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Mother-son incest victim describes shame, and redemption through his son.
Dec. 1, 2009— -- The molestation began as gentle fondling when Gregg Milligan was 4 years old, but it soon escalated to aggressive touching and eventually beatings that would render him unconscious.
For seven years, until Michigan child welfare workers intervened when he was 11, Milligan was too ashamed to reveal that his tormentor was his own mother.
"She was very brutal," said Milligan. "Through her difficulty reaching climax, she would become frustrated and violent, hitting and punching and slapping not only my genitals, but my face and body."
"It was terribly confusing, and it wasn't just the violation," said Milligan, now 46, and director of infrastructure for a major health care provider in Michigan.
As bad as the incest was, things got worse. Milligan's father had left when he was 2, but by the time he was 8, his mother, an alcoholic and a prostitute, invited strange men home who would sexually abuse him.
"Back then I would never tell anyone, not even a sibling," said Milligan, the most "compliant and sensitive" of three children living at home. "I was just too afraid. It was so horrendous for me to believe she actually would do this to me."
One of the unspeakable secrets in the world of child sexual abuse is that mothers can be molesters. Often, they prey on daughters, but more frequently their sons -- who report increased feelings of isolation and sexual confusion along with thoughts of suicide.
Both of Milligan's parents are now dead, but his past still haunts him.
"Around 10 years old, I started to get this unbelievable feeling of dread that if I don't get out I am going to die from the decadence, the debauchery, the forced molestations and the beatings that became more severe," he said. "For three months I suffered from hysterical paralysis."
An estimated one in four girls and one in seven boys will be sexually assaulted or abused before the age of 18, according to the Alabama-based National Children's Advocacy Center . In 27 percent of these cases, the abuse is perpetrated by the child's parents.
Previous studies of day care workers published in 2000 in the Journal of Sex Research, found that women -- without male accomplices -- accounted for only about 6 percent of the abuse of females and 14 percent of males.
But more recent national surveys indicate about 12 percent of all child abuse cases are committed by women -- "a 100 percent increase compared with previous data," according to Chris Newlin, NCAC's executive director.
"We view females as care givers and protectors of children," he told ABCNews.com. "Now we are beginning to understand females are sexually abusing children, and it is occurring much more."
Professionals are stymied by public perception that incest is "an ugly subject," and that women can't commit such crimes.
"If it's a 35-year-old female and a 14-year-old boy, we'd say the boy is getting lucky," said Newlin. "And if it was a 35 year-old male and a 14-year-old girl, we'd call that a pervert."
And boys like Milligan aren't often believed.
"We have this overarching thing that goes back to the Salem witch trials of children making up stories," said Newlin. "You can't trust kids."
Survivors like Milligan say that these crimes often go unnoticed, not just because society can't imagine women as aggressors, but because boys feel riddled with shame.
"There is this terrible stigma that boys crave sex," said Milligan. "We are just as impressionable and naive and just as afraid. How can anything be consensual at 4 or 11 years old?"
He was finally able to tell all in the self-published memoir he took a decade to write -- initially titled "God Must Be Sleeping," he changed the title to reflect a more upbeat chronicle of his survival, "A Beautiful World."
But Milligan has much to be positive about. Though his childhood was ravaged, he has managed to raise a son, now 23, who "has never known violence or abuse."
Today, Milligan is a spokesman for the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, sharing his experiences as a survivor.
About 10 percent of all crisis calls to the RAINN hotline are from males, according to program director Jennifer Wilson, who said they get about 100,000 calls a year.
"This crime is hard to track because people just don't share it with law enforcement," she told ABCNews.com.
In September, when child star MacKenzie Phillips went on the "Oprah Winfrey Show" to disclose her father had raped her at the age of 19, calls to RAINN's hotline from incest victims "spiked."
Mothers who sexually abuse tend to have higher rates of mental illness and are often the victims of abuse themselves. They also have easier access to children.
"It's easy for women to go unnoticed," said Wilson. "And at the legal stage, they get lighter sentences."
Because incest is considered taboo, few boys come forward and social service providers are not often trained in detecting signs in women abusers.
One victim, Dominic Carter, a TV news reporter in New York, wrote about his own abuse at the hands of his mother in his 2007 memoir, "No Momma's Boy." Earlier this month, Carter was convicted of attempted assault after a 2008 fight with his wife, and could face up to three months in jail.
As a child, Milligan turned his anguish inward.
"My brother and sister could leave the house and naturally play with friends," he said. "I was petrified to leave mother. The clear sense was that if I did, the punishment would be worse."
His mother also threatened to kill herself and Milligan said he more than once was hit by cars while chasing his mother into the street.
His father was equally volatile, returning once to beat his mother "so bad he left her with an eye hanging out of the socket."
Teachers were also unaware of the abuse. "In their defense, I was kept out of school," he said about his frequent injuries. "My mother was very cunning."
