Is Anal Sex Immoral
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Is Anal Sex Immoral
Is it immoral to have anal sex with a 16-year-old girl that looks like she is in her middle 20s while I am a man at my 40s?
Published writer, world traveler, body and sex positive. · Author has 58 answers and 42.8K answer views · 1 y ·
Can I have sex if I'm a 12 year old?
I'm a 13-year-old girl and I want to have sex. How can I get a guy to fuck me?
My teenage son walked in on me and my partner having anal sex. What should I do?
Can I have sex at 15 years with a 20 year old?
Should a 14-year-old (female) be having sex with 15-16 year old boys?
Aquaculture Consultant at JLH Consulting ( 2008 – present ) · Author has 19.6K answers and 6.4M answer views · 1 y ·
Can I have sex if I'm a 12 year old?
I'm a 13-year-old girl and I want to have sex. How can I get a guy to fuck me?
My teenage son walked in on me and my partner having anal sex. What should I do?
Can I have sex at 15 years with a 20 year old?
Should a 14-year-old (female) be having sex with 15-16 year old boys?
What happens if a 12-year-old boy will have sex with a 22-year old woman?
I'm a 14 year old girl and I wanna have sex, but people I know don't like me or anything, what do I do?
Can a 16-year-old have sex with an adult?
I’m a 14-year-old girl and a 12-year old boy wants to have sex with me. What should I do?
Can a 23-year-old gay male have sex with a 16 year old male?
Can a 16 year-old girl have sex with a 20-year-old man?
Is it okay for a 21 year old to be having intercourse with a 14 year old girl?
I'm a 14-year-old male. Is it weird that I want to receive anal sex?
Can a 15 year old girl and 18 year old boy have sex?
My 16-year-old girlfriend wants anal sex. I’m 18. What can I do?
Can I have sex if I'm a 12 year old?
I'm a 13-year-old girl and I want to have sex. How can I get a guy to fuck me?
My teenage son walked in on me and my partner having anal sex. What should I do?
Can I have sex at 15 years with a 20 year old?
Should a 14-year-old (female) be having sex with 15-16 year old boys?
What happens if a 12-year-old boy will have sex with a 22-year old woman?
I'm a 14 year old girl and I wanna have sex, but people I know don't like me or anything, what do I do?
Can a 16-year-old have sex with an adult?
I’m a 14-year-old girl and a 12-year old boy wants to have sex with me. What should I do?
Can a 23-year-old gay male have sex with a 16 year old male?
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It is immoral for a 40-something-year-old man to have any kind of sex with a 16-year-old girl.
A 16-year-old is barely legal to drive; they cannot vote and cannot drink alcohol.
If you are in your 40s, then you should be old enough to know better.
Other words besides immoral that come to mind for the situation you described?
Illegal. Unethical. Despicable. Wrongful. Wicked. Unscrupulous.
Is it immoral to have anal sex with a 16-year-old girl that looks like she is in her middle 20s while I am a man at my 40s?
Some places it is legal, immoral but legal.
If you are sexually attracted, as a 40 year old to a child of 16…. there is… I’ll stop there.
April 29, 2020 August 21, 2021 / Q & A with J , The Bible and Sex /
50 Comments
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I received two separate emails on this question recently. The first was very straightforward:
The second email came from a single-but-searching woman. She’d found another Christian-based site that so praised anal sex she became emotionally distraught. As she explained:
Even though I am not naive to this concept, the idea espoused in the post and comments that this form of sex is more pleasurable and intense for men and more desirable than PIV intercourse turned me off men so badly that I no longer desire to get married….It’s embedded in my mind now that unless I go down that road, I can never truly please a man.
There was more to that email, but basically anal sex receiving so much approbation was a huge turnoff for her.
I’ve talked about anal sex in the past and on the Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast , but I didn’t have a post dedicated to it. Here’s that post.
Some have used anal sex and sodomy interchangeably, but anal sex is more specific.
