Kinky Sex Definition
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Kinky Sex Definition
What Does Being Kinky Actually Mean?
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By Pleasure Mechanics — Written on Mar 23, 2015
"I'm not kinky , but I love getting spanked once in awhile"
"I love rough sex and being choked, but I'm not into BDSM or anything like that"
We get emails like this all the time over at PleasureMechanics.com , from men and women who don't identify as kinky and yet enjoy many of the activities under the kink umbrella. They want to know the meaning of being kinky and if they fit in.
Up until recently, enjoying rougher pleasures in bed was a very private affair. Unless you were a member of a BDSM organization and attended leather conferences or public play parties, you probably wouldn't identify as "kinky." With the public discussion around 50 Shades Of Grey , kinky sex has stepped into the mainstream conversation. More and more people are wondering if they fit into the identity and lifestyle of kinky sex.
There is no black and white meaning of kinky, so it can be confusing for people who are into some things but not others, who love spanking but not bondage , who love being bossed around in bed and dominated but prefer their sex without any pain.
The truth is, being kinky is a state of mind. The meaning of kinky is about embracing the parts of your sexuality that are a little against the grain, outside the standard expectations of romantic, intercourse based sex. You don't have to enjoy everything under the umbrella to qualify as kinky. You just need to shamelessly celebrate what you do find arousing, and be willing to talk about it, ask for it, and enjoy it unabashedly.
To help shed light on the meaning of kinky, a recent study asked 1580 women from all over the world to report on what they did in bed. These women already identified as kinky, so the research shows what activities and behaviors are more common than others amongst the sexually adventurous amongst us.
Here are the top 5 most popular activities amongst these women (after touching and kissing, which we ALL enjoy, right?)
Have you ever enjoyed your lover's nails running down your back at the peak of arousal? Do you fantasize about being pulled over your lover's knee and being spanked until you are moaning with pleasure? Want to be tied up and touched all over? Welcome to the kinky club!
There are much more extreme activities that fall under the kinky umbrella. Intense domination and humiliation turn some people on. So does foot worship or being dressed up like a pony. These behaviors are much more rare. Only about 7% of the women reported playing with piercing, for example!
It is essential to understand that you don't have to be interested in every activity in order to embrace the kinky side of your sexuality. As you explore your own desires you may find that you are aroused by more than you imagined, but to get started just pay attention to what turns you on and give yourself permission to ask your lover to explore with you. Being part of the kinky community is a big step in your erotic adventures, but it doesn't come with any requirements. Instead, you'll find radical permission to fearlessly explore, enjoy and celebrate your unique sexuality.
Ready to unleash way more pleasure? Come on over to PleasureMechanics.com and join our newsletter for your free weekly dose of sex advice and erotic inspiration!
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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Look up kinky in Wiktionary, the free dictionary.
^ Jump up to: a b Shahbaz & Chirinos 2016 .
^ Coslor, Erica; Crawford, Brett; Brents, Barbara (2017-01-01). "Whips, Chains and Books on Campus: How Organizations Legitimate Their Stigmatized Practices" (PDF) . Academy of Management Proceedings . 2017 (1): 12142. doi : 10.5465/AMBPP.2017.12142abstract . hdl : 11343/158068 . ISSN 0065-0668 .
^ Rothstein, Edward (5 October 2007). "What's Latex Got to Do With It?" . The New York Times .
^ Jump up to: a b Joyal, Christian C.; Carpentier, Julie (3 March 2016). "The Prevalence of Paraphilic Interests and Behaviors in the General Population: A Provincial Survey". The Journal of Sex Research . Informa UK Limited. 54 (2): 161–171. doi : 10.1080/00224499.2016.1139034 . ISSN 0022-4499 . PMID 26941021 . S2CID 1671875 .
^ Meredith G. F. Worthen (10 June 2016). Sexual Deviance and Society: A sociological examination . Routledge. ISBN 978-1-317-59337-9 .
In human sexuality , kinkiness is the use of non- conventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies. The term derives from the idea of a "bend" (cf. a "kink") in one's sexual behaviour, to contrast such behaviour with "straight" or " vanilla " sexual mores and proclivities. It is thus a colloquial term for non- normative sexual behaviour. [1] The term "kink" has been claimed by some who practice sexual fetishism as a term or synonym for their practices, indicating a range of sexual and sexualistic practices from playful to sexual objectification and certain paraphilias . In the 21st century the term "kink", along with expressions like BDSM , leather and fetish , has become more commonly used than the term paraphilia. [1] Some universities also feature student organizations focused on kinks, within the context of wider LGBTQ concerns. [2]
Kink sexual practices go beyond what are considered conventional sexual practices as a means of heightening the intimacy between sexual partners. Some draw a distinction between kink and fetishism, defining the former as enhancing partner intimacy, and the latter as replacing it. [3] Because of its relation to conformist sexual boundaries, which themselves vary by time and place, the definition of what is and is not a kink varies widely as well. [4] [5]
In a study published in 2016 it was found that nearly half of respondents reported an interest in some form of paraphilia and about a third had engaged in paraphilic behavior at least once. [4]
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Yup, there are more flavors to sex than just vanilla.
