Kinky Meaning
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Kinky Meaning
What Does Being Kinky Actually Mean?
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By Pleasure Mechanics — Written on Mar 23, 2015
"I'm not kinky , but I love getting spanked once in awhile"
"I love rough sex and being choked, but I'm not into BDSM or anything like that"
We get emails like this all the time over at PleasureMechanics.com , from men and women who don't identify as kinky and yet enjoy many of the activities under the kink umbrella. They want to know the meaning of being kinky and if they fit in.
Up until recently, enjoying rougher pleasures in bed was a very private affair. Unless you were a member of a BDSM organization and attended leather conferences or public play parties, you probably wouldn't identify as "kinky." With the public discussion around 50 Shades Of Grey , kinky sex has stepped into the mainstream conversation. More and more people are wondering if they fit into the identity and lifestyle of kinky sex.
There is no black and white meaning of kinky, so it can be confusing for people who are into some things but not others, who love spanking but not bondage , who love being bossed around in bed and dominated but prefer their sex without any pain.
The truth is, being kinky is a state of mind. The meaning of kinky is about embracing the parts of your sexuality that are a little against the grain, outside the standard expectations of romantic, intercourse based sex. You don't have to enjoy everything under the umbrella to qualify as kinky. You just need to shamelessly celebrate what you do find arousing, and be willing to talk about it, ask for it, and enjoy it unabashedly.
To help shed light on the meaning of kinky, a recent study asked 1580 women from all over the world to report on what they did in bed. These women already identified as kinky, so the research shows what activities and behaviors are more common than others amongst the sexually adventurous amongst us.
Here are the top 5 most popular activities amongst these women (after touching and kissing, which we ALL enjoy, right?)
Have you ever enjoyed your lover's nails running down your back at the peak of arousal? Do you fantasize about being pulled over your lover's knee and being spanked until you are moaning with pleasure? Want to be tied up and touched all over? Welcome to the kinky club!
There are much more extreme activities that fall under the kinky umbrella. Intense domination and humiliation turn some people on. So does foot worship or being dressed up like a pony. These behaviors are much more rare. Only about 7% of the women reported playing with piercing, for example!
It is essential to understand that you don't have to be interested in every activity in order to embrace the kinky side of your sexuality. As you explore your own desires you may find that you are aroused by more than you imagined, but to get started just pay attention to what turns you on and give yourself permission to ask your lover to explore with you. Being part of the kinky community is a big step in your erotic adventures, but it doesn't come with any requirements. Instead, you'll find radical permission to fearlessly explore, enjoy and celebrate your unique sexuality.
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Kinky sex is a catch-all term for a range of consensual practices -- called kinks -- that include role play, power dynamics, or fetishes . Kinky sex requires direct communication between partners about desires and limits to make sure that it is a pleasurable experience for everyone involved.
Kinks can be simple or complex and include spanking, group sex, polyamory (multiple relationships), costumes, exhibitionism, and voyeurism . You might be interested in one particular kink or several, or you might prefer different experiences depending on the partner.
Kink can often be a way for partners to increase feelings of intimacy. Some activities can be dangerous, though, such as slapping, whipping, or bondage, and require clear understanding between partners about boundaries. It’s important to make sure that any type of kink play prioritizes partners’ safety and comfort.
BDSM is a broad acronym that stands for six components: bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M). This type of sexual practice is about being in control or giving up control. It’s a type of kinky sex, but kinky sex does not necessarily have to involve BDSM.
One misconception about kinky sex is that it’s not OK to say no. It’s important to remember that you can always say “no” in any situation. Even if you agreed to something ahead of time, it’s completely fine to change your mind.
Another misconception is that kinky sex involves abuse. Contrary to this thought, kinky sex should not involve any kind of abuse. Instead, it should be an opportunity for partners to build trust with one another.
It’s important to check in often with a partner to make sure that the experience is a positive one.
There are lots of different ways to have kinky sex. It can involve a complex setup and lots of accessories, or it can be very simple. You can do it monogamously (with just one partner), with multiple partners, or by yourself. It’s often defined as sex that’s outside of traditional sexual practices, but that is hard to define.
Kinky sex is perfectly normal. It’s healthy to explore your fantasies in a consensual (mutually agreeable) way. Many people enjoy kinky sex, and it’s no one’s business except the parties involved.
Make sure to start slow so you don’t get overwhelmed. Talk to your partner beforehand about your expectations. This can be a great way to share your fantasies and desires.
