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Kinky Stuff
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Taylor Andrews
Taylor is one of the sex and relationship editors who can tell you exactly which vibrators are worth the splurge , why you’re still dreaming about your ex, and tips on how to have the best sex of your life (including what word you should spell with your hips during cowgirl sex )—oh, and you can follow her on Instagram here .
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Rachel Varina is a full-time freelance writer covering everything from the best vibrators (the Lelo Sona ) to the best TV shows (The Vampire Diaries).
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Yup, there are more flavors to sex than just vanilla.
Whether you realize it or not, kinks and fetishes play a pretty big role in mainstream sexuality. If Fifty Shades 's “ red room ” didn’t cue you in, songs like Rihanna’s “S&M” and Netflix’s show Sex/Love are examples enough.
But before we dive into the specifics of what these look like, let's break down what it means to have a kink or fetish.
According to Merriam Webster , a kink is "unconventional sexual taste or behavior." In other words, this is anything that goes above and beyond strictly vanilla sex. It's used to indicate something that gives you pleasure and isn’t a run-of-the-mill interaction sort of thing, says sex therapist Liz Powell , PhD.
This could mean the thought of using handcuffs, trying a butt plug, and/or feeling a leather flogger on your booty turns you on.
Keep in mind that a kink is different than a fetish though. A fetish is “an extreme amount of interest in a person, a thing, or a non-sexual body part,” says sexuality professional and mental health clinician Shanae Adams . (Basically, a kink is something that turns you on whereas a fetish is something you need in order to get turned on.)
If someone has a foot fetish for example, it means that they would need to receive or give some sort of foot stimulation in order to experience an orgasm.
Now regardless of whether you have a kink, a fetish, a few sexual interests, or just prefer vanilla sex, the key element is the same: consent. As long as everything’s consensual , there’s really no right or wrong way to have sex. Especially since sexual interests vary from person to person and there are tons out there to learn about and explore.
So for your pleasure, here's a list of the most common kinks, fetishes, and sexual terms to get well-acquainted with.
Role-playing is one of the most common kinks and involves playing characters outside of your day-to-day lives , usually as part of a sex scene. This can range from tossing on a tie and pretending to be the boss of your partner, channeling your favorite TV character , or even creating a whole, character-filled scenario.
Whether it's a kink or a fetish, objectification means "arousal by being dehumanized," explains Rogue. For example, someone who wants to be used as a sex doll or as a sex object would have an objectification kink (or fetish, if that's the only way they can get off). It's important to note this is different than an objectum kink or fetish. People with objectum fantasies have sexual relationships (or attraction to) inanimate objects.
As the name suggests, a pregnancy fetish is having an intense sexual attraction to some or all aspects of pregnancy. For some people, it might be the round belly, whereas for other, it could be the lactation—whether it’s the actual act of breastfeeding or the milk itself—explains Adams.
In a sexual context, “ exhibitionism is a sexual kink in which the person feels sexual arousal at the idea or reality of being seen naked or engaged in sexual activities by others,” clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon previously told Cosmopolitan . If you’re into the thought of someone watching you masturbate or change or get it on, this one's for you.
“ Voyeurism is getting sexual excitement from watching others when they are naked or engaging in sex acts,” says Jill McDevitt, PhD, CalExotics sexologist. And while the pleasure is most commonly derived from watching others, the fetish could also include hearing others engage in sexual acts or even being told about other people’s sexual experiences.
According to Dr. Powell, foot fetishes are "shockingly common," and usually seen in people with penises . People with foot fetishes may be submissives, meaning they have a desire to "worship" at someone's feet through kissing and massage or by even giving a pedicure, Dr. Powell explains. Other people enjoy an aspect of humiliation and want to be stomped on or have smelly feet on their faces.
Going hand-in-hand with foot fetishes , a nylon fetish is—you guessed it—someone who needs nylons to feel arousal. This could mean you like the look and feel of them or like touching someone's legs in nylon stockings (or like to wear them yourself). Like with most fetishes, this could also be a kink if it's something you don't need , but kinda like. Either way, get yourself some stockings and get to playing.
Okay, so breath play refers to the BDSM practice of having your breathing restricted during sexual activity—but it's not exactly safe (for obvious reasons). A healthier, better alternative: Holding your own breath. Not only do you get to experience breath play, but you're completely in control of when you choose or not to breathe. The excitement of the action, plus the excitement of the power exchange, is a great alternative, suggests Good Vibrations sexologist Carol Queen, PhD.
" BDSM is a catch-all acronym for several different aspects of the kink community," Dr. Powell explains. "The B and D are for bondage and discipline, the D and S are for domination and submission, and the S and M are for sadism and masochism." All BDSM involves a consensual power exchange , which means a submissive partner consents to letting the dominant power take control through various scenes.
