Jenna Marie Pregnant

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My love feeds on your love, beloved, and as long as you live, it will be in your arms without leaving mine.
Leading up to being pregnant, people would always come up to me and ask when Jake and I were having a baby. They’d go on and on to talk about how great being a mother is and how it’s life changing and how I’ll just love being pregnant and how it’s the best time of your life. While that all may be true, these people failed to mention a few things. So for you out there who are either A) pregnant or B) planning for a baby, here’s the real truth.
// That your self-esteem will take a hit.
This was learned the hard way. I obviously knew that there’s weight gain and body changes, like stretch marks, associated with being pregnant. But I always thought that being pregnant would finally give me an excuse to not wear big sweaters to try to hide my insecurities. That I’d want to wear tight shirts all the time, because hey why not I’m pregnant and this is how I’m supposed to look. When I first got pregnant, it was hard for me to believe it’s real. I so badly wanted a baby bump to serve as a visual reminder that OMG I’m pregnant. Finally at almost 7.5 months, the baby bump arrived and my feelings of excitement with showing turned to feelings of ugliness. No matter what clothes I wear, I don’t feel pregnant. Just fat.
// That feeling the baby kick is seriously the best feeling ever. And your baby will kick… ALL.. THE… TIME.
I never realized how truly awesome it’d be to feel your baby kick. I always thought it’d be weird, like there was some alien inside of you. Granted yes early on it felt like a little alien in there, but now I know it’s my little babe. He kicks me all the time, all day long. It reminds me that he’s in there, growing stronger by the day. The best part is when he reacts to things that you do. One night when I was traveling for work, I read that it was good to read a story out loud to your baby to help him learn your voice. So I decided to read an online book to him. He started kicking like crazy. A seriously awesome moment! He also tends to kick a lot when he hears Jake’s voice <3
// That your baby would literally prevent you from tying your shoes.
No joke. While my belly isn’t big, when this little dude has his leg extended into my ribs it becomes nearly impossible for me to bend over. It’s like there’s a big stick pushing my top half up and all I can do is swing at my leg just hoping to get closer to those laces.
// That your abs will hurt, like always.
Okay I can’t complain too much, but for real. I think it’s technically called round ligament pain but it’s real. I apparently am carrying really low, so all of the muscles at the base of my stomach are just sore. I mostly feel it when they are flexed – like standing up from a lower seated position. But for real, do these last forever? I find myself randomly limping around like I’m recovering from a sports injury and then 2 seconds later it disappears.
// That I wouldn’t be the pregnant women I thought I’d be.
This one was a total shocker. Any time I thought of myself as pregnant, I always thought of what I’d be like. While I was never the girl who dreamed her whole life of having a little baby and starting a family, I at least thought I’d be the girl who was constantly posting bump pictures, or talking about it on Facebook about the pregnancy. I’m a planner by nature and by profession so just knew I’d be planning every bit of this. Ask Jake, I research everything. I hate not knowing an answer to something so I immediately turn to Google and find it out. And pregnancy? Holy cow it’s like a whole bag of mysteries and unknowns. I thought I would have had this whole thing planned and understood at like week 6 (aka: 2 weeks after you find out). I assumed at this point everything would be taken care of, I’d know exactly what the whole pregnancy entails, what labor will be, the order of the day, understand of the full process, and know exactly what’s needed when baby comes home. Turns out, I’ve been the least bit consumed in any of these topics. The most preparing I’ve done? Starting the nursery (which is really just being a girl and shopping and spending money) and then each week on my week marker, looking at my baby app to tell me what the babe is up to this week. That’s it. I haven’t really talked to the other moms I know, sought out advice, asked any real questions. That is until recently when this girl I know (also pregnant) started chatting me up and then openly started talking about things that blew my mind. Guys, I’ve got a lot to learn. Word on the street? I won’t sleep until he turns 18.
// That no two pregnant women are alike.
