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Jesus Christ set the example of one who is pure in thought and action (see 3 Nephi 27:21 ). Even though He was “in all points tempted like as we are,” He remained “without sin” ( Hebrews 4:15 ). He kept Himself clean, pure, and virtuous, and we can do the same. The Lord encouraged us to “let virtue garnish [our] thoughts unceasingly” ( Doctrine and Covenants 121:45 ).
Pornography is any depiction, in pictures or writing, that is intended to inappropriately arouse sexual feelings. Pornography is more prevalent in today’s world than ever before. It may be found in written material (including romance novels), photographs, movies, electronic images, video games, social media posts, phone apps, erotic telephone conversations, music, or any other medium.
Physical intimacy is a sacred part of Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness. However, the adversary tries to thwart the Lord’s plan of happiness by suggesting that physical intimacy is only for personal gratification. Pornography is a tool of the adversary and its use causes the Spirit of the Lord to withdraw from us (see Doctrine and Covenants 63:16 ).
Potential effects of pornography include isolation, secrecy, and deceit that damage relationships and leave one vulnerable to poor self-esteem, anxiety, and depression; unrealistic expectations and misinformation about sexual intimacy; conditioning us to see people as objects to be used and abused; and the development of obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors.
President M. Russell Ballard counseled:
“If you are involved in it, if you are entrapped in this practice, get spiritual help now. You can overcome pornography with the Savior’s assistance. Do not wait.”
Letting virtue garnish our thoughts unceasingly and living the law of chastity will help us follow the virtuous example of the Savior.
If you already indulge in pornography to any degree, you can stop. You have agency to choose your thoughts and actions. This requires an honest admission of the problem and a willingness to be responsible for your actions and the pain those actions have caused others. The adversary may have misled you in the past, but you have the final choice. You can regain the strength of the Spirit in your life. To do this, you need most of all to know that your Redeemer loves you. He has the power to help and to heal you. He died to pay for the sins of all who repent and follow Him. You can draw on the power of His Atonement for hope and strength as you repent. Remember the words of the Apostle Paul: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” ( Philippians 4:13 ).
Multiple resources are available to you. The Addressing Pornography website and the Addiction Recovery Program offers a gospel-centered recovery program for you and your family.
Study, ponder and discuss the information on the Addressing Pornography site with your spouse, parents, or bishop.
Write and share your personal plan for recovery and make changes if necessary.
Understand how you can enlist the help of those around you to support you in recovery.
Visit the website, read the guidebook, or go to a meeting.
Determine whether or not professional help may be needed.
Parents have a sacred duty to teach their children and instill righteous values in them. Parents who have open discussions with their children about intimacy and its role in our Heavenly Father’s plan help protect their children from the influence of the adversary.
The Addressing Pornography website includes resources to help parents protect and instruct their children. Some family home evening lessons you might want to consider are:
Accurately discerning whether or not an individual is struggling with pornography is difficult, but there are a few signs you can look for. While just displaying one of these signs might be a poor predictor, the more that are present, the more concerned you may want to be.
Loss of interest in sexual relations or insatiable sexual appetite.
Denial behaviors such as defensiveness, rationalization, minimization, and so on.
Increased isolation (such as late-night hours on the computer); withdrawal from family.
Emotional withdrawal from family; critical of spouse and children.
Easily irritated; irregular mood swings.
Unexplained financial transactions.
If you suspect that a loved one might be struggling with pornography, read the advice on AddressingPornography.org .
If you learn that a family member is involved with pornography, it is common to feel angry, discouraged, betrayed, or distressed. In these difficulties, you may find and receive strength as you counsel with your bishop. You may also want to ask for a priesthood blessing from a worthy priesthood holder. Gain strength from the stories of others who have dealt with similar experiences.
Read stories of hope for spouses and family members on AddressingPornography.org , and study the Spouse and Family Support Guide on AddictionRecovery.ChurchofJesusChrist.org .
You may also participate in support groups for the spouses and family members of pornography addicts through the Addiction Recovery Program .
Recovering from the Trap of Pornography
Place No More for the Enemy of My Soul
What Should I Do When I See Pornography?
“Why should parents talk to their children about sexual intimacy?”
