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Japan's virgin wives turn to sex volunteers
Lustless matches put country on brink of demographic disaster
Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning
© 2022 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. (modern)
Like many Japanese women, Junko waited until her early 30s to get married. When she and her fiance, an employee of a well-known firm, decided to tie the knot, she set her sights on making a home, putting away some money and starting a family.
Fifteen years later, Junko and her husband are childless. It is not that they cannot have children; it is just that they have never had sex.
The sexless marriage is one of several reasons why experts fear Japan is on the verge of a demographic disaster.
In 2003 Japan's birthrate hit a record low of 1.29 - the average number of times a woman gives birth during her lifetime - one of the lowest rates in the world, according to the cabinet office. The population will peak next year at about 128 million, then decline to just over 100 million by 2050.
The 200 women a year who seek help at a clinic in the Tokyo suburbs have not had sex with their husbands in up to 20 years, and some never, according to Kim Myong-gan, who runs the clinic.
"The women who come to see me love their husbands and aren't looking for a divorce," he told the Guardian. "The problem is that their husbands lose interest in sex or don't want sex from the start. Many men think of their wives as substitute mothers, not as women with emotional and sexual needs."
Mr Kim's short-term solution is unconventional. After an initial 20,000 yen (£100) counselling session, he produces photographs of 45 men, mostly professionals in their 40s, with whom the women are invited to go on dates and then, in almost all cases, arrange regular assignations in hotel rooms.
Mr Kim dismissed charges that his service was little more than a male prostitution ring. "The men volunteer and pay half the hotel and restaurant bills, so legally there is absolutely nothing wrong with it," he said.
He had rescued hundreds of women from despair, he said, but his "sex volunteers" would do nothing to cure the malaise that afflicts the institution of marriage in Japan.
The number of married couples is in rapid decline. In 2000 almost 70% of men and 54% of women between 25 and 29 were unmarried. That bodes ill for the birthrate, as conservative Japanese society frowns upon having children outside marriage.
A survey of 600 women found that 26% had not had sex with their husbands in the past year.
"We are sort of room-mates rather than a married couple," one 31-year-old man, who had not had sex with his wife for two years, told the Asahi Shimbun newspaper.
The government has introduced several measures to lift the birthrate. Fathers will be encouraged to take more than the 47% of annual paid leave they currently use, and their employers will be told to provide more opportunities for them to stay at home with their children.
Local authorities, meanwhile, are devising novel ways to increase fertility. In the town of Yamatsuri women will receive 1m yen if they have a third child, and in Ishikawa prefecture families with three children will get discounts at shops and restaurants.
The absence of children in so many homes is having an impact. Fun parks are closing and there are signs that the "exam hell" teenagers go through to secure places at top schools and universities is less of an ordeal because the competition is less fierce.
The divorce rate has nearly doubled in the past 10 years, with more women blaming their sexually inactive, as opposed to sexually errant, husbands for break-ups.
"The men love their companies; they live for work," Mr Kim said. "Men don't even think it is a problem if they don't have sex with their wives. They have pornography and the sex industry to take care of their needs, but their wives have nowhere to go. They just suffer in silence."

This article is more than 3 years old
This article is more than 3 years old
Young people in Japan – particularly men – are shunning physical love, and they’re not the only ones
Couples gather to enjoy the blossom in Tokyo’s parks, but many young Japanese are having less active sex lives. Photograph: Charly Triballeau/AFP/Getty Images
Mon 15 Apr 2019 09.00 BST Last modified on Tue 16 Apr 2019 20.01 BST
Are we really in the middle of a global sex recession?
Japan leads the way in sexless love | Roland Kelts
Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning
© 2022 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. (modern)
T he grounds of Tokyo’s Yoyogi Park have been colonised by beautiful youth: women and men beneath the cherry blossoms surrounded by bottles of wine, sake and shochu, cases of beer and plastic bags stuffed with finger foods – drinking, playing games and sharing smartphone screens as the buds bloom and fall.
