Intj Male Dating Entp Female
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Intj Male Dating Entp Female
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I'm interested in pursuing a relationship with an ISFJ. However, I've heard that opposites don't really attract when it comes to MBTI. Is it possible to make a relationship like this work? What would the dynamic of this relationship be like? Does anyone have experience dating an ISFJ? How did it turn out?
Grain of salt but this is why I won't get serious with sensors anymore:
I think you should expect to get bored. You'll likely spend the first year enjoying the ways in which you're similar and different, and then you'll discover that she really only wants to talk about what happened, who was involved, when it happened, what it smelled like, the colors, sounds, etc, and you'll want to talk about what color really is. You'll think "well it's cool she seems interested anyways and I do like to talk". After a year of you talking about what color is, she'll be sick of it and you'll be able to tell.
You'll then stop sharing your "weird abstract thoughts" with her. She'll say things about how she appreciates that you are a "weird abstract person", but you'll know that it's just a "thing" to her. It's something to be set on the mantle and appreciated from a distance, and occasionally commented on at dinner parties; not an aspect of you that she really wants to explore. What she really wants is for you to provide x, y, z, outputs as a partner should. Every time she says "you're such a genius" you'll die a little inside. It'll be like her saying "I don't understand you!" with a giant smile and kind eyes.
At this point you'll start wondering if you should stay in what has become a very traditional sort of 1950s relationship where she hangs out with her friends and talks about "girl stuff" while you go out with "the guys" to talk about things like "the state of the war".
You'll think to yourself "most people aren't that connected to their partners. This is a very functional and warm relationship. We WORK together.". You'll wonder if it's worth it to end things and look for a deeper connection: someone you can't wait to share all of the thoughts of the day with, and who can challenge you to new perspectives.
You'll rely more and more on your friends to give you that "great conversation high", and every time you come home to those concrete discussions, to those moments where your head is spinning with thoughts that you might as well speak to a wall, you'll grow further and further apart. You'll talk about what she wants to talk about. It will be kind of like going to work where you have to carefully curate what you can/can't say. Not only can you not talk about "that nerdy stuff", but a lot of things upset her. You have to be very careful with what subjects you bring up, and what mood she's in when you bring them up. You'll spend a lot of time looking after her emotional well being.
All those things you like to do that she considers "unsafe" or just isn't interested in, you'll hardly do anymore. It genuinely upsets her, and you do really care about her. You'll talk about what she is capable of talking about, and do what she is comfortable doing. You'll die a little inside. She'll worry that you're depressed. You are but you aren't really ready to face why. You'll deny it to the both of you. Come to think of it work HAS been a little stressful lately. Maybe we could try rock climbing this weekend? No? Oh I'll see if my friends are up for it maybe.
She'll notice the change in you. She'll notice that you don't talk to her or touch her as much as you used to. You need intellectual stimulation to truly feel connected, and to show the fire she used to feel. You'll think up words to placate and hide the question you've been struggling with for months to which you already know the answer.
At least that's what happened with me. I chose to leave. If you do you'll immediately feel relieved while her world collapses all around her. She won't understand why "talking about that stuff" is such a big deal. She'll tell you that any woman who is interested in all that shit is going to be cold and "manly". You won't mention that her rigidity and emotional sensitivity were also problems. These are all things which make her beautiful in a way and things you don't want to change, you just now know that she isn't right for you.
The guilt will stay with you for at least a year though. You'll know that you've blown a hole in her which will take years for her to mend. You were the one who should have known better. There were signs at the beginning but you let yourself get carried away by your emotions. You failed the both of you. Good job.
Oh brother, that felt all too close. I've only had two long relationships (>1yr) but dated a few XSFJs. It's difficult not to, they are everywhere. In the end, the biggest clash in indeed the S; it's a slow, suffocating death to a relationship and one I've avoided.
I used to think I was attracted to sheer intellect, but it's too unspecific - I am turned on by toying with ideas, astute observation, smart cynicism, exploration of taboos, artistic expression, novel connections. All demonstrations of a richly creative mind, usually a sharp one, but not a strictly methodical one. All these are N traits. This is what contributes to maintaining the spark.
