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July 10, 2012 05:47 am JST July 10, 2012 | 07:32 am JST
231 Comments
While marriage rates in Japan have been declining overall, a growing number of Japanese women seem to be giving up on their male counterparts and dating foreign men.
So what is it about foreign guys that draws Japanese women to them? Kanae Hara at Gow Magazine writes: “Just this year, I’ve had one friend get married to an American and another to an Australian. Both of them moved overseas with their partners. They both tell me that foreigners are more expressive with their love and make them feel happy to have been born a woman.“
Hara continues by sharing 10 ways foreign guys express their affection that make their Japanese girlfriends fall head over heels. We’ve translated the list below, so be sure to take notes if you’re looking for some pointers on how to woo a Japanese girl!
A real proposal “His proposal was amazing! He actually got down on one knee and, while looking straight into my eyes, said: “Will you marry me?” Then he handed me a diamond ring!” (31-years-old/Japanese, 34-year-old/English)
Flattering text messages “His texts always start with ‘To the most beautiful girl in the world’. I think being able to use a phrase like that naturally is something only foreigners can do.” (26/Japanese, 29/Spain)
Makeup flowers “He sends a bouquet of flowers to my apartment or work after we get in a fight. It’s embarrassing but I think it’s sweet.” (29/Japanese, 27/English)
Mornings just like in the movies “On days off he makes breakfast for me while I’m still in bed and wakes me up by kissing me while saying ‘Hurry, I want to see myself in those beautiful eyes’. It’s like something from a movie scene, I never thought I’d experience it myself.” (33/Japanese, 37/French)
A flower for every occasion “Our first meal together, the first time we held hands: he uses every ‘first’ we share as an opportunity to slip me a flower.” (30/Japanese, 28/Greek)
Leaving his love in a letter “Since he has to leave for work early in the morning, he always leaves me a letter with a short message. I feel his love for me in his handwriting.” (28/Japanese, 26/Chinese)
Saying “I love you” on the phone “He always says ‘I love you’ before hanging up the phone. I still haven’t gotten used to it and it’s embrassing.” (29/Japanese, 26/American)
The first and last bite “He’s so kind, it drives me absolutely crazy for him. I was especially surprised at how he always gives me the first and last bite when we share food.” (32/Japanese, 27/Korean)
Eat, sleep, breathe, kiss “He kisses my over 10 times a day while whispering words of affection. It’s just natural for him.” (36/Japanese, 32/Italian)
By contrast, Japanese men are known for being shy and inept at expressing their feelings to women. Therefore many Japanese women fear that dating a Japanese man will bring them a life of monotony, with no romantic proposals (some Japanese men propose by asking “will you make me miso soup for the rest of my life?”) and never once being told “I love you”.
So what do you guys and girls think? Are Japanese girls getting too worked up over cheesy romance or should Japanese guys start taking lessons before it’s too late?
Interesting how the Japanese woman is usually older than the male foreigner in the people interviewed.
Reading this made me feel sorry for the fake guys who will do anything for a bit of action.
“His texts always start with ‘To the most beautiful girl in the world’
‘Hurry, I want to see myself in those beautiful eyes’
Made my skin crawl at the fakeness.
To be perfectly honest it is not hard for a foriegner to impress a japanese woman way more than a Japanese man can by just giving the woman what the average Japanese male does not. Things like attention, coming home early evening, occasional flowers for no reason, doing things together, saying I love you, physical contact and treating your partner as an equal. Sure as hell works for me.
Yeah, I did the same thing. I was being fake then. I learned not to do it the second time.
Easily flattered by Hallmark quotes from valentines cards, eh?
Well, it seems to work with women...
I hope you get a Godfather morning too.
Yeah, but I bet you're not the first, or the last either.
If I tried this , my wife would have to spend the rest of the day deciphering my crippled-spider-crawling-through-spilled-ink handwriting.
He says that because he wants to hang up and get back to having fun.
Some people are insecure and need signs of affection...