Seriously. No two people are alike. I always thought that everything I read on blogs or heard on TV or saw happen with my friends would be 100% what happens with me. It honestly made me a bit scared of pregnancy. Selfishly, it seemed super awful and painful and just a lot of unfun times. Let me be the first to tell you this is so far from the truth. Don’t look at what happens to others and assume it’s the exact same for yourself. Take for instance me and my sister. We both come from the same gene pool but our pregnancies couldn’t be further from opposites. My poor sister (who has 2 boys and a girl) was sicker than a dog every single day of the entire pregnancy for all of them. She couldn’t eat or even drink water. Me? I haven’t had even a day of feeling nauseous. Another example. A girl I know that’s pregnant is having a boy and is overly sensitive to smells and started showing at 12 weeks with her first. Me? No changes to anything with my sniffer and didn’t start showing until almost 30 weeks. Everyone is different!! And to that, I hear that even with the same person that every pregnancy is different.
// That I’d (GASP) get sick of leggings.
HUGE news. I didn’t even know this was possible. I love leggings. I think they’re God-send to all women. Comfortable and versatile – from lounging on the couch to working out to a night on the town, leggings are basically like wearing sweatpants but way cuter. I was pretty excited that I’d have an excuse to wear leggings every day. Total comfort around the clock? Yes please! Instead, I’ve found myself to grow sick of them. I started to dream of jeans, of how I wished I could wear them. This was in a 2 week span where my regular jeans still fit but were uncomfortable to sit in so I wore leggings until I could find maternity jeans. The first day I wore jeans again, OMG I felt like a new woman. I don’t know about you, but leggings only work with booties/boots and not flats. I finally can wear all my shoes now :)
// That I can paint my nails and color my hair.
Thank baby Jesus. Sadly this was one of the things I dreaded the most. OMG how could I go 10 months with unpainted nails?! The horror! Turns out it’s completely safe to paint your nails, including no-chips. It’s only harmful if you’re breathing that stuff in for countless hours on end, day after day. As for hair, so long as you’re not bleaching your hair at the scalp, it’s totally safe! Again, the only way it’d be harmful is if A) you have bleach hitting your scalp or B) you’re dealing with those chemicals all day every day.
// That prenatal massages are amazing and way better than regular massages.
For real. I have prenatal massages every week – mostly because I just love massages but also because of the benefits it can provide my body. Granted I haven’t experienced any pains, aches (other than abs), swollen body parts, etc. but massages help prevent against those! So what’s so great about prenatal massages over regular? For starters, you don’t lay flat on your stomach or back. Laying on your stomach while pregnant can be uncomfortable and being on your back puts pressure on a very important vein for you and the babe :) The whole massage you just are cuddling up with a body pillow. AND one of my biggest things before with massages is that they never focus on my back enough. But prenatal massages? Yea it’s all about the back. Just go get a massage and tell them you’re pregnant. No proof needed. It’s awesome.
// That I wouldn’t believe I was pregnant until 6 months.
Ask Jake. I honestly had serious doubts that we were really pregnant until our 20 week ultrasound. No joke. I didn’t feel pregnant, didn’t look pregnant. It all seemed like a made up story that wasn’t real. Sure we had seen the baby in an earlier ultrasound. We saw him moving around and sucking his thumb. But after we walked out of that room and the ultrasound vanished, it was back to a disbelief that I was really pregnant. It went so far as to wanting to wait as long as humanly possible to really tell people (especially at work) that we were pregnant JUST in case we somehow had a false ultrasound – you know… like they were playing an old ultrasound video of someone else. Ridiculous? I know.
// That I only get like 1-2 ultrasounds for the entire pregnancy, SAY WHA?
This was one of the biggest shocks of all. I thought you got an ultrasound every time you went into the doctor. I was so excited to constantly see the baby. To watch the babe grow and see how his face is developing and who he looks like. And then the doctor told me that our next ultrasound wasn’t until week 20. And that’d be our only ultrasound assuming the baby was healthy. Holy shocker! It’s still kinda hard to believe I won’t be able to see our baby until he arrives to the world!