Daaaaaamn. My ENTJ friend is dating an ISFJ and this is it SPOT ON.
That last paragraph tho. Great story, witty.
I have an INFJ friend who will really appreciate this.
Ouch. That hit me in the feels. So true though.
what happened to you? loool, this sounds bitter in a way :)
Hey Witty, can I link this to others when the topic of ENTPs with ISFJs comes up? It came up in r/mbti recently and I paraphrased some of these points cause I didn't want to link this all over the interwebs without asking first, but this is well-written enough that I am inclined to ask, for future reference.
Well somebody has to clean the house at some point.
You can pay people to do that you know
Baahahhahaha best reddit comment I have read in a long time!
7 years with my ISFJ. I really appreciate that while SF's, they are at heart, realists and not idealists.
The health of any relationship involves both partners being adults with well developed personalities.
Yeah everyone wants different things.
My gf of 6 years is isfj. Everything is amazing and I am a better man because of her. Expect intensity in EVERYTHING.
How do you know that person is an isfj?
The best relationship I've ever had was with an ISFJ.
Socionics predicts ISFJ as being our ideal match and after looking into the functional stacks and how we process information, I agree.
How long did it last and why did it end?
How can an ENTP female attract an INFJ male ? - Quora
ENTP male dating an ISFJ female : entp
The male INFJ / female ENTP relationship... | Personality Cafe
INTJ Relationships, Love, & Compatibility
ENTP and INFJ Personalities: A Match Made in Heaven?
Discussion Starter
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#1
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Oct 27, 2009
Hello all, first post and all that (and other assorted obligatory greetings, etc, et all).
So I'm curious what the female ENTP's here have to say about us male INFJ's. You know, in that romantic sense of the whatever. Over the past few years, through much dating trial and error (and outright embarrassment, at times), I'm at least 85% confident that ENTP women are the way to go. But no two personalities are exactly alike, of course, which is why I'm here!
I'm also curious where you gals hang out. Because I don't see very many doing the online dating thing (and I've quite frankly given up on online dating anyway), I know there must be some place where you hang out looking for us handsome INFJ men
For me, the E, T and P are fantastic compliments for my personality, and the N makes sure we always have something to talk about. I've dated other J's, and holy HELL is that awkward. F's tend to be too emotionally reserved and flippant for me, and trying to tear through the walls of an I is like grinding a cheese grater against my... well, you get the idea
Of the women I have dated the past couple years, all of them have had one or two traits that I really liked. For example, one was an ENFJ, and I liked the EN part of it because she was a lot of fun, and we had things to talk about. I dated an INFP, and the N-P part worked out great in, er, the physical sense... I've also dated an INTP, and we had fantastic chemistry, though I found the conversation lacking.
Thoughts? Let the debate commence!
Well, I would think an INFJ might be the right kind of guy for me to date. Of course, MBTI-type is only one of many factors when it comes down to relationships, especially for people who aren't so attractive as to be able pick and choose their lovers out of the many. But that's not what this thread is about...
I like INFJs and feelers for the most part, but often I find that in reality they can be too squishy or sensitive to have a healthy relationship with me. Frankly, I'm a forgetful and often brash person. I'm pretty sure I drive my ISFJ roommate crazy when I make messes and totally mean to clean them up but absolutely forget and obviously not feel too sorry about it, though I tell her I am. I did date an INFP once, but quickly into getting to know him I realized he was extremely boring despite being quite deep and caring, because no matter what he actually thought, he would always let people push him over. ALWAYS. This drove me crazy, because I would say something like, "You're stupid" as a joke, and he would just accept it and start saying how he really was dumb. Then I felt terrible about it and always had to hold myself back around him and pet him with compliments when I really just wanted to banter.
