Kinky Little

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Kinky Little
Up until last year, my husband and I led a fairly ho-hum existence in regards to sex and kink. It wasn’t until I accidentally found myself reading an incredibly smutty book that I realized what I was reading wasn’t gross; it was fascinating and I wanted to try everything .
It was a normal Wednesday evening when I brought the book up to my bedroom, where I nervously asked my husband to read a particularly descriptive passage about anal sex and the use of anal beads. Imagine my surprise when he wasn’t disgusted! “So, this is something — we could try? Someday? Maybe?” I said. He laughed and said “ Sure! As long as you’re comfortable with it!” By the end of the week, I was the proud owner of a very pretty butt plug, some heavy-duty lube and my husband was in possession of my butt-sex virginity.
Here’s what I’ve figured out about getting your kink on with a lover: Unless you meet on a fetish forum or get real drunk with each other, your secret desires to be spanked, whacked, choked, and manhandled will probably go unspoken. Imagine turning to your lover right now and saying, “Tonight I would like you to slap my tits until they bruise.”
What would happen? Would someone’s head explode? Would you feel judged? Would your lover even know what tit slapping was? IT’S SUCH A RISK! So how does a happy and healthy sexually active couple go about figuring out the hard and soft limits of their sexuality? If you lead a fairly vanilla life chances are you’re completely unaware to just how much pleasure there is to be had out there. But how do you go about approaching the subject?
Yes, porn is getting a bad rap lately, and it should — I’ve watched porn destroy many a relationship because it was either kept secret or abused to the point where the lines between reality and porn blur into a muddled mess of pain and confusion for everyone involved.
But I’ve learned that porn, when viewed with my husband, can actually be wonderfully beneficial to both of us. It helps that we’re both open-minded in regards to sex but we still find it easier to find new positions and ideas from porn than trying to describe what we think we’d like.
Here are some of our favorite pornographic pleasures:
1. Girl-on girl. Girls are soft, girls are pretty, girls are generally less aggressive than men are, and let’s be honest — girls know what girls like because girls have the same parts as other girls. My husband enjoys watching two girls together because he is guy; I enjoy watching because I have a pretty strong desire to make out with a girl one day.
2. Tit-slapping. I had heard of it, but never considered it until I watched it and my brain and body made the connection that “Hey, I think I’d like that.” My husband was ecstatic as it was something he had always wanted to try but was too shy to ask about. What is tit-slapping? It’s exactly what it sounds like: basically having your boobs spanked.
3. Girl/guy bondage. Preferably the guy tying up the girl. I love being submissive to my husband, so seeing other women being submissive to their lovers is a turn-on for both of us. I especially love elaborate rope ties, as it is more of a focused art form rather than just a hasty, easy-to-break-free-from handkerchief to a headboard.
4. Super-oily, naked massages. If there were one scene I would never opt out of, it would be having big warm hands all over my oiled and naked body. I don’t even care about getting knots out; I just want strong hands all over me. It’s a hard one to recreate in the bedroom because cleaning that amount of oil out of or off of anything would ruin it for me.
5. Sensual, slooooow kissing. Kissing seems so basic and boring, I mean, most of us have been doing it since we were horny teenagers. But a good kiss, one that goes slow, where you’re breathing in another person? Those are the kinds of kisses that get us all hot and bothered. Anyone can slam their body parts together but to kiss like you mean it requires a level of passion and intimacy that can’t be found with just anyone.
Now that you know what we’re into (no judgment!), here are a few helpful suggestions that have worked for us to make watching porn less awkward and more amazing:
I realize guys are audio and visual but I am visual only. Corny dialogue and music only distract me from what is really going on — plus it’s easier for my husband to tell what I’m really into when everything is quiet. I have a bad habit of doing terrible voice-overs if I don’t like what we’re watching. If I’m quiet, it’s usually a good indication that I’m interested in what’s going on.
While watching, our discussions usually involve simple statements like “Please never do that to me” or “I wouldn’t hate it if you tried that on me.” We both laugh at the outlandish positions — what is it with men going down on women who just happen to be doing a headstand? NOPE — and hum in agreement on positions we know we like.
It’s also important to go into more detail if there was something one of us would like to try: When would you want to try it? Where would you want it to happen? What toys or preparation would you need to complete before it could happen? While we’re at it, now is also a good time to discuss your safe words!
