Knock Me Up Son
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Knock Me Up Son
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December 11, 2014 at 12:00pm PM EST
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It was a bitterly painful divorce , but we were settling into a new normal and decided to toast with a few glasses of wine.
I felt so worldly and mature. The contentious arguments were behind us, and there we were — two adults who were once deeply in love, talking in the same room about our tenuous future as co-parents to the 3-year-old we both adore.
He made me laugh again. A year ago, I thought laughter was impossible. But with that laugh, one impossibility gave way to a quick series of additional impossibilities. Two weeks later, a pregnancy test confirmed what I already knew from my nausea: My ex-husband knocked me up.
I was officially out of my damn mind.
Within the hour, I called my sister and told her the news. She responded with laughter and a loud, but kind, “What the hell?” What the hell, indeed. I’d fought so hard to return to a sense of normalcy, and one night with my ex-husband and a glass of wine blew up my world again. The night turned into days of tears and questions posed to the ceiling and the toilet bowl.
During one particularly intense hour with my nausea, my mind floated back to four years ago when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I was in Haiti following the earthquake that rocked Port-au-Prince when I took the test that told me life would never be the same. Circumstances were different then — I was married, trying for a baby, owned a house and had a job with consistent pay and benefits — but my world was nonetheless rocked.
Maybe that’s just what pregnancies do. They challenge us, ask us what we want out of life and demand an answer when we cannot have one. They do that when the pregnancy is planned and when it is not. There is no getting away from the earth-shattering news of a tiny embryo laying his or her claim to our lives.
Then, just as quickly as my world turned upside down, it righted itself in the wrong way. My ex-husband, my sister and I sat, stunned and crying, in the sonographer’s room when we saw that my embryo’s heartbeat had left us. She was gone in a moment, just as she had made her home in my heart. The clarity of that moment hit me like a Mack truck. Please. Please come back. I don’t care if you complicate my life, and I don’t care if you confuse the relationship I have with your dad. Please, just don’t go .
My child disobeyed me, and she left. My ex-husband and I looked at each other and asked why this miracle had alighted upon us and then disappeared in an instant.
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May 15, 2017 / 11:59 AM
/ CBS News
When Brad Howard received an email from his 17-year-old son's physics teacher about the high school junior's disruptive behavior in class, he decided to sit him down and have a talk.
"If I get another call from her, I'm going to come up there to your school and sit with you in class," Howard warned his son, Bradley.
The teenager behaved for a couple months without complaint. But two weeks ago, Howard's wife, Denise, told her husband there was another incident.
"You need to go up there and make good on your promise," said Denise, waking Brad up early on a Friday morning. "You have to go to school today."
Friday was his only day off, but Howard called Rockwall-Heath High School in Heath, Texas, as well as Bradley's teacher, to ask for permission to sit-in on the class. They agreed.
Howard got to the class early and took a seat at Bradley's desk. He watched as his son walked into the classroom, laughing and greeting his friends.
Then the teen heard a familiar voice from behind, "Hello, Bradley."
He turned around, and sure enough, his dad was sitting in his chair with his arms folded.
"He was pretty shocked. I think the whole class was a little intimidated at first," Howard told CBS News. "But he put two and two together."
About 40 minutes into the class, Howard snapped a picture to send to his wife, proving he followed through on his promise. She then forwarded the photo in a family group text to show their other children the consequences of bad behavior in school.
"My son is very kind hearted, but he's very talkative," Howard explained. "He loves to be the life of the party — loves to get a laugh. He's 'Mr. Personality.'"
Brad's sister, Molli, poked fun at her younger brother on Twitter, posting her dad's very serious selfie from inside the high school classroom.
"My dad told my brother if he got another call from the physics teacher complaining he would go sit in his class..dad got another call," she wrote in a tweet that has gone viral with nearly 2,000 retweets.
