Is Looking At Porn Cheating

Is Looking At Porn Cheating
Is Looking at Porn the Same as Cheating?
By Eddie Capparucci , Op-Ed Contributor
© 2022 The Christian Post, INC . All Rights Reserved.
"I don't understand," Tim said to his wife as they sat across from me during their first counseling session. "I didn't sleep with anyone. I was watching porn. Since when is that considered adultery?"
He shot me a look seeking my support in confirming his belief that Cheryl was overreacting to his behavior.
Unfortunately for Tim, such support was not to be found, at least not in my counseling office.
Just as I asked Tim to do, let's take a moment and look at what's involved with pornography and what could be the rationale that leaves Cheryl and many other women to believe it's a form of cheating.
Is looking at porn the same thing as cheating?
Let's think about three things we're really doing when we're watching porn:
We are becoming aroused as we watch other individuals engaging in sexual acts. When we commit adultery what are we engaging in? Lust. When we make a commitment to another person to be involved in a serious relationship or marry, we are promising to not lust after others.
"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman. For what has God above chosen for us? What is our inheritance from the Almighty on high? Isn't it calamity for the wicked and misfortune for those who do evil?" Job 31:1-3
We accept the duty to honor our partner by not allowing our sexual desires to wander beyond the relationship. When we view pornography, we are wandering sexually and dishonoring our partner.
2. We're planting seeds of doubt in our partner's mind.
In a large majority of cases, when a woman discovers her partner watching pornography — whether she expresses it or not — she feels a sense of unworthiness.
Our pornography use crushes their self-worth. She believes she can't compete or measure up to the fantasy women we lust after, and it creates a sense of shame within her. The women we betray begin comparing themselves to the graphic images and feel they are "not enough for us."
Our pornography usage creates self-doubt in their ability to mentally and physically satisfy us. This ultimately creates a wedge in our relationship.
There is no denying masturbation is heavily involved with pornography watching.
But when we do that, we are robbing our wives and our relationships of the opportunity for both emotional and physical intimacy.
Our bodies are not our own, and our desire to engage in sexual pleasure was meant to be shared with our wives and not in isolation.
"The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife." 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
Chronic masturbation also can lead to sexual dysfunctional issues including impotency, leaky erections, or retarded ejaculation. All of these conditions can cause tension and stress in a marital relationship.
We can attempt to justify our pornography use by claiming it's harmless and that we can do what we wish with our own bodies.
Is looking at porn the same thing as cheating?
The truth is: pornography is a betrayal that objectifies and dishonors women, so yes, it's a form of cheating. And our partners deserve better than that from us.
Originally posted at xxxchurch.com.
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At the very least, porn is something that usually makes consumers feel they’re doing something that doesn’t benefit their relationships. How’s that healthy?
We know that finding out a partner has been watching porn definitely feels like being cheated on . But here’s another question: is consuming porn the same thing as cheating with a real person in reality?
Truthfully, there’s not really a “correct” answer, and a lot of people in our society would probably say no. But a lot of other people would say absolutely, yes.
The reality is, it’s a question that can only be answered subjectively. Partly, it depends on your personal definition of cheating—does it have to involve direct physical contact with someone, or can it be a mental or emotional event that crosses a line? By the numbers, 41% of marriages reportedly suffer from “physical or emotional infidelity,” but what exactly does that mean? That line is what makes things tricky. For every individual and every unique couple, that line can be different, and what’s acceptable or understandable to some people might be considered over the line by others.
As an organization, we can’t answer these questions for you because they’re such personal questions, but we can point you to the research and inform individuals about the proven harms of porn and help couples make healthy decisions.
Obviously, as an anti-porn, pro-love organization, we know the world would be a happier, healthier place if porn didn’t exist. We could explain the scientific and sociological reasons why that is all day long, but we’ve spent plenty of time doing that already— just read our blog or watch our three-part documentary series for free, if you aren’t sure what we’re talking about.
So back to the cheating question. Regardless of if you define consuming porn secretly in a relationship as cheating or not, can consuming porn push a consumer to act out with others in reality?
This may come as a disappointment, but to be totally honest, no one is really sure if porn can “make” someone cheat on their partner with others in reality. There have been quite a few studies on porn’s effect on relationships, and they’ve found that people who watch porn can be “ less stable in their relationships and have higher rates of infidelity and divorce. They are also less committed to their partners, less satisfied in their relationships, and more cynical about marriage, love, and relationships in general.”
That doesn’t sound good at all, but let’s take a minute to talk about correlation and causation.
Correlation means that two things are connected, and causation means that one thing causes another—for example, eating lots of chocolate might be correlated with getting good grades, but it doesn’t necessarily cause someone to get good grades. So maybe chocolate eating and good grades might show up together in studies, but there’s probably another variable that we don’t know about yet that explains why the two are correlated. (It’s true, you can show a correlation between pretty much anything , whether they’re related or not.)
The fact is, it’s been shown time and again that there is a positive correlation between porn and infidelity—that is, porn consumption is definitely connected to more infidelity. It’s important to note that most studies about porn and infidelity struggle to move from correlation to causation, though.
While we can say that people who watch porn are more likely to be unfaithful to their partners, we can’t definitively prove that this increased likelihood is because the person has a history of watching porn. Make sense? Either way, porn isn’t healthy for relationships, and plenty of credible research is very clear about that fact.
Really, though, the “correlation vs. causation” shouldn’t matter if we go back to the beginning—the murky ethical line that separates “cheating” from “normal behavior.” At the very least, porn is something that usually makes consumers feel like they’re doing something that doesn’t benefit their relationships, and shouldn’t our internal compasses be trusted if they feel that way?
In the words of Russell Brand, “There’s a general feeling isn’t there, in your core, if you look at pornography, that this isn’t what’s the best thing for me to be doing. This isn’t the best use of my time.” We couldn’t have said it better, Brand.
Instead of worrying about whether or not porn is equivalent to cheating or trying to draw straight lines between watching porn and infidelity, let’s trust ourselves to make that decision in favor of real, honest, and transparent relationships. We don’t want to be secretive and isolating because we know that what we’re doing is hurtful to ourselves and the people around us.
Choosing to consume or not consume porn often isn’t about black and white distinctions. So, you can worry that porn is connected to infidelity, but we encourage you to not get hung up looking for a proven causal relationship (the research will take care of that).
What research and personal stories clearly show right now—that porn makes relationships harder and less rewarding, that it hurts people in very real ways—is enough to make our own healthy decision to opt for real love and ditch porn for good.
Are you with us? Join the movement!
©Fight the New Drug, Inc. 2022, All rights Reserved. Fight the New Drug, Inc. is a U.S. 501(c)(3) public charity, EIN 26-3550143.
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Do you think looking at porn while in a relationship counts as cheating?