Maria, glad I'm not the only one that had the same thought..!
Some of this stuff made me cringe haha. Their is nothing wrong with the occasional flowers and making breakfast in bed. You gotta love that stuff.... but "Hurry, I want to see myself in those beautiful eyes" is a bit too corny. I think my girlfriend would eye me off very suspiciously or laugh at how dumb I sound.
Probert, wow, I can see how women can't get enough of your optimism. Give some the above a try, it may lead to a smile, Bob.
Thank you JT for this article. I think I'll print this out and show it to the Family Court judge in my annulment case. With no marriage proposal, no ring, no wedding. I had a monster falsify papers to enter me in a false state of marriage. I did NOT give my consent.
She even admitted in court that I did not propose or give my consent but the judge still has not decided if the marriage is valid or not.
Yet right here in this article, as the #1 thing is the romantic proposal. Everybody knows this. Japan's Family Court cares nothing for the human rights of foreigners.
Long story, won't bore you with all the details.
Probert, wow, I can see how women can't get enough of your optimism. Give some the above a try, it may lead to a smile, Bob.
No, I'd rather be honest and treat women with respect.
Probert, we can go back and forth like you and Domi did back in the day, but the above tips on romance have opened my eyes about love in the eyes of a Japanese woman. Very helpful. Thank you JT.
Probert, we can go back and forth like you and Domi did back in the day, but the above tips on romance have opened my eyes about love in the eyes of a Japanese woman. Very helpful. Thank you JT.
I hope you're not serious. And Domi had nothing on Bobby.
Think they should have put "Just not being an herbivore" at number one. I think that's the number one complain I hear about Japanese guys, they are either too passive or way too aggressive.
Just like the sad and pathetic women who fall for the sad and pathetic guys who do these sad and pathetic things
If you see them as 'sad and pathetic' I suggest you have a problem with sincerity and being considerate of your partner. I have never had any problem showering my lovely wife with affection, whispering sweet nothings and generally doing the romance thing as well as I can manage it. I cooked her dinner on our first real date - and she was floored. I have always found her to be very appreciative of my efforts. She is a lovely girl.
This is funny, I bet none of the people interviewed here are MARRIED or if they are married it is one of those bogus marriages without kids, just living together to save money and to have a legal visa to work and live in Japan, let me see an interview with Japanese house wives who have not slept well for months after having a baby, a drunk gaijin husband who comes home late after getting a bit of action because his J wife is always too tired and not in the mood for sex etc..THIS IS THE REAL JAPAN for our NON MARRIED gajijin friends, and from what I hear from my female non Japanese friends married to Japanese husbands, same problem, NO SEX with their Japanese husband, too tired from too much work (means he already went to SOAPLAND with his Japanese working buddies and is good for about a week) or so, too much work, sure, get drunk with the boss, crawl into some kyabakura, get your willie polished) come home like if you had too much work, ah yes, the old Japanese way to a HAPPY marriage?? So much romance it is making my skin crawl like Probies??
Long story, won't bore you with all the details.
Please do! You got married without your consent - I can't wait to hear how that came about.
NetNinja, how in the heck did a J girl falsify marriage papers, you need to be at the city hall too, I am sure as heck they are not gonna let some dispy J girl walk and say, I wanna get married here are the papers, oh Dispy san, by the way where is your gaijin fiance?? Oh you just have his HANKO so everything is cool here hanko here and here OMEDETOU GOZAIMASU??? Not! No way that can happen, and you need special papers from whatever embassy of your country that only YOU YOURSELF can get and present at your local city hall, been there done that, kind of cool swearing on a Christian bible when I said, hey Mr.Embassy guy, I am Buddhist, sure, just put your hand on the holy book, etc..etc...etc..ok??
Japanese girls are very naive and suckers for a bit of sweet talk. Probert hits the nail on the head with what he says. Anyone who thinks otherwise is fooling themselves.
Elbuda Mexicano. The article IS about unmarried couples. Your description of married life in Japan is very funny however.
