Is A Hand Job Sex
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Is A Hand Job Sex
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The Hottest Things To Do To His Balls, From Men
Marissa Gainsburg
Marissa Gainsburg is the Features Director at Women's Health, where she oversees the magazine's news-meets-trends Warm Up section and Love & Life section.
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Out of all the go-to skills in your sex repertoire, giving a hand job is likely not one that you whip out often. Not because you're totally clueless about how to handle his penis, but because sometime after high school, the good ol' HJ lost its luster.
"The hand job definitely doesn't happen enough in adult bedrooms," says Vanessa Marin , a licensed sex therapist in Los Angeles. "It’s a huge shame because a hand job is a great way to bring pleasure to your partner."
The reasons are two-fold: One, he gets the opportunity to watch his sexy partner (you) take the reins on something he typically does himself. And two, when you do something that you don't engage in often, the act becomes infinitely hotter. Simply because it's novel.
"Our brains crave newness," Marin says—even for something that's totally old-school.
So here's how to give a good hand job, in case you (a) forgot, or (b) skipped that step on your way to be becoming a full-blown sex goddess...
Good sex starts with knowing what you and your partner want—and being able to talk about it. The hand job, despite its "basic" nature, is no exception.
"The easiest way to find out what works for him is to ask him how he likes to touch himself," says Holly Richmond , PhD, a certified sex therapist and licensed marriage therapist with practices in L.A., New Jersey, and Portland, Oregon. "Have him show you what he does when he's on his own, and really watch."
Not only will you get a general idea of the speed and motion he uses, you'll also likely be turned on.
"For many women [and men], watching their partner masturbate is a huge turn-on," Richmond adds. And getting in the mood to give a good handy is half the battle (amirite?).
Every man and every penis is different (obvs), but for hand-job purposes, you can divide them into two camps: circumcised and uncircumcised .
Circumcised penises (a.k.a. ones that have had the foreskin removed) are used to being touched at the tip, so you may want to spend extra time on that area, Richmond says.
Uncircumcised penises, however, can be extremely sensitive around the hood (because they're not usually exposed). So with this type, you definitely want to see how aggressively he tugs on himself before you jump in. He may not pull the foreskin down much, so take note.
If you haven't figured out by now that lube makes everything better, maybe you will now.
"When you're using your hands instead of your mouth or vagina, which are wet in nature, you need lubricant to minimize friction from skin-to-skin contact," Marin explains. "The hand job will become much, much smoother and easier for you and much more enjoyable for him."
Of course, you don't have to be a total traditionalist with your hand job. "There's no reason you can't use a little bit of spit to add moisture," adds Richmond. Just know that whereas spit dries/evaporates quickly, a good lube won't.
"A big 'issue' that comes up from men is that women are too delicate with the penis," Marin says. It's not really your fault: "Since the clitoris is really sensitive, we tend to approach the penis with more sensitivity than necessary. You can be a lot firmer than you think."
Of course, you don't want to squeeze your guy so hard that his eggplant actually turns purple. So a good way to tell? "When your partner is hard, wrap your hand around his penis and gradually increase the pressure. As you do so, have him tell you when it’s too much," suggests Marin.
You'll very likely be surprised by how much pressure he actually wants.
Chances are, your guy is used to getting himself off with a pretty straightforward up-and-down motion. (I mean, he's been doing this since, what, age 11? He's got it down pat.)
So when you're giving him a hand job, simple is better. "A lot of women get overly complicated with technique," Marin says, "which can be a little too much for him."
"A lot of women get overly complicated with technique, which can be a little too much for him."
Her advice: Switch things up a bit every minute-ish. That doesn't mean stop what you're doing and restart with an entirely different type of touch, but "make a slight tweak, like using a little more pressure or going a little slower or faster," she says.
Have two or three different techniques that you can alternate, and gradually transition between them.
For example, try cupping your whole hand around the base of his penis and doing a slight twisting motion (again, with lube!) as you move his shaft up and down. Then switch to sliding just your thumb and pointer finger (imagine the "okay" hand signal) up and down his penis, faster.
Speaking of technique, one way to make him finish fast (that is sorta the goal when your arms get tired, right?) is to bring both hands to the penis party.
"He's most likely used to just using one main hand when he masturbates, so if you use two, you're adding excitement and stimulation right off the bat," Richmond notes.
Plus, using two hands shows you're really, uh, invested in giving a good performance. "He will be much more into the hand job if he can easily tell that you are, too," says Marin. (True words.)
