Is He Shy Or Not Into Me

Is He Shy Or Not Into Me

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Is he shy or just not into me ?

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By
eva1983 ,
May 15, 2010 in Dating Advice

I really like this guy at my work place . I work for a large I.T company on the 6th floor and he's a chef .

At first I knew he used to look at me but as soon as I'd look at him he would turn away . Anyway one day at lunch time I'm talking to one of the ladies at the till and asked her about the chef. She told me a bit about him .

Then the following day at lunch the lady tells me that the chef was asking about me as well . She decided to introduce us and we got talking .

We swapped numbers the second day ( I had to ask) and after 2 text messages he just stopped texting . I thought that was weird . So I saw him the next day and I could tell he was pleased to see me . After lunch I texted him saying if he wants to meet for a coffee ...no reply . I started thinking he's not into me so I though I would leave him to it .

The following day at work I didn't say hi or smile at him . The one off the ladies came up to me and said that he told her he had messed up and might have annoyed me a bit . I told her that I thought he liked me but I was wrong . She tells me that he really does like me and is very interested . I'm thinking this is so weird ....why would he not reply to my text . That day he sent me the first text message saying that he's hopeless and wants to go out for a drink .

He picked me up from my house and the date went really well . At end off it he dropped me home and we gave each other a kiss . But the kiss was weird it was almost like a kiss on the cheek but more on the side of the mouth (very close).He did ask to meet again but I said we would talk closer to the day.

Anyway at work we get on grate and I can tell his eyes light up when he sees me . I try and catch up with him for 5 min and then leave him to it . The problem is that he never contacts me outside work . I have to text him and then I'll get a text back . This is the problem I had before the date but thought once we get over our first date it would change .

I had to text him after a few dates asking if he wanted to go out again . He did text back saying yes defiantly but not too sure when as he has a busy week .

Then he's been off sick for the past two days , I've texted him but had nothing back .

People he works with have told me he's really into me but I don't think he is . They keep saying he's shy and to give him a chance . I thought if a guy doesnt call/text then he's not into you .

It's impossible to say for sure, but I think it's more than shyness.

I had to text him after a few dates asking if he wanted to go out again . He did text back saying yes defiantly but not too sure when as he has a busy week .

This is what concerns me. From what I understand, once a shy guy knows for sure that the girl is interested, he will become less shy. In this case, he doesn't seem to be making any effort, though he knows you are interested.

It may be that he's not into you, or it may be that he's lazy. If you are doing all the work, why should he? He doesn't have to.

I would suggest backing off for, say, a week, and see what he does. If he doesn't get in touch, I think it's time to move on, unless you want to be in a relationship where you are doing all the work.

People he works with have told me he's really into me but I don't think he is . They keep saying he's shy and to give him a chance . I thought if a guy doesnt call/text then he's not into you .

I thought the same thing. Maybe he's inept. Maybe he really is shy. Or worse, what if he's insecure? Perhaps he waits for you to text so he doesn't "annoy you". That's what you mentioned. He thought he annoyed you. My suggest? Say.."Hey, I do like you and would like to get to know you." Make it clear you're into him. If after that he still is standoffish. I'd say screw it.