I haven't known many INFJs closely, especially not any guys. There is one person at my workplace who I suspect to be an INFJ (and of course I have a huge crush on him) but I don't know him too well. He's a really helpful, nice guy, but at the same time seems to understand me very well, so I don't feel like I have to go explaining what I really meant when things that might offend people come out of my mouth. That's a main reason why I suspect he's INFJ - because of that weird "knowing" I get from him, along with his obvious Fe. I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend, though, so nix that possibility. :crying:
Where do I hang out? Well, I hang out with friends when I do mill around places. Aside from that, I tend to rush around and not see people when I'm out and about. I'm not a high-testing extrovert, but I'm not really an introvert. I watch people and often talk randomly to people about a suggestion or comment after eaves-dropping on their conversation. However, you won't catch me waiting around for someone to talk to. I have often blown by friends on campus simply because I was so involved in my music or where I was going or whatever. I think with ENTPs it always differs where you will find them - it's not like they're all going to like Reggae concerts or something. I'm always the person in class who will talk to people for the sake of a fact I want to say, and I tend not to make friends in classes because I'm not really interested in small talk or really knowing much about these random people.. However, I can get very intense socially when I am interested in someone. It's usually pretty easy for people to tell whether I like them or not, because I don't try too hard to hide it.
Anyways, this was the most discombobulated post ever...
If you can cope with untidiness, and she can cope with breaking down the walls of your Introversion........fine.
I'm married to an ENFJ and the FJ components cause me to struggle at times. You guys get inexplicably hurt over nothing*, and never let us explain after a row.
* it isn't nothing, of course, just misinterpretation of some chance remark.
There's a lot more to it than that, though, isn't there. background, the physical aspects, value systems, etc etc....
I would have thought that ENTP women would be fairly easy to find, though. Generally the loud ones in the room.
As far as I know, I've never met a male INFJ (at least I didn't realize it). I have two good female INFJ friends who share a similar sense of humor and they are more avant-garde like me.
I would think it easy to pick out a loud-mouthed, flirty, blunt, and challenging female ENTP too, but now that I think about it, I don't know another female ENTP. I play sports and like the outdoors and have found many friend-groups doing these activities so if you are sporty or like hiking/climbing, etc., you might spot a female ENTP. She'd be the one cussing and spitting, but somehow still seems attractive ; ). She's usually surrounded by men ... not only because she's a flirt, but because she relates better with men than women most of the time.
And to turn this on to you, where would we find INFJ men? You guys are even harder to find as you are more reserved and tend to stick to the same group of friends (at least my INFJ friends do).
The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars. -- Jack Kerouac
Discussion Starter
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#5
β’
Oct 29, 2009
As far as I know, I've never met a male INFJ (at least I didn't realize it). I have two good female INFJ friends who share a similar sense of humor and they are more avant-garde like me.
I would think it easy to pick out a loud-mouthed, flirty, blunt, and challenging female ENTP too, but now that I think about it, I don't know another female ENTP. I play sports and like the outdoors and have found many friend-groups doing these activities so if you are sporty or like hiking/climbing, etc., you might spot a female ENTP. She'd be the one cussing and spitting, but somehow still seems attractive ; ). She's usually surrounded by men ... not only because she's a flirt, but because she relates better with men than women most of the time.
And to turn this on to you, where would we find INFJ men? You guys are even harder to find as you are more reserved and tend to stick to the same group of friends (at least my INFJ friends do).
That is the challenge, isn't it? Honestly, I think the best place to go looking for INFJ guys would be online. The digital divide gives us enough space to be ourselves without having to worry about what others might think of us in person.
I suspect there may be a great deal of INFJ men in psychology/counseling professions (which makes it somewhat ironic that I work in I.T.). We might be that one guy all alone in the coffee shop reading a book in a shadowy corner, too My ENTP friend in New York pointed out that INFJ guys tend to have this very distinct smile. No teeth, sort of a lopsided "Han Solo" sort of smirk. I'm guilty of that myself, and I've seen pictures of other INFJ guys and gals with that same smile. So you can look for that, too. There are some writers with INFJ traits as well (take a look at Neil Gaiman if you want to see the INFJ "look").
Lucky for me, I do greatly enjoy the outdoors and hiking. I'm just not one to approach someone I don't know without some context, first. I'm certainly more comfortable around people than a lot of INFJ guys, but there's still that I part of me that prefers to be approached. I think younger INFJ guys might be more shy; I personally have managed to scrape together enough confidence to stop giving a damn if someone rejects me
But I will say that shyer INFJ guys definitely want to be approached rather than be the ones approaching. And if they do approach, they will probably exude awkwardness (which can be attractive in it's own way, depending on your point of view).
