Kinky Practice

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Kinky Practice
Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors
Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on June 29, 2021
Kinky sex is a catch-all term for a range of consensual practices -- called kinks -- that include role play, power dynamics, or fetishes . Kinky sex requires direct communication between partners about desires and limits to make sure that it is a pleasurable experience for everyone involved.
Kinks can be simple or complex and include spanking, group sex, polyamory (multiple relationships), costumes, exhibitionism, and voyeurism . You might be interested in one particular kink or several, or you might prefer different experiences depending on the partner.
Kink can often be a way for partners to increase feelings of intimacy. Some activities can be dangerous, though, such as slapping, whipping, or bondage, and require clear understanding between partners about boundaries. It’s important to make sure that any type of kink play prioritizes partners’ safety and comfort. 
BDSM is a broad acronym that stands for six components: bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M). This type of sexual practice is about being in control or giving up control. It’s a type of kinky sex, but kinky sex does not necessarily have to involve BDSM. 
One misconception about kinky sex is that it’s not OK to say no. It’s important to remember that you can always say “no” in any situation. Even if you agreed to something ahead of time, it’s completely fine to change your mind.
Another misconception is that kinky sex involves abuse. Contrary to this thought, kinky sex should not involve any kind of abuse. Instead, it should be an opportunity for partners to build trust with one another.
It’s important to check in often with a partner to make sure that the experience is a positive one.
There are lots of different ways to have kinky sex. It can involve a complex setup and lots of accessories, or it can be very simple. You can do it monogamously (with just one partner), with multiple partners, or by yourself. It’s often defined as sex that’s outside of traditional sexual practices, but that is hard to define.
Kinky sex is perfectly normal. It’s healthy to explore your fantasies in a consensual (mutually agreeable) way. Many people enjoy kinky sex, and it’s no one’s business except the parties involved.
Make sure to start slow so you don’t get overwhelmed. Talk to your partner beforehand about your expectations. This can be a great way to share your fantasies and desires. 
It’s also important to talk about what you don’t want to happen, especially your specific limits. Some types of kinky sex involve a one-time scene, while others are 24/7, meaning that the partners role-play as dominant and submissive at all times. It’s important to discuss what you’re comfortable with and when to indicate things have gone too far.
Begin by educating yourself about how to carry out your desired experience safely. Research ways to minimize risks and have a pleasurable time. There are classes, groups, and meet-ups for people to get to know others in the kink community. 
Pace yourself. You don’t have to buy lots of toys right away. Exploring a kink, especially with a partner, takes time. 
The most important thing about any type of kink play is consent. It’s important for partners to talk about their boundaries ahead of time and to establish a safe word for if things go too far. The word should be something you would not usually say in bed.
People should not feel pressured into any kind of sexual act. Kinky sex requires clear communication and trust, and can make you feel closer to your partner.
Aftercare is an important way for partners to bond mentally and physically following an intense sexual experience. This can include discussing reactions they had to the scene, cuddling, hugging, and caring for body parts that may be sore from sex play.
Many sexual activities carry some risk, but erotic asphyxiation (choking) is never safe. It can lead to serious injury or even death.
BuzzFeed: “25 Facts About BDSM That You Won't Learn In “Fifty Shades Of Grey’.”
Cosmopolitan : “8 Things to Know About Aftercare When You've Just Had BDSM-Style Sex.”
Cosmopolitan : “A beginner’s guide to kinky sex.”
Cosmopolitan : “What is BDSM? An expert guide to BDSM sex for beginners.”
Merriam-Webster Dictionary : “BDSM.”
Psychology Today: “How to Explore Your Sexual Boundaries With Your Partner.”
Self: “9 Things Everyone Gets Wrong About BDSM.”
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WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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Don’t worry, there’s some beginner stuff here, too.
If you've only rotated between two or three sex positions in the past month, it's probably time to spice things up (for your own pleasure's sake). Taking relationships—whether long term, a casual fling, or a FWB—to the next level and getting a little kinky doesn’t have to be as intimidating as it sounds. In fact, there are basic, accessible ways to make sex feel more erotic without going into full BDSM mode (unless you want to).
Plus, if you’re in a serious relationship, talking about your kinks and preferences can help you feel more connected to your partner, says Kate Balestrieri, licensed psychologist, certified therapist and founder of Modern Intimacy .
"Introducing kinkier elements into your sex life together can create a sense of adventure and deepen sense of trust," Balestrieri says. "Inherently, it gives you the opportunity to talk about things on a deeper level, discuss different boundaries, debrief and evaluate together in a way that couples sometime forget to do when they have the same routine sex life."
Now, the term "kink" gets thrown around a lot, thus carrying a lot of ambiguity. At its most basic level, kink refers to unconventional sexual preferences or behaviors, says sex therapist Veronica N. Chin Hing-Michaluk , LMHC. "[So] if kink is defined as anything that exists outside of the norm, I challenge you to think about whose norm you’re conforming to," she says. Touché.