My dad told my brother if he got another call from the physics teacher complaining he would go sit in his class..dad got another call 😂 pic.twitter.com/zteNyXqhpy
While thousands online may have gotten a kick out of the dad's unusual parenting style, Howard said his son took the punishment very seriously.
"Sitting there, he realized that his actions caused a great inconvenience to me," Howard said. "I probably wouldn't do that again, but it's helped Bradley. He's been doing good in that classroom ever since."
First published on May 15, 2017 / 11:59 AM
© 2017 CBS Interactive Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright ©2022 CBS Interactive Inc. All rights reserved.
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I walked into my son’s school a few weeks ago to pick him up. He was sitting with all his friends waiting for me by the door and immediately got up when he saw me coming. Clearly, he didn’t want me coming anywhere near his friends. I got the feeling he didn’t want anyone to know he was with me. I was right.
As he got closer, he whispered, “Mom, why do you have to dress like that? Everyone stares at you.”
“No they don’t. They are probably staring at you because you are so handsome,” I told him.
“I blend in. They aren’t staring at me. They are looking at you. Why do you have to wear dresses and high heels?” For the record, I was wearing the outfit below. The nerve, right?
I decided I wanted to try something with my teenage son that day. I asked him if he wanted to dress me for a little while. I told him he could pick out my outfits and I would wear whatever he wanted me to wear as long as he had an open mind and would listen to a few things I had to say about people and the way they choose to dress, so that’s what we did.
I wanted to talk to him more about the subject and why he was feeling the way he was. And by having him choose my clothes for a while I would better understand why he wanted me to wear certain things, and maybe he would understand why I like to dress the way I do and that, really, it shouldn’t affect him as much as it does.
This was his choice for the first day. He picked out a very casual, sporty outfit, and I loved it.
While I dress like this about half the time and like this look, it doesn’t always suit me. Sometimes I feel like dressing up more, so I do. When I asked my son why he picked this out, he said because I “blended in and didn’t look out of place.” In his mind, when I dress up, I look like I don’t belong. If he only knew how many women I saw throughout the day wearing suits and heels maybe he would have a different opinion.
Regardless, I told him nobody should be judged based on how they dress — not even your very embarrassing mother . Most people wear what they are comfortable in, what makes them feel good. It doesn’t matter where it came from because this isn’t how we judge others. We focus on how they make us feel, if they are kind, how they treat people. I told him judging people for what they wear is very transparent, and he will be missing out on a lot in life if he is going to focus on making friends because of what they wear, what they have, or what they look like.
If he is comfortable dressing in a way that makes him feel like he blends in, I think that is great. However, I want him to have the inner confidence to step out of the box if he wants. If he feels like wearing something, even though none of his peers are, I want him to feel like he can.
I also let him know what someone puts on their body isn’t an invitation, for him or anyone else, ever. And he should always take heed on how he looks at people, especially women. There is a way to look at a woman without staring or gawking. No matter how you see her, she deserves respect. I don’t care what she’s wearing.
I also want my son to realize just because I am a mother it doesn’t mean I have to dress a certain way. I loved the outfits he picked for me, and dress like that on my own accord often. But I also love wearing dresses, heels, skinny jeans, and trying out new trends because that is who I am, and who I was long before I became his mother. It’s not my intention to embarrass him. It is my intention to be myself, and him making comments or telling me he doesn’t want to go anywhere with me because of the way I dress is hurtful (as normal as it is).
A few days ago, I discussed these “lessons” I was trying to teach him with a friend and she told me he would “take all these lessons and bake them into a gentleman pie.” I really hope she is right.
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Emily Yoffe, aka Dear Prudence, is on Washingtonpost.com weekly to chat live with readers. An edited transcript of this week’s chat is below. ( Sign up here to get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week. Read Prudie’s Slate columns here . Send questions to Prudence at prudence@slate.com .)
Emily Yoffe: Good afternoon. Let’s get to it.
