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Published: 19:29 GMT, 22 August 2014 | Updated: 23:17 GMT, 22 August 2014
A mother-of-two called the police after finding out that her 13-year-old daughter had been sending and receiving nude pictures of herself and other teens on her tablet computer.
The mom, who has not been named to protect her identity, from Dinwiddie County, Virginia, was horrified when she discovered sexually explicit content on her daughter’s electronic devices.
Her daughter had been 'sexting' boys a series of naked images on her cell phone and tablet computer and had received similar pictures back in response.
Images: The mom of a teenage girl found out that her daughter had been sending and receiving naked pictures of herself and other teens using her tablet and phone
Police: The worried mom made the difficult decision to call the police over the incident to protect her daughter
Her mother told WTVR : ‘What scares me is... this much bigger than we realize. How many others are doing this and you don't realize it.’
The parents became aware of their 13-year-old’s activity when their other child heard voices in her bedroom around 4 a.m.
They punished her and took away her electronic devices.
But when they had a quick look through the device they were unprepared for what they found.
‘Looking through the phone and the tablet we did find, sexual pictures, conversations, that were very inappropriate for her age,’ she said.
However, while none of the images showed their daughter with anyone else she was sending most pictures to boys who would then text one back to the eighth grader.
But worryingly, one 'sext' involved a high school senior.
‘We believe them to be 17-18ish... Definitely older than her, did request they have sex,’ she said.
‘Everybody wanted to be her friend, because according to these people, she was cool now.’
The girl could face criminal charges.
But her concerned parents said that they called in the sheriff's office to protect her.
‘We did this now to protect her. For now and in the future, because this could get worse, she could be taken,’ she said.
Commonwealth's Attorney Lisa Caruso said there are other options for the teen, not necessarily going through the court system.
Charges: Commonwealth's Attorney Lisa Caruso said there are other options for the teen, not necessarily going through the court system
However, the older teens could face felony charges depending on their ages.
Now, the mom is urging other parents to do more to protect their kids.
She said parents should start by having all electronics fitted with parental controls to keep children away from dangerous apps.
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Published by Associated Newspapers Ltd
Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group
Raising Kids
Better Parenting
Parenting Teenagers
Parents is part of the Dotdash Meredith publishing family.
Teens date. Sometimes whether you're ready for it or not. And if you're not, what comes next can be downright terrifying: Kissing. Hugging. Holding hands. More revealing clothing.
The signs your child may be having sex are not hard to spot. But knowing how to handle the situation is anything but easy. If you're afraid your teen is having sex, here's my advice: You cannot leave this situation to chance.
It's best to bring up the issue of premature and premarital sex , and voice your concerns. Talk of your hopes and dreams for your child's future. Explain that physical and emotional issues related to sex—and this includes the possibility of a baby—could alter future plans. If you're reluctant to bring up the topic, find someone who will. This person could be a family friend, counselor, or trusted relative.
To forbid your child to have sex or deny them contraception is naive. To think that you can watch your child and their romantic partner at all times is unrealistic. Teens are very skilled in finding a way to satisfy their sexual urges. Telling a sexually interested or active teenager to not engage in sexual activity is like shoveling sand against the adolescent tide. Once a child goes through puberty, their body is equipped to procreate, and it's difficult to reverse their interest in sex once puberty takes hold.
Besides being risky physically (because of sexually transmitted diseases and the concern of pregnancy), an intimate sexual relationship is often beyond the emotional wherewithal of most teens. Most teens don't consider this when they are out to satisfy their sexual drive. You must also prepare and protect your teenager from the burden of the emotions related to a sexual relationship.
Today the attitude of many parents of teens is a "don't ask, don't tell" approach. If parents don't see signs, then it's out of the parent's mind. Such an approach is irresponsible. Every parent needs to address sexuality issues with his or her teen. And if you are seeing signs, there is no way you can let the situation alone.
Despite the need to open up a dialogue with your child about their clothes and public displays of affection, it's important to let them know that you love them no matter what. It's not easy, particularly because your child might scoff or blow up at you. Bear up nevertheless. Proceed with love and determination to make your points regardless of how you fear your child will respond.