By this, I mean (mostly) his balls.
"Don't leave the balls out of it, unless you know he's not into ball play," Marin says. Balls are usually pretty simple: "Either cradle them softly in one hand, rub your fingers around them, or lightly stroke the area in between the two testicles, which is super-sensitive."
You could also try spreading your hand so that you grasp his balls between your fingers (do. not. squeeze.) or grazing a finger from the top of his ballsack down, she adds.
And don't stop there: "The area between his penis and anus, the perineum, has tons of nerve endings, so you can touch there, too," Richmond says. He could also like a little butt action —but always ask first. Never ass-ume (heh).
For circumcised penises, stroking the area where his head meets his shaft, as well as the very tip, can be extremely stimulating for him, as well. Again, focus your attention where he does himself and you're good.
When one (or both) of you is naked, verbalizing when something doesn't feel good can be awkward, if not downright awful. But communicating about what you don't like is super important—especially in the case of a hand job, when you could actually cause him some pain.
Ideally, your partner will tell you when he's uncomfortable or just not into something, but either way, "pay attention to his body language, which will tell you everything about how it feels," says Richmond. That includes his facial expressions, (happy) moans, pace of breath, and—the obvious—strength of his erection.
"It's perfectly possible to use a hand job as the main sex event rather than just foreplay."
In case you were wondering, "it's perfectly possible to use a hand job as the main sex event rather than just foreplay," Richmond continues. "We all want to be touched—it creates an opportunity for a whole new level of intimacy."
So there you have it, folks: A good hand job is finally in your, ahem, hands...and hopefully will be for the rest of your adult life.
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Get ready to rethink your foreplay game.
Guys mastered the art of the hand job back before they ever had their first girlfriend. So as it turns out, they critique women's attempts pretty, well, hard. We asked nine guys what they really think of hand jobs—and what they had to say was surprising, funny, and an oddly helpful lesson in anatomy. For the sake of your worn-out wrist (and love of all things hilarious!), you have to read their responses.
"A hand job is a decent consolation price, at best, and a pleasure-less waste of time at worst. The most common mistake I've experienced is that women tend to focus on the wrong part, the base. There are very few nerve endings in the base of a penis. Ladies, focus on the head!" — Eric S.
"I personally don't mind hand jobs. Obviously, sex would be preferable most of the time, but I think hand jobs have their advantages. One of the biggest in my opinion is that it allows couples to be more spontaneous. There are certain situations where having sex would not be an option, but a hand job would be—and that definitely helps keep things interesting or exciting." — Bryan V.
"Here are a few tips for the ladies: First, our man appendages aren't very smart. And when men do it ourselves, we are lazy. Back and forth we go. Make the man meat feel special with some wrist rotation. Surprisingly, it's exciting and easy to do. The less friction, the better. Remember slip and slides as a kid? Fun stuff, right? Now imagine sliding down some asphalt with the same speed. Yeah, not pleasant. Look enthusiastic. Guys are visual creatures, too. If you're wringing the ding-a-ling with a look on your face that resembles constipation, we are going to need more than Ex-lax to fix the situation. Give us compliments. So what if giving him a hand job resembles the same range of motion as playing the world's smallest violin? Make him feel like it's a cello instead." — Amin V.
"I can do a better job myself. It's fine during foreplay, but I would need lube if it were to continue for an extended period of time." — Ben W.
"Guys overwhelmingly do not like them. And they certainly don't compare to intercourse or to oral. I think the main reason why is because their positioning/placement is all wrong; it doesn't mimic/mirror that of when a guy is masturbating. That is, unless you are lying by his side. The opposing position and placement does not seem to match the natural curvature of a penis. Too much yanking, instead of a more natural stroke." — Chris U.
"I personally dislike hand jobs. When I was with my ex-girlfriend and I'd realize she was only giving me a hand job, I'd think to myself, 'Self, what did you do to make her mad?!' When I'm being intimate with a girl and she starts stroking my penis, I think to myself, 'Why haven't you started sucking it yet?' And when I realize she isn't going to, the disappointment is immense. Another reason I dislike the hand job is the mess. There's going to be sperm going in all directions when I finish. A girl using her hands is best when combined with sloppy head. I'm not a big fan of 'just a hand job.'" — Pedro C.
"Sometimes girls focus too much on the bottom part. They need to grip the tip nicely and alternate. And not too loose." — Hazim A.
