission, explained that she believes, and I quote:
She cited a recent documentary on the endangered big cat, the Canadian Lynx, where she described how aggressive the male is with the female during the mating ritual.
The male will bite the female's neck, scratching her and holding her down forcefully. My doc surmised that humans most likely have a genetic or biological sexual impulse that is very similar to that of animals.
After my session, whilst googling the keyphrase: What do Women Want in Bed? I stumbled on a recent Ask Men article titled, 5 Things Women Secretly Want In Bed . Two of them made my Morality Police, irascible Jacques and Ferrar, take note.
#1 Get Aggressive In Bed: Just about every woman I encountered had the words 'more aggressive sex' rolling off her tongue. From being tied up and spanked to having their hair pulled and being mildly asphyxiated, the women were quite enthusiastic about aggressive sex. Of course, I'm not implying that you should go home and smack your (lady) up, but instead, maybe a little roughing in the bedroom can work wonders for your sex life.
#3 Treat Her Like A Prostitute: (Shannon here: this language might offend the feminists in many of us. But I agree with the spirit of the note.)
Ah, fantasies, the beauty of them lies in the fact that many are not realized. But as one woman put it: 'I am tired of being that precious lady in the bedroom. I'm tired of making love and doing things gently all the time.' (Shannon quietly raises hand)
'I want him to have raunchy sex with me and talk to me as though he just met me and cares nothing about what I want. I want him to ravish me like an animal and tell me to be quiet whenever I try to say something.'
I guess, in the end, there are plenty of women who want to be, for lack of a better word, slutty in the bedroom. They simply fear that if they behave in such a manner, then their men will think less of them, and some are even afraid that their men will mistakenly begin treating them differently outside the bedroom as well. All the same, many women are big fans of scenarios such as the one described.
In the last quote I particularly appreciate that the author has made a distinction between what women like in bed versus what they prefer in real life.
All of this is food for thought and a catalyst to ex-communicate the puritanical, prudish, Victorian Jacques and Ferrar with regards to my midlife ennui.
I recognize that my sexual relationship with my husband hasn't stopped growing. It's been stunted a bit by the last 13 years of raising children, but there is nothing that says we can't pick up the reins and continue to grow and even surprise each other as the years unfold.
I think the ace we have up our sleeve is genuine goodwill toward each other and a willingness to communicate, even the trickiest most vulnerable, uncomfortable stuff.
If you want to keep up with Shannon you can Opt-In to her Relationship Sensei Newsletter HERE.
Author of "She Dated the Asshats, But Married the Good Guy: How to Go From Toxic Love to Real Love in 12 Exercises."

by Korin Miller Published: Mar 27, 2015
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
Korin Miller is a freelance writer specializing in general wellness, sexual health and relationships, and lifestyle trends, with work appearing in Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Self, Glamour, and more. She has a master’s degree from American University, lives by the beach, and hopes to own a teacup pig and taco truck one day.
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At least now you know you're not the only one who checks his e-mail when he's not around.
I have a confession to make: When my husband Chris is out of town, I tend to act a little...differently.
I'll wait hours to shower after going for a run, lounge around the house in my grody workout gear, and eat ice cream straight from the tub. I also always go to bed in my comfiest and most unsexy pajamas (a onesie with a butt flap, thank you very much).
I spend so much time bringing my A-game when he's around that it feels a- freaking -mazing to do the complete opposite when I'm left to my own devices.
Of course, one time he came home early and caught me in the act. I was standing in the kitchen, eating ice cream with a fork, while working my holey, '80s-cut running underwear, a sports bra, and greasy hair. It was heaven...until he walked in.
While I was mortified, it still hasn't stopped me from doing the same thing every time he's out of town. And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has little habits that I keep from my other half. Just to be positive (because I really, really don’t want to give up my onesie), I took a survey of my married girlfriends. Here's what I discovered (the names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent):
"My husband never logs out of his e-mail when he's done and sometimes even leaves it up on our computer. So of course I'm going to look at it. I've never found anything even remotely off, but that doesn't stop me from looking around his inbox and sent folder every once in a while." — Sarah
"Sometimes, I'll check out my husband on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter and spend time looking at what he posted. It's kind of weird, but I guess I'm just curious to see what he's talking about and who he's talking with when he's not with me." — Katie
"I've never farted in front of my husband—at least that I'll admit—but sometimes I have a gas problem, especially when I order this one dish I love from a Mexican takeout place near my house that's loaded with onions. I only order it when my husband isn't going to be around for 24 hours so I can fart in peace." — Laney
"Every once in a while, I'll look at my husband's texts. I'm paranoid he has one of those apps that tell you when someone's been on your phone—but apparently not paranoid enough." — Amy
"My husband is big on recapping his workday in detail when he gets home. It's so boring, so I usually tune him out. I discovered that I can say the right things at the right time by reading his facial expressions. If he looks upset, I'll just say something like, 'I'm sorry,' when he stops talking. He thinks I was listening the whole time." — Erin
Here are a few other things many married women do but would never own up to:
Throw out your husband’s ratty Homer Simpson boxers when he’s not around and then pretend to help look for them when he starts panicking about not being able to find them.
Watch the next episode of The Walking Dead without your man, but pretend to be shocked at the twists and turns when you watch again with him.
“Forget” to unload the dishwasher, take out the trash, or make the bed, so he has to do it.
Polish off the leftovers from the night before and then play dumb about their whereabouts.
Talk for ages about how “stressed” and “overwhelmed” you are, so he volunteers to take on your regular chores.
Speed through sex because you really, really want to be done in time for the new episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians .
So, okay, keeping some habits on the DL in your marriage is apparently normal, although I bet women aren't the only ones who do this. Just to be sure, I asked a married guy friend.
His response: "Sometimes I unplug the Wi-Fi router if I lose an argument."
Korin Miller is a writer, SEO nerd, wife, and mom to a little two-year-old dude named Miles. Korin has worked for The Washington PostNew York Daily NewsCosmopolitan
, , and , where she learned more than anyone ever should about sex. She has an unhealthy addiction to gifs.
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This image charts women's penis-size preference on a technical scale from "ideal" to "not satisfying."
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Women Were Asked To Draw Their Perfect Penis. Here's What Happened.
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General Assignment Reporter, HuffPost
Elite Daily asked several women to draw their ideal penis . Using a ruler, they obliged.
Some were reluctant. Some eagerly took to the task.
"This is actually my favorite thing to do, is to draw penises," one participant said.
If this somewhat NSFW video proves anything, it's that penis preference is about as diverse as artistic talent.
General Assignment Reporter, HuffPost

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