Japanese Girl Diarrhea
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Japanese Girl Diarrhea
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When did diarrhea become an exercise motivator????
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eggs and steak, and steak and eggs, thats what i eat for breakfast, i love it!
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*Disclaimer: The following entry deals with the topic of diarrhea, flatulance, abdominal cramping, vomiting and all manor of disgusting toilet humor. If you are offended by any/all of these, I would strongly advise you not to read this blog and to lighten up because you’re really missing out.
When it comes to non-life-threatening health conditions, only vomiting can surpass explosive diarrhea on the list of most dreaded ailments. We will leave aside the synergistic combination of the two, commonly referred to as “bulldogging,” for another discussion. Suffice it to say that few things can strike fear into the hearts of men/women like that sudden stabbing pain in the lower left quadrant accompanied by an empty gurgling sound that resembles a fart in reverse. You know that sound. It’s like the sound a drain makes just before it gulps the last bit of bath water out of a tub. And when you feel that pain and hear that sound, you know things are about to get real.
For years I thought my wife and I were the only ones. I had no reason to believe that other couples or even entire families had to break the speed limit just to make it to a safe sanctuary after eating hibachi style cuisine. Boy was I wrong. It turns out almost everyone I know has this same experience every time they eat at a hibachi restaurant. Some of my friends and I have even held impromptu round table discussions to get to the bottom of this problem. Is it the MSG? Is it the soup, aka chicken dish water? What about the yum yum sauce? Or is it the flammable liquid they use to dazzle us with the onion volcano? Whatever it is, I think it is safe to assume that it is the key ingredient in every dish they serve.
Now what really intrigues me about this whole gastronomical phenomenon is that so many of us keep returning to these restaurants even though we know what the outcome will be. These places should have gone out of business years ago, but the exact opposite has happened. Business is booming, and we are perfectly willing to stand in line for over an hour just to saddle up to the old hibachi grill. In fact, we are often content to sit with a group of complete strangers just to watch the “chef” prepare the poison right before our eyes. I have often imagined that it would be better if they just replaced the regular chairs with elaborate toilet chairs. That way patrons could relax and enjoy their meal without worrying about whether or not they could make it to the bathroom fast enough. Either that or they could hand out depends adult diapers with the menus. The least these establishments could do would be to install immaculate bathrooms with televisions and bidets (feel free to google that).
This situation is so serious that the Anderson clan has been known to pretreat with Imodium or Pepto before leaving the house, but even this is no guarantee that you will be safe. How ridiculous is it that we continue to spend our hard earned money on a meal that we know will blow through our intestinal tract like a bullet train, leaving us sore, chaffed, and feeling somewhat violated. On more than one occasion, I have found myself gripping the steering wheel with tears in my eyes, begging God to show mercy and at least allow me to make it to my driveway so I can soil my britches in the privacy of my own garage. To complicate matters, my colon seems to know when we are almost home free. The brain is telling the colon to hold tight and stay in formation, but the colon stops receiving signals once I am within twenty-five yards of the toilet. These are the times when you wish you were wearing a velcro belt or something with an elastic waistband. I mean, we are just feet away from the promise land, and my belt, button and zipper suddenly become more difficult to operate than a master lock on a school locker. Heaven forbid that you are wearing button fly jeans because there just is not enough time. If you are lucky enough to make it, you suddenly have a flash back to the movie “Dumb And Dumber.” Your night has culminated with you expelling $50 worth of food in less than fifteen seconds, and that’s if your lucky. However, all of this just is not enough for you to learn your lesson. After all, the food really is delicious, and you will find yourself rolling the dice once again the next time someone invites you out for a night of hibachi.
Reading this article while on the can. So, it has been a little over year since I swore off hibachi and here I sit spilling out its glory. We tried a brand new sushi place this time. Foolishly, I thought the outcome would be different this time around. Tonight’s event happened on a time release. As we left the restaurant I said to my wife, wow I feel OK maybe this place is different. At about halfway home, 5 min drive left, the first cramp hit. Then with sudden ferocity the contractions came in wave after wave. We arrived home and I was out of the car before I got it in park. So glad I’m not alone in this. Thanks for your story.
Ken I thought I had found a formula to avoid this problem. I stick with sushi only and salad/soup. My plan has worked perfectly for over two years, but last week I crapped my lungs out after that exact meal. Someone must have figured out my plan and snuck in some of the special gut bomb seasoning.
I think i may have found the culprit. Its the rice. If rice is left out after being cooked, bacteria can develop. I found this article on rice food poisoning. http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/reheat-leftover-rice-food-poisoning-a7655816.html
On top of that the yum yum sauce used in hibachi contains mayo which if unproperly stored can also cause upset stomach. Not to mention the grease and butters. Its a miracle if we can even make it out of the restaurant
I had the noodles (no rice) and didn’t use the mayo sauce (yuck) and it still got me. Doesn’t matter what I eat (chicken, beef, salmon, shrimp/prawns), I always get sick. I wonder if it has something to do with the oil? Or if the chicken is thoroughly cooked. I just don’t get it. It tastes good, but always makes me miserable for at least a day.
Nope, it’s all the oils! I didn’t eat the rice!