// That there’s a good chance that the OBGYN you go to won’t be the same one delivering your baby.
Another major shock. Don’t get me wrong. I know that doctors can’t be on-call 24/7 but something in me just assumed that the main doctor that we selected and have been seeing would be who would deliver our baby. And then reality struck that labor is often unplanned as to when exactly it’ll happen. In an ideal world, you’ll go into labor when either your doctor is at the hospital or on-call, but if neither of those things hold true… you get whoever is on staff. Knowing that, we took the recommendation of our primary doctor and have been doing rotations to see different doctors for each appointment to try to get to know everyone. That way if worst case our doctor isn’t on-call or at the hospital, the doctor that does deliver our baby won’t be some stranger.
// That lamaze classes aren’t normal anymore?
This is a recent realization. Jake and I were totally taken back. We thought this was regular and something we’d have to do. Turns out it’s a thing of the past. Sure they have breathing classes but they’re no longer recommended to everyone by doctors. To be clear, it’s not that it’s not a good practice any longer BUT none of our doctors have even mentioned anything to do with that when they recommended taking a few other classes. So much for reenacting any previous Fresh Prince of Bel-Air or Home Improvement episodes!
// That you go to the doctor, like tons, and appointments last 2 minutes.
I didn’t realize just how much you went to the doctor. I was thinking once in the first trimester, maybe once or twice in the second, and like 3 times in the 3rd. Yea right! You go to the doctor every month up until you hit 30 weeks. At 30 weeks, you go every other week. Then at 36 weeks, you start going every week. And the appointments? I totally thought they were going to be crazy in depth. The reality? I walk in, they weigh me, take my blood pressure, (in my 3rd trimester) measure my tummy, ask if I have questions (which is usually no), and then I’m out. No joke it’s about 5 minutes start to finish. Not complaining, though. I’ll gladly take that time back in my day!
// That designing your nursery is seriously the most fun.
This one was the least shocking of all. I absolutely love design. For the longest time I dreamed of doing interior design. I mean creating and making beautiful things? Sounds right up my alley. I’ve absolutely loved designing our little babe’s nursery. I wasn’t able to start until somewhat recently once we moved to a place big enough for him. I’ve been creating design boards and private pinterest boards trying to find the perfect way to blend it all together. Slowly but surely it’s all coming together, piece by piece, pretty much with everything coming online. Side note, I love online shopping but putting together a full nursery and only referencing things online is kinda challenging. I’ve had to create countless baby design boards to see how patterns and colors work together.
// That it’s totally possible to not gain 70+ lbs.
This was by far one of my biggest fears. I have self-esteem issues as it is. The thought of gaining another 70 lbs on top of my already personal issues with my weight and then having the baby and it taking years to get back to normal? Terrifying. I thought I’d look drastically different pregnant. I was scared of being this massively pregnant women that no one would find beautiful. That people would be grossed out by me. That I’d be grossed out by me. And then I’d be utterly depressed after the baby arrived because I hated myself even more than before. Granted I’m only 8.5 months and still have about 6 weeks left where now is the time that the baby is packing on the pounds (1/2 lb a week!), but I’ve thankfully only gained 4lbs since we first got pregnant. Even worst case scenario, I can’t imagine gaining a crazy amount in 6 weeks.
// That you will never feel alone.
Let me preface this by saying I’m an overly independent person. Jake and I spent a good deal of our pre-marriage 6 years separated by 1-3 hours. I learned to be okay being alone and not feeling the need to always be around him or talking to him. In fact, some alone time is kinda peaceful to just be with your thoughts and not be distracted or always feeling the need to put others before you. But there are times, whether it be self-doubt or just having a tough day at work that you feel like it’s just you against the world. And like no one is there. That is, until you feel that little kick. It’s just those subtle reminders that you’re never alone. Your baby is always there with you. He hears your voice. He learns who you are. He loves you no matter what <3

“How to” writing books have been imperative to me as I’ve been traveling my writing journey.
