Kinky Guys

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Kinky Guys
He tells me to unbuckle my belt and slide my pants down. “Bend over, son.” I obey.
“Christ received 39 lashes. We’ll start you at 13. Count them out, one by one. If you miss one, we start over.” He starts to spank me with his hand — hard. I count them. “One.” Spank. “Two.” Spank. “Three.” I feel my ass heating up, the sting of each blow. I picture my skin reddening beneath his hand in the dim light of the church.
This may strike an uneasy chord with some folks — the intersection of desire and faith usually does — but it’s a common role-play scenario for folks with fetishes for religious imagery and ritual. This and other lesser-known fetishes don’t get talked about enough. Shame keeps them behind closed doors.
Opinions among sociologists differ over at which point on our evolutionary timeline we learned to wield shame as such a powerful tool. No one denies the potency of shame in politics, religion, economics, and every social institution you can think of. We feel shame the strongest in our sex lives. Most of us grow up believing that desire operates according to certain triggers and rules — that arousal is formulaic and simple — and those those whose interests fall outside these boundaries are “abnormal” and “wrong.”
Browse these 24 lesser-known fetishes that are wrong in all the right ways. See anything you like? 
My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.
Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.
For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments.
Hungry for more? Follow me on Twitter @BadAlexCheves and visit my blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend. 
Those of us in the world of heavy bondage are probably familiar with human furniture — an extreme form of bondage and sexual objectification in which a submissive is turned into a chair, table, cabinet, urinal, or some other piece of furniture.
It’s not easy to do, and requires a skilled bondage top and bottom. Bottoms are typically required to hold position for long periods of time and are often gagged. As always, the kink safety mantras SSC and RACK — “safe, sane, and consensual” and/or “risk aware consensual kink” — apply here. 
Tree-hugging jokes are obvious, but these folks may do more than hug. Dendrophilia is sexual attraction to trees. Some dendrophiles on the internet say they seek out certain features of certain trees, like anus or vagina-esque holes. Just watch out for splinters!
Liquidophilia is arousal from getting your dick wet — in water or some other liquid. I suggest a trip to the beach. 
You know we fetishize everything that comes out of the human body, from semen to piss to tears, so you knew it was coming: the vomit fetish. Emetophilia is arousal from watching people lose their lunch.
Thanks to our old companion shame, religious iconography is filled with sexual tension. Religion is intimately intertwined with our sex lives. Most of us are taught from a young age what we can and cannot do with our bodies by parents who cite this or that religious practice as the foundation for these “rules.”
When we discover and accept our sexual selves and break free from these messages — when we learn to sift between the good lessons (don’t rape) and bad ones (don’t masturbate) — religious imagery and overtones can take on an erotic feel, and often do. This is more common than you might think.
Go to any fetish convention and you will see people in rubber nun habits, priests with no pants on, and people cuffed and whipped on a St. Andrew’s Cross — a staple piece of bondage furniture for any BDSM connoisseur. 
Katoptronophilia is arousal from watching yourself get off (solo or with partners) in a mirror. Really, who isn’t into this?
Mucophilia is arousal from sneezing or seeing people sneeze. This fetish shouldn’t be much of a stretch to grasp when you consider the fact that we tend to eroticize natural things the body does, particularly things it can’t help doing like urinating and passing gas (see number 21).
Like orgasm, sneezing is an explosive release. If you’re interested, there is a sneeze fetish forum ( SneezeFetishForum.org ) where folks post original erotic sneeze fiction. 
I love a visit to the hair salon, but this is different. Tripsolagnia is arousal from getting your hair shampooed. Just try not to make it too obvious to your stylist that you’re getting off from the experience — unless, of course, he or she is down with that. 
Claustrophilia, as its name suggests, is arousal from tight spaces and confinement. Its inverse, claustrophobia, is a common fear, one that most people will react to with sympathy (and, depending on the situation, mild annoyance). Claustrophiliacs are less likely to get irritable and uncomfortable on a crowded elevator, airplane, or cramped public transportation. I’ll give them the dreaded inner window seat.
Cars are the most common objects associated with mechanophilia, which is sexual attraction to machines, although other mechanized objects shouldn’t be left out. Just don’t experiment with a blender or food processor. 
Paraphilic infantilism is dressing up as a baby or being treated as one. Also known as as autonepiophilia, this fetish constitutes a major community in the world of kink. Go to any kink convention (San Francisco’s Folsom Street Fair or Folsom Berlin, International Mr. Leather in Chicago — the list goes on) and you’ll inevitably see a small number of people wearing adult diapers with pacifiers in their mouths.
In most cases, autonepiophilia is seen as a fetish role-play practice, but some people with various disorders (urinary incontinence, for example) have discovered the community as a welcoming place for them to find partners and playmates without facing stigma or shame. 