When it comes to talking to kids about sex, parents simply can't provide too many resources. And since teens today are famously Web-savvy , sharing these sexual health Web sites with them is a nonthreatening way to let them safely explore sex stats and articles on their own.
But why should teens read about sex topics by themselves? "With the media portraying sexuality more and more, with teens at younger ages having sex, and with all of the sexual 'trends' being explored, teens need viable information," says Susan Falcone, National Board Certified teacher and Family Studies department chair at Loch Raven High School in Baltimore, Maryland.
Falcone says that the "garden of misinformation" (i.e., "I heard that that...") is still the only source for many teens.
"I've been teaching sex education for 37 years and I have seen only a modicum of progress in their knowledge, while their experiences have widened well beyond their parents'. They are still embarrassed to talk about sex with their parents and parents are still embarrassed to approach the topic with their teens," Falcone says. "More and more, schools are being restricted as to what is deemed 'appropriate' to discuss in sex education classes."
Many of the following sites are sex-positive — they don't promote abstinence as the only option for teens, but rather discuss how to make responsible choices regarding sex. Visit these sites as a parent, approve the content, then share them with your child:
The teen outreach site of Planned Parenthood Federation of America offers diagrams, Q&As, and articles about sex, pregnancy, relationships, and what happens to teen bodies. The voice of the site is that of a wise teen friend, making it approachable for the middle- and high-school set.
Reproductive health professionals answer girls' questions in live chat rooms during scheduled appearances.
An interactive, easy-to-understand animated movie about the menstrual cycle with links to articles on what to do about missed periods, surviving menstrual discomfort, and more.
I Wanna Know is the teen division of the American Social Health Association, a nongovernmental-funded group that works across the country to distribute information about sexually transmitted diseases. Bulleted information gives teens a quick look at specific sexual health considerations and STDs.
A listing of questions to ask tattoo artists or body piercers to ensure an STD-free experience.
A specific area concerning emotional changes during puberty and infrequently discussed topic!
Sex has consequences — that's the message of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy , a nonprofit organization. The group aims to "improve the well-being of children, youth, and families by reducing teen pregnancy" by using in- and after-school programs to delay teens' first sexual experiences. The site has separate areas for parents, professionals, and even religious leaders, covering a wide base of adults who influence tweens and teens.
Searchable city and county birth data help parents see what role teen pregnancy plays in their communities.
Downloadable audio and video clips of TV shows, public service announcements, and mini-movies with safe-sex and abstinence-related topics.
Written in accessible language for teen readers, GirlsHealth is sponsored by the National Women's Health Information Center of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office on Women's Health. Teens can safely click around the "Body" and "Relationships" sections to read about their physical development, first periods, first sexual relationships, and STDs.
A specific area that discusses how parents can broach the topic of puberty and sex with their teens.
The "Free Stuff!" area lets girls download girl-positive Instant Messenger icons, computer desktop wallpaper, and calendars.
It's Your Sex Life is an offshoot of the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation, a nonprofit group dedicated to educating the public about major healthcare issues that face our country. It's Your Sex Life calls itself "Your Guide to Safe & Responsible Sex," and offers teens articles and fact sheets on pregnancy and contraception, HIV and STDs, and communicating effectively with their sex partners.
An interactive quiz that informs teens about recognizing STDs and taking their effects seriously.
A specific area focused on talking with partners about sex — including different real-life (not corny textbook) scenarios and how teens could react to them.
A sounding board for young adults embracing their sexuality, Scarleteen contains articles on menstruation, self-exams, contraception, relationships (gay and straight), and anatomy. Scarleteen also invites teens to "Ask a Sexpert" their most embarrassing questions or talk on chat boards about topics such as "Sexual Ethics and Politics" and "Body & Soul."
A very fresh, honest approach to what's happening to their bodies during puberty , and very candid posting boards where they can connect with other teens.
Sex, Etc. is a major collection of articles by and for teens on topics ranging from deciding whether to have sex to teen parenting to body image to abortion. (The site and accompanying print newsletter are the products of the National Teen-to-Teen Sexuality Education Project, which was developed by the Network for Family Life Education at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey.) Polls, chat boards, and a sex glossary make this a candid place for teens to talk with other teens about sex and sexuality issues.
