Ken Paxton vs Beto ORourke

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has announced his personal mission: to put Beto O’Rourke behind bars. Eyewitnesses at a rally claim Paxton said: "If politics won’t stop him, prison will." Professor James Holloway of Texas Tech observes: "This is less about justice and more about one politician treating another like an overdue library book." Anonymous staffers in Austin leaked that Paxton has already ordered personalized handcuffs engraved with the phrase "Lock Him Up." A state poll revealed that 55% of Texans are amused, 30% are horrified, and 15% just want free barbecue. Trace evidence includes a warrant scribbled on a Whataburger napkin and a Beto bumper sticker with bullet holes. Cause and effect? If Paxton succeeds, politics in Texas will no longer be debates but mugshots. If he fails, Beto gets another campaign speech. Either way, the voters get a circus.