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

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Recently a good friend and I decided to give dating a shot. So far we've been on four dates in the past month. During each one of those dates he hasn't made a move. At all. Not even trying to hold my hand.
I'd call it a day there and break off the relationship, but the thing is that he does all the boring relationship stuff for me: he drops everything to help me if I need it, he bought me an amazing thoughtful (and ridiculously expensive) Christmas gift, and he's quite flirty over text messages, or when drunk.
Having been his wing-girl for a year, I've seen him be both a man-raptor and a total pussy regarding girls. So I can't even call up past experience here.
I'd make a move, however to be perfectly honest, I'd like him to do it. I'm the one who initiated the idea of us dating (... kinda ...), so it's his turn now.
I'm wonder if he likes me, but isn't attracted to me, or he's just being a big pussy. What say you, internet dudes?
tl;dr Mixed signals. Don't know if he wants to effing sleep with me or not.
He likes you and is attracted to you, but is most likely worried about making an unwelcome move and losing both the relationship and the friendship. If you fizzle out on him due to too much shyness, rather than freaking out and running away if he moves inappropriately, there's still hope for the friendship. He should still make the move, but it's incredibly easy to play it safe in this situation.
Trust me, he's into you and if you make the move it will most likely work out beautifully. You shouldn't have to make the move, but if you swallow your pride and act like the bigger person here, it could be best for the relationship.
Yes, I like this explanation. In fact, come to think of it, I can relate to him. He might feel like he's out of place making a move on you since he's known you as a friend, even though you told him to. It may just be hard for him to believe it to his core.
What you should do in this case, is use your body language to welcome it. Sit close to him, be a little touchy, he should meet your level of touchiness, then look at him in that way that girls do when they want to be kissed. Hopefully this still counts, for you, as him making the move.
If he wasn't attracted to you, he wouldn't buy you gifts or flirt with you. Ergo, he must be shy. You can sit around waiting for him to make a move, or you can just do it instead.
exactly. he sounds like hes attracted to you. he might not be experienced with the whole intimacy portion of dating. hell I'm not and I would rather a girl who is more comfortable to take the initiative if she feels that a connection is there. its very likely he is into you but is just shy and doesn't feel comfortable.
part of a relationship is communication. you should ask him what you wrote. tell him you have developed close feelings for him and wonder if the sentiment is mutal. then go for the kiss if he says yes.
you will be a hero to all shy guys everywhere if you do this. this will lead him to opening up since now he knows you want to escalate.
Perhaps yours is the likely answer, but I wouldn't discount not being attracted. We've read people on RA who get into relationships with people who they really like, but feel bad because they don't really feel that attracted to, and everyone here always tells them to bail out of fairness to the partner. I could see myself getting into this situation.
Though, I probably would have made a move anyway. I might even make an extra effort to make a move to try to convince myself I was into it.
She said she wanted him to make the first move, because she initiating them dating in the first place. Relationships are give and take.
Q: How do I know he wants to shag me?
A: He's shy/stupid/scared, but if he sticks around for a few days (or a few hours) he's into you and would welcome your move. You make a move. There's no law saying that only guys get to do the hard work.
A: Explicitly and boldly, straight to the point. Don't hint, tell. Don't give him bullshit signals, just do it.
Why are you waiting for him to make a move? Its 2010 and you live in America, in case you haven't noticed. If you want to wait for him, thats all good and well, but he clearly isn't on the same schedule as you. He's attracted to you, or you wouldn't be dating. Just go for it.
Yeah, I don''t know about you, but I've misread so many 'clear' signals before.
i am just a lady with an opinion..i think this guy is still not used to the idea of you two being an official couple. he may still look at you as his 'pal'..and frankly, not a lot guys get used to the idea of screwing their "pals"....... its high time he saw you as HIS woman now and start acting like it. if not, give him a hint..in other words,, make the first move and forget about whose turn it is, it just slows things up(and you don't strike me as the patient type......)
The part about not a lot of guys wanting to screw their female pals made me laugh. Don't be so naive :P
and frankly, not a lot guys get used to the idea of screwing their "pals".
As a guy I can say that I think about "screwing my female 'pals'" all the time. I rarely peruse it out of fear of ruining a friendship. And most guys I know are the same way. In my experience it has always seemed like girls are the ones that don't like the idea of sex with friends, i.e. "the friend zone". Everyone is different thou.
Edit: actually, I have another thought. He's probably freaking out trying not to fuck this up, so you may have to prod him a little. When you're standing or sitting close together, make and hold eye contact. Get close, touch his hand, and don't let him look away till he kisses you. Tease him if he tries ("Oooo, somebody's shyyyyyyyyy..."). He'll probably look back at you and you can move a little closer until he kisses you.
Another alternative is to just tell him, "hey, I brought up that we should date, it's your turn to make a move" and stick out your tongue at him or otherwise give him a little sass. Reinforce the message with body language showing you're completely available.
You could also combine the two approaches -- get close and then say "so...are you gonna kiss me or what?"
I understand wanting him to be the one to make a move, but maybe you'll have to be the one, now that you've been waiting for a month.
I know this girl kinda has a thing for me, and I've been trying to be straightforward with her but things have been getting in the way of our little date nights. She showed up at a party and after a little liquid courage, she came to me and said "hey I really like you". I'm not an extremely shy guy or anything but that really made a lot of difference, I was more confident that anything I did wasn't going to be scrutinized or judged.
I know girls don't want to make the first move all the time, it's part of our social norms I guess. But as plenty of posters here have said, do it yourself. Not just because it's the 21st century, not just because women are equal to men, but more because why waste your time dicking around when you could get what you want? (which could include "dicking around" haha)

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8 Ways to Know If He’s Just Shy or Just Not Interested
You like him but he still isn’t making moves. Here are eight ways to know if he’s shy or just not interested.

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How to tell if a shy guy likes you? Here are eight ways to know if he’s shy or just not interested.
Do you know that the guy you’re interested is a talker or an extrovert? If he’s talkative with others, but quiet when he’s around you, he’s probably just shy and nervous about making the first move. If he’s not shy and not interested, he’s going to show you the same side he shows with others.
Watch his body language. Does he get anxious or fidgety around you, or does he seem disinterested? The shy guy is generally self-conscious. Don’t read that as distance. He’s probably just nervous. When a guy isn’t interested, he’ll read more standoffish than anxious.
A shy guy is generally intimidated by the woman he’s interested in or pursuing, making the approach particularly hard for him. Watch how he acts around his friends. If he’s comfortable around them, but not you, you probably intimidate him. When a guy’s not interested, there probably won’t be enough effort for you to read.
If a guy is shy but interested, he wants to see you but may be looking for you to make the first move. If a guy simply puts off seeing you and you’ve already expressed interest, he’s just not interested.
A shy guy may be too intimidated to be direct with you and initiate conversation, but he’ll try to hang around you every chance he gets. If he’s always showing up to things that you’re involved in or likes to hang around in your personal space, he has the hots for you.
The shy guy may not have the courage to approach you directly, but he’ll try to get the scoop about you from the people who know you best. By the time you talk to him, he may know more about you than you do yourself. When a guy’s not interested, he will not inquire.
How long have you had your eye on this guy? If it’s been awhile, you’ve made it clear that you’re interested and you’re still wondering, he’s probably not interested. There may be an element of mystery to the shy guy but after you’ve given him enough time to get comfortable, his emotions will show.
While he may not do big or over the top, the shy guy often remembers the little things, even things you haven’t told him. He’s perceptive and will show it through small gestures. A guy who isn’t interested isn’t going to put in the effort to remember the little things.

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