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1950s, 1960s (etc) era: Refers to relationships based on the mores and practices of the time period; generally a monogamous, heterosexual, male-led relationship. Similarities with Christian domestic discipline (CDD), taken in hand (TIH) practices. DeFUNition: Think “Leave It To Beaver” with a dungeon in the basement….
24/7 (see TPE ): A D/s relationship which is in effect at all times. A Total Power Exchange, or TPE, relationship would be the most extreme form of 24/7; some consider the terms equivalent.
abrasion play: Using something rough (such as sandpaper or scrub brush) to provide stimulation. May leave temporary marks; some may go so far as to draw blood, in which case infection prevention is important.
adult baby (see diaper lover ): One who dresses and/or role plays the part of a baby or toddler.
aftercare (see Dom drop, sub drop, subspace ): The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, and slowly come back in touch with reality. Depending on the intensity of the scene and the nature of the participants, aftercare may be very important to one or both participants in order to prevent later emotional aftereffects . Aftercare may consist of some or all of the following components: Being away from noise, activity, bright light; physical closeness and touching with the partner; hydration with water or sport drink; keeping warm. Aside from its necessity, aftercare can be one of the most rewarding and loving experiences the participants can share.
age play: Scene (or entire relationship) in which one person (usually the submissive) dresses and acts as if younger in age, ranging from infant to adult child. May or may not include sexual relations. Does not usually include or imply aspects of incest or pedophilism, * but rather the nurturing relationship of parent/child or teacher/student.
algolagnia: Deriving sexual pleasure from the application of pain to an erogenous zone
anal hook: Often used in suspension bondage, it is placed in the anal opening and used as part of the suspension.
anal torture (also see figging ): Inflicting pain on the anus. Keep in mind that this flesh is tender and easily damaged (ouch)!
anal training: Inserting progressively larger objects (usually butt plugs ) in order to stretch the anal sphincter, in preparation for such activities as anal sex and fisting . Safety note: Should proceed slowly and cautiously in order to reduce the risk of hemorrhoids or worse problems; the recipient should always be in control of the insertion.
androgyny: Showing characteristics of both sexes.
anilingus : an activity involving oral sex with another person’s anus.
animal play: (see pet play, ponygirl , ponyboy, pup-play ) The sub behaves and/or dresses like an animal. The principal theme of animal role play is usually the voluntary or involuntary reduction (or transformation) of a human being to animal (see objectification ). Animal role play may or may not involve sexual activity. Not to be mistaken with bestiality/zoophilia , which involves the actual animal.
animal transformation fantasy: Fantasy in which the focus is on the sub entering the altered mind space of a different species.
anime: A style of animated cartoon developed in Japan in the 1960s. See manga .
anti-humiliation (also reverse humiliation): Saying and doing nice things in a way that opens up the subject emotionally, often causing tears and and emotional breakdown. Similar to extended aftercare, but with the intent to build intensity.
auction: Auctions can be held for many reasons: to raise funds for an event, a new piece of equipment, repairs, benefit for a charity or a needy member, or—fun! Most people think of slave auctions , but they may also be of donated “toys,” dungeon time, or the services of someone with special skills; for example, a rope bondage session, sensuous massage, tailoring, lawn service, etc.
auralism: a fetish consisting of sexual arousal or excitement caused by sound, to be compared with voyeurism. This sound might be music, a voice, sex noises (including listening to others having sex) or other sounds.
bad pain (see limits, good pain): Physical or psychological pain which is beyond what the recipient is capable of accepting without potential long-term physical or emotional consequence. Frequently arises from exceeding the recipient’s limits , or failing to recognize signs of distress. Can lead to drastic consequences, including permanent physical damage, psychological side effects, ending of the relationship, even abandonment of the lifestyle .
bagging: Suffocation using a (mostly or always) clear bag over someone’s head, as a turn on.