Your brand of kink might be sex with multiple partners at once; it might be having your partner secretly use a remote control vibrator on you while out with friends; it might include using sex toys with your partner in the bedroom. If you're unsure about what your kinky preferences are, licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin suggests easing your way in. "I think a lot of people, for some reason, have this idea that if you’re going to try kink, you have to go all the way. You don't."
Before springing bondage gear on your partner, discuss your boundaries and desires, making sure you're on the same page about what you're both down to try, she says. Also, don't forget to come up with a mutual safe word. It's critical not only when you want to stop, but also when you’re nearing your limit, says Chin Hing-Michaluk. "Having that framework with kink can help you pace yourself, and figure out how fast or slow you want to go," she says. Say it with me now: Consent is sexy!
Now that you're familiar with the basics, you might wonder how exactly to dip your toe in rougher waters. Depending on what you like, the first step might be as simple as adding some new moves into your erotic rotation. These 25 positions for kinky sex are a great start. (You'll even find recommendations to spice up the most basic positions—yes, I’m talking missionary—that'll pretty much guarantee next-level orgasms .)
PSA: The table isn't necessary with Table Top position (#themoreyouknow). "I love this position because you can do it anywhere," Balestrieri says. "You can do it on a countertop, on an armchair in the living room, or the sofa. It’s even great if you’re in a secluded space and you want to be standing outside the seat of your car."
If you have great upper body strength, Balestrieri recommends playing with some levitation, a.k.a. not using a table for support.
Do it: Any surface that hits your partner at crotch height will do. Have them enter you while you’re sitting or lying at the edge of a table, counter, or maybe even your bed.
Champagne Room can provide a much-needed escape for all involved. "Facing away gives us the opportunity to pretend that we’re strangers," Balestrieri says. It can provide an opportunity to disconnect and "experience the sensations without having to include or manage the experience of a partner," she adds.
For the person on the bottom, watching someone go to town on you from behind can elevate the sexiness, too. "It can also give the impression, for the person who is on the bottom, of being used in a positive way, which can be really erotic," Balestrieri says.
Do it: Your partner sits on the edge of a chair or bed, and you sit on top of them, facing away. Move up and down on their lap at your leisure.
Not only is Spork on the kinkier side, but it also prevents huge strain on the body because of how the parties involved are resting on each other, Balestrieri says.
"It also gives people a lot of flexibility and opportunity for eye contact, which can be great if you’re playing with any kind of power dynamics," she adds.
Do it: Lie on your back and raise your right leg so your partner can position their body between your legs at a 90-degree angle and enter you. Your left leg can lie straight out on the bed, or you can bend it to manipulate the depth of penetration. For a rear-entry variation, lie on your stomach, bend one leg, and have your partner position themselves in between your legs. Options!
Yeah, yeah, I hear you: "Missionary? Kinky?" Well, this is just a testament that any position can be enhanced. What's more, Balestrieri says it’s easy: All you have to do is add eye contact and sync up your breathing. "When you add that synchronicity of the breath and the eyes together, it can really bring a lot of heat and a lot of feelings," she says.
But, if you’re looking to go the extra mile and really give it to your partner, try using an arousal serum for extra stimulation. Another option? Incorporate some dirty talk. "Dirty talk can elevate even the most vanilla positions," Balestrieri says.
Do it: Do I really need to spell this one out? Okay. Lie on your back while they lie facedown on top of you.
If you’re stressed, anxious, or just plain tired, Scoop Me Up is perfect. "This is the best way to have lazy sex—and I don’t mean lazy in a bad way," says Balestrieri.
"We all have days where we’re tired, and we still want to connect sexually." The position also leaves room for deep thrusting, which can definitely bring some heat.It’s also less rigorous, so if you’re going too hard on the other ones on this list, try this to give your body a break.
Do it: Both of you lie on your sides, facing the same direction. You bring your knees up slightly while your partner slides up behind your pelvis and enters you from behind. (You may also know this as spooning.)
If you want to add more strength to the Wheelbarrow position, try it standing up. This provides new types of movement and creates a sense of power for the person standing, Balestrieri says.
"The partners can have more opportunity for different cadences in their thrusting and depth—different angles, too," she says. “It’s more of a workout, so if you’re looking to kill two birds with one stone, that’s the way to go.” Okay, now that’s the best dirty talk, IMHO.
Do It: Get on your hands and feet and have your partner pick you up by the pelvis. Then grip their waist with your thighs.
Even the most loving positions can be made kinky. The Om is a great one for eye contact, kissing, and breath work.
"You can do a lot of synchronized breath work, which sounds kind of ‘woo woo,’ but, I’m telling you, when you get two nervous systems synched up together, it is hot ," Balestrieri says. "It can create tension and friction; be prepared to be sweaty."
Do it: Your partner sits cross-legged (yoga/pretzel-style), while you sit in their lap facing them. Wrap your legs around them and hug each other for support.
The Snake offers plenty of perks, says Balestrieri. There is mobility with different angles, ability to play around with sensations, and the opportunity for some light BDSM.
"Because their partner’s hips are elevated, the partner on top can really have a lot to work with in terms of how they can penetrate and stimulate their partner," she says. "This is a great position for punishing or spanking."