The term sodomy is based on a reference to the story of Sodom in Genesis 19 , in which the men of the town approached Abraham’s nephew Lot about his house guests: “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.” Lot calls this act “wicked,” and soon after the Lord destroyed the entire town.
In some times and places, sodomy thus referred to homosexual anal sex. But it’s also been used to reference all homosexual sex, all anal sex, and even bestiality.
Meanwhile, anal sex specifically refers to sexual penetration of the anus by a penis. Some include penetration by a finger, but I’d categorize that as anal play rather than anal sex.
As for the flip side, a penis-shaped object into his anus, I’m not covering that this time. If you want, you can check out this post .
Several factors contribute to the desire some men have for anal sex.
First, there’s interest or curiosity of having an even tighter fit around his penis. The rectum is tighter the vagina, so the pressure can be more intense.
Also, some claim that the prostate gland—accessible to touch through the rectum—is an erogenous zone more sensitive than the testicles or penis.
Moreover, pornography and erotica often display and convey anal sex as a peak experience that is enjoyable for both partners.
What’s often not covered by those who advocate anal sex is that it is unsafe, often painful to women, and unnecessary to achieve the ends they recommend. WebMD and others recommend against anal sex and provide important considerations, such as:
What about that tighter fit and prostate stimulation?
If he desires tighter pressure on his penis, other options include sexual positioning , hand jobs , and penis rings .
As for prostatic massage, anal play with a finger is a possibility, though to remain safe, one could use lubrication and a hand or finger glove. And a wife can also stimulate the prostate gland from the outside , rubbing the stretch of skin and tissue that runs between her husband’s testicles from penis toward anus.
But let’s also put prostate stimulation into perspective. According to a 2015 study : “The orgasm induced through deep prostatic massage is thought to be different from the orgasm associated direct penile stimulation. Although penile stimulation orgasms are associated with 4–8 pelvic muscle contractions, prostatic massage orgasms are associated with 12 contractions. Prostatic massage orgasms are thought to be more intense and diffuse than penile stimulation orgasms, but they require time and practice and are not liked by many men .” (emphasis added)
From my online research, the percentage of couples engaging in anal sex is disturbingly high, up to one-third. But it’s not that many when you consider who’s doing it and how.
For instance, 25% of women in one study said they were coerced into having anal sex. Coercion can include force, pressure, guilting, etc., but the ages of those engaging in this behavior top out in the 20s and go down in the 30s. That says to me that some people may try it when they’re younger, but once married—when they feel they can speak up for what they want and don’t want—they do not largely choose to have anal sex.
In my own experience, having heard from hundreds of couples, a large majority of married Christian couples are not having anal sex. Most husbands aren’t even asking for it!
Rather, the vast majority of men who contact me talk about the joy of seeing and touching their wife’s bodies, providing her the pleasure she most desires, giving and receiving oral sex (yep, that’s in there for some, though not all), and above all, penis-in-vagina (PIV) intercourse that culminates with orgasm.
Some Christians out there look at questions like this with the lens of “does the Bible forbid it?” and if the answer is no, then they figure it’s okay and if they want to do it, they will. I understand the desire behind that; such folks have often cited scriptures like Galatians 5:1: “For freedom, Christ set us free. Stand firm then and don’t submit again to a yoke of slavery.”
I’ll skip over the fact that Galatians 5 is not about sexual freedom but Judaic Christians trying to get Gentile Christians to be circumcised. But the intent such Christians have is not to place undue burdens on people or to let prudery of the past determine our course. Other Christians, like me, think a specific prohibition is not required to say something is at least a bad idea. For instance, I don’t need the Bible to tell me not to do heroin or cross a busy street without looking. And if I do, I can go flip through Proverbs and find a lot of advice about just not being a fool.
