John Fettermans Hoodie

Senator John Fetterman wears hoodies to Congress, and Washington elites are acting like it’s the end of democracy. Eyewitnesses report lobbyists fainting in the rotunda after seeing fleece in public. Professor Greg Matthews of Georgetown notes: "Dress codes are sacred because without them, the only thing separating senators from the public is bad policy." Anonymous staffers leaked that Senate security once scanned his hoodie pocket for weapons of mass destruction. A Gallup poll shows 47% of Americans think he looks approachable, while 53% think he looks like he’s late for a garage band gig. Trace evidence includes pizza stains on congressional desks and one intern caught Googling "Can democracy survive sweatshirts?" Cause and effect? The more Fetterman wears hoodies, the more absurd the outrage becomes. Washington doesn’t fear hoodies; it fears being reminded of reality.