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Don’t worry, there’s some beginner stuff here, too.
If your sex life feels a little...vanilla these days, it may be time to try some other flavors in the ice cream shop. And by ice cream shop, I mean your bedroom, and by other flavors, I mean kinky sex.
What exactly is kinky sex, you ask? Good question. Since the term gets thrown around a lot, it carries a lot of ambiguity. At its most basic level, kink refers to unconventional sexual preferences or behaviors, including the six components of BDSM (a refresher: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism), says sex therapist Veronica N. Chin Hing-Michaluk, LMHC. “If kink is defined as anything that exists outside of the norm, I challenge you to think about whose norm you’re conforming to,” she says. Touché.
Your brand of kink might be sex with multiple partners at once; it might be having your partner secretly use a remote control vibrator on you while you're out with friends; it might be light choking.
If you're unsure about what you kinky preferences are, licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin suggests easing your way in. "I think a lot of people, for some reason, have this idea that if you’re going to try kink, you have to go all the way. You don't. That’s still really intimidating and can actually lead to a lot of difficulties," she says.
Before springing bondage gear on your partner, discuss your boundaries and desires, and make sure you're on the same page about what you're both down to try, she says. And don't forget to come up with a mutual safe word. It's critical not only when you want to stop, but also when you’re nearing your limit, says Chin Hing-Michaluk. “Having that framework with kink can help you pace yourself, and figure out how fast or slow you want to go,” she says. Say it with me now: Consent is sexy.
So now that you're familiar with the basics, you might be left wondering how exactly to dip your toe in rougher waters. Depending on what you like, the first step might be as simple as adding a few simple maneuvers to your erotic menu. These 12 positions for kinky sex are a great start and pretty much guarantee a next-level orgasms.
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For people who are just starting out, Marin recommends this classic: "Probably the easiest position to try is doggy style because it already feels like a little more animalistic position and lends itself really well to spanking, hair-pulling, and things like pinching the nipples."
Do It: Kneeling on all fours, have your partner enter you from behind, either while they're standing and you're stationed on the bed, or they're on their knees behind you. Same-sex partners could consider a strap-on or just use fingers for penetration. Either way, try roughing things up by smacking butts.
Here’s a fun one for those of you who want to experiment with a little anal play during penetrative sex: the seated wheelbarrow. This position gives your partner easy access to both holes (sorry for the bluntness), while the angle allows partners to go in deep. (Be prepared to get loud).
"Get started with your fingers first and see how you like the pressure there," Marin suggests. Then if you're into it, consider upgrading to anal beads or a butt plug.
Do It: With your partner sitting on the edge of the bed—or couch, or kitchen chair—position yourself on their lap with the tops of your thighs pressed against theirs and your legs stretching behind their back. Lean forward with both palms on the floor and have them insert a well-lubricated finger into your butt while they enter you from behind with their penis or strap-on, maybe pulling it out just as you're on the brink of orgasm.
Now it's time for you to take the reins: The cowgirl presents an optimal opportunity to dominate your partner, an easy way in to full-on BDSM. Before you straddle them, maybe blindfold their eyes with a silk scarf or tie. With their consent, you can also tread into bondage territory.
"If you’re really a beginner and feeling shy, you can just start with having one partner hold the other’s hands over their head," Marin says. "You get that feeling of it, and you can get a sense of whether that’s something you both like without having to buy anything new." Or use the same scarf or tie to restrain their wrists—just keep the knots loose if it's your first time.
Either way, this position puts you in charge, so experiment with tweaking or twisting your partner's nipples, or—if you have a male partner—grabbing his balls.
Do It: Straddle your partner at their pelvis, pushing off their chest and sliding up and down their thighs. Lean back, hold their wrists down...you do you, cowgirl.
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With your hands out of play, your partner is free to roam your body, finding the erogenous zones (you know, those hotspots that feel extra delicious) neither of you may not have discovered before your foray into kinky sex.
It can be a tad challenging, but Chin Hing-Michaluk recommends this position to engage with your partner's entire body. “While you hold up a partner, use one hand to engage parts of their body, so not only are you able to gaze down at your partner, but you’re able to caress,” she says.
Do It: Get into a partial bridge position (like a pinball machine), with your weight resting on your shoulders. Have your partner tie your hands to the bedpost or headboard, then let them enter you from a kneeling position.
There’s a lot of room for reciprocity in Spider, says Chin Hing-Michaluk. Both of you can put in massive work since clitoral stimulation is unparalleled in this position, and having your hands so close to you and your partner’s genitals make touching everywhere so easy.