Hanami (flower-viewing) parties are a centuries-old rite of spring, a national symbol of life’s beauty and brevity. But as I walk by them this month, I can’t help but wonder if any of the pink-faced revellers are hooking up, or even care enough to try.
“ Sexless Japan ” is now a reliable media meme. Bolstered by a plummeting birth rate and an ageing population (leading to dire predictions of a future Japan devoid of Japanese), this portrait of the nation’s celibate society has been further enhanced by a paradox: Japan’s cultural imagination is embedded with erotic imagery, from 17th-century shunga woodblock prints to what non-Japanese today often mistakenly call hentai (perverse) pornographic manga and anime. The sex lives of the Japanese, the story goes, have been almost entirely sublimated.
I once wrote about this phenomenon ( sekkusu-banare , drifting away from sex) on this website , and talked about it in a BBC documentary called No Sex Please, We’re Japanese. Both times I was careful to imply what is now obvious: it isn’t just happening in Japan.
Recent reports from the US , UK and Germany also show dampening sex drives among the young, postponed marriages, fewer babies being born. Dimmed economic prospects and financial insecurity thwart physical desire, while greater access to online porn, dating sims, games and the dopamine highs of social media siphon away desire’s fuel: time and money. But regardless of their passports, the primary inactives are men.
In Japan, virginal, sexually uninterested males have been saddled with pejorative labels: soshoku danshi (passive grass-eaters), otaku (asocial geeks), and at the darker end, hikikomori (shut-ins living with and off their parents). At best, they are portrayed as awkward loners raised in the afterglow of Japan’s postwar boom, redeemable only through meagre acts of chivalry – a stereotype spawned by the 2005 domestic hit movie, Train Man . At worst, they are hopeless symptoms of the country’s humiliating irrelevance. China is rising, the US is moving on, Japan is left behind.
The University of Tokyo’s latest study of Japan’s “virginity crisis” focuses on financial, regional and generational data. No surprise: the majority of the population’s sexless men (one in four young adults, as of 2015) are not gainfully employed. They’re either jobless or work part-time and live in smaller cities or suburban/rural areas.
Money and mobility matter to women, and these men have neither. (Data for same-sex couples in Japan is not yet available.)
What is striking is the comparatively high number of young adult Japanese who, well into their 30s, have had some sex but gave it up, and now have no interest in finding an intimate partner at all. Dr Peter Ueda, one of the study’s co-authors (and, like me, a “ hafu ”: half-Japanese), tells me that this is where cultural norms may be at play. Matchmaking ( omiai ) persisted in Japan through the boom years of the 1980s, when the task shifted from village elders to corporate managers. In the 21st century, modernisation, westernisation, and the collapse of Japan’s economic “bubble” made arranged coupling superfluous.
“[Japanese] society is not as eager to get you married any more,” Ueda says. “It’s increasingly your own responsibility to fend for yourself in the mating market.”
Japan is famously communal; wa , group harmony, is prioritised. Standing out by fending for yourself can be risky business – like posting unpopular words or pictures on Twitter and Instagram. Public physical displays of affection have long been frowned upon. (No one in my Japanese family has ever hugged me.) Handholding happens, but isn’t commonplace. Dating back to Japan’s first contact with westerners, the handshake remains an alien form of greeting: unhygienic, weird, reserved for foreigners. Bow and keep your distance. Even saying “I love you” in Japanese ( aishiteru ) is virtually verboten, uttered mainly as a joke (safest to say suki : “I like you … a lot”).
All of which may still make Japan the perfect storm of our sexless futures, where physical contact and face-to-face intimacy are fluttering to the ground like so many cherry petals.
Roland Kelts is a Japanese-American writer and author of Japanamerica: How Japanese Pop Culture has Invaded the US. He lives in Tokyo

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More stories to check out before you go
The woman had waited years to become sexually active, only to end up with an upsetting discovery when she had unprotected sex.
It’s one of the biggest sexual myths out there: That only “immoral” people get sexually transmitted infections (STI).
The misconception is one doctors like Ginni Mansberg are keen to stamp out, as in reality STIs can be contracted by anyone and have “got nothing to do with morality”.