Thread starter
Robinson

Start date
Aug 22, 2021

I'm interested in hearing your opinions on this topic.

Oct 25, 2017

15,518

Toronto

Only if you’d rather watch porn than spend time with the other person.
Only if your relationship is with [your chosen god or gods]

But still no. lol
I voted no but I think this would depend on if your partner expressed their views on porn early into the relationship and if you are on the same page. I would only consider it cheating if they informed the person that they viewed it as hurtful / cheating and they lied about not watching it etc.
The idea that porn (and by proxy, masturbation) is inherently cheating is extremely close to manipulative behavior, imo
And the most lopsided poll in Era history goes to...
Is watching a rom com while you're in a relationship the same as cheating?
Does looking at pictures of carrot cake count as cheating on my diet?
Find a spouse who will share in porn consumption with you.
I firmly believe anyone who thinks this is incapable of fostering a long term relationship.

Oct 30, 2017

9,709

Your Imagination

No, and the person who voted yes can fuck right off lol
No, and if your S.O. feels otherwise, ooh boy...
If so me and my wife have been cheating on each other since the day we met.
I clicked No thinking I be in the minority

It can get grey though, if you’re live chatting with a webcam model and paying for 1 and 1 private time I would count as cheating
Mannnn if you aren't watching it together you're doing relationships wrong. Discussing kinks with your partner is a natural part of a healthy adult relationship.
not at all for me

but then again if this is something that two partners have set as a boundary and one of them crosses it, then that might be another discussion

cheating/flirting/etc has a pretty fluid term depending on those in the relationship

Oct 26, 2017

6,424

Dunedin, New Zealand

Six minutes and 100+ votes at 99%+.

We've finally all agreed on something. I can die happy.

Oct 25, 2017

15,518

Toronto

And the most lopsided poll in Era history goes to...

Nov 8, 2017

6,534

Boston, MA

Maybe if you’re watching a video you and your ex made. Other than that nah lol, I’ve been in bed with my partner and opened up some porn.
Yes. If your partner is watching Game of Thrones and Spartacus, best break up.

