Is It Wrong To Sleep With Your Cousin
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Is It Wrong To Sleep With Your Cousin
i have left my husband and son and am sleeping with my first cousin,i have my teenage daughter with me and am living just a few yards from my husband and son.my son is very upset and thinks he and his sister will get a lot of bullying form other people.is it right to sleep with my first cousin and will people understand or will they not like it and effect my children
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30 Answers - ( Newest, 12 February 2016)
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‘I’m sleeping with my second cousin – but I’m worried it’s wrong’
It's completely legal, but definitely not as common as it once was.
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It was once common practice, but marrying your cousin has fallen out of fashion in recent times – thankfully, some would say.
However, an anonymous man, who is having a secret love affair with his cousin, has written to The Sun’s advice column, Dear Deidre, saying he’s fallen in love with his second cousin but fears his daughter won’t approve.
The 51-year-old man revealed he’s been secretly sleeping with his 36-year-old cousin, adding: “I feel like a man who’s had 20 years knocked off his age.”
The pair hit it off at a family birthday two months ago, he said. “I am divorced and was quite happily ticking along as a single guy but now I can’t get her out of my head. My cousin’s daughter has told me she loves me and has done for many years.”
He said his brother “doesn’t see a problem”, but part of him thinks it might be illegal. “My daughter has guessed I have a woman in my life and is dying to meet her. How can I tell her she is right, but that it is my second cousin?”
Although it may not be palatable for some, according to the Australian Marriage Act of 1961, it’s legal to marry your first cousin in most Australian states. You can also marry your niece or nephew or your aunt or uncle.
It’s also legal in the UK for first cousins to marry, however there have been calls to ban the practice. Rules differ in the US, where only half of the country allows inter-family marriages. Most states allow first-cousin marriages only if there will be no offspring from those marriages, while second cousins are legally allowed to marry in every state.
First-cousin marriages were once common around the world, especially among aristocrats and royal families, who wanted to uphold a certain standard of breeding and wealth. Queen Victoria, married her first cousin Prince Albert in 1840 to maintain a royal lineage, and it’s a well-known fact that the reigning Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip are third cousins.
One of the biggest concerns for inter-family marriages is that children born from the relationship will suffer defects. Children of non-related couples have a 2-3 per cent risk of birth defects , while that risk increases to 8 per cent when a child is born from first cousins.
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How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Send your questions for Stoya and Rich to howtodoit@slate.com . Nothing’s too small (or big).
I recently reconnected with a cousin who I hadn’t seen in about 15 years at a family wedding. He’s in his early 20s, I’m in my early 30s. When we were kids he looked up to me, and I would hang out with him often, because he had a hard time at home. We fell out of touch when I went to college, but he’s since extracted himself from his family and made good—he’s in school and makes solid money. When we saw each other, I honestly didn’t recognize him. He’s become quite a good-looking man, and I have to admit I was checking him out before I realized he was my cousin. (I’m also a man. I realized I was gay about a decade ago, and my family, including this cousin, is aware.)
My now-strapping cousin immediately glommed on to me at the wedding and told me how much he appreciated the time we spent together as a kid. It seemed innocent, but as he drank more throughout the night, he got increasingly physical and flirty, to the point where others commented on it. Toward the end of the night, he said he was questioning his sexuality and asked if he could come home with me to “talk about it.” He was very drunk, and I told him to go to bed. The next morning, he started texting me and asking to have a drink and talk more. I want to support him, but if I’m honest I am attracted to him, and I think he is to me, and it feels wrong especially because he’s my cousin and I basically babysat him as a kid. Should I be there for him and set clear boundaries? A part of me worries that if I do meet up with him, the flirtation will take its course, and if that got out, I know my family would freak out (and maybe I should feel guilty for even thinking about it).
You can be there for him without being in him, which is what I’m recommending. I don’t say that automatically because he’s your cousin. Aversion to amorous relationships among cousins is a fairly recent and location-specific taboo—according to one 2011 study , one-fifth of people globally live in places where consanguineous marriage is common (defined as marriage between two second cousins or closer, but not typically including immediate family members). The taboo, as Americans know it, largely stems from concerns of health complications and congenital conditions that a shallow gene pool can help facilitate—the risk of a congenital abnormality is something like 4 to 7 percent among births from consanguineous couples versus about 2 percent for the population in total. (Still, a recent Popular Science headline read, “ Go ahead, marry your cousin .”)
Procreation isn’t on the table for you guys, so that takes care of that slightly elevated risk, but here’s why it’s still a no from me: You’re about 10 years apart, and he looked up to you growing up. You’re something like an authority figure to him. He’s an adult now, but barely. His brain is still developing . Don’t risk making his journey to self-acceptance any more complicated. Guys often get weirded out with themselves after their first same-sex experience, and this would just add another layer to fixate on. If he’s as hot as you portray, he’ll be able to find another guy to break him. It should be as easy as walking down a crowded street in a major metropolitan area and saying, “Yoo-hoo!” And then there’s the threat of disrupting your family.