It’s also important to talk about what you don’t want to happen, especially your specific limits. Some types of kinky sex involve a one-time scene, while others are 24/7, meaning that the partners role-play as dominant and submissive at all times. It’s important to discuss what you’re comfortable with and when to indicate things have gone too far.
Begin by educating yourself about how to carry out your desired experience safely. Research ways to minimize risks and have a pleasurable time. There are classes, groups, and meet-ups for people to get to know others in the kink community.
Pace yourself. You don’t have to buy lots of toys right away. Exploring a kink, especially with a partner, takes time.
The most important thing about any type of kink play is consent. It’s important for partners to talk about their boundaries ahead of time and to establish a safe word for if things go too far. The word should be something you would not usually say in bed.
People should not feel pressured into any kind of sexual act. Kinky sex requires clear communication and trust, and can make you feel closer to your partner.
Aftercare is an important way for partners to bond mentally and physically following an intense sexual experience. This can include discussing reactions they had to the scene, cuddling, hugging, and caring for body parts that may be sore from sex play.
Many sexual activities carry some risk, but erotic asphyxiation (choking) is never safe. It can lead to serious injury or even death.
BuzzFeed: “25 Facts About BDSM That You Won't Learn In “Fifty Shades Of Grey’.”
Cosmopolitan : “8 Things to Know About Aftercare When You've Just Had BDSM-Style Sex.”
Cosmopolitan : “A beginner’s guide to kinky sex.”
Cosmopolitan : “What is BDSM? An expert guide to BDSM sex for beginners.”
Merriam-Webster Dictionary : “BDSM.”
Psychology Today: “How to Explore Your Sexual Boundaries With Your Partner.”
Self: “9 Things Everyone Gets Wrong About BDSM.”
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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Look up kinky in Wiktionary, the free dictionary.
^ Jump up to: a b Shahbaz & Chirinos 2016 .
^ Coslor, Erica; Crawford, Brett; Brents, Barbara (2017-01-01). "Whips, Chains and Books on Campus: How Organizations Legitimate Their Stigmatized Practices" (PDF) . Academy of Management Proceedings . 2017 (1): 12142. doi : 10.5465/AMBPP.2017.12142abstract . hdl : 11343/158068 . ISSN 0065-0668 .
^ Rothstein, Edward (5 October 2007). "What's Latex Got to Do With It?" . The New York Times .
^ Jump up to: a b Joyal, Christian C.; Carpentier, Julie (3 March 2016). "The Prevalence of Paraphilic Interests and Behaviors in the General Population: A Provincial Survey". The Journal of Sex Research . Informa UK Limited. 54 (2): 161–171. doi : 10.1080/00224499.2016.1139034 . ISSN 0022-4499 . PMID 26941021 . S2CID 1671875 .
^ Meredith G. F. Worthen (10 June 2016). Sexual Deviance and Society: A sociological examination . Routledge. ISBN 978-1-317-59337-9 .
In human sexuality , kinkiness is the use of non- conventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies. The term derives from the idea of a "bend" (cf. a "kink") in one's sexual behaviour, to contrast such behaviour with "straight" or " vanilla " sexual mores and proclivities. It is thus a colloquial term for non- normative sexual behaviour. [1] The term "kink" has been claimed by some who practice sexual fetishism as a term or synonym for their practices, indicating a range of sexual and sexualistic practices from playful to sexual objectification and certain paraphilias . In the 21st century the term "kink", along with expressions like BDSM , leather and fetish , has become more commonly used than the term paraphilia. [1] Some universities also feature student organizations focused on kinks, within the context of wider LGBTQ concerns. [2]
Kink sexual practices go beyond what are considered conventional sexual practices as a means of heightening the intimacy between sexual partners. Some draw a distinction between kink and fetishism, defining the former as enhancing partner intimacy, and the latter as replacing it. [3] Because of its relation to conformist sexual boundaries, which themselves vary by time and place, the definition of what is and is not a kink varies widely as well. [4] [5]
In a study published in 2016 it was found that nearly half of respondents reported an interest in some form of paraphilia and about a third had engaged in paraphilic behavior at least once. [4]
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Yup, there are more flavors to sex than just vanilla.
Whether you realize it or not, kinks and fetishes play a pretty big role in mainstream sexuality. If Fifty Shades 's “ red room ” didn’t cue you in, songs like Rihanna’s “S&M” and Netflix’s show Sex/Love are examples enough.
But before we dive into the specifics of what these look like, let's break down what it means to have a kink or fetish.
According to Merriam Webster , a kink is "unconventional sexual taste or behavior." In other words, this is anything that goes above and beyond strictly vanilla sex. It's used to indicate something that gives you pleasure and isn’t a run-of-the-mill interaction sort of thing, says sex therapist Liz Powell , PhD.
