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You'll be so glad you came. (Pun intended.)
Because let's be real, everyone is different and has their own preferences, which means there are a lot of questions out there. You could be wondering: How the hell do I orgasm? How do I know if my habits are ~normal~? What kind of sex toy do I buy? And, um, is there a safe way of doing things?
To help, we rounded up our top masturbation advice — from both experts and normal masturbation-loving people — so that you can make sure your body is getting the proper love and attention it deserves. Okay, get reading!
Like these very detailed practices:
"My favorite place to masturbate is in the shower with the shower head. I turn down the lights and start my shower hot so the bathroom is nice and steamy. I change my shower head setting so the flow is steadier and cooler. I keep that shower head on my clit. The pressure from it feels amazing and I can orgasm in less than five minutes. The best orgasms are the ones where I temporarily go blind and the shower head does just that."
"I always take a super soft blanket and lay it down on my bed, usually folded a few times to make it thicker. Then I set up some porn on my laptop and just lay on my stomach with my dick against the blanket. Then I just move my hips back and forth or up and down so my dick would rub against the blanket until I orgasm! It kinda gives me the sensation of actual sex because I'm doing the movements with my body rather than using my hand."
Replicate what's happening in whatever porn you're watching with your hands or toys.
"So if a woman is having sex, I'll time the thrusts of my vibe with the guy's, or if she's getting rimmed, I'll stroke my asshole."
If clitoral stimulation is usually too intense for you, circle around it instead.
Like these genius penal tips (pun intended):
Stimulate it ~sideways~ instead of up and down.
"Instead of gripping it and jerking like most guys, I lay my penis flat on my belly and rub it until I cum. Almost like rolling dough into a breadstick shape."
Try edging, or getting close to orgasm several times without actually letting yourself come.
"Try not to come too quick. When you feel it start to pop, STOP. Wait until things have calmed back down then do the whole thing three or four more times."
Like that you should be using condoms with your sex toys, that it could help to learn how to orgasm without using a toy, that masturbation could help you enjoy sex with others more, and that lube is never a bad idea.
Like that masturbation is the best way to figure out your sexual preferences; that if you're masturbating for the first time, you shouldn't put pressure on yourself to orgasm; and that there are specific, doable methods for finding the G-spot.
Like that you should be washing your toys after every use, that you don't want to submerge any battery-operated toys in water, that you want to make sure you're using the right lube, and that you should always use a condom with your porous toys.
Learn more about people's masturbating habits: How long do they usually masturbate for? Do they like to masturbate while having sex? Have they ever masturbated using food? Or how often do people use masturbation to boost their mood when they're sad, sick, or stressed out?
Like that you should vary your vibrator technique, try tapping instead, combine clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration, or test out playing ~four corners~.
Like these unusual but, I guess, effective choices:
"My Elder wand replica from the Harry Potter studios. There's now a small chip at the base of the wand."
"When I was young, I used to use a Tickle Me Elmo. It was my first experience with vibrations."
Shannon Rosenberg is a health writer for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York.
Got a confidential tip? 👉 Submit it here
For me, a good solo session falls somewhere in the heavy overlap between filth and prayer. I nearly always make a mess — lube stains on my sheets and cum on my floor. When was the last time you had a really incredible jackoff that left you in the bit of a stupor?
May is National Masturbation Month, and hopefully you’ve been enjoying it whether or not you know we were in the midst of an auspicious season. May 7th is actually the official Masturbation Day, set in 1995 by sex-positive retailer Good Vibrations in honor of Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, who was fired by President Bill Clinton in 1994 for suggesting masturbation be part of the sex education curriculum for students.
Now, of course, most sex therapists, public health workers, and other experts would agree with Elders. But to be honest, for most of us self pleasure is something we don’t experiment with — we’ve figured out what works at a younger age and just rinse and repeat. But there’s more out there.
Here’s some advice on how to jerk off better from a few people in the business of pleasure — people who make erotic content, escort, and help others professionally with sexual hangups.
Alexander Lederman describes himself as a father, husband, and amateur farmer. On Instagram , his rustic life in rugged, woodsy settings looks idyllic and peaceful, but his pics are interspersed with sexy modeling shots — he’s a popular OnlyFans model with a large social media following and is known for his solo jackoff videos. (He even has a small product line .)
Lederman recommends being loud, even when you are by yourself. “Talk,” he says. “Be vocal. Live in the fantasy you want happening.” I found Lederman through one of his devoted followers and OnlyFans subscribers, who praised Lederman’s videos as “the best jackoffs I’ve ever seen.”
