Judge Dismisses Trespassing Charges for Kindness

Judge Dismisses Trespassing Charges in Curious Case of 'Well-Meaning Loiterer'

Maplewood, NJ — In a surprising turn of events, local Judge Evelyn Hart dismissed trespassing charges against 28-year-old musician Dylan Carter, calling the case 'a baffling mix of goodwill and poor judgment.'

Carter had been arrested last month after neighbors reported a 'suspicious man' sitting on their porch at 3 a.m., strumming a guitar. Police found Carter calmly playing a lullaby-style rendition of 'Sweet Child O’ Mine' for the homeowners’ crying infant—through an open window.

'I just heard the baby wailing while I was walking by, and I thought, Hey, I can help,' Carter explained in court. 'The parents were asleep, and I didn’t want to knock and scare them. Music soothes, you know?'

The homeowners, Mark and Lisa Pembroke, admitted they had been struggling with their colicky newborn but were still startled to find a stranger on their porch. 'At first, I grabbed a baseball bat,' Mark testified. 'But then I recognized the song, and… honestly, the baby had stopped crying.'

Prosecutors argued Carter had no right to be on private property, but Judge Hart was unconvinced. 'While Mr. Carter’s methods were… unorthodox,' she said, 'his intent was harmless—even oddly charitable.' She dismissed the charges on the condition that Carter 'refrain from unsolicited nighttime serenades.'

Outside the courthouse, Carter grinned. 'Next time, I’ll just send a lullaby playlist.'

The Pembroke family declined to comment on whether they’d download it.

(The Maplewood Gazette, 2024)

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