A "scene" is a term for the time period in which the kinky play goes down . While you might refer to a night of sex as simply a hook-up, those within the kink community often referred to planned time with partners, in which they engage in their shared kinks, as "scenes."
A dominant is someone who enjoys dominating their partner through various kinky activities. These can be physical—like choking—or mental—like calling someone names . The submissive partner enjoys being dominated, and being the one who is consensually tied up, slapped, or humiliated.
"Usually when we hear people use terms like ‘dominant’ or ‘submissive' to describe themselves, these are more identity-based than action-based," Cameron Glover , sex educator and Sex Ed in Color podcast host, explains. "But these don't have to be set in stone—there are people that use these terms interchangeably."
A switch is someone, who as Glover mentions above, "switches" between dominant and submissive roles.
A sadist is someone who (consensually) derives sexual pleasure out of inflicting physical pain or psychological humiliation on their partner . Masochism, or someone who identifies as a masochist, is someone who derives sexual pleasure out of receiving pain or humiliation . If this feels similar to the dominant and submissive dynamic, that’s because it is. But not all dominants identify as sadists, and the same goes for submissives and masochists.
Golden showers are a form of piss play (which, yes, is any play involving urine). Golden showers specifically refer to peeing on a partner, as Glover explains. "So beyond golden showers, piss play (also called 'urophilia') can include peeing on or in different body parts, clothes wetting, or making a partner hold in their pee as part of the scene play," Glover says.
"Edge play in kink is any kind of activity that is further out there and considered more dangerous," Dr. Powell says. What qualifies as edge play is different for everyone. It could mean anything that involves blood or breaking the skin with certain whips, and there are others who enjoy knife and needle play. For some, golden showers may be a regular part of their routine, but for others, that counts as edge play. Dr. Powell says that anything involving intense physical pain is typically considered edge play, but sometimes in kink, the most intense scenes involve only psychological edge play.
RACK is not a kink, even though it sounds like on e. It stands for "risk aware consensual kink," and is the most common guideline kinksters live by to make sure all parties are safe. There's another acronym, SSC, which stands for safe, sane, and consensual, but RACK is used more commonly, since what’s considered "sane" varies so drastically from one person to the next.
The idea of RACK is not that you find a way to eliminate all risks, but that you consider holistically all of the risks that might come up or be involved, Dr. Powell explains, and "then decide how you want to manage those and if that is a risk that feels good for you."
Like most kinks, erotic humiliation exists on a spectrum . It can mean a dominant partner consensually calling their submissive partner names like "slut" during sex. It can also be as extreme as someone being consensually "forced" to watch their partner have sex with someone else in front of them.
Cuckolding is a form of the aforementioned erotic humiliation of watching your partner have sex with someone else. And yes, it’s where the term "cuck" came from . A cuck is a submissive who identities as male and gets off on his partner having sex with someone else , usually a more "traditionally" masculine person. Sometimes the cuck will watch from the corner of the room. Sometimes the cuck will be verbally mocked for having a smaller penis while their partner has sex with someone else, and sometimes the cuck is forced to stay at home, getting off on the knowledge that their partner is out having sex with someone bigger and stronger than them.
Aftercare isn’t technically a kink, but it’s another word that anyone engaging in kinky play needs to know. It’s basically a fancy word for checking in with one another after a scene to make sure all parties feel happy and comfortable with what happened. "It can include cleaning up the space you were in, putting away any toys that were used, and checking in on each other’s mental space," Dr. Powell says. If anything about the scene felt off or you didn’t like, it’s also a great time to discuss that and make sure the next time is better.
Most people hear "CBT" and think of cognitive behavioral therapy, a form of therapy that focuses on regulating emotional responses and developing helpful coping mechanisms. But in the world of kink, CBT refers to cock and ball torture . It’s fairly self-explanatory, and usually involves a dominatrix inflicting consensual pain on a submissive’s genitals: think stepping on testicles while wearing heels, punching and slapping the penis, or "forcing" penis-having submissives to wear an uncomfortable chastity device.
Usually done by a dominant to a submissive, impact play refers to hitting or spanking a partner’s body . Spanking is a common form of impact play, and others enjoy using toys like crops, paddles, or whips. During impact play, To keep impact play safe and comfortable, most partners decide on a "safe word" to stop at any time, agree to only hit fatty areas (like the butt or thighs) to lessen pain, agree to be communicative about any discomfort or unwanted pain, and communicate during the scene to make sure the submissive is okay with the pain level.
While people may generally identify as a submissive or dominant, some partners take it to the next level and enter a 24/7 arrangement, meaning that the consensual power exchange occurs full time, often while living together . The dominant and submissive roles are not only taken on for a scene, which may last just a few hours, but literally full time, on a 24/7 basis.