Oct 25, 2017

11,571

The Negative Zone

The idea that porn (and by proxy, masturbation) is inherently cheating is extremely close to manipulative behavior, imo

Chuck S01E08 - Chuck Versus The TruthCopyright NBC and Warner Bros. Entertainment

Oct 25, 2017

3,732

Greater Seattle Area

Of course not. My wife knows I watch it.
What about watching porn with your cat beside you, but you are also watching it outside?
No and anyone who thinks that is dumb.
You would have to be one of the most insecure people in the world to think so.
No, but going on a dinner date with Marisa Tomei could be considered cheating.

I'm interested in hearing your opinions on this topic.

You would have to be one of the most insecure people in the world to think so.

Oct 30, 2017

3,889

Vancouver

My wife doesn't consider it cheating to look up porn. But she would consider it to be cheating to use chaterbate, or anything with a live person - doubly so if there is any communication between you.

I think she would consider an only fans sub cheating also perhaps - since I'm directly paying an individual.

My wife doesn't consider it cheating to look up porn. But she would consider it to be cheating to use chaterbate, or anything with a live person - doubly so if there is any communication between you.

Watching porn? Not really.

Partaking in live cams, or maybe chatting with someone from OnlyFans? Not to me, but I could see the argument

You would have to be one of the most insecure people in the world to think so.

My wife doesn't consider it cheating to look up porn. But she would consider it to be cheating to use chaterbate, or anything with a live person - doubly so if there is any communication between you.

I think she would consider an only fans sub cheating also perhaps - since I'm directly paying an individual.

The premise to me is absurd but I’ve heard older people say their significant others would be mad if they found out they watch it. I can’t imagine being jealous of porn, but apparently it was a thing for boomers.

Yes I don’t see why this wouldn’t be cheating

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Is pornography cheating?

Written by Graeme Orr, MBACP(Accred) Counsellor
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Most relationship counsellors will have experienced the damage that cheating and infidelity has on a relationship. Most of us would see going to bed with someone other than your partner as infidelity; but when it comes to watching and using pornography, is your partner cheating?
The big problem here is how you see the word cheating. The issue seems to revolve around how it makes the partners feel. So, if both watch pornography together, perhaps as part of their sex life, that does not feel like cheating. If one partner watches pornography with the consent of the other and they still have a healthy relationship together, again that doesn’t feel like cheating. The problems really start to arise when the secretive nature of watching pornography comes to the forefront. When one partner feels cheated of the intimacy of the relationship by their partner’s use of pornography, it is easy to see this as cheating.
While around 25% of pornography is watched by women, the problems of pornography are mostly a male problem. Many forums and websites have posts where women are shocked to see what their partner is watching (often discovered by accident) and they speak of the way that it makes them question their relationship and how their partner sees them.
Similarly, many men feel trapped by internet pornography; it has developed into an addiction, they perhaps cannot perform without access to pornography, and they spend more and more time finding the right “perfect” images.
Often the problems have started because of problems in the relationship. Perhaps there is a difference in libido; perhaps there are unresolved issues that prevent the partners from becoming intimate. Perhaps it is circumstance; you are just tired all the time and intimacy is the last thing on your mind. Perhaps your sex life has become routine and you never discuss it. One partner may feel that it is a problem yet the time is never found to address the relationship. All of these can, over time, drive one partner (often the man) to surf the net for pornography.
Dealing with the problem is about addressing the cause of the problem, identifying where the problems are in the relationship and trying to address these, and perhaps learning to talk about subjects that have been historically difficult such as sex. It is worth noting that demanding why someone is looking at pornography is unlikely to bear fruit; while you may be angry at your partner’s use of pornography, they are more likely to respond to the feelings that it generates in you.
Often a counsellor can help you to talk about the issue and help you deal with feelings of hurt, betrayal and loss. The objective is to get the relationship back to a point where the intimacy between you and your partner means that cheating with pornography is not worth it.
Finally, it is worth noting that there is help if you feel that you have become addicted to pornography and, like any other addiction, counselling and support groups are available .

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views
expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.
Graeme is a counsellor and author, living and working on the south side of Glasgow. In his practice, he sees a number of clients with emotional, anxiety and self-esteem that have relevance to us all. His articles are based on that experience and are offered as an opportunity to identify with, or to challenge you to make changes in your life.
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