The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars. -- Jack Kerouac
I did date an INFP once, but quickly into getting to know him I realized he was extremely boring despite being quite deep and caring, because no matter what he actually thought, he would always let people push him over. ALWAYS. This drove me crazy, because I would say something like, "You're stupid" as a joke, and he would just accept it and start saying how he really was dumb. Then I felt terrible about it and always had to hold myself back around him and pet him with compliments when I really just wanted to banter.
Discussion Starter
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#8
β’
Nov 1, 2009
I've come to similar conclusion as variableresults but I've never met a live female ENTP. Just now ran a search in a local online database: got plenty of INFJ girls and ZERO ENTP hits :dry:
I've noticed that I tend to attract NTs, though myself I usually fall for NFs. Anyway I once tried dating ENTJ and we remained good friends since. Then there was INTP - that one was a bit awkward because we had good chemistry but not much to talk about (she's a PhD in molecular chemistry for God's sake and talks in formulas :crazy: ). I should keep looking then.
Well for that matter I never EVER let anyone push me around - you can count on that. Some people had tried that because of my introverted nature and were quite surprised by unexpected results.
Wanna find a female ENTP? Go where the action is! Try a party or some other large gathering. She'll be the one silently mocking the idiots around her while pretending to be interested :laughing: Just be a really upstanding guy, ie not a sleeze. Express interest, but let her come to you. Because if she's interested, she won't have a problem letting you know.
Hope that helps!
ESFJ 9w1 so/sp, 9w1-6w7-2w3, Hufflepuff
μλ μλ
(age 15) INTP -> ENTP -> ENFP -> ESFJ (age 23)
β
Wow. This post is reading my mind. In the past few months since I'm back on the singles scene, I've dated a suspected INFP, an INFJ (now that was a mindf**k - like staring into a mirror) and an ENFP. But I really want to meet an ENTP. All of my best friends are rationalists and I get on with them best, but I have only ever had relationships with idealists, apart from an ESTP, and that was a year and a half of emotional misery. (My long-term ex was an ENFJ. J with J = The Clash. Ouch)
I have one question to ask though: obviously, as an INFJ, I am prone to an emotional hypersensitivity. I can imagine a rationalist/idealist relationship would work well when the rationalist is a man and the idealist is a woman β as obviously, that follows along traditional gender stereotypes. What worries me is that an ENTP female won't be able to make sense of a mushy INFJ. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a walking sop. Indeed, many would mistake me for an INTJ. (Tough exterior. Soft centre). But within the close boundaries of a relationship, I can be very sensitive and hyper-alert to feelings and emotions. Unfortunately, I seem to be a bloody mind reader and can't relax until I know everything is all right. (Damnit, if anybody has a cure for this INFJ madness would they please advise?)
Anyhow, Would this scenario attract or repel a female ENTP? Are there any females ENTPs who can report back on this one?
β
Wow. This post is reading my mind. In the past few months since I'm back on the singles scene, I've dated a suspected INFP, an INFJ (now that was a mindf**k - like staring into a mirror) and an ENFP. But I really want to meet an ENTP. All of my best friends are rationalists and I get on with them best, but I have only ever had relationships with idealists, apart from an ESTP, and that was a year and a half of emotional misery. (My long-term ex was an ENFJ. J with J = The Clash. Ouch)
I have one question to ask though: obviously, as an INFJ, I am prone to an emotional hypersensitivity. I can imagine a rationalist/idealist relationship would work well when the rationalist is a man and the idealist is a woman β as obviously, that follows along traditional gender stereotypes. What worries me is that an ENTP female won't be able to make sense of a mushy INFJ. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a walking sop. Indeed, many would mistake me for an INTJ. (Tough exterior. Soft centre). But within the close boundaries of a relationship, I can be very sensitive and hyper-alert to feelings and emotions. Unfortunately, I seem to be a bloody mind reader and can't relax until I know everything is all right. (Damnit, if anybody has a cure for this INFJ madness would they please advise?)
Anyhow, Would this scenario attract or repel a female ENTP? Are there any females ENTPs who can report back on this one?