No Maria, he doesn't kiss her "what" he kisses her "over."
Well, there are some Japanese girls that are open to relationships with foreign guys. Most are not. Japanese women get a lot of negative social pressure when they get involved with a foreign man. In general there seems to be a certain degree of coldness to Japanese style relationships compared to Western style relationships. It's a good option for those Japanese women that want something more if they can handle the social consequences and manage the language barrier.
Made my skin crawl at the fakeness.
All's fair in love, war, and the never ending quest for you know what...
No: 1 thing foreign guys do that make Japanese girls fall head over heels is dont be feminine like the J boys here mostly are.
Girls dont like limp wristed eyebrow plucked makeup wearing skinny wimps, they'd go for their sister if they did like that.
If you see them as 'sad and pathetic' I suggest you have a problem with sincerity and being considerate of your partner.
If you think most of the garbage written about in the article is "sincere", I'm not the one with a problem. Oh, and I'm very considerate of my partner by the way. So, considerate in fact, that I don't have to "(shower) my lovely wife with affection, (or whisper) sweet nothings and generally (do) the romance thing as well as I can manage it".
You see that bit at the end that you said "as well as I can manage it", if you really mean something, you don't need to "manage" it.
Neither have I. Except for my ex-wife. But, she was nuts anyway.
I cooked her dinner on our first real date - and she was floored.
So, did I, and so was she. I didn't do it to impress her either. I like cooking. I cook every time I can still now. And again, not to impress her. I'm not fake like that.
I have always found her to be very appreciative of my efforts. She is a lovely girl.
I imagine you patting her on the head right there.
I'm sure you're a great guy and make her really happy, but when you talk like that, it sounds like you're talking down about her. But, hey, maybe that's just me. No offence intended. Seriously.
This is both nauseating (some of it just has to be made up by the journalist) but also a sorry indictment of what many of the local boys are like.
Just wonder if there'll be a follow up list of 10 things foreign husbands do that Japanese wives can't stand?
It's a great list and a lot of foreign guys do many on the list - don't seem to crazy. The question is whether they keep doing it after being married.
If foreign men kept doing the list, there'd probably be less divorce back in their foreign countries.
Anyway, affection and romance isn't going out of fashion anywhere. I still do many of the ones on the list except my wife hates my cooking (but that's turned out cool for me), and the first and last bite isn't practical. Not with kids anyway.
"i want to see my self in your beautiful eyes"? Never thought of that one. aha A frenchmen! Who also makes her some exquisite French breakfast? Okay, can't compete with that. But it wouldn't just be Japanese girls who wouldn't mind that.
Reading this article, I'm guilty as charged!
...but the thing is, it just seems that the J-girls are only in it for the "experience". They don't really care if we're just lying or being full of it. They just want the experience UNTIL they're tired of it and want to try the new, latest, "shin-hatsu-bai" romantic experience.
So guys who are worried that they're going to be "found out" for lying... really, it doesn't matter to them. Does that reduce foreign men to the role of boy-toy? Absolutely. We're not really marriage material in the eyes of the Japanese. Just a fun exotic fling. Even though it's somewhat demeaning, I could live with that for a while.
Next, I would like to see an article about what the Japanese women give back in return. Sounds to me that certain people only take, take, take. I had a friend (Japanese in this case) who was chased by at least one Japanese woman, wanted to be taken to expensive restaurants, and basically wanted to live comfortably while future-hubby works his arse off and she can have tea with female friends - that type. I've seen other similar women from other parts of Asia too. And it's usually with very old men. Steer well clear. Just to balance things - I've seen plenty of Asian women who want to work and fend for themselves too.
“His proposal was amazing! He actually got down on one knee and, while looking straight into my eyes, said: “Will you marry me?” Then he handed me a diamond ring!”
I love it how there's an exclamation mark after the words 'diamond ring'!!!
It's not about being a foreigner or any of those things on the list. They surely contribute but it's more about respect and honoring your committment day in and day out. That goes for both parties.