You can also experiment with sucking toes or upping the kink with a vibrator. Give the toy over to your partner, lay all the way back, close your eyes, and let them take control...literally.
Do It: Sit on the bed with legs toward one another, arms back to support yourselves. Now move together until your genital touch. Your hips will be between their spread legs, your knees bent, and feet outside of their hips and flat on the bed. Now rock back and forth.
The Cross-Booty is a standout (lie-down?) option if your partner is into spankings and/or humiliation. (Trust, some are.) But if you don’t want to go full out, Chin Hing-Michaluk suggests giving the facedown partner a yummy sensual massage all over, taking your sweet time to play with their body and wind down. See? Kink doesn’t always have to be so intense.
Do It: Have them lie across your lap, with your hips tipped up so they can enter you. With their butt in the air, you’ll be perfectly positioned to give them a little smack—with your hand, or if you're feeling more ambitious, with a paddle, or any other toy you’ve both agreed is fair game. Clit-to-clit, strap-on, P-in-the-V...it all works. “Sometimes it just takes a bit of finagling to get to that pleasure point,” Chin Hing-Michaluk says.
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Just looking at this sex move feels kinky, no? The top partner is in complete control—with a little help from a friend called gravity—whereas the bottom partner is basically twisted into a sexy pretzel.
“That’s why it’s so important to check in,” Chin Hing-Michaluk says. “When the power dynamic is so visible like this, the top partner wants to go wild, but that can be counterproductive. The dominant partner should tend to the submissive partner.” This pose also works well with accessories—as in, the edible kind. To turn it up, have your partner dribble chocolate syrup or something sweet into your mouth to light up even more of your senses.
Do It: Lie on your back with your legs raised and folded over so that your ankles are on either side of your head, while they squat and dips their penis, strap-on, or fingers in and out of your vagina.Oh—and don’t forget to use a pillow to help support the shoulders and hips.
There’s something super animalistic and kinky about a position that’s not only about taking you from behind, but also doing so while you’re submissively lying facedown.
Exercise your storytelling skills with role-play, setting up a scene that ultimately leads to lying face down, says Chin Hing-Michaluk. “It’s also a great position to edge your partner and push each other’s boundaries,” she says. Under-the-bed restraints or using a pillow under the hips can also amp up the experience.
Do It: Lie facedown on the bed, legs straight, hips slightly raised.
Standing sex isn't easy, but it sure is kinky as hell. And the Stand and Deliver takes it up a notch, with your partner grabbing your hands and more or less dominating your body. All the blood rushing to your head in the bent-over position—plus the fact that your vaginal walls tighten in this stance—can seriously add to the intensity.
To make it kinkier, use a tie or cuffs to restrain the wrists and ankles, says Chin Hing-Michaluk. And you can try this out anywhere (exhibitionism, anyone?). “Use different furniture in your house to see what angles you like,” she says.
Do It: With both of you standing, you bend over at the waist; your partner enters you from behind. Let them grab your wrists (and loosely or as tightly as you like it), and let your partner control the motion as you pull them into you.
Did you really think I'd get through a kinky-sex roundup without including the one and only Reverse Cowgirl? This position is naturally kinky, because it gives your partner a full (and blessed) view of your backside as you ride them, and they can reach around to touch your clitoris, breasts, belly button, butthole, inner thighs...yeah, you get it.
“The rider can lean back and choke, or push on the chest of their partner when it's time to switch the power dynamics,” Chin Hing-Michaluk says. Feeling extra adventurous? Dabble in anal play with a remote-control plug. You’re welcome.
Do It: Your partner lies on their back; you straddle them, facing their feet. So simple!
“Ballet Dancer seems simple, but it provides a unique, inclusive experience compared to some of the other upright positions,” Chin Hing-Michaluk says. It’s also super intimate—as in, right in each other’s faces—which is a great excuse to give dirty talk a spin.
Do It: Standing on one foot, face your partner and wrap your other leg around their waist while they help support you.
Look at your living space as a playground. The erotic kind. If you’re #blessed with an outdoor space, Chairman is an extra kinky pose you can explore voyeurism or exhibitionism with, Chin Hing-Michaluk says. As long as you don’t permanently scar your neighbors, wear loose clothes (i.e. a robe) or towel that opens you up to your partner. Add a blindfold to experiment with sensory deprivation.
Do It: Your partner sits on the edge of the bed (or other piece of furniture) and you sit on them, facing away.
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Kinky Female