Balls Out Risky Kink: (also BORK ) An acronym used to describe a philosophical view that is permissive of exceptionally risky sexual behaviors. BORK differs from typical edge play in that the term edge play more commonly references types of play that can have catastrophic results in the cases of equipment failure or improper technique, but that in edge play those risks are mostly mitigated by equipment maintenance and proper technique, where as with BORK even with proper equipment maintenance and proper technique a large and substantial risk is still present.
body worship: To show respect to every part of the Dominant’s body, often by kissing, licking, or sucking. May involve ritual components.
bastinado: Impact play involving the soles of the feet.
beating: The Top uses an implement to hit the sub.
bestiality: Sexual abuse of an animal.
bisexual: A person open to sexual activity with both sexes. May still have a preference; or the attraction might depend more on the individual person than on their sex.
bit; bit gag: A style of gag with a cylindrical mouthpiece, usually made of soft rubber or latex. Simulating the bridle of a horse, such bits are often used in pony play .
black sheet party: An orgy for people into BDSM sex.
blackbooting: Using a shoe heel as an anal dildo; some care required.
bladder/bowel control: (1) Requiring the submissive to ask permission before toileting. (2) Training the submissive to be able to eliminate in the Dominant’s presence, or even while being fondled. As an invasion of privacy, this can be a form of humiliation; it can also be used to foster the submissive’s trust and acceptance of the Dom into the most intimate aspects of the sub’s life.
blood play: (See cutting or blood sports) The drawing of blood during play.
body modification: Various changes to the body, usually permanent. Including tattoos, piercings, scarification (scarring), branding, permanent hair removal, breast augmentation or reduction, etc. Microbranding or “cell popping” is considered temporary; subdermal implants can usually be removed.
bondage: Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage may refer to total body restraint, or restraint of a particular body part, such as breast bondage. (Also see: mental bondage )
bondage art : binding the bottom in a way which is aesthetically pleasing. Often for photography.
Bondage & Discipline (BD or B&D): A part of the multiple acronym BDSM . Refers to the primarily physical aspect of BDSM; that of restraint and of physical play .
bondage belt: Usually made of leather, with metal rings for bondage attachment points.
bondage suit: Used for mummification and occasionally suspension. Commonly made of leather with straps and made to fit snugly.
boot worship: To show respect for the Dominant’s footwear, often by kissing, licking, or sucking, or by cleaning/polishing. May involve ritual components.
bootblack: A person (male or female) who polishes and/or spit-shines a pair of boots, sometimes as a gesture of submission, sometimes as a part of military-style uniform play, sometimes as part of boot worship, and sometimes to mark the beginning of a scene.
branding: Scarring of the skin by a heated object. Can be semi-permanent or permanent (see cell popping ).
brat: A “bratty” submissive has a reputation for talking back, being disrespectful or mildly disobedient. On the surface, this is a negative quality in a submissive; however, a certain amount of “brattiness” is enjoyed by some Dominants, and may in fact be a large component of a power exchange relationship. (Also see Topping from the bottom )
breast bondage: The act of restraining female breasts so that they are either flattened against the chest or so that they bulge. May include nipple clamp ing.
breath control, breath play: The act by which the dominant controls the submissive’s breathing, often by choking, HOM (hand over mouth) or other forms of asphyxiation. Important: Many consider any form or degree of breath control to be extremely dangerous . Please see this .
breeding: Usually means to have unprotected sex to ejaculation (ejaculating inside the vagina or anus) and often performed by a D-type to an s-type. This can be done to males as well as females. It can also refer to a breeding fantasy, where females will role-play being impregnated and carrying the baby, even up to the ‘birth’. This cycle can happen several times in one session as it is fantasy.
brown shower (see scat ): Defecation on a person.
bullwhip: A type of singletail consisting of a woven or braided leather whip, usually longer than 4′, with a short rigid handle.
bukkake: Japanese term for woman being showered by sperm.
bunny (see rope bunny ): 1. primarily someone who bottoms for a demo, such as rope bunny, wax bunny, bondage bunny, etc. 2. various vanilla terms found in the Urban dictionary.
