Is It Possible to Overcome a Fetish?
To answer this, we first need to agree on what a fetish is. I'm not referring to the specifics of your fetish, like leather, unique sex toys, feet, nurses, or specific gestures. I'm asking, what is the "it" you want to eliminate:
Do you want to stop dwelling on your fetish?
Do you wish to cease having the desire to act it out?
Do you aim to disconnect from this fetish physically, emotionally, intellectually, perhaps even spiritually?
A fetish isn't like a hobby or a belief. There's no consensus on what a fetish is or why some of us develop them. A sex therapist might define it as a strong cognitive association between an object and a sexual response, while a psychiatrist might attribute it to imbalanced brain chemistry.
Some may say it's genetic, while others view it as a generational, even spiritual, experience. Unfortunately, none of these explanations provide immediate solutions.
Given the complexity and the lack of a clear definition, "getting rid of it" isn't likely to be straightforward. If it were merely a thought, action, or feeling, there are self-help books and mental health professionals available to assist in shifting behaviors, thoughts, and emotions, with varying degrees of success. However, my experience with fetishes suggests they are inherently more intricate.
Before attempting any change, consider some questions: Is this fetish a part of you? Do you perceive it as an unwanted feeling? Do you feel embarrassed or ashamed of it? Can you envision what it would be like not to find this thing sexually arousing?
If dissociating from the fetish feels challenging, consider reflecting on a non-sexual situation you'd like to change. How would you approach altering something about yourself that involves not only physical but also emotional and intellectual aspects? Sometimes, our values and societal norms about sexuality can hinder creative thinking about ourselves and our potential for change.
If you're unsure where to begin thinking about this, working with a counselor or therapist could be a good starting point. Keep in mind that professionals have their own beliefs about fetishes, and they may or may not influence you to see things their way, whether subtly or overtly. Opting for a certified sex therapist might lower the chances of encountering someone with a specific agenda, though it's not guaranteed.
Considering the cognitive component of fetishes, involving our thoughts and thinking patterns, there might be cognitive-behavioral therapists claiming they can help eliminate a fetish. While they might be right, be cautious of anyone offering guarantees. It's challenging for me to provide a definitive answer. What I can say with certainty is that anyone promising a guaranteed outcome should be avoided.
Lastly, addressing the societal pressure we all feel to conform to socially acceptable sexual norms is essential. The myth that there's one "right" way to be sexual is pervasive. In reality, there isn't. The idea of a singular healthy sexual expression is a lie we're often told. The pressure against embracing our unique sexual selves can be strong, leading many to believe there's only one acceptable way.
If, after introspection, you've decided you don't want to experience a fetish, that's absolutely okay and your choice. However, if the desire to eliminate a part of yourself stems from a sense of "should" or persistent shame or guilt, consider that it might be possible to integrate your fetish into the life you desire. While it may not be easy and may involve compromise, people every day build sexual lives and communities that defy conventional norms. Creating something uniquely tailored to you is both possible and often beautiful. It may be intimidating and come with risks, but it's a wonderful possibility. If you seek more information along these lines, feel free to let me know, and I'll be happy to help brainstorm with you.