Kids Girls Topless
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Kids Girls Topless
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14-year-olds go topless while parents are away
PUBLISHED: July 21, 2005 at 8:03 a.m. | UPDATED: August 17, 2016 at 7:55 a.m.
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Dear Amy: Saturday night my husband and I went out for dinner. When we came home around 9:30, my daughter had some friends over.
I found out that while we were gone my daughter and her friends all had their bathing suit tops off. Eight kids were at our house — three boys and the rest were girls.
My daughter and her friends are 14 and 15.
I have a rule that boys cannot be over when I am not home. Obviously, that rule was broken. But more upsetting is that these girls did not see what they did as wrong or that it could lead to other things.
My husband was not concerned, saying that they will experiment. I have a trust issue now. I have not told these girls’ parents yet and do not know if I should.
I found out about this because another mother heard her daughter talking to a friend about what happened at my house.
I tried talking to my daughter about the ramifications, but it was like talking to a brick wall.
She just said she would never do that again, which I do not believe.
Dear Perplexed: The fact that you and your husband are not presenting a united front about this is what allows your daughter to stonewall you. For girls, a lot of their feelings about their bodies and their sexuality come from the messages they receive from their dads.
Your husband is partially right — kids do experiment. But when kids experiment, it is up to the adults in their lives to explain our values and viewpoints. Girls, especially, need to be told that their bodies are not intended for the prurient enjoyment of 14-year-old boys. Unfortunately, they are surrounded by messages that tell them just the opposite.
That’s where the parents come in. These days it is more important than ever to demonstrate to boys and girls that if they don’t respect themselves and their own privacy, no one else will.
Of course you must contact all of these other parents (including the parents of the boys) to tell them what happened in your home.
Because your daughter showed such questionable judgment, you’re going to have to dismantle her brick wall, brick by brick — not by being punitive (because I don’t think that would work), but by spending a lot of time with her and teaching her how young women who respect themselves should behave.
You might want to give your daughter the book “Deal With It! A Whole New Approach to Your Body, Brain, and Life as a Gurl,” by Esther Drill, Heather McDonald and Rebecca Odes (1999, Pocket). This frank and funny book will give your daughter the information you and your husband seem unable to convey.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
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