“LDS Addiction Recovery Program: Meet Sidreis”
“LDS Addiction Recovery Program: Meet Sherrie”
“ Ministering Resources ” (Limited Access to Ward and Stake council members)
“ Pornography’s Innocent Victims ,” New Era, February 2017
“ Anguish for My Father ,” New Era, February 2017
Michael R. Morris, “ I Missed the Message ,” Ensign, October 2016
Kerry Hanson Jensen, “ Our Best Defense against Pornography ,” Ensign or Liahona, January 2016
“ Helping Those Who Struggle ,” Ensign, October 2015
Jennifer Grace Fallon, “ Healing Hidden Wounds ,” Ensign or Liahona, September 2014
“ My Battle with Pornography ,” Ensign or Liahona, July 2007
Dan Gray, “ Talking to Youth about Pornography ,” Ensign or Liahona, July 2007
Benjamin R. Erwin, “ Overcoming Addiction Through the Atonement ,” Ensign, Sept. 2012, 64–68
Protection from Pornography—a Christ-Focused Home
The Power to Cleanse, Media Library
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Don’t you love how porn doesn’t require anything from you? We’re free to demand and consume without it ever asking for anything in return. Or at least that’s the lie we’re sold.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with feeling like a burden, and this feeling created fertile ground for an ugly addiction. My struggles with constantly feeling burdensome began with my dad showing me the bills in my early adolescents. His motivations were good, a father just wanting to teach his son about adulthood and future responsibilities. Unfortunately, these weren’t the lessons I learned. I remember standing beside him in the den of my house as he pulled out a bill, pointing to the number printed on the page and saying, “one day, you’ll have bills of your own.” But, what I heard was “you’re costing the family all this money.”
To me, the young preteen, it was so much money, and all the money I was costing my parents subconsciously produced a narrative within me that said, “You’re a burden.”
To counter that narrative, I started living under my own destructive mantra: “Do everything you can to never be a burden on anybody,” and as I continued to grow up, I filtered my understanding of Jesus through this faulty narrative. Jesus tells us to serve others, to turn the other cheek, and to bear other’s burdens, so I was ready to heed all these charges and ask nothing in return. And I mean nothing. I convinced myself that there was nothing to ask. I abandoned part of my humanity and convinced myself that I didn’t have needs. I had already learned to never be a burden, so forsaking my needs simply seemed like what Jesus would want.
Therefore, I abandoned my needs because I had already learned to never be a burden on anybody.
I still remember the first time I encountered porn. I was at a friend’s house and we were watching a movie that had explicit content. I didn’t really know what to do with it, but before I knew it, I was home alone, exploring the Internet, seeing things I didn’t even know existed. I was young, and porn was fun. The stimulation was even liberating because I finally found a place where I wasn’t a burden.
I had committed to never be a burden to anyone, but that just meant I carried around my burdens. They were eating away at me and I needed a release. Porn provided that for me. I didn’t have to worry about caring for the people on my screen. Their burdens became irrelevant. They were just a fantasy, and in this fantasy, I could ask ask ask, and never be asked of anything in return. I finally found a place where I could be a burden and have needs without feeling like I was asking for too much.
I knew it was wrong to lust, but I didn’t realize that lust wasn’t fully my issue. I needed Jesus to show me that lust and pornography were just an escape for something deeper. I had a problem with not knowing how to fully flesh out my own needs, and I longed for a place to be free of the burdens stacking up all around me. That was the deeper issue Jesus needed to show me. Porn was just an easy escape. Easy escapes, however, hardly provide any lasting freedom, but it’s in the easy escapes that we often look for refuge, and for that matter, we usually don’t have to do much searching. They’re simply right there in front of us.
Thankfully, Jesus steps in and shows us a different way—a freedom that lasts.
Jesus gives numerous illustrations for what it looks like to follow him, but one of my favorites is that of the vine. He says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). It’s so simple. “Abide in me.”
Branches find their nutrients in the vine, but so often, instead of pursuing the Vine, we try to pursue the fruit. Too often, we try to fight the sin of lust to produce the fruit of purity; fruit, however, can’t grow without nutrients. Fighting for purity without abiding in the Vine kills the fruit. If we cut a grape from the vine from which it gathers life, the grape will die—so too will our fight for purity die unless we continue to abide in the True Vine.
It wasn’t until I learned what it really looked like to abide in Jesus, to remain in him, that I began to see him change my heart. I still struggle with feeling like a burden, and day in and day out, porn calls my name. But, Jesus is showing me how to give him my burdens. He is teaching me how to sit in his presence, and in his presence, he is showing me the deeper issues, along with his deeper affection for me. His cross teaches me that it’s safe to give him my burdens. He shows me that I can have needs. He meets me in my place of need. And, in the meeting, he gives me freedom.
Cale Baker is currently working on a Masters degree in English at Liberty University. He works as a Graduate Student Assistant where he gets to teach English to college freshmen. Cale feels most fulfilled when he gets to teach, read and write, and hang out with people. If he could do all of these for the rest of his life, he’d be a happy camper.
Filed Under: God and Porn Tagged With: burden , hope , story , Vine
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did Jesus ever get an erection or masturbate?
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Does the Jewish concept of messiah necessitate chastity?
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