@ELBUDA... you are a Mexican .. probably a 99 percent chance you were raised Catholic and you converted to Buddhism?.... very rare... just about as rare a a Mexican living in Japan.
"one Japanese woman, wanted to be taken to expensive restaurants, and basically wanted to live comfortably while future-hubby works his arse off and she can have tea with female friends - that type."
You mean...there are OTHER types?!?! Why didn't you tell me!!
"love it how there's an exclamation mark after the words 'diamond ring'!!!"
Yeah, and I love it how the 40/50 yr old women I know don't talk to their husbands, don't know much about them, want to sleep in separate beds and rooms, want to go on separate vacations, but are expecting and hinting at diamond rings for anniversary presents.
Probie Well you are the one that said this my friend;
Yeah, I did the same thing. I was being fake then
You see that bit at the end that you said "as well as I can manage it", if you really mean something, you don't need to "manage" it.
Nice try. That's just a turn of phrase whose nuances are perhaps a little too subtle for you,
And again, not to impress her. I'm not fake like that
I imagine you patting her on the head right there.
I'm sure you're a great guy and make her really happy, but when you talk like that, it sounds like you're talking down about her. But, hey, maybe that's just me. No offence intended. Seriously.
Yeah, It's just you. You seem to assume a lot about the lives of people based on little snippets and grabs you get from the electronic internet. You know nothing of the people in the artice, yet call them fake, insecure, dishonest, dumb et al. You know nothing of me, and yet you call me all manner of things. So, are you just here to fire off insults and make prefunctory assessments of everything you see? Because that's all pretty lightweight in my opinion and I'm more than happy to take you to task on it.
Probie Well you are the one that said this my friend;
Yeah, I did the same thing. I was being fake then
Hey, at least I'm honest. I was being fake then. That was 15 years ago.
Nice try. That's just a turn of phrase whose nuances are perhaps a little too subtle for you,
Yeah, it obviously is. Because every time I re-read what you said, it still comes across the same way.
Did you think I was taking a jab at you or something. I wasn't BTW.
I'm starting to seriously doubt that.
You seem to assume a lot about the lives of people based on little snippets and grabs you get from the electronic internet.
Yeah, I do. And I'm correct 77% or the time.
You know nothing of the people in the artice, yet call them fake, insecure, dishonest, dumb et al.
You think these people aren't fake, insecure, dishonest, dumb?!
You know nothing of me, and yet you call me all manner of things.
What did I call you? I didn't call you anything.
So, are you just here to fire off insults and make prefunctory assessments of everything you see?
Nope. It's called "having an opinion".
Because that's all pretty lightweight in my opinion
Really? Ever heard that saying about a pot and a kettle?
and I'm more than happy to take you to task on it.
I need to tighten my boots, because of all the shaking I'm doing.
I don't see how you've taken what I said as a personal attack or whatever. But, I'll apologize if that's the case.
It's not about being a foreigner or any of those things on the list. They surely contribute but it's more about respect and honoring your committment day in and day out. That goes for both parties.
Absolutely that's important. However, if all you've promised is to " do that thang", it's a little easier to manage the commitment!
Listen guys. Marriage is abhorrent. It's essentially a man trying to "own" his own women, and you CAN'T own anybody, much less tell them who not to hook up with. Anyway, if you go down that track, you should completely expect women to expect payment for life (including a huge expensive rock), and expect you to work for them your entire life because you are "in love". It's only fair!
Hurry, I want to see myself in those beautiful eyes.
Listen guys. Marriage is abhorrent. It's essentially a man trying to "own" his own women, and you CAN'T own anybody, much less tell them who not to hook up with. Anyway, if you go down that track, you should completely expect women to expect payment for life (including a huge expensive rock), and expect you to work for them your entire life because you are "in love". It's only fair!
Wow. The last I heard, marriage was an agreement between 2 people. It's not about someone "owning" someone else; and if it was, that was called "slavery" and I don't think many slaves got "a huge expensive
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