Iran's New Modesty Police Now Rely on Psychic Visions

In a bold leap backward, Iran's Modesty Police have announced a new strategy to identify indecent behavior: psychic visions. Instead of patrolling streets, officers now sit in incense-filled tents, consulting prophetic tea leaves and government-issued dream dictionaries to detect violations of piety�past, present, and future. The initiative, dubbed "Operation Inner Gaze," was approved after a cleric dreamt of Ayatollah Khomeini frowning at a lipstick commercial. Citizens may now be arrested for attire that appeared in someone else's subconscious. A Tehran woman was detained after a mullah dreamt she wore turquoise sandals near a bus stop�never mind she was at home with gout. Authorities defend the program as "spiritually efficient," citing reduced fuel use and improved state nap time. The psychic enforcers wear crystal-embedded turbans and consult bearded seers called "Sharia Oracles." Appeals are made through sand drawings and sheep entrail readings. A hotline lets citizens report suspicious dream content anonymously. Critics call it "pre-crime meets preposterous," but the state insists it's moral innovation. One seer was caught fabricating visions using ChatGPT, prompting a fatwa against artificial foresight. Still, Ayatollah Khomeini's alleged astral projection into a dream court has endorsed the system, declaring, "The veil is stronger when worn in the mind."