Wisdom involves looking at the evidence, including God’s creation. The design of our bodies provides strong evidence that the rectum is not intended for penetration by something as large as a penis; rather, its purpose is to eliminate feces and harmful bacteria, which does not really signal have sex here .
I’m prepared for the comments section to have detractors—even angry ones. My favorite such comment is when someone says, “Who are you to tell me what to do!” Look, I’m not forcing my opinion on anyone. But I’m someone who has researched, read, and writes extensively about sex in marriage from a Christian perspective and whose blog you willingly visited and can click away from any time. Ideally before you leave me a hateful comment.
I’m also someone who says this is not a salvation issue. Some good Christians think anal sex is okay. I think they’re wrong, they think I’m wrong, and we don’t think either is unsaved. However, it is wrong for anyone to advocate so strongly for anal sex that a spouse feels mistreated or deprived if they don’t get it or at least get to try it.
Because whatever you believe, for the love of all that is good and holy, do not pressure your spouse to engage in sexual act they don’t want to do! Love should rule the day in determining your sexual repertoire. You have so many sexual alternatives that your beloved should be able to simply say “no, thank you” to certain sex acts without you getting angry or complaining.
If you want ideas of lots of great stuff you can do instead, scroll down to the footer, click Blog Topics, and look for my How To Tips. Or pick up my book with a plethora of spice-it-up suggestions.
But for those who wanted to know my thoughts on anal sex, I’ll sum it up as I can’t say it is sinful, but I can say it’s an unwise practice.
“All who are prudent act with knowledge, but fools expose their folly” (Proverbs 13:16).
My 2 cent:
Eh. . just nasty (makes ugly face), full of bacteria, wayyy too tight. Can be enjoyable, if conditions are perfect (Extra Well Lubricated). I’ll pass unless my wife really wants to (been many years), NEXT!!! On to more important things like Oral Sex lol
I am glad to hear a man’s perspective. I am thankful this is something my husband has no interest in. But, if I could just get him interested in oral sex!
This was a challenge for my wife and I at one time but now we enjoy oral as part of foreplay before engaging in other activities.
Have you tried tempting him with hersey syrup, mable syrup, honey or other tasty treats (applied of course)?
Not sure if you’re referring to giving or receiving but words like hearing “How attractive it would make you feel when he does (fill in the bank)” are great for guys. We like the affirmation that we are doing something well.
Relocating these activities to the shower/tub helped for us:
1. Everything tastes better when freshly cleaned.
2. Not worrying about cleaning afterwards is relaxing as well.
Communication has been an issue for my wife and I; J’s books and blog help us to talk to each other more effectively.
Also praying together about sex in our marriage helps us connect better. Still learning but trying to get better.
Joseph,
I appreciate the advice. But, no matter how I’ve tried to talk to him about it, he is not interested. He has told me that he doesn’t like it and neither one of us know a way to change that. So, I just try to accept it and move on.
It’s harder for me because I know that he did it with his first wife. He did not like it then either, but at least he tried. He has made it clear to me that he will not try with me…so that hurts.
He has no problem receiving, and I have no problem giving. But, it is only a one-way street.
And not meaning to hijack this post! Just the oral comment caught me! lol
I believe you should take giving oral to him off the table. It doesn’t need to be anything vindictive; he might receive it that way since he’s so anti pleasuring you orally, but enjoys you pleasuring him. I can understand his perspective if it’s not something you enjoy doing and you don’t want to, but to take advantage of your willingness to is selfish.
If oral is tabled for a while between you, I hope you can both find other ways to please each other mutually that doesn’t diminish your sex life further, and maybe it can be revisited later!
DDav…Just as a follow-up…This evening I presented the possibility of me taking oral off the table, until he is willing to make it a two-way street. His response was…”It won’t bother me.”
He didn’t say it meant or angrily, but that’s how much he doesn’t want to do it
It could also mean that he doesn’t enjoy receiving as much as you might have thought. And do you know why he resists oral? Sometimes there’s a legitimate reason, like a gag reflex or germophobia, and sometimes issues can be handled through something like a dental dam.
