Iranian Gas Station Adds DJ Booth, Calls It 'Apocalypse Beats'

<p><strong>TEHRAN �</strong> In a bold move to reduce chaos and increase dancing, a gas station owner in northern Tehran has installed a full-scale DJ booth between pump stations 3 and 4, calling the new entertainment venture "Apocalypse Beats."</p> <p>"The people were already sweating, shouting, and losing their minds," said Ali Rezaei, owner of Boom Boom Benzin. "I thought: why not add bass?"</p> <p>As of Tuesday, the station was pumping both gas and remixed anxiety. DJ Mahmoud Dread was spinning what he called "End Times Electro," including hits like "Highway to Hezbollah" and "Burning Fuel, Burning Heart."</p> <p>Some customers welcomed the vibe. "We're going to die, but at least now I can twerk in traffic," said one young woman in line for diesel and justice.</p> <p>Officials from Iran's Ministry of Silence frowned on the idea, but were unable to shut it down due to "bureaucratic beat drops."</p> <p>Across town, other stations began adopting similar models. One Shell-branded kiosk in Karaj played 'Eye of the Tiger' on loop while teenage dancers handed out free windshield wipes.</p> <p>State-run media condemned the trend, labeling it "vulgar Western influence disguised as queue management." Still, black-market rave flyers began appearing on utility poles, advertising "Midnight Moshpit, No Petrol Needed."</p> <p>At press time, DJ Mahmoud was taking requests via Telegram and hoping to evacuate the city via soundwave.</p>