The family was on welfare, but when social service workers paid their visits, the children were "always pushed out of the house and not allowed to come home," Milligan said.
Dr. Carole Jenny, a pediatrician and director of the Child Protection Program at Hasbrow Children's Hospital in Providence, R.I., said sexual abuse by mothers is "really hard to diagnose -- most of the time it's not witnessed."
"Most kids have normal exams, and most parents give a credible history," she said. "Most prepubescent boys and girls don't have any lasting physical findings. Abrasions and redness disappear within 24 hours of the event."
For young children, like Milligan, who eventually called an older married sister to intervene, getting help is difficult.
"I was sneaking money and stealing coins and running down to the pay phone and begging, 'Please come and save us,'" he said. "She eventually did but was reluctant because she was afraid."
After a court battle -- his mother unsuccessfully sought custody -- Milligan lived for a time with his sister, immersing himself in books and trying to catch up.
He had missed so much school that he could only read at a third-grade level.
"I could tell time and tie my shoes, but I struggled through my first book, Dr. Seuss' 'Green Eggs and Ham,'" he said. "I read the whole summer and pored though every book I checked out of the library. By seventh grade I barely passed, but I never quit. I kept trying and trying."
But the abuse took its toll. Until he was 16, Milligan had panic attacks and wet his bed, seeing countless child psychologists and therapists.
But by the time he was asked to leave his sister's at 16, he was an A student and involved in athletics.
Though he drifted out of foster homes and shelter with friends and priests, Milligan eventually went on to college and later graduate school.
"To this day the one question people ask is why I survived," he said. "I don't know, maybe there was something bigger and better than all of us and I tapped in to it. But I remind people it doesn't come without its problems."
As an adult, Milligan now needs medication to sleep and still has chronic nightmares, as well as anxiety attacks. "I find myself carrying around a paper bag, but I've managed to avoid the pitfalls of any addictions," he said.
Some men who are abused by their mothers become hypersexual or addicted to pornography, others avoid contact altogether.
Milligan, too, struggles with intimacy in relationships. His first marriage ended in divorce, but he has since remarried. "She is a wonderful woman and working with me in therapy."
Milligan's "happy ending" was watching his son from the first marriage -- "the sweetest, most gentle young man" -- recently graduate summa cum laude from college.
"If there is any indication of success, it's not me or the fact that I graduated from college or writing a professional position," he said. "It's my son -- he has never known violence, only love."
But his own attitude has also fueled Milligan's recovery. "I wanted to focus on the possibility of change and perseverance," he said. "I honestly don't know why I chose to read instead of doing drugs."
With good treatment, many male victims like Milligan do survive, according to Nancy Cotterman, director of the Broward County Sexual Abuse Treatment Center in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
"I don't think they ever forget, but there are many who become empowered adolescents and adults."
What's lacking, say experts, is public awareness of mother-son abuse.
"We have the laws we need, the professionals in every profession and a tremendous network of highly trained and capable individuals in the U.S. to respond to sexual abuse," said NCAC's Newlin. "The greatest challenge is that it is such an ugly subject that most people have a hard time wanting to pay attention to it"
For free, confidential, 24/7, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE or go to the online hotline.

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13 Incestuous Pop-Culture Couples With Cringe-Worthy Chemistry
By Lauren Duca and Christopher Rudolph
What with “Spoils of Babylon,” “August: Osage County” and the approaching premiere of Lifetime’s update on “Flowers in the Attic,” it feels like incest is just really in right now. Although, when it comes to entertainment, familial love is nothing new — Oedipus was already making out with his mother in the fifth century B.C. Now, as you wait for the campy yet terrifying greatness that will surely fill this latest version of “Flowers in the Attic,” we bring you 13 incestuous couples in preparation of the onslaught of taboo.
Chris & Cathy, “Flowers in the Attic”
The essential slumber party reading material is infamous for its incest plot line involving the Dollanganger children as they are locked and hidden away in the upstairs of a giant mansion, but wait, there’s more! Not only is there a romance between brother and sister Cathy and Christopher, but it turns out that their mother and father are actually uncle and niece! The original book is dark and terrifying while the 1987 film version is a campy cult classic. The new Lifetime version has a lot to live up to.
George Michael & Maeby, “Arrested Development”
After she kisses him to make her mother jealous at George Sr.’s retirement party, George Michael’s love for Maeby is interrupted only briefly by his bland for egg. By the time he grows interested in upcoming film “Les Cousins Dangereux,” their trip to second base in the model home is inevitable. George and Maeby soon find out that they are definitely biologically-related cousins, before later discovering that they are definitely not biologically-related cousins (Maeby is Lindsay and Tobias’s biological daughter, but Lindsay is not Lucille and Georges’). Oh, also they accidentally got married in an old folks’ home.