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Many people seem to believe that giving a hand job is the most boring form of two-person sexual activity. They're what we did as awkward teenage couples before losing our "real" virginity , and they often serve as the climax (no pun intended) for many stories that begin with, "This one time at a shady strip club..." Despite their undeserved reputation, hand jobs can be a fun, safe form of sex or foreplay for novices and experts alike. But just like any activity that involves the removal of clothes, they also leave the potential for some truly gross things to happen.
It goes without saying that just about any form of sexual activity leaves the door wide open for strange noises, smells, and substances to appear without warning, and hand jobs are no exception to the rule. While different people have different thresholds for what they consider "gross," most of us aren't going to jump at the opportunity to slather our skin in semen or daintily twirl a lock of sweaty scrotum hair around our finger. Even though most of the awkward things that happen during sex are a lot more normal than you might think , they can still make us scrunch up our noses no matter how open-minded we are.
Even though we may try to love everything that our partner's body does during sexy time, there are some things that are harder to adore (and stomach) than others when it comes time for the hottest form of manual labor . If you get more than a little grossed out when these things happen while giving your partner a hand job, don't worry — you're definitely not alone.
The scent of semen that's been marinating in sweaty boxers all day is a distinct one indeed. While giving a hand job instead of a blow job ensures that your face doesn't have to be all up the aroma, the hand-on-penis friction has the effect of a particularly stinky scratch 'n sniff. It encourages the sweat, dead skin cells, and who-knows-what-else to break-free from their place between your partner's legs and relocate to your nostrils. You might think that a handy is the safest route to take when it comes to avoiding that stale scent, but unless your partner took a shower right before dropping their pants, you could be wrong.
Remember back in grade school when you'd get glue on your hands, so you'd rub them together until it dried up? Giving hand jobs with pre-cum is like the adult version of that. The clear, sticky liquid is fine on its own and provides an extra bit of lubricant, but if you're working with just skin on skin, it might start to get icky on you. The air and friction work together to dry it up, making it just sticky enough to make you feel slightly uncomfortable. And then, if things don't get wet enough in time, it'll start to roll up into tiny pieces that either stick to your hands or your partner's penis or it falls off onto the sheets. It's basic chemistry: pre-cum is way more appealing in liquid form.
Whether you use synthetic lubricant or rely on bodily fluids to get things moving, it's only a matter of time before something gets stuck to either you or your partner and forces a pause in the action. Even if you start out with perfectly clean hands and genitals, that tiny piece of dirt that somehow got onto the sheets or that extra-long hair that managed to make its way from your head to your partner's crotch is going to find a way to join in on the fun. At the very least, finding something that shouldn't be there is usually enough to prompt a brief, but awkward moment while you try to pick it off without scratching or pinching any important body parts. At the most, it can leave your partner howling in pain while they dry to dislodge a crumb from beneath their foreskin.
In porn, it's no biggie when semen goes everywhere. But when the stuff gets on your pillow, it's a bit different. You don't have a clean-up crew to get things all wiped up and sanitized, and if you miss a spot, you might end encountering some ants and fruit flies who decided that they needed to up their protein intake. Obviously, if you're planning on helping your partner achieve an orgasm, you should expect the significant amount of bodily fluids that normally come with it. But that doesn't change the fact that semen is way, way less appealing when it's sitting in a gloopy puddle on your floor.
Semen definitely isn't the worst thing that can come out of a human body, but that doesn't make it any less gross when you think about how much sperm has died on your bedroom doorknob or bathroom light switch. Even if you're an expert with using your elbows and feet to overcome anything that stands between you and the nearest container of soap, there's still the chance that you'll accidentally leave your partner's mark on a surface you touch every day. Regular disinfecting can prevent embarrassment if the CSI crew ever has to come into your house with a blacklight, but thinking about just how much post-hand job semen you've spread around is enough to make even non-germophobes shudder.
Women don't exactly have it easy when it comes to genitals, but we don't have to worry about balls touching the inside of the toilet bowl when we poop. If your partner experienced such an unfortunate event or didn't shake off all the pee the last time they took a leak, all that fun stuff is going to end up, yes, on your hands. Despite the fact that scientists at National Human Genome Research Institute in Bethesda, Maryland have discovered that the average person's forearm is covered in way more bacteria than the areas between our legs (even with all that exposure to toilets), it's still a bit disconcerting to think about how your skin might inadvertently be doubling as toilet paper whenever you give a hand job.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions for small penises:
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