Whether you realize it or not, kinks and fetishes play a pretty big role in mainstream sexuality. If Fifty Shades 's “ red room ” didn’t cue you in, songs like Rihanna’s “S&M” and Netflix’s show Sex/Love are examples enough.
But before we dive into the specifics of what these look like, let's break down what it means to have a kink or fetish.
According to Merriam Webster , a kink is "unconventional sexual taste or behavior." In other words, this is anything that goes above and beyond strictly vanilla sex. It's used to indicate something that gives you pleasure and isn’t a run-of-the-mill interaction sort of thing, says sex therapist Liz Powell , PhD.
This could mean the thought of using handcuffs, trying a butt plug, and/or feeling a leather flogger on your booty turns you on.
Keep in mind that a kink is different than a fetish though. A fetish is “an extreme amount of interest in a person, a thing, or a non-sexual body part,” says sexuality professional and mental health clinician Shanae Adams . (Basically, a kink is something that turns you on whereas a fetish is something you need in order to get turned on.)
If someone has a foot fetish for example, it means that they would need to receive or give some sort of foot stimulation in order to experience an orgasm.
Now regardless of whether you have a kink, a fetish, a few sexual interests, or just prefer vanilla sex, the key element is the same: consent. As long as everything’s consensual , there’s really no right or wrong way to have sex. Especially since sexual interests vary from person to person and there are tons out there to learn about and explore.
So for your pleasure, here's a list of the most common kinks, fetishes, and sexual terms to get well-acquainted with.
Role-playing is one of the most common kinks and involves playing characters outside of your day-to-day lives , usually as part of a sex scene. This can range from tossing on a tie and pretending to be the boss of your partner, channeling your favorite TV character , or even creating a whole, character-filled scenario.
Whether it's a kink or a fetish, objectification means "arousal by being dehumanized," explains Rogue. For example, someone who wants to be used as a sex doll or as a sex object would have an objectification kink (or fetish, if that's the only way they can get off). It's important to note this is different than an objectum kink or fetish. People with objectum fantasies have sexual relationships (or attraction to) inanimate objects.
As the name suggests, a pregnancy fetish is having an intense sexual attraction to some or all aspects of pregnancy. For some people, it might be the round belly, whereas for other, it could be the lactation—whether it’s the actual act of breastfeeding or the milk itself—explains Adams.
In a sexual context, “ exhibitionism is a sexual kink in which the person feels sexual arousal at the idea or reality of being seen naked or engaged in sexual activities by others,” clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon previously told Cosmopolitan . If you’re into the thought of someone watching you masturbate or change or get it on, this one's for you.
“ Voyeurism is getting sexual excitement from watching others when they are naked or engaging in sex acts,” says Jill McDevitt, PhD, CalExotics sexologist. And while the pleasure is most commonly derived from watching others, the fetish could also include hearing others engage in sexual acts or even being told about other people’s sexual experiences.
According to Dr. Powell, foot fetishes are "shockingly common," and usually seen in people with penises . People with foot fetishes may be submissives, meaning they have a desire to "worship" at someone's feet through kissing and massage or by even giving a pedicure, Dr. Powell explains. Other people enjoy an aspect of humiliation and want to be stomped on or have smelly feet on their faces.
Going hand-in-hand with foot fetishes , a nylon fetish is—you guessed it—someone who needs nylons to feel arousal. This could mean you like the look and feel of them or like touching someone's legs in nylon stockings (or like to wear them yourself). Like with most fetishes, this could also be a kink if it's something you don't need , but kinda like. Either way, get yourself some stockings and get to playing.
Okay, so breath play refers to the BDSM practice of having your breathing restricted during sexual activity—but it's not exactly safe (for obvious reasons). A healthier, better alternative: Holding your own breath. Not only do you get to experience breath play, but you're completely in control of when you choose or not to breathe. The excitement of the action, plus the excitement of the power exchange, is a great alternative, suggests Good Vibrations sexologist Carol Queen, PhD.