butt plug: Much like a dildo, only shaped slightly differently. Usually has a flared base to prevent it from entirely entering the rectum. They come in a variety of styles and sizes; some can vibrate.
camming: Having “sex” via the Internet, with webcams allowing viewing of the action, either one way or both ways.
cane: A thin rod used for striking. Commonly made of hardwood, bamboo, or acrylic.
canning: A common misspelling of “caning” (see cane above).
cat o’ nine tails: Whip with nine tails or lashes. <
catheter: A specially designed tubular device, usually soft plastic, inserted through the urinary channel into the bladder in order to drain it. Used medically when a person is unable to relieve themselves normally, as in after injury or surgery, or during serious illness or unconsciousness. In BDSM, used in urethral play . Safety caution: The bladder in healthy people is a sterile environment. Inserting a nonsterile catheter, or using the catheter to inject fluids into the bladder, may cause serious infection!
cell popping (see microbranding, body modification ): A small metal poker is heated until glowing red and gently applied to the skin for one second. A design is formed by a series of dots made by the poker. This body mod is considered a temporary branding lasting anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months, depending on application and individual healing factors.
chastity: A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at the choice of their partner; sometimes by means of a device called a chastity belt (or for men a cock cage) that prevents stimulation or makes it painful. (deFUNition: cruel and unusual punishment!)
chat speak: A way to condense IM or text messages to a minimum of characters or letters. Not to be confused with acronyms.
checklist A listing of BDSM and fetish activities used to determine the experience, willingness, and desire of participants for the various activities by both Tops/Dominants and bottoms/submissives. The activities are typically rated on a scale. (For example’ “0” may mean “I never want to experience this” (a hard limit ) and “5” may mean “I want to do this as often as possible!”)
chemical play: Using chemicals to produce sensations. Examples: wintergreen oil, Tabasco sauce, tiger balm, ginger, peppermint, rubbing alcohol, toothpaste, menthol, etc. Caution: should be tested on less sensitive tissues first!
circle jerk: When a group of males all stand in a circle and everyone jerks the person os either the right or the left of them.
cisgendered: The word has its origin in the Latin-derived prefix cis, meaning “to/this the near side”. In short, a ‘girly girl’ or ‘manly man’.
clover clamp: A specific type of nipple clamp consisting of a clamp with a lever mechanism to which a chain or cord is affixed in such a way that pulling on the chain or cord increases pressure on the clamp.
cock milking (see p-gasm, prostate massage ): The practice of forcing a male to discharge semen through the penis through prostate massage without experiencing orgasm. Uses: (1.) In Domination/humiliation play, to arouse, frustrate, and/or humiliate a submissive by causing intense sensations and the involuntary “milking” of semen while denying orgasm; especially effective in the presence of witnesses. (2.) To enhance pleasure (for any male, not just submissives!) by giving an extremely pleasurable sensation, similar to that of orgasm, for an extended period of time.
cock ring: A device put around the penis to keep an erection.
Collar, Collared, Collaring capitalization note: It is a convention among some persons to capitalize the term “Collar” as a form of respect for the Ownership it symbolizes. That convention is used here, but it is by no means universally recognized.
Collar: Any symbol used to represent that a submissive or slave is Owned. Often an actual Collar, but can also be anything from a anklet to a bracelet to whatever the “couple” decides it to be.
Collared: The state of a submissive or slave who is the consensual partner of a Master or Owner, usually in a long-term relationship. Sometimes referred to as Owned .