Psychrophiliacs really enjoy winter. Or snowboarding. Or just standing outside in freezing temperatures. They eroticize seeing people freezing or touching very cold objects. 
Although it certainly has a shock element, hoplophilia (the firearm fetish) is rather common is the world of extreme gay porn and BDSM. Typically someone gets sexually used and abused by intimidation and force at the end of a gun barrel (I’ve even seen gay porn where guns get used as dildos). There is a safe and sane way to enjoy this fetish — simply put, the gun isn’t loaded. Don’t play Russian Roulette with your life. 
Actirasty is arousal from the sun and sunlight. Folks with this fetish should also get to a beach ASAP. And use sunscreen. 
Search for macrophilia on the internet and you can find many fan-made erotic stories of tiny men being taken prisoner by giantesses, and vice versa. 
Ursusagalmatophilia — arousal from teddy bears — is technically a subcategory of plushophilia, which is the sexual attraction to stuffed animals. If your valentine gives you a plush bear and you are more interested in the bear than in the one who gave it to you, you may be a ursusagalmatophiliac. 
Oculolictus is the erotic practice of licking an eyeball. Also known as “worming,” this practice was made famous in one of the more memorable scenes of Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov:
I came across her in her mother’s bedroom. Prying her left eye open to get rid of a speck of something. Checked frock. Although I do love that intoxicating brown fragrance of hers, I really think she should wash her hair once in a while. For a moment, we were both in the same warm green bath of the mirror that reflected the top of a poplar with us in the sky. Held her roughly by the shoulders, then tenderly by the temples, and turned her about. “It’s right there,” she said, “I can feel it.” “Swiss peasant would use the tip of her tongue.” “Lick it out?” “Yeth. Shly try?” Sure, she said. Gently I pressed my quivering sting along her rolling salty eyeball. “Goody-goody,” she said nictating. “It is gone.” “Now the other?” “You dope,” she began, “there is noth—” but here she noticed the pucker of my approaching lips. “Okay,” she said co-operatively, and bending toward her warm upturned russet face somber Humbert pressed his mouth to her fluttering eyelid. 
Chrematistophilia is sexual arousal from being robbed and is actually pretty common, although it is not considered a safe or healthy fetish when attempted outside of a role-play scenario. Trying to get held up is extremely dangerous. 
Eproctophilia is the fart fetish. Mark Griffiths, a professor of psychology at Nottingham Trent University and author of the only recorded case study of eproctophilia, interviewed one subject who explained the particulars of his fetish: "The more disgusting, the more I like it as it heightens the sense of duality. The more disgusting the fart and the prettier the lady, the more of a schism it is between the societal expectation and the reality. As for men, it’s simply more dominating for it to be a really gross fart than a mild poot.”
Nasophiles loves noses, and may enjoy some of of the nose-picking porn you can find on the internet.
Sthenolagnia is arousal from muscles and displays of strength. I go to a gay-heavy gym every day, and half the guys there seem to have this fetish.
Troilism (cuckoldism) is the fetish practice of watching your partner have sex with someone else, either against your will or without their knowledge. Some kinky couples take this to great lengths, utilizing bondage and other techniques to force their partners to watch them have sex with other people, unable to participate. 
Omorashi is arousal from seeing someone have a full bladder and wetting themselves, or having a full bladder and peeing on yourself. Enjoying this fetish typically involves withholding a trip to the bathroom from someone and making them piss their pants — typically as part of a hot dominant/submissive degradation scene. 
I’ve had several office debates about the difference between “penis,” a clinical term, and the English “cock.” The hard consonance bookending the latter — its quick, monosyllabic bluntness — make it sound sexier and dirtier for the same inexplicable reason “cunt” is more deliciously wicked than “vagina.”
Do you “fuck” or “make love”? The words we use are a diagram of identity. They betray one’s views of sex and gender. They are the inheritance of cultural upbringing, and as social baggage are often the hardest bad habits to drop.
Folks with narratophilia get aroused from the usage of obscene, sexualized, and often stigmatized words. I used to be vehemently against the word “faggot” and its reclamation as a queer power term until I got dominated by a man who called me that mid-thrust before spitting on me. I was converted. 

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Up until last year, my husband and I led a fairly ho-hum existence in regards to sex and kink. It wasn’t until I accidentally found myself reading an incredibly smutty book that I realized what I was reading wasn’t gross; it was fascinating and I wanted to try everything .