This could mean the thought of using handcuffs, trying a butt plug, and/or feeling a leather flogger on your booty turns you on.
Keep in mind that a kink is different than a fetish though. A fetish is “an extreme amount of interest in a person, a thing, or a non-sexual body part,” says sexuality professional and mental health clinician Shanae Adams . (Basically, a kink is something that turns you on whereas a fetish is something you need in order to get turned on.)
If someone has a foot fetish for example, it means that they would need to receive or give some sort of foot stimulation in order to experience an orgasm.
Now regardless of whether you have a kink, a fetish, a few sexual interests, or just prefer vanilla sex, the key element is the same: consent. As long as everything’s consensual , there’s really no right or wrong way to have sex. Especially since sexual interests vary from person to person and there are tons out there to learn about and explore.
So for your pleasure, here's a list of the most common kinks, fetishes, and sexual terms to get well-acquainted with.
Role-playing is one of the most common kinks and involves playing characters outside of your day-to-day lives , usually as part of a sex scene. This can range from tossing on a tie and pretending to be the boss of your partner, channeling your favorite TV character , or even creating a whole, character-filled scenario.
Whether it's a kink or a fetish, objectification means "arousal by being dehumanized," explains Rogue. For example, someone who wants to be used as a sex doll or as a sex object would have an objectification kink (or fetish, if that's the only way they can get off). It's important to note this is different than an objectum kink or fetish. People with objectum fantasies have sexual relationships (or attraction to) inanimate objects.
As the name suggests, a pregnancy fetish is having an intense sexual attraction to some or all aspects of pregnancy. For some people, it might be the round belly, whereas for other, it could be the lactation—whether it’s the actual act of breastfeeding or the milk itself—explains Adams.
In a sexual context, “ exhibitionism is a sexual kink in which the person feels sexual arousal at the idea or reality of being seen naked or engaged in sexual activities by others,” clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon previously told Cosmopolitan . If you’re into the thought of someone watching you masturbate or change or get it on, this one's for you.
“ Voyeurism is getting sexual excitement from watching others when they are naked or engaging in sex acts,” says Jill McDevitt, PhD, CalExotics sexologist. And while the pleasure is most commonly derived from watching others, the fetish could also include hearing others engage in sexual acts or even being told about other people’s sexual experiences.
According to Dr. Powell, foot fetishes are "shockingly common," and usually seen in people with penises . People with foot fetishes may be submissives, meaning they have a desire to "worship" at someone's feet through kissing and massage or by even giving a pedicure, Dr. Powell explains. Other people enjoy an aspect of humiliation and want to be stomped on or have smelly feet on their faces.
Going hand-in-hand with foot fetishes , a nylon fetish is—you guessed it—someone who needs nylons to feel arousal. This could mean you like the look and feel of them or like touching someone's legs in nylon stockings (or like to wear them yourself). Like with most fetishes, this could also be a kink if it's something you don't need , but kinda like. Either way, get yourself some stockings and get to playing.
Okay, so breath play refers to the BDSM practice of having your breathing restricted during sexual activity—but it's not exactly safe (for obvious reasons). A healthier, better alternative: Holding your own breath. Not only do you get to experience breath play, but you're completely in control of when you choose or not to breathe. The excitement of the action, plus the excitement of the power exchange, is a great alternative, suggests Good Vibrations sexologist Carol Queen, PhD.
" BDSM is a catch-all acronym for several different aspects of the kink community," Dr. Powell explains. "The B and D are for bondage and discipline, the D and S are for domination and submission, and the S and M are for sadism and masochism." All BDSM involves a consensual power exchange , which means a submissive partner consents to letting the dominant power take control through various scenes.
A "scene" is a term for the time period in which the kinky play goes down . While you might refer to a night of sex as simply a hook-up, those within the kink community often referred to planned time with partners, in which they engage in their shared kinks, as "scenes."
A dominant is someone who enjoys dominating their partner through various kinky activities. These can be physical—like choking—or mental—like calling someone names . The submissive partner enjoys being dominated, and being the one who is consensually tied up, slapped, or humiliated.
"Usually when we hear people use terms like ‘dominant’ or ‘submissive' to describe themselves, these are more identity-based than action-based," Cameron Glover , sex educator and Sex Ed in Color podcast host, explains. "But these don't have to be set in stone—there are people that use these terms interchangeably."
A switch is someone, who as Glover mentions above, "switches" between dominant and submissive roles.
A sadist is someone who (consensually) derives sex
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