Consistent monitoring by the Network for Family Life Education, and periodic studies regarding the success of Sex, Etc.
Interested teens — especially those with strong opinions on sexuality — are invited to apply for staff writer positions for this digital magazine.
This is the teen-focused Web site of the Coalition for Positive Sexuality , a nonprofit organization that encourages teens to demand honest sex education from their parents and educators. The group's "Just Say Yes" campaign encourages teens to look at sex as a positive experience when done responsibly. It also offers fact sheets on topics such as "What's Safe Sex," "What's Birth Control," and "What If I'm Gay?"
The "Just Say Yes" campaign is translated into Spanish.
A very inclusive approach to discussing sexuality. Much of the site discusses respecting different attitudes toward straight, gay, and bisexual teens and adults.
A peer-to-peer advocacy group for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and questioning tweens and teens, YouthResource is committed to providing young visitors facts about the GLBTQ community and the health issues affecting those in it. The site has an extensive network of Peer Educators -- youth ages 13-24 from across the country — who answer individual and frequently asked questions by visitors.
An advocacy section where visitors can sign petitions for federal program funding read about GLBTQ-related internships and read about local and national events.
Specific communities tailored to members' interests or backgrounds — Youth of Color, Deaf Queer Youth, questioning youth -- where members can speak out about GLBTQ issues.
Over 30 years ago, one mother joined her son at a gay rights parade in New York City. Soon, she organized a support group for the families of other parade attendees in a local church basement, and today Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is hundreds of thousands of members strong. The site is a comprehensive resource for individuals looking to come out and seek the support of their families; it includes a local chapter finder, coming-out stories, and a local and national initiative listing.
A weekly e-mail newsletter that delivers up-to-the-minute happenings across the country that specifically affect GLBTQ individuals.
A thorough frequently asked questions area that gives honest advice to queries like: "Is there something wrong with being gay?" "Can gay people have families?" "Why do people come out?"
Jan Faull, MEd, is a veteran parent educator and the author of two parenting books, Mommy, I Have to Go Potty and Unplugging Power Struggles . She writes a biweekly parenting advice column for HealthyKids.com and a weekly parenting advice column in The Seattle Times newspaper. Jan Faull is the mother of three grown children and lives in the Seattle area.
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Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group .
When is an appropriate age to teach your kids about puberty, sex, etc? I have a set of 2-year-old triplets (two girls and one boy) and no other kids. I have suggested telling them about puberty sometime soon and then teaching them about sex when they’re five or six, but my husband thinks we should wait until they’re 12 before we even tell them about puberty, because according to him that’s the age when kids start puberty. That’s not accurate at all. I started puberty when I was eight, and most people I know had FINISHED puberty by the time they were nearly 13. This is causing a huge rift between me and my husband, and I’m not sure how to fix it. What age worked for you to tell your kids about this stuff?
— When Sex Meets Confused First-Time Parents
Since my son is 11, we’re deep in the throes of the puberty and sex conversations—feel free to send gift cards and flowers as I travail questions like, “What does semen look like?”
I just grabbed the first puberty book I saw off our shelves, “ The ‘What’s Happening to My Body?’ Book for Boys ” to double-check that puberty on average begins between the ages of 9 and 14 for boys. It’s even earlier ( between 8 and 13 ) for girls. But it’s a good idea to get out ahead of these conversations , before discomfort and self-consciousness make it harder for kids to engage with you on these topics. Plus, if children aren’t prepared for their body’s changes before they start, those changes can be confusing or even alarming.
Rather than a single “talk,” this should occur in an ongoing series of conversations as kids grow, starting with teaching the proper names of body parts to preschool-age children, and leading into discussions about sexual orientation and gender identity. Conversation about consent and body autonomy should also be happening early and often. Planned Parenthood has a good resource guide for parents on talking to kids about bodies and puberty at various ages.
This way by the time they approach puberty, kids know they can come to you with their questions and get open, honest answers. Because kids will seek out this information no matter what, and I’d rather my son come to me for accu
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