Kink Social Network
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Kink Social Network
A community that is truly free to discuss, learn, explore, date and more for everyone to join with any gender, background, thoughts, kinks and much more.
We believe that kinks are normal and whether we accept them or not, everyone has their own.
Creating connections and relations based on pure individual interests
Beakr is a unique social and dating app that lets people define themselves and their kinks to find appropriate matches
A community that is truly free to discuss, learn, explore, date and even more
When meeting new people to explore, befriend, or date, it is important that you are always your authentic self. This is why Beakr lets you define what drives you in a connection - be it platonic or romantic.
The core philosophy at Beakr is to help people destigmatize kinks and peculiarities. When meeting new people let you choose your kink in the way you want.
How Kink's Largest Social-Networking Site Fails Its Users
By protecting the identities of people with a history of abusive behavior, FetLife.com leaves members of the BDSM community vulnerable to harm.
The Fifty Shades of Grey books have unleashed a wave of mainstream interest in kinky sex since their arrival in 2011. The film version, which hit theaters on February 14, will probably trigger a second surge. But the kink community is less than enthusiastic about that.
“I’m not looking forward to it,” says Autumn Lokerson, a BDSM blogger and self-identified submissive.
That’s because Lokerson has seen many Fifty Shades converts dive headfirst into BDSM, without taking much time to educate themselves about the elaborate rules, rituals, and culture that have developed over decades. Her main concern is that newbies can put themselves in danger. All those rules—summed up by the oft-repeated community mantra "Safe, Sane, Consensual"—are vital to making risky practices like bondage and the infliction of pain safer.
Also worrisome is that many dipping a toe in the waters of BDSM will start exploring through FetLife, which, with more than 3.5 million members, is the most popular social networking site for kinksters. FetLife lets members discuss issues, explore their desires, and arrange offline events and dates. But Lokerson and others have long contended that FetLife does an inadequate job of safeguarding its users, and even creates a false sense of safety in the community—primarily, by preventing identification of abusive members.
Just as the rest of society has more openly confronted the ugly reality of rape, the BDSM scene has had to acknowledge that "Safe, Sane, Consensual" is often more of an ideal than reality. In 2011, Kitty Stryker, a blogger and longtime member of the BDSM community, spoke out about having her negotiated boundaries repeatedly violated by people she trusted. This triggered a flood of similar accounts across blogs, message boards, and discussion threads.
In 2013, these anecdotes were backed up by a survey by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, a group that works for the legal protection of alternative sexual practices. The survey found that 30 percent of people who participated in BDSM had had their pre-negotiated boundaries violated by a partner.
Revelations of abuse also frequently surface on FetLife. But these discussions are seriously limited—Fetlife doesn’t allow users to name their abusers. In a 2012 forum thread titled “Confessions: TRIGGER WARNING,” dozens of members accused others of violating their consent, using their FetLife screen names. However, FetLife administrators quickly emailed the user who started the thread, requesting that all usernames be removed. The thread can still be viewed in its anonymized version by registered Fetlife users.
Many of the stories shared on FetLife are horrific. One user shared this message from a FetLife admin regarding accusations against a high-ranking community member, whose username is here replaced with [Tribe Leader]:
My name is Maureen, and I’m writing to let you know that we’ve removed a post you made in your status referring to [Tribe Leader] that said: “[Tribe Leader] has anally raped a person who was bound and gagged and unable to resist” I’m very sorry, but I’m afraid we don’t allow criminal accusations to be made anywhere on Fetlife against another member : (
The policy is clearly laid out in Fetlife’s Terms of Use , which prohibit making “criminal accusations against another member in a public forum.” Whatever the rationale for the policy (FetLife founder John Baku and his staff did not respond to repeated requests for comment), its implications are profound.
Written abuse plagues much of the Internet, and attempts to deal with it are still inadequate. On February 4, Twitter CEO Dick Costolo admitted in a memo that “we suck at dealing with abuse.” Facebook’s sometimes-controversial “real names” policy is in part an attempt to curb abuse on the site, and the social-media behemoth employs legions of low-paid screeners to filter offensive posts.
It’s not surprising that FetLife, a much smaller company than Twitter and Facebook, lacks the manpower and innovation to confront and deal with the even more complicated reality of offline abuse suffered by its members. An additional challenge is that FetLife users rarely use their real names, or even show their faces in profile photos, due to the risk to their day-to-day lives if their still-marginalized sexual practices were exposed.