Dr Mansberg has worked as a Sydney GP for almost 30 years and told news.com.au podcast Kinda Sorta Dating some of the people she sees diagnosed with STIs would be considered the “most conservative” members of society.
“I am thinking of one girl who waited until she was 29 to lose her virginity to her boyfriend, who she was with for six months before they took a condom off, Dr Mansberg told host Jana Hocking.
“She got a triple whammy – she got chlamydia, herpes and an abnormal Pap test in one go, but you cannot call her a fallen woman.”
Who gets a STI had “nothing to do with morality and it’s got a lot to do with luck”, Dr Mansberg said.
One STI was so common, it was easier to assume most people you met have it – herpes. Dr Mansberg said that around one in eight people have been diagnosed with the virus at some point.
“Herpes, oh my goodness, I diagnose that all the time,” she said. “Herpes is super common.”
There was also a surprise rise in STI diagnoses in one age group: middle-aged people who find themselves single for the first time in decades.
“They have forgotten the whole condom thing, they’re used to not wearing a condom, “ Dr Mansberg said.
“We’ve been seeing a big uptick in newly single women and men – unfortunately it’s more women because men really don’t get a lot of symptoms from a lot of these STIs so for better or for worse these blokes they often spread it around.”
The popular personality recently discovered she’s one of only 5 per cent of all women who experience this rare act in the bedroom.
There’s one habit that we’re all guilty of – and it’s killing our sex lives. But there’s an easy solution, says Jana Hocking.
Researchers discovered this secret hack to the female orgasm decades ago, but Nadia Bokody says few men are aware of it.

A NOTE ABOUT RELEVANT ADVERTISING: We collect information about the content (including ads) you use across this site and use it to make both advertising and content more relevant to you on our network and other sites. Find out more about our policy and your choices, including how to opt-out. Sometimes our articles will try to help you find the right product at the right price. We may receive payment from third parties for publishing this content or when you make a purchase through the links on our sites.
Nationwide News Pty Ltd © 2022. All times AEDT (GMT +11). Powered by WordPress.com VIP
More stories to check out before you go
The woman had waited years to become sexually active, only to end up with an upsetting discovery when she had unprotected sex.
It’s one of the biggest sexual myths out there: That only “immoral” people get sexually transmitted infections (STI).
The misconception is one doctors like Ginni Mansberg are keen to stamp out, as in reality STIs can be contracted by anyone and have “got nothing to do with morality”.
Dr Mansberg has worked as a Sydney GP for almost 30 years and told news.com.au podcast Kinda Sorta Dating some of the people she sees diagnosed with STIs would be considered the “most conservative” members of society.
“I am thinking of one girl who waited until she was 29 to lose her virginity to her boyfriend, who she was with for six months before they took a condom off, Dr Mansberg told host Jana Hocking.
“She got a triple whammy – she got chlamydia, herpes and an abnormal Pap test in one go, but you cannot call her a fallen woman.”
Who gets a STI had “nothing to do with morality and it’s got a lot to do with luck”, Dr Mansberg said.
One STI was so common, it was easier to assume most people you met have it – herpes. Dr Mansberg said that around one in eight people have been diagnosed with the virus at some point.
“Herpes, oh my goodness, I diagnose that all the time,” she said. “Herpes is super common.”
There was also a surprise rise in STI diagnoses in one age group: middle-aged people who find themselves single for the first time in decades.
“They have forgotten the whole condom thing, they’re used to not wearing a condom, “ Dr Mansberg said.
“We’ve been seeing a big uptick in newly single women and men – unfortunately it’s more women because men really don’t get a lot of symptoms from a lot of these STIs so for better or for worse these blokes they often spread it around.”
The popular personality recently discovered she’s one of only 5 per cent of all women who experience this rare act in the bedroom.
There’s one habit that we’re all guilty of – and it’s killing our sex lives. But there’s an easy solution, says Jana Hocking.
Researchers discovered this secret hack to the female orgasm decades ago, but Nadia Bokody says few men are aware of it.

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