Queer sex therapist and former sex worker Amariah Love has helped many clients with masturbation struggles, and she says to decentralize masturbation from one sex organ or one part of the body.
“I think it’s really important for folks to experiment with all kinds of different stimulation while masturbating,” she says. “Experiment with anal, vaginal, clitoral, nipples, thighs, and so on. We all have our own combinations that give us the most fun, and the better we know our bodies, the better all sex will be, both with ourselves and with others.”
So feel free to give your chest a rub, arch your back, and get into it just like you would any other sex act.
Edging can be done yourself, or with others. “Edging is bringing [someone] right up to orgasm but backing off,” says KB, a dominant BDSM master in Chicago who, according to his Twitter, enjoys “reprogramming dumb, bound jocks.”
“With edging,” he says, “the orgasm is explosive.”
KB is known on for his videos with his sex slave, mega-popular gay pornstar Devin Franco. In these videos, which are available on JustForFans , he regularly edges Franco for hours, denying Franco’s orgasm repeatedly, or wasting Franco’s orgasms entirely — something many masturbation fetishits online are really into (you can find many jackoff videos of guys “wasting” their orgasm). A “wasted” orgasm is when someone comes or ejaculates but does not feel orgasm, and this is usually achieved by prolonging the pre-orgasm pleasure for too long. It usually leaves the victim feeling frustrated and unsatisfied.
But edging doesn’t have to involve BDSM, and it can just be a solo endeavor. The trick is working yourself as close as you can to the limit and then allowing yourself to cool down before doing it again. Experts even “coast,” or work themselves to the limit and keep themselves there for as long as possible.
Amariah Love prefers Lelo vibrators and strongly recommends these for folks with vaginas. “They create a kind of suction that just feels better than traditional vibrators, and they are much easier to hold in place,” she says.
I’m a big fan of big toys. As a pretty devoted bottom, I regularly play with toys to give myself pleasure and practice for vigorous sex and/or fisting. Some years ago, when I exclusively bottomed, I reached a point where I could not orgasm without something in my butt — so anal toys were needed every time I masturbated. And this was so hot! I love butt plugs, particularly ones from SquarePeg and Hankey’s Toys .
There are also toys that are more phallus-centric. There’s simple things like cockrings or Fleshjacks. The only way you’ll know if they will stroke your fancy is to give them a try.
Milking, according to Kinkly , is “the act of massaging a man’s prostate gland through his anus to encourage him to ejaculate as much seminal fluid as possible.” The term “milking” and the action associated with it are most commonly used in the gay BDSM community, though not exclusively.
Milking can be experienced solo and outside of fetish scenes, usually with prostate-stimulating toys. I used to work at a major sex toy supplier and these kinds of toys — called P-spot toys by most adult retailers — were top-sellers. Our customers trained themselves to cum harder and heavier with these products (I know because I read the emails they sent back to us).
In BDSM, milking is usually done with milking machines and other fetish tools as a form of erotic torture for a bound submissive — Devin Franco is often put in these situations by KB. “My milking machine controls the orgasm if it even happens,” KB says.
Some of the most talented don’t need any toys for milking: if you or someone you know can find your prostate, generally located somewhere within the first few inches of your anal cavity, and continue to stimulate it with their finger, that also works.
For Love, there’s nothing better than “a Saturday afternoon to myself, a big empty bed, several toys, plenty of water, and a few favorite erotic stories to read and videos to watch.” She’s learned to devote extra time to herself as part of a broader focus on self-care, particularly during the pandemic — something which, as a therapist, she regularly talks about with her clients.
“Setting aside a block of time to be alone and taking the time to masturbate slowly and intentionally can be a wonderful act of self-care,” she says. “For a lot of us, drawing out the process — using techniques like edging — means you not only get to enjoy jerking off longer, but your orgasm is more intense and lengthy as well. I know for me, there’s a big difference between a quickie before bed to help me get sleepy and the excitement I feel when I have a Saturday afternoon to myself.”
“For me, a big obstacle was getting over the ‘oh just jerk off before bed’ idea, which comes from years of hiding it in my teenage room,” says Joe Spaceman, also known as SIXFOOTFIVEGUY , an OnlyFans star with “a monster bulge that I can't keep my hands off of.”
“Getting over that idea took time. I learned to let myself jerk off after the gym or at 3 pm or whenever the mood struck.”
Spaceman no longer feels like he has to jerk off before bed every night to be satisfied. “Sometimes it’s better to not force it and save things for a better day.”
Make your sessions a date with yourself. Start it all off with intention.