There’s just too much baggage here for what would be, in the best-case scenario, transient dick, and you gotta pack lightly for that. I’m being extra careful here because I have the ability to assess this situation with the brain in my head, not between my legs (whereas I think you’re using the latter). But there is, of course, a chance you could do it with your hot, questioning cousin, you could both enjoy it, and it would be fine. Why risk disaster, though, for something so frivolous?
I’m a gay woman who is dating a woman who has never dated or had sex with women before. We’ve been together about nine months, plus a long courtship period—I liked her, and she was trying to figure out how she felt about me for a few months. But during that time we were very good friends, and we have a lot in common. Our connection, sexual or otherwise, has always been easy and obvious and very valuable. Anyway, it’s a bit complicated—she’s from a culture where being gay is shun-able at best and criminal at worst but, knowing the consequences, she’s always enthusiastically chosen me.
One of the first times we had sex she said something like, “Sometimes I’m going to need to have sex with men.” It was a bit bruising, but fair enough, and something I was willing to consider. It started an ongoing and nondefinitive dialogue about open relationships. About four months ago, her “friend” from college was in town. She offered her room. I asked on two separate occasions if this was the moment we talk about open relationships. She said no. I told her that the “it just happened” defense (sex is not a pothole) is a deal-breaker for me. I went out of town for the weekend. And a day or so after I came home, she confessed that they’d slept together.
I love her very much. She is the second person I’ve ever loved—something that you’re not sure is possible after the first. She pleaded for me not to leave her, accepted her failure, started the internal work of why s. All is well enough. But two things: One, sex isn’t the same for me. I can’t shake this idea that, no matter what, I’m just fundamentally unsatisfying for her even if she says otherwise. I don’t have this thing—a dick—in my sexual toolkit. And because she has done little to no inquiry into why she does or likes the things she does or likes sexually, it’s difficult to know what the value of this thing I don’t have, or this kind of interaction between men and women, is to her.
And I guess this part relates to the second part. I don’t feel jealousy—it’s more like disgust. Honestly, I think I could deal with an open relationship if everyone understood their needs and how to communicate them. But for whatever reason, her interactions with men make me feel disgusted. This is not a feeling I have generally about men and women having sex. It’s something about her attitude toward it—her utter thoughtlessness. This is not unique to this cheating event, but in this case, I can’t understand how someone could make all the choices that go into cheating—taking off shirt, taking off pants, getting condoms, etc.—so thoughtlessly. That’s not how sex happens for me, and we’d explicitly talked about consequences. What made it so important? I really don’t get it. I want to be over it. I wish I had a can’t-live-without-it dick.
This is the annoying part of being cheated on, yeah? That the cheater can move on and the cheated has to deal with it. I just can’t stop the loop: You made the choice to go to a bedroom, made the choice to blah blah blah … and I can’t understand or stop this feeling of disgust. Where is this coming from? Will I ever move on from the perennial state of penis envy?
You were betrayed, and what’s galling is you attempted to foster an arrangement that would have prevented it. “No need to put your seat belt on, I’m a very safe driver,” your girlfriend told you—a few minutes before driving headfirst into a wall. It sucks that this happened to you, and reading it made me sad. You have been an incredibly understanding and generous partner, and you were treated like dirt in return. My general feeling is that a lot of relationships would be saved if people were a little bit more understanding of their partners’ desires. I never think cheating is OK, but I also don’t think it always has to be a fire-able offense, either. In general, our culture could use a little more compassion for people’s widespread inability to adhere to dogmatic monogamy. In this case, though, you did have understanding, you weren’t dogmatic, and you still got screwed by her screwing. I hate it. I hate it! This is an example of indiscretion that warrants a breakup. She doesn’t deserve you.
I think the deception is where all of this is coming from. You already showed a capacity for agnosticism regarding her dick craving—you didn’t get it, but you were somewhat at peace with its existence and its potential not to disrupt your relationship. Whether she does any inquiry as to what it all means, I think, is immaterial to the fundamentals here—she could take a global journal, a real eat (dick), pray (for dick), love (dick) kind of odyssey, and come back with little sense as to why. Taste is taste. Some people like dick, some don’t. What seems very clear to me is that different kinds of sex represent different kinds of flavors, and it doesn’t necessarily follow that an abundance of chocolate makes you stop wanting vanilla. You could be an excellent lover in every way, and it doesn’t signal failure that you biologically do not possess something else she enjoys. One doesn’t supplant the other: Palates can be vast, and nonhierarchical at that.
You’ve surely considered using a strap-on? I completely understand if it’s not your thing—sex need not be phallocentric. But that could do the trick if you want to keep at this thing, which I don’t think you should be doing, but which I would hardly fault you for because that’s the way love goes.
When I was a freshman in high school, I met and became casual friends with a guy who was funny, charming, smart, handsome, and down to earth. Because of a medical disability, I had to stop going to school at the beginning of junior year—before I had the chance to tell “Nick” how I felt about him. Fast forward 16 years , and I still
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