There is A LOT of porn out there, and it is categorized down to the tiniest detail. If we don’t both enjoy what we’re watching, we change the video! If one of us really likes a particular scene but the other is slightly horrified? We’ll have a discussion about what it is they like about the scene, then narrow down our searches to even more specific details.
We both agree quality is key — there’s no reason for us to watch terribly lit porn and shoddy camera work — which narrows down our choices immensely. Same goes for costuming, who really does the dishes in a tiny skirt, high heels and no underpants? We prefer our porn to be *slightly* realistic.
There is an entire world to explore on the other side of your safe search filter, when explored honestly and with healthy curiosity in mind — it can open up a whole new world to couples who believe their sex lives to be dead in the water.
Even if you don’t end up living out a real life porn scene, you’ll at least have the fodder for a spirited discussion on what each of you is into (which may very well lead to a horizontal display in the bedroom).
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January 31, 2018 September 23, 2021 |
Team Bonobology




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all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. We’re your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love.
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Research carried at the University of Ohio in 2011 concluded that men do think about sex about 19 times a day, 9 times more than women do. Also, while women fantasize more about romance, men fantasize about being kinky and exploratory, according to research done in 2012 by the University of Granada. So what are men’s sexual fantasies? Do men desire to implement these fantasies in real life? What is the most common male fantasy? What do guys fantasize about when they like a girl?
These questions may have crossed your mind at some point if you’re sexually active and involved with a man. As much as they’re demonized, fantasies can be great for your sex life. After all, they give you a break from the mundane day-to-day life and push you to explore your kinky side, beyond the usual sexual boundaries.
So, if you’re looking for ways to spice up your sex life, an insight into what men fantasize about can be a good starting point to explore kinky things to try in the bedroom.
It comes as no surprise, does it? Just the way women have their share of fantasies, men do too. Men are not all that different from women. Mind you. The brain is the sexiest organ in the body, and that is where all the naughty ideas come from.
Men fantasize about things that given them much-needed excitement in the usual intimate affairs, and while they may not talk about them, fantasizing about sex and being a little exploratory is quite normal. In his head, it might be too wild or crazy for you and he might never want to share them, but he has plenty of sexual fantasies locked up.
If you do oblige, he will never stop thanking you. You might just become the woman of his dreams. And who knows, it may be the beginning of pushing the boundaries of your own sexuality too. But for any of it to come to pass, you need to know and understand male fantasy ideas.
To that end here is a lowdown on the 12 top common and riveting of men’s sexual fantasies:
What do guys fantasize about when they like a girl? Well, this is it. Women taking initiative is always a big turn-on for men. And why should men have to do the wooing and seducing all the time? One of the biggest kinks that men fantasize about is his woman in knee-high stilettos, netted stockings and a red bra covering just enough to let his mind run wild.
Oh, and a whip (possibly?). I mean what kind of Dominatrix would you be without the whip but we would advise you to keep the whipping to a minimum.
Like all the sex there is to have. Trying all crazy positions with no judgment whatsoever. Nothing is too crazy for them. It’s sex at the end of the day. Yes, it’s a common male fantasy to get experimental in bed.
So, the next time he asks, keep an open mind to putting the missionary style to rest and trying something you. To get started, you can marry this fantasy idea with the first, try the woman-on-top position and channel that inner cowgirl as you ride him. Trust us, it’s what he secretly wishes for in bed .
Women are crazy conscious about this but this is the one thing men fantasize about over and over. That’s because nothing gives him a greater boost and satisfaction than seeing his partner ooze with pleasure, quite literally. Squirting is letting go of all inhibitions but is a major kink for men. It is sort of an accomplishment for a man.
It’s not necessarily women who bring Daddy issues to relationships . Men do too but in a very different manner. Some men like being called Daddy during sex. They might never in their right mind ask their girlfriends to call them Daddy but they sure would love it.
So, if your partner has joked about it in the past, count this among the kinky things to try with him. We guarantee it will turn him on to no end, and of course, lead to better sex. All you need is to let go of your inhibitions.
Louder moans, groans, harder pulls. Telling him that you like just what he is doing, begging him to not stop, asking for more. This is the Holy Grail of men’s sexual fantasies. Whether your partner has given any hint about his experimental streak in bed or not, he sure desires this.
The louder encouragement they get, the better it is. It is also among the most common fantasy of a married man, who more often than not has to make do with sex on mute mode, especially if there are children in the house. Whenever the opportunity presents itself, surprise him with your moans and watch him go wild.