You can even incorporate some restraints. Balestrieri recommends using a spacing bar or other restraints to "create the element of consenting powerlessness, which can be really fun for couples to play with."
Do it: Lie down on your stomach, and have your partner lie down on top of you and slide in from behind.
The Caboose looks like it’s straight out of an erotic thriller. But its sexiness goes beyond just looks. It can create some elevation by allowing you to bounce on your partner’s lap, Balestrieri says.
"This is a great way to get in some doggy-style action without all that strain on either of your bodies," she adds.
Do it: While they sit on the bed or a chair, back yourself into their lap and spoon each other while seated.
The Good Ex sex position is a long, slow burn full of contradictions (you’re connected but far apart, just like exes)—which makes it one of the hottest.
"Long, slow sex can feel kinky because we don’t always give ourselves time, space, and permission to really be in our bodies in a slow and intentional way," explains Balestrieri. "So it can feel really amazing to notice every single sensory piece of information that sometimes we don’t get access to when we’re moving more quickly."
Do it: Sit on the bed facing each other with legs forward. Lift your partner’s right leg over your left and lift your right leg over their left. Come together so they can enter you. Now both of you lie back, your legs forming an X. Slow, leisurely gyrations replace thrusting.
FYI: The Cirque Du Soleil-esque leg placement isn’t totally necessary on this one. You just need a partner who can generally get their legs up toward their head, which can add a lot of depth to the position, Balestrieri says. It can also be great for concurrent vaginal and anal penetration.
"If you’re talking about two people with vulvas, it can be a great position for a double penetration toy," she says. "It can also create an element of submission because the person on the bottom is kind of just stuck there. So, this position can be fun for light spanking, nibbling, or things of that nature."
Do it: Lie back with your legs raised all the way up and your ankles crossed behind your own head. They enter you from a missionary position.
Not only does the person entering get "the booty shot from the back," Balestrieri says, but the position provides ample room to touch as much of each other as you can.
"This is a great opportunity for people to get creative with their positioning and their angling," she says. "It can be especially awesome if the partner who’s penetrating has a curved penis [or sex toy]. It might allow for different kinds of stimulation that maybe aren’t accessible with missionary or front or rear-facing positions."
Do it: Lie on your right side; your partner kneels, straddling your right leg and curling your left leg around their left side.
Upstanding Citizen is "one of the hottest positions ever," according to Balestrieri. It’s the one you see in movies where one person picks up the other and puts them against the wall (a la The Notebook ). That move, Balestrieri says, implies strength, trust, and control, making it great for power play.
"For the person who is lifting the other partner, that strength—although it might feel like quite a workout in the moment—can really reinforce a sense of validity; it can give them a lot of confidence," she adds.
Now, for the one being lifted: "It can also create a sense of fear, and fear can incite arousal, too." This position can particularly enhance those feelings if you’re used to exuding power in your day-to-day life, Balestrieri says.
Do it: You straddle your partner, wrapping your legs around their body (they keep their knees unlocked and thighs spread slightly). They stand and support you in their arms. You can start on the bed and have them pick you up without disengaging. (Or for the truly bold, you can hop aboard from standing position!)
With your hands out of play, your partner is free to roam your body, finding the erogenous zones (you know, those hotspots that feel extra delicious) neither of you may not have discovered before your foray into kinky sex.
It can be a tad challenging, but Chin Hing-Michaluk recommends this position to engage with your partner's entire body. “While you hold up a partner, use one hand to engage parts of their body, so not only are you able to gaze down at your partner, but you’re able to caress,” she says.
Do It : Get into a partial bridge position (like a pinball machine), with your weight resting on your shoulders. Have your partner tie your hands to the bedpost or headboard, then let them enter you from a kneeling position.
For people who are just starting out, Marin recommends this classic: "Probably the easiest position to try is doggy style because it already feels like a little more animalistic position and lends itself really well to spanking, hair-pulling, and things like pinching the nipples."
Do It: Kneeling on all fours, have your partner enter you from behind, either while they're standing and you're stationed on the bed, or they're on their knees behind you. Same-sex partners could consider a strap-on or just use fingers for penetration. Either way, try roughing things up by smacking butts.
Now it's time for you to take the reins: The Cowgirl presents an optimal opportunity to dominate your partner, an easy way into full-on BDSM. Before you straddle them, maybe blindfold their eyes with a silk scarf or tie. With their consent, you can also tread into bondage territory.
"If you’re really a beginner and feeling shy, you can just start with having one partner hold the other’s hands over their head," Marin says. "You get that feeling of [control], and you can get a sense of whether that’s something you both like without having to buy anything new." Or use the same scarf or tie to restrain their wrists—just keep the knots loose if it's your first time.
Either way, this position puts you in charge, so experiment with tweaking or twisting your partner's nipples, or—if you have a male partner—grabbing his balls.
Do It: Straddle your partner at their pelvis, pushing off their chest and sliding up and down their thighs. Lean back, hold their wrists down...you do you, cowgirl.
There’s a lot of room for reciprocity in Spider, says Chin Hing-Michaluk. Both of you can put in massive work since clitoral stimulation is unparalleled in this position, and having your hands so close to
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