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The pursuit of calm can itself become a major stressor, especially if you've already tried the standard prescriptions. But there is a path through this conundrum.
Traditionally, the term referred to sado-masochistic (S&M) play. “Sado,” for sadism, derives from the Marquis de Sade (1740-1814), whose controversial libertine novels, The 120 Days of Sodom (1785) and Justine (1791), celebrated erotic domination and infliction of pain. “Masochism” derives from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1836-1895), whose novel, Venus in Furs (1870), celebrated the erotic delight of being on the receiving end of consensual sexual sadism.
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But from de Sade on, kink also included bondage and discipline (B&D). Bondage involves erotic restraint—one person physically restrains the other. Discipline refers to erotic role-playing—the dominant player (dom, top) tells the submissive (sub, bottom) what to do, as in master-slave, boss-employee, or teacher-student scenarios. (Ironically, however, pre-agreed "safe" words grant real control of BDSM scenes to subs.)
Early studies of kink repertoires focused almost entirely on male participants. That began to change during the 1980s as sex researchers documented the large number of women often enthusiastically involved in BDSM culture. But kinky women—and how they play—largely eluded researchers.
No longer. Recently, a San Francisco State University researcher used Internet kink sites to survey BDSM participation among 1,580 women ranging in age from 19 to 72, average age 36. Eighty percent were Americans living in 49 of the 50 states, with the greatest number from California. The remaining 20 percent hail from two dozen countries around the world. About half described themselves are partnered: married, cohabitating, or polyamorous.
Kinky women enjoy an enormous range of erotic activities from conventional (“vanilla”) sex to extreme BDSM.
The figures below are percentages of the total sample who participated in the activity in any way: acting it out, receiving it, or watching others play that way. (I’ve limited the lists to activities attracting at least two-thirds of respondents. The full lists are twice as long—see Rehor, 2015)
99.62% Touching (caressing, cuddling, massage, tickling)
90.26 Mutual masturbation with partner
91.39 Anal insertion with fingers, toys, or penis
88.95 Sex toy vaginal play (dildos, etc.)
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78.19 Sex toy anal play (vibrators, butt plugs, etc.)
76.69 Mammary intercourse (rubbing penis or toys between breasts)
87.53 Use of bondage gear (rope, cuffs, chains, gags, etc.)
86.39 Moderate bondage (can move but can’t escape)
83.16 Breast torment (slapping, pinching, clothespins, etc.)
80.38 Genital torment (slapping, kicking, pinching, clothespins, etc.)
80.06 Ice play (ice cubes on the nipples, genitals)
78.61 Hot candle wax play (dripping hot wax)
77.53 Physical humiliation (face slapping, forced begging, crawling, being leashed)
66.77 Verbal humiliation (yelling, name calling, etc.)
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69.44 Occupation play (boss-employee, drill sergeant-recruit, cop-suspect)
87.83% Model for erotic media (photos, video)
78.56 Share erotic images of yourself with others
75.92 Model erotic clothing (lingerie, corsets, etc.)
Many people believe that kinky sex is a realm unto itself, that people into BDSM don’t engage in vanilla sex and visa versa. That may be true for some kinksters, but for the vast majority, BDSM is an addition to conventional lovemaking, a hot, spicy extra. The most popular form of kinky play is spanking (95.70% of respondents). But among BDSMers, several forms of conventional sex are more popular: caressing (99.62), kissing (99.56), masturbation (98.76), and cunnilingus (97.06).
Many women prefer cunnilingus to vaginal intercourse because of its intimacy and range of possible sensations, and because women are much more likely to experience orgasm from oral sex than intercourse. This was true for the kinky women. Cunnilingus was their favorite form of genital play (97.06), ahead of hand jobs (93.83) and fellatio (91.89), and further ahead of vaginal intercourse (89.74).
Mention BDSM and many people think “whips and chains.” In fact, paddling (84.24), flogging (81.90), and whipping (75.70) were less popular than non-instrumental BDSM— spanking (95.70), hair pulling (93.16), biting (92.03), and scratching (90.06).
