Jennifer Cuckold

Jennifer Cuckold

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Published: 14:16 BST, 24 January 2018 | Updated: 20:47 BST, 24 January 2018
A New Jersey husband who followed his wife into her lover's home and filmed the pair in bed after tracking her on Find My iPhone has been cleared of criminal charges.
Sean Donis, 37, was exonerated in Rockland County Supreme Court on Tuesday, 18 months after finding his 38-year-old wife Nancy in bed with her 58-year-old boss Albert Lopez.
Sean was at home with the pair's two sons when, he claims, he noticed the family's iPad was missing.
He turned to the Find My iPhone app, which was synced to the device, and watched as it was driven out of New Jersey and towards Pomona, New York.
Donis followed the GPS to Lopez's $1million, five-bedroom house where he found his wife's car parked outside. She had told him she was going for dinner with girlfriends.
Sean Donis, 37, pictured with his two sons and another relative, was cleared of felony burglary and unlawful surveillance on Tuesday
He then entered the house, went into the master bedroom and filmed two cell phone videos of his wife and the other man in bed before leaving.
Lopez called the police afterwards and Donis was charged with felony burglary and unlawful surveillance which carries a sentence of up to 20 years.
In April 2016, Donis followed his wife Nancy, 38, to her boss's house where he found them in bed together
As he fought his case in court, Donis' lawyer said he 'deserved a medal' for not acting out 'in passion' when he confronted the pair.
'He should get a medal for not acting out a crime of passion when he walked in on the scene he did,' Howard Greenberg told the court.
Greenberg said the 'greater evil' was 'his wife screwing a stranger.'
As he left court on Tuesday, Donis told The New York Post he was relieved the ordeal was over.
'Just thank God it’s finally over. Now I can finally breathe,' he said.
Neither Lopez nor Nancy were in court. They have not addressed the scandal since Donis made it public in interviews last year.
Earlier in the court proceedings, Lopez said he was terrified when Donis confronted him and feared he was going to be killed.
Donis followed the GPS on his Find My iPhone app, which was tracking the family's iPad, to Albert Lopez's $1million home in Pomona, New York
Donis filmed two cell phone videos in the master bedroom. The first showed his wife and her lover naked and having sex. In the second, he confronted them and they argued
He and Nancy worked together at Clifton Orthopedics. He was the COO and she was his billing manager.
It is not clear if either still work there or if they are still together. Lopez is understood to be divorced.
Prosecutors sided with the lovers and said the woman's husband was determined to 'humiliate' them with the footage.
Donis said he felt like he could 'breathe' again after being cleared of all charges. He and his wife have separated
During cross-examination, Donis argued that he had every right to go into the home once he saw his wife's car outside.
'My wife was there. I rang the doorbell and knocked on the door. She could have been kidnapped, you never know.'
The two videos Donis recorded have never been made public.
The first clip was seven seconds long and showed his wife and Lopez in the throes of passion, unaware that he was watching.
In the second, he interrupts their lovemaking by declaring: 'Wow.'
His startled wife climbed off of her lover and begged him to stop filming, telling him: 'Stop. Please, stop. Stop. OK, I get it. I get it. Stop.'
The second clip was 35 seconds long. At one point, Donis dropped the phone on the ground.
Lopez could be heard telling him to leave the property and at one stage the pair tussled but they did not have a serious fight.
Now, the cuckolded husband is trying to recoup the money he spent on lawyers to win the case.
He is asking for donations on a GoFundMe page where he says he needs $20,000. As of Wednesday morning, he had raised $350.
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Key points

Female infidelity has a long history of stigma and shame.
In recent years, cuckolding and other forms of female non-monogamy are getting attention (positive and negative) in mainstream media
As shame and stigma around sexual lifestyles decreases, people find healthy, positive ways to integrate sexuality into their lives

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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.