β
The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars. -- Jack Kerouac
Wow. This post is reading my mind. In the past few months since I'm back on the singles scene, I've dated a suspected INFP, an INFJ (now that was a mindf**k - like staring into a mirror) and an ENFP. But I really want to meet an ENTP. All of my best friends are rationalists and I get on with them best, but I have only ever had relationships with idealists, apart from an ESTP, and that was a year and a half of emotional misery. (My long-term ex was an ENFJ. J with J = The Clash. Ouch)β
I have one question to ask though: obviously, as an INFJ, I am prone to an emotional hypersensitivity. I can imagine a rationalist/idealist relationship would work well when the rationalist is a man and the idealist is a woman β as obviously, that follows along traditional gender stereotypes. What worries me is that an ENTP female won't be able to make sense of a mushy INFJ. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a walking sop. Indeed, many would mistake me for an INTJ. (Tough exterior. Soft centre). But within the close boundaries of a relationship, I can be very sensitive and hyper-alert to feelings and emotions. Unfortunately, I seem to be a bloody mind reader and can't relax until I know everything is all right. (Damnit, if anybody has a cure for this INFJ madness would they please advise?)β
Anyhow, Would this scenario attract or repel a female ENTP? Are there any females ENTPs who can report back on this one?β
I know some ENTP females prefer feelers over thinkers so you should be able to find some out there. Liontiger will happily vouch for female ENTP + male feeler relationships.
ESFJ 9w1 so/sp, 9w1-6w7-2w3, Hufflepuff
μλ μλ
(age 15) INTP -> ENTP -> ENFP -> ESFJ (age 23)
β
"I tend to smack them in the head"
Haha. I love that. Sounds like just what I need.
Leaving aside the nuts idea of going out and about with INFJ written on a t-shirt, there must be a handier way of spotting ENTP females? Are you really the loudest, brashest at parties? You must have some nuanced tell-tale signs?
"I tend to smack them in the head"
Haha. I love that. Sounds like just what I need.
Leaving aside the nuts idea of going out and about with INFJ written on a t-shirt, there must be a handier way of spotting ENTP females? Are you really the loudest, brashest at parties? You must have some nuanced tell-tale signs?
ESFJ 9w1 so/sp, 9w1-6w7-2w3, Hufflepuff
μλ μλ
(age 15) INTP -> ENTP -> ENFP -> ESFJ (age 23)
β
Humanhandz:
You will keep getting offended, and we will have no idea why.
You will leave lots of thoughtful hints to us about how much we mean to you, and we will miss them all because you didn't just come out and say it.
You may think you can read our minds, but you will sometimes be wrong, and sometimes that will be when it matters. Your J will not allow you to admit that there may be another explanation for our behaviour, and this will piss us off mightily.
You will have absolutely no understanding of just how tolerant we are of your moods, just how many times we keep silent, thinking, oh well. it's because of xyz, cut the guy some slack......while in return you call us selfish and manipulative because we stepped on your F, or made some practical decision without considering it.
I am married to ENFJ with the I/E split quite close, I think. The above can be/have all been issues, but we rub along. When it's good, it's very very good and that is most of the time, but we don't disagree constructively.
Your J will not allow you to admit that there may be another explanation for our behaviour, and this will piss us off mightily.
The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars. -- Jack Kerouac
Discussion Starter
β’
#17
β’
Nov 22, 2009
I suspect ENTP females tend to be more emotionally mature and aware than ENTP males. Stereotypically, a relationship between a rationalist man and idealist woman would be balanced because there would be thinking on one side and feeling on the other. A relationship between a rationalist woman and idealist man would also be balanced, in my opinion, because both of them would be in tune with/familiar with both sides of the thinking/feeling dichotomy due to social conditioning. Balanced individual + balanced individual = balanced relationship. Though, this is all generalizing.
Personally, I am attracted to feelers. So you should be all set :happy:
EDIT:
Haha, I posted before I saw this. And yes, I agree.
Discussion Starter
β’
#18
β’
Nov 22, 2009
This definitely happens with my INFJ friend. She's so stubborn about what she thinks makes me tick.
If we seem stubborn it's because we're usually right when it comes to reading people
The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars. -- Jack Kerouac
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