This is just a concise term for a form of role-playing in which two consenting adults enter a scene that involves taking on roles and ages that aren't their own. This can simply mean a submissive enjoying a partner who takes care of them and who they call "mommy" or "daddy," but it can go as far as playing an adult baby and indulging in diaper play.
Rope bondage is when a partner (usually the "top" or dominant partner) restrains another (typically the submissive) using rope. It can be as simple as using rope to tie a partner’s arms together, or as intricate as shibari , which is a form of Japanese rope tying and involves intricate knots and patterns and is considered an art form.
The act of inserting an entire hand, or fist, into a bodily orifice—like the vagina or rectum—is called fisting. Please use a lot of lube .
A scene in which the submissive partner allows the dominant partner to decide when they get to come is a form of orgasm control. This could entail a penis-having sub wearing a chastity device, or a sub being restrained, brought to the brink of orgasm, at which point stimulation is stopped. The dominant may repeat for as long as the scene lasts. The latter is also referred to as " edging ."
January 31, 2018 September 23, 2021 |
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Research carried at the University of Ohio in 2011 concluded that men do think about sex about 19 times a day, 9 times more than women do. Also, while women fantasize more about romance, men fantasize about being kinky and exploratory, according to research done in 2012 by the University of Granada. So what are men’s sexual fantasies? Do men desire to implement these fantasies in real life? What is the most common male fantasy? What do guys fantasize about when they like a girl?
These questions may have crossed your mind at some point if you’re sexually active and involved with a man. As much as they’re demonized, fantasies can be great for your sex life. After all, they give you a break from the mundane day-to-day life and push you to explore your kinky side, beyond the usual sexual boundaries.
So, if you’re looking for ways to spice up your sex life, an insight into what men fantasize about can be a good starting point to explore kinky things to try in the bedroom.
It comes as no surprise, does it? Just the way women have their share of fantasies, men do too. Men are not all that different from women. Mind you. The brain is the sexiest organ in the body, and that is where all the naughty ideas come from.
Men fantasize about things that given them much-needed excitement in the usual intimate affairs, and while they may not talk about them, fantasizing about sex and being a little exploratory is quite normal. In his head, it might be too wild or crazy for you and he might never want to share them, but he has plenty of sexual fantasies locked up.
If you do oblige, he will never stop thanking you. You might just become the woman of his dreams. And who knows, it may be the beginning of pushing the boundaries of your own sexuality too. But for any of it to come to pass, you need to know and understand male fantasy ideas.
To that end here is a lowdown on the 12 top common and riveting of men’s sexual fantasies:
What do guys fantasize about when they like a girl? Well, this is it. Women taking initiative is always a big turn-on for men. And why should men have to do the wooing and seducing all the time? One of the biggest kinks that men fantasize about is his woman in knee-high stilettos, netted stockings and a red bra covering just enough to let his mind run wild.
Oh, and a whip (possibly?). I mean what kind of Dominatrix would you be without the whip but we would advise you to keep the whipping to a minimum.
Like all the sex there is to have. Trying all crazy positions with no judgment whatsoever. Nothing is too crazy for them. It’s sex at the end of the day. Yes, it’s a common male fantasy to get experimental in bed.
So, the next time he asks, keep an open mind to putting the missionary style to rest and trying something you. To get started, you can marry this fantasy idea with the first, try the woman-on-top position and channel that inner cowgirl as you ride him. Trust us, it’s what he secretly wishes for in bed .
Women are crazy conscious about this but this is the one thing men fantasize about over and over. That’s because nothing gives him a greater boost and satisfaction than seeing his partner ooze with pleasure, quite literally. Squirting is letting go of all inhibitions but is a major kink for men. It is sort of an accomplishment for a man.
It’s not necessarily women who bring Daddy issues to relationships . Men do too but in a very different manner. Some men like being called Daddy during sex. They might never in their right mind ask their girlfriends to call them Daddy but they sure would love it.
So, if your partner has joked about it in the past, count this among the kinky things to try with him. We guarantee it will turn him on to no end, and of course, lead to better sex. All you need is to let go of your inhibitions.
Louder moans, groans, harder pulls. Telling him that you like just what he is doing, begging him to not stop, asking for more. This is the Holy Grail of men’s sexual fantasies. Whether your partner has given any hint about his experimental streak in bed or not, he sure desires this.
The louder encouragement they get, the better it is. It is also among the most common fantasy of a married man, who more often than not has to make do with sex on mute mode, especially if there are children in the house. Whenever the opportunity presents itself, surprise him with your moans and watch him go wild.
Is it just a common male fantasy though? We wonder. Well, there is no denying that eve
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