Collaring: 1. The formal acceptance by a Dominant of a submissive’s service. 2. A ceremony celebrating such an event. May be a simple act of commitment between two people, or a formal ceremony similar to a wedding.
compersion: Feeling expansion in joy and in love when a person you love finds happiness derived from their experience with another person.
consent: Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing bdsm relationship.
consensual non-consensuality: A mutual agreement that within defined limits, or subject to a safe word or other restrictions, and to common sense, consent to activities is given without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. Very common (and pretty much necessary!) for activities such as kidnap or rape play, where prior discussion would destroy much of the “atmosphere”—like spoiling a surprise party. Examples: an agreement that anything rated “2” or higher in a submissive survey is “fair game” for play, without additional discussion or negotiation; or negotiation of kidnap play in advance, but without disclosing when, where, or the details of the scene.
consideration (also under consideration ): Consideration is when the person receiving/having power is still considering or deciding whether to accept the lesser-power partner to a closer, more important, or more responsible (etc.) position or relationship. – being collared or enslaved is common, although other relationships “on the right side of the / ” (the slash) are considered. (Pony, pet, submissive, babygirl/boy, toy, girl, boy, owned, property, chastity, service, bottom, Kajirus, Kajira, bottom, masochist, possession, ad kinkituum.)
contract (may be capitalized): A written agreement between the Dominant and submissive. Generally, it outlines the structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries of the relationship. It is not, nor is it intended to be, legally binding. Contracts may be used for various stages and timelines of the relationship; for example, there may be one for an online relationship; one covering only the first meeting or first few meetings; one covering a period of time (months or years) after which it may be renegotiated; or for a lifetime. Generally, a Contract cannot be amended; if change is desired, it must be rewritten. Often, there is a separate section for rules, protocols, etc. which can be amended; like the U. S. Constitution’s “Bill of Rights”. The signing of the Contract can be a ceremonial occasion; sometimes it is part of a Collaring ceremony. [Editorial note: will work on finding and posting samples soon.]
corporal punishment: Punishment involving pain, often more specifically impact punishment. Any activity involving discipline through physical means.
corset: Clothing for shaping the body, usually into an hourglass shape. Used in the extreme it can cause breathing difficulty, and shift internal organs and bones.
costume play (see role play ): Use of costumes by one or both parties in a scene to enhance the “atmosphere” of role play. Includes professions (police, doctor, etc), historical figures, superheroes, to name just a few possibilities.
cracker: Attached to the end of a whip. Makes a loud cracking sound as the whip is snapped.
Creampie The original usage seems to be eating semen from a vagina or rectum. Possibly due to the internet, where pictures are as close as we can get, visuals of male ejaculate (cum) dripping, squeezed or overflowing from the vagina or ass hole in which it was ejaculated. Has been called “hair pie” with fresh “cream,” possibly before hair removal was more common.
crop: A thin, flexible instrument used for striking, consisting of a rigid but flexible shaft wrapped with leather or a similar material, with a handle at one end and often with a small leather loop at the other.
cuckold (see cuckquean): A man with an “unfaithful” long term partner (i.e. a husband and wife where the wife has sex with other people). There are many variations on cuckolding, but the core essence is a couple where the female partner is having sex with other partners. The female partner may have one or more regular lovers or have sexual encounters with strangers. The male may or may not be aware of being cuckolded. The male may be submissive to his partner and/or her lover(s). The male may even dominate his partner and/or her lovers. The male may or may not be present to watch his partner with her lover(s) and may or may not participate with his partner and/or her lover(s). The male may or may not be permitted to have sex with his partner (see chastity ) and may or may not sexually interact with his partner’s lover(s) (see bisexual ). Since cuckolding requires a long term relationship in order for the fidelity of that relationship to be violated, it is problematic for men who want to be cuckolded but are single or married to someone who does not share their interest. Such men may engage in cuckold role play with women, couples or a hired professional.
Crumbs: (See Breadcrumbs ) Short for Breadcrumbs.
cuckquean: Female version of cuckold (above). In the fetish scenario, the cucquean might enjoy a scenario such as being forced to sit and watch quietly while her partner has sex; again, may or may not be allowed to participate. Conversely, she may be “forced” to exhaustion.
cunnilingus: Oral sex performed on a female.
cupping: To use a suction device on body parts. Commonly glass cups which are done with suction or fire.
cutting: The use of a sharp instrument with the intent of drawing blood.
cybersex: (cyber) Performing or role-playing sexual acts over the internet. This can be done via text only, or us
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