" BDSM is a catch-all acronym for several different aspects of the kink community," Dr. Powell explains. "The B and D are for bondage and discipline, the D and S are for domination and submission, and the S and M are for sadism and masochism." All BDSM involves a consensual power exchange , which means a submissive partner consents to letting the dominant power take control through various scenes.
A "scene" is a term for the time period in which the kinky play goes down . While you might refer to a night of sex as simply a hook-up, those within the kink community often referred to planned time with partners, in which they engage in their shared kinks, as "scenes."
A dominant is someone who enjoys dominating their partner through various kinky activities. These can be physical—like choking—or mental—like calling someone names . The submissive partner enjoys being dominated, and being the one who is consensually tied up, slapped, or humiliated.
"Usually when we hear people use terms like ‘dominant’ or ‘submissive' to describe themselves, these are more identity-based than action-based," Cameron Glover , sex educator and Sex Ed in Color podcast host, explains. "But these don't have to be set in stone—there are people that use these terms interchangeably."
A switch is someone, who as Glover mentions above, "switches" between dominant and submissive roles.
A sadist is someone who (consensually) derives sexual pleasure out of inflicting physical pain or psychological humiliation on their partner . Masochism, or someone who identifies as a masochist, is someone who derives sexual pleasure out of receiving pain or humiliation . If this feels similar to the dominant and submissive dynamic, that’s because it is. But not all dominants identify as sadists, and the same goes for submissives and masochists.
Golden showers are a form of piss play (which, yes, is any play involving urine). Golden showers specifically refer to peeing on a partner, as Glover explains. "So beyond golden showers, piss play (also called 'urophilia') can include peeing on or in different body parts, clothes wetting, or making a partner hold in their pee as part of the scene play," Glover says.
"Edge play in kink is any kind of activity that is further out there and considered more dangerous," Dr. Powell says. What qualifies as edge play is different for everyone. It could mean anything that involves blood or breaking the skin with certain whips, and there are others who enjoy knife and needle play. For some, golden showers may be a regular part of their routine, but for others, that counts as edge play. Dr. Powell says that anything involving intense physical pain is typically considered edge play, but sometimes in kink, the most intense scenes involve only psychological edge play.
RACK is not a kink, even though it sounds like on e. It stands for "risk aware consensual kink," and is the most common guideline kinksters live by to make sure all parties are safe. There's another acronym, SSC, which stands for safe, sane, and consensual, but RACK is used more commonly, since what’s considered "sane" varies so drastically from one person to the next.
The idea of RACK is not that you find a way to eliminate all risks, but that you consider holistically all of the risks that might come up or be involved, Dr. Powell explains, and "then decide how you want to manage those and if that is a risk that feels good for you."
Like most kinks, erotic humiliation exists on a spectrum . It can mean a dominant partner consensually calling their submissive partner names like "slut" during sex. It can also be as extreme as someone being consensually "forced" to watch their partner have sex with someone else in front of them.
Cuckolding is a form of the aforementioned erotic humiliation of watching your partner have sex with someone else. And yes, it’s where the term "cuck" came from . A cuck is a submissive who identities as male and gets off on his partner having sex with someone else , usually a more "traditionally" masculine person. Sometimes the cuck will watch from the corner of the room. Sometimes the cuck will be verbally mocked for having a smaller penis while their partner has sex with someone else, and sometimes the cuck is forced to stay at home, getting off on the knowledge that their partner is out having sex with someone bigger and stronger than them.
Aftercare isn’t technically a kink, but it’s another word that anyone engaging in kinky play needs to know. It’s basically a fancy word for checking in with one another after a scene to make sure all parties feel happy and comfortable with what happened. "It can include cleaning up the space you were in, putting away any toys that were used, and checking in on each other’s mental space," Dr. Powell says. If anything about the scene felt off or you didn’t like, it’s also a great time to discuss that and make sure the next time is better.
Most people hear "CBT" and think of cognitive behavioral therapy, a form of therapy that focuses on regulating emotional responses and developing helpful coping mechanisms. But in the world of kink, CBT refers to cock and ball torture . It’s fairly self-explanatory, and usually involves a dominatrix inflicting consensual pain on a submissive’s genitals: think stepping on testicles while wearing heels, punching and slapping the penis, or "forcing" penis-having submissives to wear an uncomfortable chastity device.
Usually done by a dominant to a submissive, impact play refers to hitting or spanking a partner’s body . Spanking is a common form of impact play, and others enjoy using toys like crops, paddles, or whips. During impact play, To keep impact play safe and comfortable, most partners decide on a "safe word" to stop at any time, agr
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