Q. Pregnant High School Friend: My best friend, “Kris,” and I are sophomores in high school. We’ve been best friends since grade school, and so I’m really in shock about what’s happening to my friend and how she’s dealing with it. Kris and I are in the same history class. There’s this really awkward boy in our class named “Herman.” Sometimes when the teacher goes out of the room, Herman covers his lap with his coat, puts his hands under the coat, and wiggles around a bit. No one ever says anything, but they make fun of him a lot out of class. Last week, Kris confessed to me that she’s pregnant. She says that when we were doing group work in class, she sat in Herman’s chair, and the chair was wet, but I don’t believe her. That’s not even possible, is it? I think she’s making this up because her parents are very religious and are going to flip out. Now I’m really confused. Should I just tell Kris I don’t believe her, and that what she’s saying is wrong, or should I go to the principal or counselor or someone? Kris says her parents don’t know yet.
A: Kris needs to let go of the fantasies of Herman the sperminator and make some serious decisions, and soon, about this pregnancy. She needs to see a doctor, tell her parents, and identify the father. As a friend, you should encourage her to get the medical and emotional help she needs as soon as possible. If she won’t act, then tell her you are going to tell your own parents and the school counselor because every pregnant woman needs medical care. I suppose if this ends up being an immaculate conception, that fact should mollify her very religious parents. I also hope Kris is not spreading the story about Herman around school about Herman spreading his seed. It sounds as if he needs help, too, but no one should be the victim of false accusations.
Dear Prudence: Lecherous Neighborhood Father
Q. Engagement Photo Catastrophe: My son is getting married in a few months to a smart, funny, and pretty young woman. They recently had their engagement photos taken by a professional photographer, and the photo shoot included taking a handful of “silly pics” along with the more traditional ones. The problem is that my son’s future mother-in-law shared a couple of the silly pics with her friends on Facebook, and in turn one of her friends, as a joke, had one of the silly pics published in the local newspaper in the engagement announcements. My son is pretty upset with his mother-in-law-to-be, but not as much as I am. He says he’s willing to just let it go for the sake of not getting off to a rocky start, but I’m not willing to just sit and watch while he gets pushed around. I want to teach her a lesson. How can I help my son understand that it’s not a good idea to just let his in-laws step all over him?
A: Last week I had a letter about a mother-in-law who was possibly poisoning her daughter-in-law. Many people wrote in to say a few drops of Visine in food can cause unpleasant eruptions. So maybe you can give your son a bottle of Visine to season his future mother-in-law’s next meal. That will fix her! What you’re so angry about is some silliness that got out of hand. The bride’s mother didn’t send the photo to the newspaper, a so-called friend of hers did. You may not want your son to be “pushed around” by his future in-laws, but if you don’t put a lid on your own behavior, you’re going to be one of those crazy mothers-in-law I get letters about.
Update, March 13, 2012: To eliminate any confusion, I am against poisoning people, even the annoying. Ingesting Visine can be lethal .
Q. Stranger Mom: When I was 6 my mom left, and we haven’t seen her since dad remarried. Now, 26 years later, my maternal uncle contacted me with the news that my mom was disabled (no other detail) and she really wanted to see me. She apparently contacted my brother a year ago, but he didn’t respond. He said she doesn’t need any financial help, but she simply wanted to get in touch with us. Oddly, he also mentioned that she lives with her sister, who is getting on in years. To me it sounded like he was suggesting there was nobody to look after her and she eventually wanted me to care for her. My aunt on Dad’s side thinks I should meet her at least once. I don’t think I’d even recognize her on the street. I don’t really want anything to do with her, but am I being cold hearted?
A: If you were someone who’d wondered all these years who your mother is and why she left, then you would be feeling differently about this contact. But for you the mystery is why now, after all these years, she suddenly wants to get in touch. For you, and apparently your brother as well, this is a mystery best left unsolved. You are not cold-hearted to want to keep your life as it is without unearthing what must have been very traumatic memories. Your aunt expres
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