I’m sorry to hear that Ann… Is he (or you) open to other forms of foreplay or pleasuring you? I realize nothing is quite like oral but does he demonstrate that your sexual enjoyment is a priority for him in other ways?
Yeah I feel that lady. If I had found a blog praising anal to high heaven before I was married, I might have given up on men too.
Luckily, my husband isn’t interested in it. He actually brought it up as an undesirable activity.
Seems to me that pornography has drastically brought anal sex to the forefront and inaccurately markets it as a normal, healthy activity. I’m grateful my husband has no interest in trying!
I agree. Interest in both anal sex and BDSM seems to have increased as that has been portrayed more and more with porn and erotica. Not that this didn’t exist before, of course, but some have attempted to make it seem natural, when the body’s design doesn’t make that likely.
Yup. It’s the porn Influence, undoubtedly.
What if my husband and I both enjoy it? We’re very adventurous with sex and sometimes do anal to change things up but we both like it a lot. Especially when I was in the second trimester of pregnancy it felt more comfortable to do anal. We’re very careful to be clean, using a condom for anal and never going back and forth between vaginal and anal without proper cleaning. We do oral too but are careful to be clean with that too.
Personally, I would not call anal sex “adventurous,” as you can see by this post. But as for your “What if my husband and I both it?” I shed light here on the problems with anal sex, and I would point out that your clean approach (which is a really good idea) doesn’t address the stretching of that area over time, but you might have a different way of dealing with that too.
But toward toward the end, I made a point of saying:
“Some good Christians think anal sex is okay. I think they’re wrong, they think I’m wrong, and we don’t think either is unsaved.” What you do with your husband in your marriage bed is between y’all and God! Blessings to you both.
What a refreshingly honest, thoughtful, loving, grace-filled, and straightforward treatment of this issue! Thankfully this has never been an issue in our marriage, but it’s nice to see that we can all be honest with each other, true to what the Bible does (and does not) say, and just simply use common sense and God-given wisdom when necessary in SO many issues of life! Thank you for tackling the difficult issues!
I feel this way about it… As a man, in all honesty, I have a curiosity about what it would feel like to penetrate, but I will never bring it up to my wife. The reason for that is I have an anus too. And once a year, when I have to go get a prostate exam, nothing about that finger feels pleasurable so I can’t imagine that receiving a penis back there would be pleasurable either for anyone. So I’m not going to ask her to do something that I wouldn’t do, since in this case, we have the same equipment.
If my wife ever brings it up on her own and says she’d like to try it, then I’d probably oblige, but until then, anal sex is not the hill I’m going to die on.
If the wife eventually desire anal sex and experience no pain and does it without even asking? If the husband doesn’t mind and wishes to please his wife? If there is no pornography involved in neither one?
I still have concerns about the prudence and health of the act, but the decision ultimately rests with the couple. I did think it odd that your comment said “If the wife eventually desire anal sex…” — which does make it sound like there was some pressure involved to get her there. Maybe that’s a misread, but if not, that approach is a problem, and she may not want it like you think she does but rather feels she must or should.
Agreed with L.A. – I love that you don’t shy away from really sensitive, controversial topics!!! Thanks for a great open dialogue!
We have tried anal because my wife desires it. As a man it doesn’t do anything for me other than induce anxiety. I don’t really like it and I get sweaty, nervous, and a racing heart whenever I try to do this with her.
She says it feels so good. So amazing. Unlike anything else. So… I push through and do it. But I don’t really like it. It doesn’t feel good to me at all. I’ve told her all this but she said it’s something she needs and likes.
What’s interesting is I have told her the same thing about oral sex for me and she said it’s totally off the table because she doesn’t like it and doesn’t enjoy it one bit . I respect that so never receive. I’m always the giver. That feels like a double standard. Bu
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