Writing prompts are supposed to be done in “stream of consciousness” style within a few minuets or so to give your creativity a kick start for the day.
I’ve been working on designing our home with a cozy library feel. This is our dining room–I’m typing away here right now.
My “how to” library. The A World of Baby Names helps me pick out names for my characters.
The latest draft of the first chapter of my book. It’s going to go through drastic changes, though, after this painful last year of my accepting that my trauma belongs to me, not just to my characters. Ralph Keyes in his The Courage to Write: How Writers Transcend Fear has encouraged me to tell my story with as much truth as I can–no matter how brutal.

© 2021 Jenna Marie Black


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Company is not something that I am used to when it comes to my writing. I wrote this poem in a creative writing class a few years ago. Before that, I was a little girl with a Conversations of All Sorts notebook held across her heart. Then I was a teen who was writing fantasy with a Barns and Noble mystery writing group each week. Later, I was a twenty-something-year old hiding behind her Chromebook for hours meeting her coming-of-age characters. Now, I am thirty, clutching a journal I started in the hospital as a 5150 (California code for harm to self).
Sharing is not something that I am used to when it comes to my writing. Still, I promise to do my best to be good company for you. So welcome to my little piece of the web.
“I don’t believe in talent. Nor do I put faith in the idea of inspiration, the muse, or the muse’s shadowy and malicious twin, writer’s block … a tragic, insidious affliction … Truth be told, I’m not at all sure that writing can be taught. I am positive, though, that it can be learned.”
— Part of the first paragraph to the introduction of Naming the World: And Other Exercises for the Creative Writer edited by Bret Anthony Johnston
Naming the World is one of the several of my books that are on my “how to” bookshelf. A couple of years ago, I was taking in the richness of the A.K. Smiley Public Library when I happened upon How to Tell a Story: The Secrets of Writing Captivating Tales by Peter Rubie and Gary Provost. This book changed my approach to writing because it helped me to understand that I don’t need to be a prodigy to be a writer; I just need to write. Since then, I’ve collected many other books on writing and I now have a mini library. These days, Anne Lamott is teaching me to embrace “shitty first drafts” and Stephen King is promising me that “optimism is a perfectly legitimate response to failure.” The nail in my wall is ready for “Happy Stamps” and I’m ready to write as many “shitty first drafts” as it takes.
However, there is this issue of “writer’s block.” For me, it is not my lack of inspiration or of ideas–it is my lack of self-confidence. Writer’s block is a nuisance that never wants me to write again. It lies to me, it keeps me in bed, it stops me from reading; it batters my soul.
So, my fellow writer, let’s take on writer’s block together.
Johnston calls it “Daily Warm-Ups” and Lamott calls it “bird by bird.” For me, I like Joyce Carol Oates choice of “Writing Prompts.” What will prompt me–inspire me–to overcome my self-doubt? What will draw me to my notebook or persuade me to the keys of my Chromebook? What will it take for me to write today? Everyday?
Oates says “…I define my role, or one of my roles, as that of an ideal editor: not a rejecting editor, not a censorious or severely critical or interfering editor, but one who defines herself primarily as a friend of the text and a friend of the writer…” So, reader, lets be writing friends. Prompt with me; write with me.
I’ll show you how. As an alternative to “blogging,” I’ll share my writing prompts with you that I’ll do each time I write. I encourage you to share my prompts with me–write them down in your notebook or open a new document. If you’re able, share them with me by commenting on my Prompt with Me page. Like a blog, each prompt will be a new space for us to be creative together. Honestly, I’m so excited to share with all of you.
For one Christmas, my parents gave me a book–geared for kids–full of writing prompts. The sight of it made me sick and I just about cried. My parents weren’t very supportive of my writing growing up. My mom was too busy to read the scribbles in my notebooks and my father prepared me for failure by reminding me that I would never be Charles Dickens or Edgar Allan Poe. The col
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