Is it just a common male fantasy though? We wonder. Well, there is no denying that every man wants it. We suspect every woman wants it too. Or is at least a wee bit curious about what the experience would feel like. If it’s something everyone wants, why not keep an open mind about it.
Most commonly, male fantasy ideas revolved around a woman-man-woman threesome. A girl on girl action right before him, while he is getting ready, is like every man’s fantasy come true. Even if you’re not ready for the threesome experience in real life, you can always share your fantasies about it with each other. The verbal, imagined scenario alone is enough to fire up your sex life and how!
What do guys fantasize about when they like a girl? She going down on him and blowing his mind off with a mind-blowing blowjob definitely makes the cut. While he is imagining that, he might throw some deep-throat action into the mix. Because nothing else is as pleasurable as getting head from the woman they love.
Among men’s sexual fantasies that extend far beyond the realm of dirty and naughty is this secret desire to watch other couples do it. It is a kinky pleasure, a guilty one. Now, this is one of those sexual fantasies that men (well, most of them anyway ) don’t act on – and rightly so – but then, talking about it can be a huge turn-on for them, and you’d be surprised to learn, for you too.
This is kink 101 among the long list of male fantasy ideas. It may be for pure sentimental value or out of curiosity of what it looks like when you’re both in the thick of the action but having a sex tape is definitely what almost all men secretly desire.
It is kinky in its own right and men love it. If you are looking for ways to seduce your partner and trust him enough, suggest recording the action and experience the magic unfold.
Most of the men’s sexual fantasies stem from porn. It’s hardly a surprise then that men want to try all those crazy moves shown in porn movies in their sex life too. Or at least he would like to give that a shot. Because what good is porn if you cannot learn from them?
Not surprisingly, this also ranks among the most common fantasies of a married man. If you’re not too put off by the idea of it, try incorporating porn night dates to spice up your sex life. Of course, you don’t have to go all the way. Dip your toes, test the waters, and see how it goes.
Like squirting, sitting on your man’s face could make most women very conscious about their nether region. It might get messy, sure, but it is super-hot for men. This is surely among the male fantasy ideas that work in your interest. So, don’t get in over your head too much, go with the flow, and brace yourself for a mind-blowing orgasm. Who knows you might squirt while sitting on his face. Two birds, one stone!
It is like the woman taking responsibility for her pleasure as well. Touching yourself while he is doing you is kinky. Play with your erogenous regions and let him have a taste of it. Men like watching women playing with themselves. It is a common male fantasy, as in their minds, it makes the action doubly hot.
What do guys fantasize about when they like a girl? Well, this is another common, recurring theme: Doing it against a glass window or the wall, or in a glass elevator, running the risk of being seen or caught. The rush of it is kinky and the pleasure is intensified.
The more verbally explicit, the better. Men like it when you spell it out for them. So, tell him if you’re enjoying what he’s doing to you. Better still, tell him what exactly he can do to make it better. From ‘I want you to give me the tongue’ to ‘pull my hair’, ‘choke me baby’ and ‘spank me’, the wilder your suggestion, the more kink it will add to the act.
This is one of the simpler but highly effective kinky things to try in bed. If you haven’t yet, we strongly recommend that you do.
Yes, men’s sexual fantasies involve anal action. If you’ve been with your man long enough, you’d probably know that by now because he’s sure to have dropped subtle hints to that effect.
Now that you know what the most pressing and stirring men’s sexual fantasies are, put them to good use to take your sexual compatibility and intimacy to the next level. Of course, you can pick and choose the ones you’re most comfortable trying and up the ante as you go along.
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January 31, 2018 September 23, 2021 |
Team Bonobology




Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox
Running the risk of being seen or caught
December 22, 2020 September 14, 2022
December 22, 2020 September 14, 2022
December 22, 2020 September 14, 2022
The Bonobology Team comprises expert writers who have been writing on this specialized subject of relationships for a long time and have a deep understanding of couple relationships and its ramifications. When Team Bonobology puts a story together be sure to find strong research-based content.
all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. We’re your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love.
More stories to check out before you go
Research carried at the University of Ohio in 2011 concluded that men do think about sex about 19 times a day, 9 times more than women do. Also, while women fantasize more about romance, men fantasize about being kinky and exploratory, according to research done in 2012 by the University of Granada. So what are men’s sexual fantasies? Do men desire to implement these fantasies in real life? What is the most common male fantasy? What do guys fantasize about when they like a girl?
These questions may have crossed your mind at some point if you’re sexually active and involved with a man. As much as they’re demonized, fantasie
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