Posted January 20, 2022

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Reviewed by Lybi Ma

In 2008, I first encountered couples who lived what they called the “hotwife” or “cuckold” lifestyle. While I had worked with sexuality issues for many years, I was unfamiliar with this phenomenon. In this lifestyle, the men in these heterosexual relationships encouraged their wives to engage in sexual relations with other men, while the husbands were most often monogamous. In cuckolding, there is often an element of male submission or humiliation involved, whereas in hotwifing, the men are equal partners, and there’s no humiliation involved. My initial reaction was to assume that this practice reflected unhealthy relationships, disturbed attachment , and sexual problems.
Nothing was further from the truth. As I interviewed people around the world who engaged in these practices, I found that most of them were healthy people, exploring sexual desires and confronting taboo and shame. I was forced to confront the degree of morality and bias that had intruded into my clinical thinking and had clouded my judgment.
There had been little to no attention to this sexual lifestyle in mainstream media or research. Though I found that there was a long and rich history of such forms of wife-sharing and permissive female infidelity , it was a dirty, shameful secret. Shakespeare’s plays are filled with humiliation and shame around men being cuckolded by their wives, and that theme has persisted throughout social attitudes and literature. Where consensual cuckolding happened, it was often secret, shameful, and hidden for fear of judgment. Many couples I met kept their sexual lifestyle secret, even within other sexual communities. I’ll never forget the couple who participated in the swinging community but kept secret the fact that they were interested in cuckolding, because of judgment from swingers that the husband wasn’t also being sexual with other people, and that their relationship was solely focused on the wife’s sexual pleasure.
In recent years, however, mainstream acknowledgment and attention to the commonness of the cuckold and hotwife fantasy and lifestyle has exploded, shifting in extraordinary ways. In 2017, with social psychologist Justin Lehmiller and columnist Dan Savage, we published the first-ever psychological research study of people who fantasized about cuckolding, particularly in the gay male community. Prior to this, cuckolding had been assumed to be a heterosexual-only phenomenon. That study exposed that many people fantasize about cuckolding—whether they are straight, gay, or bi—and that for many of them, this sexual practice was a healthy part of their lives and loves.
The media exploded, and even Fox News got involved, deriding the idea that cuckolding could ever be healthy. In conservative politics , the term “cuck” is commonly used as an insult, for men who are weak, unmasculine, and uncommitted to their political principles. But, just a few years later, that same conservative community was rocked by the revelations that prominent Republican and religious figure Jerry Falwell Jr. allegedly enjoyed watching his wife engage in sexual behaviors with men, a core component of cuckolding.
In 2018, Justin Lehmiller expanded our research, exploring sexual fantasies and behaviors in his book, Tell Me What You Want , where he shared research that around 45 percent of men sexually fantasize about watching their female partners with other men. These data jibe with the fact that every year, porn-related research indicates that cuckolding-related pornography is extremely and increasingly popular. Colleague Joe Kort described men who explored cuckolding, in his books and blog , but also now began to talk about the women who engage in cuckolding, as well as those women who get excited by sharing their men with other women. As mainstream attention to cuckolding has increased, a fascinating shift has occurred, away from a focus on the male sex fantasy, towards an elevation of the female desires that are the focus of cuckolding.
When I investigated cuckolding and hotwifing, this was a practice almost universally introduced by the husbands to their wives. I heard only rarely, if ever, about women who chose to seek this out themselves, or introduced it independently, for their own interests. It was almost always something that occurred in relationships that had been stable and lasting, and had started monogamously. All of that has changed. Venus Connections is a matchmaking service that pairs single men and women, who are both interested in finding a relationship that includes permissive female infidelity, from the beginning. I interviewed Crystal Welch, a woman who struggled with monogamy and accepted that sexual fidelity didn’t work for her. She sought out a man who accepted that in her, and reports she’s never been happier or more fulfilled.
In Open , an uncensored memoir of love, liberation, and non-monogamy, writer Rachel Krantz dives deeply into exploring her own sexuality and pursuing sex outside the bounds of relationship. “ I see how some women have experienced non-monogamy as a path to some form of liberation ,” Krantz quotes a non-monogamous woman who says, “ They realize, I own my sexuality, I own my body, I am not dependent on any one person. And that in itself is extremely liberating to feel. Especially for women with men. Many women are not getting enough attention and affection and romance. They’re starving, but they’re accepting it. I think it can be extremely freeing to realize they have other avenues to get their needs met. ”
As the shame and secrecy around diverse sexuality decrease, like receding waters, we are uncovering and discovering more of the fascinating, complex nuances that imbue our unique sexualities. Through fostering self-acceptance, more and more people, including women and sexual minorities, are able to create healthy ways to integrate their sexuality into their lives. It’s our job now to listen to them and learn from them.
Facebook image: Motortion Films/Shutterstock
David J. Ley, Ph.D. , is a clinical psychologist and the author of Insatiable Wives, Women Who Stray and The Men Who Love Them .

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Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC

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