It was a normal Wednesday evening when I brought the book up to my bedroom, where I nervously asked my husband to read a particularly descriptive passage about anal sex and the use of anal beads. Imagine my surprise when he wasn’t disgusted! “So, this is something — we could try? Someday? Maybe?” I said. He laughed and said “ Sure! As long as you’re comfortable with it!” By the end of the week, I was the proud owner of a very pretty butt plug, some heavy-duty lube and my husband was in possession of my butt-sex virginity.
Here’s what I’ve figured out about getting your kink on with a lover: Unless you meet on a fetish forum or get real drunk with each other, your secret desires to be spanked, whacked, choked, and manhandled will probably go unspoken. Imagine turning to your lover right now and saying, “Tonight I would like you to slap my tits until they bruise.”
What would happen? Would someone’s head explode? Would you feel judged? Would your lover even know what tit slapping was? IT’S SUCH A RISK! So how does a happy and healthy sexually active couple go about figuring out the hard and soft limits of their sexuality? If you lead a fairly vanilla life chances are you’re completely unaware to just how much pleasure there is to be had out there. But how do you go about approaching the subject?
Yes, porn is getting a bad rap lately, and it should — I’ve watched porn destroy many a relationship because it was either kept secret or abused to the point where the lines between reality and porn blur into a muddled mess of pain and confusion for everyone involved.
But I’ve learned that porn, when viewed with my husband, can actually be wonderfully beneficial to both of us. It helps that we’re both open-minded in regards to sex but we still find it easier to find new positions and ideas from porn than trying to describe what we think we’d like.
Here are some of our favorite pornographic pleasures:
1. Girl-on girl. Girls are soft, girls are pretty, girls are generally less aggressive than men are, and let’s be honest — girls know what girls like because girls have the same parts as other girls. My husband enjoys watching two girls together because he is guy; I enjoy watching because I have a pretty strong desire to make out with a girl one day.
2. Tit-slapping. I had heard of it, but never considered it until I watched it and my brain and body made the connection that “Hey, I think I’d like that.” My husband was ecstatic as it was something he had always wanted to try but was too shy to ask about. What is tit-slapping? It’s exactly what it sounds like: basically having your boobs spanked.
3. Girl/guy bondage. Preferably the guy tying up the girl. I love being submissive to my husband, so seeing other women being submissive to their lovers is a turn-on for both of us. I especially love elaborate rope ties, as it is more of a focused art form rather than just a hasty, easy-to-break-free-from handkerchief to a headboard.
4. Super-oily, naked massages. If there were one scene I would never opt out of, it would be having big warm hands all over my oiled and naked body. I don’t even care about getting knots out; I just want strong hands all over me. It’s a hard one to recreate in the bedroom because cleaning that amount of oil out of or off of anything would ruin it for me.
5. Sensual, slooooow kissing. Kissing seems so basic and boring, I mean, most of us have been doing it since we were horny teenagers. But a good kiss, one that goes slow, where you’re breathing in another person? Those are the kinds of kisses that get us all hot and bothered. Anyone can slam their body parts together but to kiss like you mean it requires a level of passion and intimacy that can’t be found with just anyone.
Now that you know what we’re into (no judgment!), here are a few helpful suggestions that have worked for us to make watching porn less awkward and more amazing:
I realize guys are audio and visual but I am visual only. Corny dialogue and music only distract me from what is really going on — plus it’s easier for my husband to tell what I’m really into when everything is quiet. I have a bad habit of doing terrible voice-overs if I don’t like what we’re watching. If I’m quiet, it’s usually a good indication that I’m interested in what’s going on.
While watching, our discussions usually involve simple statements like “Please never do that to me” or “I wouldn’t hate it if you tried that on me.” We both laugh at the outlandish positions — what is it with men going down on women who just happen to be doing a headstand? NOPE — and hum in agreement on positions we know we like.
It’s also important to go into more detail if there was something one of us would like to try: When would you want to try it? Where would you want it to happen? What toys or preparation would you need to complete before it could happen? While we’re at it, now is also a good time to discuss your safe words!
There is A LOT of porn out there, and it is categorized down to the tiniest detail. If we don’t both enjoy what we’re watching, we change the video! If one of us really likes a particular scene but the other is slightly horrified? We’ll have a discussion about what it is they like about the scene, then narrow down our searches to even more specific details.
We both agree quality is key — there’s no reason for us to watch terribly lit porn and shoddy camera work — which narrows down our choices immensely. Same goes for costuming, who really does the dishes in a tiny skirt, high heels and no underpants? We prefer our porn to be *slightly* realistic.
There is an entire world to explore on the other side of your safe search filter, when explored honestly and with healthy curiosity in mind — it can open up a whole new world to couples who believe their sex lives to be dead in the water.
Even if you don’t end up living out a real life porn scene, you’ll at least have the fodder for a spirited discussion on what each of you is into (which may very well lead to a horizontal display in the bedroom).
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