But before any of their more expensive efforts, Twitter and Facebook allowed users to call out others for bullying, slurs and death threats. That has resulted in prosecutions that are themselves complicated, but which may help make online life more civil. The inability to name abusers on FetLife, even pseudonymously, deepens the faceless distance that breeds online abuse. It also robs FetLife, and the online BDSM community more generally, of the self-policing and communication that are crucial to safety. Exploring BDSM through a screen is attractive to less-savvy acolytes—but anonymity is also like oxygen for the bad actors likely to prey on them.
“If I were a psychopath and looking for victims,” Lokerson says, “that’s a great place to start.”
Fifty Shades of Grey may also make its converts even more vulnerable because, as Emma Green recently wrote in The Atlantic , its depiction is overwhelmingly nonconsensual. The website “50 Shades of Abuse” dives deep into the books’ many instances of coercion and force, including four separate times main character Ana is raped by her boyfriend Christian Grey. The campaign “ 50 Dollars Not 50 Shades ” has called for a boycott of the film on the grounds that it glamorizes abuse, encouraging people to instead donate $50 to a women’s shelter.
Christian Grey is far from the first dangerous fictional character who people also find attractive. The more important question is how those sort of fantasies get channeled into real-world behavior. Lokerson herself is an arresting example of the difference between the two. She refers to her husband as “Master,” and her website features a long list of the rules she follows in their relationship, including the requirement that, when they’re alone, she serve him food and drink on her knees.
But she’s also a bright, outspoken woman, and clearly nobody’s slave. Her main priority in life, she says, is getting her teenage daughters off to college. As we talk, her husband occasionally chimes in benignly from the background, not much differently than any half-interested spouse. That kind of subtle balance between fantasy and reality is hard to establish in the context of a hookup between two strangers who met online.
Community members have attempted to compensate for FetLife’s failings, launching an add-on tool called the Fetlife Alleged Abusers Database Engine, or FAADE , which both maintains a database of allegations and scans user’s profile pictures against the United States Sex Offender Registry. Users also launched a petition urging Fetlife to let users name abusers, though so far, the petition has had no effect on the site’s policy.
But the idea that a site facilitating risky sex doesn’t allow its members to police themselves is unnerving. Fetlife’s policy of silence has helped online BDSM seem more happy and safe than it really is. Autumn Lokerson advises people to connect with the BDSM community in person, where it’s easier to both identify and be warned about potential dangers. She says experienced participants can tell “from a two minute conversation” whether someone is an obvious threat.
“If you’re going to be involved in an online community because there’s nothing [offline] close to you, that’s fine,” she says. “But you need to be more aware of the risks there. I don’t think Fetlife is the greatest community for learning about this kind of thing.”
“There are so many people who are lost and wandering around in the dark.”
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Not everyone gets BDSM, but those of us who do understand it as the perfect middle ground between pure lust and true love.
When you “play” with a partner you get a strong emotional connection, an intense rush, and some even say a blissful or out-of-this-world climax.
But what are the best fetish websites and BDSM sites out there?
Here we’re going to discuss the best BDSM fetish dating sites, as well as a general introduction to the lifestyle and the community.
We chose Adult Friend Finder as our #1 pick because it offers the largest fetish community and lets you search for an endless number of sexual niches with its forum option.
There’s also a social media feature so you can post all about your kinks and experiences.
Adult Friend Finder is the most thriving kink website and that certainly matters when dealing with the BDSM lifestyle. You don’t want to be a lone wolf!
Add video chat, swingers, threesomes, and LGBTQ+ friendliness into the mix, and you’ve got a winner!
Fetlife is the most popular free dating site for kinksters and like-minded people.
The site offers free chat, photos, video, and an easy social network-style layout that lets you search for kinks and add friends or follow members who are into the same lifestyle.
There have been many sites like FetLife, but none measure up to this juggernaut of the kinkster community.
Fetlife also introduced a mobile FetLife app recently, which offers notifications, messaging from the site, a stealth mode for public viewing, and even a Discover option for nearby events. Nice!
Alt.com is one of the largest BDSM dating website communities. Alt offers photo trading, fetish dating, swingers and couples, and even member cameras. You can join for free and start looking around for your kink and other users into the same stuff.
Alt.com offers amateur chat as well as experienced doms and dommes for the complete BDSM adventure. You can also extend your search to countries across the world and find like-minded kinksters anywhere .