Imagery of isolation pervades perceptions of BDSM. The media typically depict participants playing in dungeons, basements, prison cells, abandoned buildings, and in Fifty Shades of Grey , a locked, sequestered playroom. But in the survey, exhibitionism—modeling for erotic photography/video (87.83)—was more popular than typical dungeon activities—any form of bondage (87.53), paddling (84.24), breast torment (83.16), flogging (81.90), genital torment (80.38), hot candle wax (78.61), physical humiliation (77.53), or whipping (75.70).
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With the exception of master-slave play (83.53), other forms of role-playing were not particularly popular—obedience training (69.56) and boss-employee scenarios (69.44).
Finally, the survey showed that women into kink engaged in 126 different erotic activities, a far broader range than ever previously documented. The survey’s author concluded, “Respondents willingly engaged in these behaviors for their own enjoyment. The number of respondents, their number of activities, and their willingness to disclose such personal details, indicate vibrant, ardent participation in kink eroticism that has far outpaced academic perceptions.” In other words, the world of kinky sex is broader and more robust than most sexologists have thought.
The studies listed below and other surveys suggest that around 1 percent of American adults are deep into kink, some 2 million people. That’s enough to support kink social groups in every metropolitan area and many rural areas as well, which is what we have in the U.S.—just google BDSM and any locale. In addition, another 1 to 2 percent, 2 to 4 million Americans, are sufficiently curious about BDSM to visit a club, usually on vacation far from home. That’s enough to support BDSM nightclubs in every major metropolitan area and some rural areas as well, which is what we have. Finally, visions of erotic control and submission rank high on tallies of sexual fantasies, which is why Fifty Shades of Grey has become such a mega-phenomenon, with sales of 100 million copies in just five years, making it one of the top-selling novels of all time.
If you're a woman who engages in any kinky play, what do you think of this survey? Does it reflect how you play? Do you mix vanilla sex with kink? If so, in what proportions? And which forms of kinky play do you most enjoy?
Breslow, N. et al. “On the Prevalence and Roles of Females in the Sadomasochistic Subculture: Report of an Empirical Study,” Archives of Sexual Behavior (1985) 14:303.
Levitt, E. et al. “The Prevalence and Some Attributes of Females in the Sadomasochistic Subculture: A Second Report,” Archives of Sexual Behavior (1994) 23:465.
Moser, C. and E. Levitt. “An Exploratory Descriptive Study of a Sadomasochistically Oriented Sample,” Journal of Sex Research (1987) 23:322.
Moser, C. and P. Kleinplatz. “Introduction: The State of Our Knowledge on SM,” The Journal of Homosexuality (2006) 50:1.
Queen, C. “Women, SM, and Therapy,” Women & Therapy (1996) 19:65.
Rehor, J.E. “Sensual, Erotic, and Sexual Behaviors of Women from the ‘Kink’ Community,” Archives of Sexual Behavior (2015) 44:825.
Michael Castleman, M.A., is a San Francisco-based journalist. He has written about sexuality for 36 years.
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The pursuit of calm can itself become a major stressor, especially if you've already tried the standard prescriptions. But there is a path through this conundrum.
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Who is the little girl with the kinky hair?
Who is the little girl with the kinky hair?
Blonde Ficus benjamina kinky in a pot over white background. Ficus benjamina kinky in a pot over white background Kinky and young woman wearing a hoodie. Kinky and young woman wearing a black hoodie on white background Little girl with kinky hair. Portrait of a beautiful little girl with kinky hair. Shallow DOF portrait style
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Good question. Since the term gets thrown around a lot, it carries a lot of ambiguity. At its most basic, kink means a departure from sexual norms, whether that’s by inserting props—handcuffs, feathers, paddles, plugs—into your routine, or exploring sexual fantasies (role-play, especially), BDSM, or rough sex, to name a few.
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How many Kinky stock photos are there in the world?
How many Kinky stock photos are there in the world?
3,269 kinky stock photos are available royalty-free. Kinky handcuffs on the bed sheets. Kinky handcuffs on a red bed sheet Blured image of bdsm outfit. Bondage, kinky adult sex games, kink and BDSM lifestyle concept.
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How many people in the United States do kink?
How many people in the United States do kink?
The studies listed below and other surveys suggest that around 1 percent of American adults are deep into kink, some 2 million people. That’s enough to support kink social groups in every metropolitan area and many rural areas as well, which is what we have in the U.S.—just google BDSM and any locale.
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-ab…
https://www.dreamstime.com/photos-images/kinky.html
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Kinky Women
