Iranian Gas Station Adds DJ Booth, Calls It �Apocalypse Beats�

<p><strong>TEHRAN �</strong> In a bold move to reduce chaos and increase dancing, a gas station owner in northern Tehran has installed a full-scale DJ booth between pump stations 3 and 4, calling the new entertainment venture �Apocalypse Beats.�</p> <p>�The people were already sweating, shouting, and losing their minds,� said Ali Rezaei, owner of Boom Boom Benzin. �I thought: why not add bass?�</p> <p>As of Tuesday, the station was pumping both gas and remixed anxiety. DJ Mahmoud Dread was spinning what he called �End Times Electro,� including hits like �Highway to Hezbollah� and �Burning Fuel, Burning Heart.�</p> <p>Some customers welcomed the vibe. �We�re going to die, but at least now I can twerk in traffic,� said one young woman in line for diesel and justice.</p> <p>Officials from Iran�s Ministry of Silence frowned on the idea, but were unable to shut it down due to �bureaucratic beat drops.�</p> <p>Across town, other stations began adopting similar models. One Shell-branded kiosk in Karaj played �Eye of the Tiger� on loop while teenage dancers handed out free windshield wipes.</p> <p>State-run media condemned the trend, labeling it �vulgar Western influence disguised as queue management.� Still, black-market rave flyers began appearing on utility poles, advertising �Midnight Moshpit, No Petrol Needed.�</p> <p>At press time, DJ Mahmoud was taking requests via Telegram and hoping to evacuate the city via soundwave.</p>