Ashley Madison is not necessarily a fetish website, but it is probably the most discreet place on the internet for a married affair .
You can run a search on a specific kink or you can search locally to see who’s nearby and what their favorite kink is.
While the site doesn’t do kink matches, talking about your kink to a new friend is one of the best ways to start a strictly sexual relationship .
With over 900,000 members, BDSM.com is a sex-positive website with a fast-growing community of fetishists.
Here, you can find over 340 groups devoted to unique kinks, including FemDom, bound and gagged, high heels and boots, no limits roleplay, and kinky and geeky.
Let’s just say there are kinky girls and guys aplenty.
You can form your own group, and check out over 250,000 member videos. Give it a try!
Seeking.com is not a kink matching site by design, but it caters to one popular niche – the sugar daddy spoiling his sugar baby.
Ideally, you need some cash to splash.
Oftentimes that sugar dynamic turns into dom/sub or master/slave kinks, especially with the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey.
More than a website – Fetish.com is a portal to the greater BDSM community. At Fetish.com, the site’s primary feature is offering maps to local MUNCHES which are PG-rated meetup groups for everyone.
Membership is free and you can browse forums, chat, and take your search almost anywhere in the world. The site offers a combination of community and dating/matching.
The Fantasy App, not to be confused with Fantasy.com, is an app exclusively for polyamorous and open marriage relationships.
There’s no need to ask about marital status, but you can be assured that everyone here believes in ethical dating, safety, health, and reciprocity.
Whiplr has a growing community with over 1.2 million members, 600,000 photos, and 50,000 chats and video calls.
The community offers a variety of fetishes, including newcomers, cuckholders, masters, slaves, and 24/7 slave-master setups. The site also sponsors fetish meetups across the world.
KinkD is an app that matches together kinksters and BDSM users, while also offering a social network for all its users.
Whether you’re single, a couple, or swingers, you can join, post on walls, chat, view stories, meet up, and even follow the most popular users in the community.
Things can get very specific here, from threesomes to even Christian or Jewish BDSM.
Kinkoo started in 2017 but it’s getting along nicely, with a vetted community that weeds out spammers and fakes, and also matches users together using its own algorithm.
The site also offers education and kink feeds for each user, which serves as an icebreaker, as well as the introduction of a soft or hard limit.
Fetster is a free kinkster website that operates as both a social network and a meetup group.
Extreme fetishes are all over, from cuckolds to CBT, pegging, master-slave, rope-play, suspension, deprecating, caging, and spanking .
Search locally, or by city, start chatting, and no premium membership is required.
You can even make your own groups if you don’t find one you like – that’s an excellent feature for specific kinks and fetishes.
Reddit is one of the easiest sites to use, given that it’s free and has a laid-back personal ad posting approach to its community.
The Fetish Reddit community has 145,000 users and even has active subgroup moderation.
You can tag your ad and post by location, age, and whatever kink you’re looking for. Reddit’s best feature? The personal ad can change to an active chat with just one click.
Literotica is known as more of a sexting dating site and a bit of an old website since they haven’t bothered updating their layout since the turn of the century.
But it’s one of the best places to meets fellow kinksters solely because of the huge free archive of erotic fiction available onsite.
BDSM is a very general term referring to a broad community of people who have very specific sexual preferences or even non-sexual kinks.
You will experience intense emotional highs, similar to love, but with a much more diverse view of relationships and commitment.
BDSM can be summarized by 4 distinct ideas:
First things first, nobody wants to play with a dangerous psychopath who doesn’t understand that BDSM is a game and not a literal dungeon of doom.
That’s why the best and only way to start a conversation with a new friend is to talk like a normal human being and speak the language of your fellow kinksters.
That means being safe, sane, and consensual . No method acting in the beginning – there’s no need to audition or impress. Be friendly and approachable and then explore the kinks you have in common.
Sessions of play are sometimes called “scenes” requiring a Dom, Sub, or Switch. If a website asks you whether you’re a Dom, Sub, or Switch, this means whether you like to be:
Despite what you would assume, the Receiver/Sub is usually the one who directs “the scene.”
Dominants are trying their best to give pleasure to the submissive so that the submissive will keep using a Dom’s services. Successful negotiation increases trust and partners can closely bond together after so many sessions.
BDSM players do not like an abusive or arrogant Dom that doesn’t understa
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