Dexter & Debra Morgan, “Dexter”
Dexter and Deb are not biologically related, but the way they were raised and their closeness as siblings rendered Deb’s affection disgusting at a truly visceral level. Initially it appeared that Deb’s romantic feelings might have been simply an uncomfortable suggestion by her therapist — an unsettling aside, perfectly capable of finding its way out of the show’s consciousness. Yet, when she pursues her feelings to the extent of confessing her adoration for Dexter, things go from complex to just bad. In the words of Deb herself: “You’re a serial killer and I’m more fucked up than you are.”
Norma & Norman Bates, “Psycho” - “Bates Motel”
Norma and Norman Bates have a very close mother and son relationship. Initially shown in the 1960 film “Psycho” by Alfred Hitchock, the relationship receives the origin treatment in A&E’s new prequel series “Bates Motel.” The series shows how Norma and Norman spooning one another in bed will eventually lead to Norman keeping Norma’s skeleton in the basement and dressing as her, while he kills the tenants of his motel. Happy Mother’s Day?
Margo & Ritchie, “The Royal Tenenbaums”
Margo and Ritchie’s taboo love may have been created for the sole purpose of inspiring Halloween costumes. As an adopted daughter, Margo and her fake finger don’t biologically count as part of the Tenenbaum clan, but she and her tragic tennis player know their feelings are wrong. The stress of it all culminates on the court, with Ritchie sinking down, while a sportscaster narrates his struggle: “He’s taken off his shoes and one of his socks and ... actually, I think he’s crying.”
Luke Skywalker & Princess Leia, “Star Wars: Episode IV”
These unwitting siblings really didn’t have much chemistry in the first place. Leia only initially kissed Luke to make Haan Solo jealous, which is never a good reason to kiss someone (even if they don’t turn out to be your fraternal twin). Eventually, Luke and Leia discover that they are the children of Padmé Amidala and, well, Darth Vadar: “Luke, [she is your sister].”
[Spoiler] & [Spoiler], “August: Osage County”
We won’t destroy a major plot point in the play/film, but two members of the extended family fall in love only to end up being related even more so than they originally thought. Get ready to gasp along with the rest of the audience when the secret connection is revealed.
Marty & Lorraine McFly, “Back To The Future”
Don’t blame Lorraine (Lea Thompson), the attraction is purely innocent when she falls for her time-traveling son (Michael J. Fox) instead of her future husband in 1955. Whether she knew it or not, she was hitting on her offspring, but we have to give her credit for comparing kissing Marty to kissing her brother.
Jaimie & Cersei Lannister, “Game of Thrones”
Brother and sister Cersei and Jaime of the House of Lannister have been carrying on a secret affair since they were children. The sibling lovers have had three children Myrcella, Tommen, and the sociopathological King Joffrey. Similar to Cathy and Christopher from “Flowers in the Attic,” but only if they had evil royal children as a result of their affair. Even in Westeros incest must be kept secret.
Cynthia & Devon Morehouse, “Spoils of Babylon”
The IFC miniseries from Funny or Die spoofs, the major television events from the ‘80s like “North and South” and “The Thorn Birds,” follows the wealthy Moorhouse family over the span of 50 years. The star-studded miniseries stars Kristen Wiig and Tobey Maguire as star-crossed adoptive siblings. Over the years, war and money tear the two apart, but their love burns eternal. We’ll watch Wiig in anything, even if she is kissing her (adoptive) brother.
Kathryn Merteuil & Sebastian Valmont, “Cruel Intentions”
Katheryn and Sebastian aren’t hopelessly drawn to each other so much as they feed on mutual manipulation in an economy of sex, power and, well, coke. Sarah Michelle Gellar is so flawlessly evil, it’s difficult to explain her actions through anything other than sociopathy. No word on whether “Les Liaisons dangereuses” (upon which the movie is based) played any role in inspiring George Michael’s obsessed with “Les Cousins Dangereux.” (See: George Michael & Maeby, “Arrested Development.”)
Cher & Josh, “Clueless”
Had you asked Cher Horowitz, if she would ever date Josh, her brother from another mother / by marriage, she would have gawked at you, before disappearing into her massive closet: “As if!” Alas, the tides of Jane Austen’s “Emma” threaded throughout this parodic teen movie, our endearingly pretentious heroine drew ever closer to making out with her brother. Their eventual coupledom is emotionally satisfying enough to be justified. Hey, they’re not really related.
Greg & Marcia Brady, “A Very Brady Sequel”
When Carol’s first husband moves into the Brady household, Greg is forced to share his “far out pad” with his sister Marcia. It isn’t until their first night in the attic together (what is it with attics?!) that Marcia and Greg realize their attraction toward one another. The spark prompts them to realize that if Carol’s still married to her first husband then they aren’t even technically related. Though they’re not related by blood, thinking of the Brady kids as sexually attracted to one another is just wrong, and we’re glad Marcia and Greg agree on that when they finally kiss at the end of the movie.
“Flowers In The Attic” premieres Jan. 18 at 8 P.M. E.T. on Lifetime.
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