Spaceman loves hypnosis videos and audio files, which are readily available online and designed for masturbators — and yes, some OnlyFans content creators make them. While the science is vague (at best) about whether or not someone can actually be hypnotized, least of all from a video online, hypnosis masturbators — hypnobators — say they can be put in trance-like states with these videos and masturbate for extended periods of time.
“There have been some hypnosis audio files that I’ve had good success with checking out of my brain and being able to focus on the pleasure buildup,” Spaceman says. “I have someone that sends me tracks and I find that they help me focus and let some of the loud parts of my brain shut up for a bit. It’s almost like a sexy meditation.”
Popperbating is a common practice of masturbating with poppers — a chemical inhalant drug regularly sold under names like “room odorizers,” “videotape cleaner,” even “leather cleaner.” The term “poppers” is a slang term applied broadly to chemical drugs called alkyl nitrites that are inhaled, and they are mostly harmless, but they are banned for human consumption in the U.K. and the U.S. That has not, stopped the underground sale of slightly-altered chemical compounds that produce largely the same results — you can find these in sex shops and online across the United States.
The problem is that poppers, being illegal and therefore unable to be advertised as such, are a heavily unregulated industry and many counterfeits are sold with chemicals that are dangerous — some of which have even caused retinal damage and vision loss.
Popperbators enjoy huffing poppers repeatedly in long, drawn-out masturbation sessions, usually while watching porn. Poppers usually produce a head rush — feelings of warmth, dizziness, lightheadedness, and euphoria. Most poppers will dilate blood vessels and make your blood pressure drop, which can cause dizziness and can make you pass out. Using poppers with blood pressure medication can be deadly, and it’s commonly known that you should never use poppers while taking erectile dysfunction pills — medications like Viagra also make your blood pressure drop and the combination can be lethal. All this said, I enjoy poppers almost every time I have sex.
“Personally, I love how poppers enhance the masturbation process, and I’ve been popperbating for a long time,” says @everydayb8.
This bit of advice is from me: work on detangling eroticism from orgasm. An erotic experience doesn’t just happen when you’re masturbating or having sex — it can happen in a store, in an art gallery, on the street, anywhere you are turned on and tuned in to your fantasies.
The joy of seeing eroticism this way is that every time I go outside my apartment, I am open to the possibility of a hot little encounter — some form of engagement with the world that lights my inner fireworks. Cruising a handsome man on the street or engaging with erotic art can be better than a quick jerk off before bed.
I admittedly masturbate a lot less now, because it’s not the only way I get off day-to-day. But when I do masturbate, I do everything I can to make it count — and delaying makes them even better. Waiting a few days to a week between jerk-offs makes mine much more intense when they happen.
Amariah Love likes using scented oils. I personally think there’s nothing hotter than masturbation with someone else’s cum, which really can only be done with someone else present. For my solo times, I keep a bottle silicone lube by the bed.
“I like to use Albolene as lube, which is pretty standard in the masturbating community,” says @everydayb8. “It’s affordable and long-lasting!”
Muscular gay pornstar @LivingLargerXXX knows a thing or two about transformation — he’s been into muscle growth and injecting silicone into his dick and balls (which is a fetish) since 2017. He describes himself as a dominant daddy, keyholder (for gay submissive men into chastity), and fisting top who posts videos on both OnlyFans and JustForFans .
“After getting silicone, I had to relearn how to use my cock and balls for masturbation,” he says. “My abilities and how I derived pleasure changed. And it was initially scary and depressing and it took me a while to figure out how to do those things with my new body.”
He adapted — and over time, through experimentation, he learned other things about himself. “My tastes in men and what I'm attracted to and turned on by has gone through at least two visible shifts and is possibly entering a third,” he says. “Continual re-evaluation of how and what turns you on is important. Allow yourself the freedom to explore and accept sexual interests that aren't always what other people find attractive.”
“I think masturbation is a kind of self-love that is most animalistic, raw, and visceral,” says @everydayb8. “Even with porn as stimulation, you need to draw deep within yourself to experience the lust in the exact way you want it.”
Jackoff enthusiast @everydayb8 gives this advice for people who want to make their masturbation better: discover what your way is, your own private ritual. Personalize your masturbation. “No two people will ever masturbate the same way and I think that is the charm to such idiosyncrasies.” The true joy of masturbation, he says, is that it is, at its simplest, a private journey of self-discovery. “It’s getting into a headspace and allowing your
self the luxury of discovering your sexuality on an incredibly nuanced level.”
Amariah Love thinks everyone needs to keep this in mind, even if the phrase itself admittedly sounds a little cliché. “I can create intense sensations just by imaging I am stroking my clit, and I have brought myself to orgasm without touching myself twice,” she says. After all, she says, sexual pleasu
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