OOOOH Yes, I had forgotten about this, so There’s MSG in this? I had some Hibachi today and thankfully it waited until I came home..LOL
OMG. Everything you said happens to me when I eat hibachi. It’s a running joke in my family, “uh oh, better get him home”. One time it hit me at the restaurant. I had a white polo shirt on. Somehow when the explosion happened it flipped up on the bottom of my shirt. Didn’t know it until my girlfriend(wife now) said you have shit all over the back of your shirt. With all that said, I love the food
It’s the soybean oil! It’s cheap so theses hibachi places use it because the grill require so much oil. This oil goes bad fast
I read this after I too just got back from Benihana. Complete annihilation. I was praying while on the pot for God to just take me. I’ve given birth twice and I am fairly certain tonight’s events called for an epidural. I’m blaming the shrimp sauce.
Jayson, I haven’t laughed so hard in years. You really nailed the sequence of events in a humorous, yet 100% accurate way. My family can’t understand why I can’t read it to them without laughing so hard that I have tears. Experienced yet again these same events after my daughter chose Sakura for her 18th birthday meal. Each time I go back, there is that hope that maybe this time it won’t happen and then the gurgling starts…..and I know bathroom Armageddon is only moments away.
This is great Kevin, not the diarrhea of course! I wrote this as a joke for my Facebook friends to enjoy, but it has taken on a life of its own. I love seeing all the comments. Glad you had a good laugh.
Thanks Kevin! Glad you had a good laugh. Sorry you had the
Amen!! Tears rolling! I’m telling you all, it’s all the oil! It greases the colon!
LMAO…same thing happened to me ..and exactly like you said ..I fall again for it ..I’m glad you comment about this …Im not along . , my boyfriend said is the MSG .!
OMG 2 times my butt has exploded within an hour after hibachi! What issss it?!!!
Most funny and truest article, ever! I tried three different restaurants thinking it was one restaurant only. Boy was I mistaken. I told the wife they need to build one next door to the house so I can make it back on-time peacefully.
And here I sit on the porcelain throne paying for my poor judgment!!!!
OK, I have gluten sensitivity. I have similar issues at Kobe, the hibachi restaurant close to my home. I have discovered a couple of things to avoid, so I do not get sick. Have hibachi chef prepare your food first separately on a clean grill. Do not eat any soy sauce, even the Gluten Free variety. Do not eat the dipping sauces or the soup. Soup has broth bouillon in it, which is full of MSG and gluten and soy sauce, which has wheat in it. Avoid bread, croutons and anything with wheat in it. Avoid the fried rice, which has soy sauce in it. I have done this twice now and did not get the wrath of Kahn after eating there. You all may be celiac or sensitive to gluten. Try a gluten free diet for six weeks to see if your overall health improves. Gluten affects my joints, digestion, and brain fog. If you have similar symptoms get tested by a GI doctor.
We call it B. B. H. S. also known as burning butthole syndrome around these parts
I’m rolling! So true and hilariously put! Thanks for the laugh. I feel like I have to go just reading it!!!
OMG, I’m so glad I found myself in similar company. Went to a hibachi dinner tonight for a friend’s birthday. Within the hour of consumption I’m driving home and it hits me. I literally had to run into the house as fast as I could, I’ve never been so close to having an adult accident! Never.Again…
Goodness! I brely made it home tonight…. my prayer life was truly strengthened during my stint through traffic… EVERY LIGHT WAS RED! My pants were barely on halfway through the ride, i needed every bit of stomach space i could get. Sad to say, its my 3rd experience throughout the years… and I havent even cashed in on my birthday coupon at Benihana yet… do I stay…or do I pray (all the way through traffic again)..
You can’t quit until you poop your pants!
This is hilarious!!! My husband is usually the one that frequently experiences BBHS after we eat hibachi….I, myself, believe that the rice is the culprit and here is why: Most people, except nerdy ones like myself , do not know the dangers lurking with rice and spores. Uncooked rice has spores that can actually live, even after the rice is cooked (talk about gross). If the cooked rice is left at room temp(remember those big bowls of rice the chef brings to the table…wonder how long it has been sitting at room temp????hmmmm…), a bacteria (bacillus cereus) can multiply and produce “poison” aka toxins that can cause food poison, hence the explosive diarrhea and/or nausea/vomiting…….I avoid the rice at all cost!!!!(For the record, I avoid rice in any form unless it is prepared by yours truly and consumed IMMEDIATELY, I am not taking any chances.)
Now back to the first sentence, “My husband is the one who experiences BBHS” (he is hardheaded and won’t listen to this one piece of medical advice provided by his wifey…so, on the toilet he sits, moaning in agony, meanwhile I continue to enjoy my night engaging in productive activites!
#SayNoToTheRice!
Definitely not the rice for me. I didn’t even have rice the last time I ate at a hibachi restaurant. I had noodles and didn’t use the yum-yum sauce. It also doesn’t happen at other places that serve rice, like Panda Express or any other Asian restaurant or any other type of restaurant. ONLY hibachi. And I didn’t even eat off the hibachi menu.
Soy sauce never bothers me, and I definitely don’t have a gluten sensitivity, as someone else suggested. Though if you have a gluten sensitivity, it probably isn’t the best idea.
That’s why I think it’s something to do with the oil, bc that’s used in or to cook almost everything. Or some other specialty sauce they use.
Is am dying. Literally in tears We frequently have this discussion after having hibachi. We plan our day around this meal. It must be the last stop of the day as we know we must immediately speed home and cancel the rest of the days activities… We’ve discussed remodeling and adding a second bathroom for occasions such as these.
I can relate. I shit my pants while sitting at the Hibachi grille. Luckily, there was a bathroom 20 feet away that I waddled to so I could take off my soiled boxers and bury them in the trash can.
I thought it was a fluke so I tried it again a year later. This time I made it out of the restaurant and to my car. We were half mile down the road and getting ready to enter the freeway when I
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